Is The Bride-to-Be Too Young to See Red Flags?

Summary

Summary of "Is The Bride-to-Be Too Young to See Red Flags?"

Episode Title: Is The Bride-to-Be Too Young to See Red Flags?
Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
Release Date: July 3, 2025

---

Introduction

In this compelling episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a pressing issue brought forth by a unique caller: Megan, a 22-year-old woman contemplating marriage alongside her mother, Melissa. The central concern revolves around the couple's young age and the conflicts arising from their respective families' expectations for the wedding.

Young Age and Maturity Concerns

Dr. Laura begins the discussion by probing the readiness of Megan and her fiancé to embark on marriage at the age of 22. She challenges the notion of their maturity, highlighting the increased risk of divorce associated with marrying too young.

• Dr. Laura [01:46]: "You're little kids. Come on."

She emphasizes that individuals in their early twenties are often still discovering their identities, making long-term commitments potentially precarious.

• Dr. Laura [08:33]: "You're making a terrible mistake getting married at 22."

Wedding Size Dispute with Fiancé’s Family

The conversation shifts to the disagreement over the wedding's size. Megan's side proposes a modest gathering of around 50 guests, while the fiancé's family insists on a more traditional and larger event, aiming for approximately 150 attendees.

• Megan [01:20]: "We have around like 50 people on our side... they’re wanting around 150 people."

Dr. Laura advises Melissa to take financial responsibility and set clear boundaries, asserting that the burden should not fall on Megan.

• Dr. Laura [02:54]: "That's your responsibility, not Megan's."

When Melissa explains the fiancé's family's refusal to budge beyond covering the rehearsal dinner, Dr. Laura criticizes their controlling behavior.

• Dr. Laura [03:32]: "She sounds like a bitchy, grabby person to do that to your mother."

Navigating Family Dynamics and Setting Boundaries

Dr. Laura underscores the importance of standing firm against familial pressures, especially from in-laws who may exert undue influence.

• Dr. Laura [05:35]: "You’re not going to do any extra anything."

She warns that failure to address these red flags now could lead to long-term complications in the marriage, including constant external pressures and loss of autonomy.

• Dr. Laura [05:28]: "If they don't stand up for you now, they never will."

Long-Term Implications of Early Marriage

Addressing the broader implications, Dr. Laura expresses concern over the couple's ability to navigate future challenges due to their youth and lack of experience.

• Dr. Laura [08:16]: "Postpone this six years."

She suggests that taking time to mature and understand oneself better could lead to a more stable and informed decision regarding marriage.

Realizations and Acknowledgments from Megan and Melissa

Throughout the conversation, both Megan and Melissa begin to recognize the validity of Dr. Laura's concerns. They acknowledge the potential pitfalls of proceeding with such a significant commitment at their current ages.

• Megan [13:22]: "Yeah."
• Melissa [09:50]: "You make better decisions."

Conclusion and Final Advice

Dr. Laura concludes by urging Megan and Melissa to consider postponing the wedding. She reinforces the importance of personal growth and warns against making life-altering decisions without adequate maturity and self-awareness.

• Dr. Laura [14:21]: "Keep the ring and tell them you want to wait and see how the next five years go."

She leaves them with a thought-provoking recommendation to reevaluate their decision in a few years, highlighting the value of patience and self-discovery in ensuring a successful marriage.

---

Key Takeaways:

1. Age and Readiness: Marrying in the early twenties may increase the likelihood of divorce due to ongoing personal development.
2. Family Pressures: It's crucial to set boundaries with in-laws to maintain autonomy in marital decisions.
3. Financial Responsibility: Parents may need to step in to manage wedding-related finances to alleviate stress on the couple.
4. Long-Term Planning: Delaying major commitments like marriage can provide the necessary time for personal growth and better decision-making.

This episode serves as a thoughtful exploration of the challenges faced by young couples and the importance of assessing personal readiness before making life-long commitments.

Transcript

[Whole Foods Market]

The sales are sizzling at Whole Foods Market just in time for the fourth of July weekend. Fire up the grill with savings on robust no antibiotics ever steaks. And there's more. Look for sales on meaty pork chops, made in house salmon burgers and sustainable wild caught sockeye salmon filets. Get it all with same day delivery or free pickup. Restrictions apply. Shop everything you need for 4th of July and beyond at Whole Foods Market, in store and online.

[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Mom and Megan. Mom and Megan, welcome to the program. How old are you, Megan?

[Megan]

I'm 22.

[Dr. Laura]

We usually don't have adults needing their mothers on the call. Is this because both of you are involved in something together?

[Megan]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Hi, Mom. Melissa, Hi.

[Melissa]

All right, well, I called and then he wanted me to get Megan on the phone so that. Ah, yes, yes, ma' am.

[Dr. Laura]

Fabulous. What can I help with?

[Megan]

So I kind of have a little issue with my fiance's mother in law right now. There's. She's a very nice lady. We're just having an issue with the wedding part area.

[Dr. Laura]

How old are you and how old is your fiance?

[Megan]

I'm 22. And then he is 22 also.

[Dr. Laura]

And you really think you're both mature enough to get married for the next 80 years?

[Megan]

Well, we've been together for three years.

[Dr. Laura]

It doesn't count. It doesn't count. You're little kids. Come on. All right. Okay, then. First thing you need to know is getting married in your age range really hikes up the chances of a divorce because the two of you really don't know who you are yet. But here we are and we're planning a wedding. Mommy's going to pay for it. And what's the problem with your fiance's mom?

[Megan]

So we have. So on our. On my side of the family, we're going to have around like 50 people. And then on their side, they're wanting around 150 people.

[Dr. Laura]

That's fine. Hold on, hold on. Okay, Melissa, you talk to your daughter's fiance's family and say you can afford the hundred, the extra fifty they'll have to pay for. That's your responsibility, not Megan's.

[Melissa]

Okay. What they've told me so far is that they're. They consider this a traditional wedding and they only want to pay for the rehearsal dinner, however.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then tell, then tell them, sorry, you're budgeted at 50 for you, 50 for them. That's it? That's all you got? That's all you say? That's it. Throw your hands up. I don't know about this nice person. She sounds like a bitchy, grabby person to do that to your mother. Megan, don't tell me she's a nice woman.

[Megan]

Yeah, I really. Yeah, I like, I want to kind of like a smaller ish wedding, but I've just, it's been kind of tough because I don't know how to like approach, you know, responding and saying, hey.

[Dr. Laura]

If you don't know how to approach and don't have the courage to do that, you shouldn't be getting married. Ask your mother. One of the things about being a married woman is you have to handle things because there's no daddy and mommy to take care of it for you anymore.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Now, what does your boyfriend say?

[Megan]

I mentioned it to him just a couple times and he also said the same thing. How they said it would be a traditional wedding and he said he only wants around 125 people.

[Dr. Laura]

This Melissa, you can laugh with me. Your daughter's 22. She has no clue. Come on. Her boyfriend standing with his parents against his woman. Come on.

[Melissa]

And it's just not about, you know, I have to order more flowers and more.

[Dr. Laura]

No, no, Melissa, Melissa. You're not going to do any damn.

[Melissa]

Thing they don't understand.

[Dr. Laura]

You're not going to do any extra anything. Ma' am. No. I guess your daughter learned from you not to take a stand.

[Melissa]

No, we have to take a stand. We have to.

[Dr. Laura]

That's ridiculous. I just assumed you postpone the wedding until you realized this may be a situation that in the future when mother in law decides how traditional something should be. Like with your babies, with your friends, with your home where you live, there may be no end to her controlling and your husband saying, okay.

[Melissa]

If they don't stand up for you now, they never will.

[Megan]

Yeah, I know. We need to put our foot down.

[Dr. Laura]

It's not we. He sided with his mother. It's not we. Dear.

[Melissa]

You have to.

[Dr. Laura]

Mama's boys are not good guys to marry. Because you're not the first woman in his life. His mom is. Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one stop Shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies. And thanks to Walmart pharmacy, you can count on them for your prescription needs too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart. Pharmacy delivery not available for all prescriptions and exclusions apply. Did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room? The Dr. Laura program is happy to be partnering with our sponsor All Free Clear Laundry Detergent. My peeps with kids are especially thrilled to use it because it's 100% free of dyes and perfumes. All Free Clear is the number one laundry detergent brand recommended for sensitive skin by pediatricians, dermatologists and allergists. For a clean you can feel good about, all you need is All Free Clear.

[HomeTap]

What if you could use your home equity to pay off your debt without monthly payments so you could focus on reaching your other financial goals? With a home equity investment from HomeTap you can get access to your home equity in cash. Get closer to financial freedom and get more out of life. Learn more and see if you pre qualify Qualify for an [e-mail] Subject to eligibility, terms and conditions apply. Get access to your home equity in cash. Visit hometap.com to apply in minutes.

[Amazon Pharmacy]

That's hometap.com Amazon Pharmacy presents painful Thoughts I read somewhere that the average American spends 13 hours a year waiting in pharmacies for prescriptions. Clearly I am above average. I thought being above average would feel better.

[Melissa]

Hmph.

[Amazon Pharmacy]

Maybe I'll read some greeting cards next time. Use Amazon Pharmacy. We deliver. And here's to being anything but average. Amazon Pharmacy Healthcare just got less painful.

[Dr. Laura]

He should have told his mom, they're counting on just 100 total. That's all they have the money for. That's what we're going to do. Instead he came back and said, ah, well, they want something traditional. Who gives a shit what they want? This is your wedding.

[Megan]

You're right.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, I'm worried about this. You see, one of the reasons people getting married in your age range are more prone to divorce than people who get married closer to 28:30. It's because they have a greater sense of self, know what they want, what they don't want, and they're able to communicate it. You're making a terrible mistake getting married at 22. I'm all for you keeping the ring and seeing how this goes for the next six years. You get a job, you travel, you do things, you learn about world and yourself. You learn about what you really want. You have no idea what you really want. You're only 22.

[Melissa]

19.

[Dr. Laura]

20, 21, 22. Three and a half years ago you were a teenager. Mom, tell her the difference in Your maturity from 18 to 35. Tell her in what ways you matured. Please. She needs to hear this.

[Melissa]

I mean, you just. You look at life different, you make better decisions.

[Dr. Laura]

Why do you look at life different? Why do you make better decisions?

[Melissa]

Well, I mean, when you're young, you're just. I hate to say dumb and stupid, but, I mean, I don't mean it that way, but you just. You think, oh, I could just conquer the world and everything's going to be fine. And you know, when it's just. It's not like that at all.

[Dr. Laura]

Mom, why have you supported her getting married at 22? Why are we. Why have you supported it? I wouldn't.

[Melissa]

Well, I mean, I guess. Well, it's just because they both got their education, they just got the degrees and they got a good head on their shoulders.

[Dr. Laura]

So what? They don't have a good head on their shoulders. They're 22. You just said you mature, you look at things more deeply, et cetera. Come on, they're both nice kids. Yes, but you know that she's. You know, Your daughter's walking into a swamp.

[Melissa]

Well, true. That's true. Because if he can't. I feel like if he can't stand up to her, his mom, now, he never will.

[Dr. Laura]

That's correct. That is correct. And I've got to tell you a couple of things, Megan, and I'm not just trying to be a poop, okay? I can't tell you the thousands of women who have called me and I go, you have three kids and now you're getting a divorce. What the hell? Well, I got married very young. Well, why was that a problem? Because I was young and stupid. 100% of them say the same thing. Dumb and stupid. Then I ask, well, when you were dating him, did you not know that he tended to gear toward his mother and the mother's family? Oh, yeah, but I thought it would change. Thousands. Thousands. Please don't think there's something special about you.

[Megan]

You're right.

[Dr. Laura]

How about this?

[Megan]

Yeah, I will pay for being honest.

[Dr. Laura]

Listen, I will pay for you to get a tubal ligation so you can't make babies and you can marry him. Don't make babies for 10 years. See, if you really want to make babies with him, I'll pay for the tubal. It's an outpatient procedure. They just clip it. That's how serious I am. And the reason I'm saying that is because it really does irritate me that young women will go jump forward like this, make kids and then end up divorced and damaged children. If you screw up your own life, I'm not going to lose sleep over it. Megan. Not a moment. But if you screw up kids because you were stubborn and short sighted and young, that's terrible. So get a tubal. Have it reversed in 10 years. You can just put a clip on it, see if you made the right decision. In 10 years. You'll know actually in five. So you can think about it. And call me back if you want the tubal. I'm just worried about the kids you might mess up. Your mother's worried about you.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

If she's that in and he's that into. This is our culture. You're going to have to cater to that on all holidays. All children's things, their family stuff, you're going to be sucked into that. As opposed to you and your husband making a life together. The warning signs are here. Please don't ignore it. Call me in 15 years because I'll be here. And tell me I was young and dumb. I should have listened. Please just postpone this. Postpone this six years.

[Megan]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

Keep the ring. Is it a nice ring? Is it a nice ring?

[Megan]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Keep the ring and tell them you want to wait and see how the next five years go. Then make up your mind. I will trust you in five years more than I trust you now. Anyway, just a thought, but don't forget. Whose thought? My number. 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the DRLaura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com, click on sponsors to take advantage of the special Discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.