It's Time for Tracy to Get Clever

Summary

Podcast Summary: "It's Time for Tracy to Get Clever"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: It's Time for Tracy to Get Clever
• Release Date: August 15, 2025

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Introduction

In the "It's Time for Tracy to Get Clever" episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Tracy reaches out to seek guidance on salvaging her 15-year marriage marred by her husband's infidelity. Dr. Laura Schlessinger employs her trademark direct and candid advice, emphasizing ethics, accountability, and personal responsibility to help Tracy navigate her marital challenges.

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Tracy's Marital Struggles

Initial Concern: Tracy initiates the conversation by revealing her marital woes, specifically her husband's infidelity over the past seven years.

• Timestamp [01:54]:
  • Tracy: "I'm calling because I have been married for 15 years and I've been dealing with infidelity during those years."

Clarifying the Situation: Dr. Laura seeks to understand the extent of the affairs and the timing within their marriage.

• Timestamp [02:04]:

  • Dr. Laura: "I'm at the point now you've been having affairs?"

• Tracy: "No, I'm sorry. My husband has."

Discovery of the Affair: Tracy discovered her husband's infidelity seven years ago when their children were young, midway through their marriage.

• Timestamp [02:19]:
  • Tracy: "I discovered an affair about seven years ago. Our children were young, halfway through marriage."

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Analyzing the Root Causes

Age and Marriage Dynamics: Dr. Laura probes into their marriage timeline and dynamics during the affair's discovery.

• Timestamp [02:29]:

  • Dr. Laura: "So how old were you when you got married?"

• Tracy: "30."

• Dr. Laura: "So at 37 your age? 37. He was having an affair. And do you have any idea?"

Household Conflicts: Tracy explains that frequent arguments over household responsibilities and differing views on marital roles contributed to the strain.

• Timestamp [03:01]:

  • Tracy: "We were fighting a lot. Like nagging kind of. Fighting about what? Primarily responsibilities in the household."

• Dr. Laura: "What did he say was the problem?"

• Tracy: "He had different views on what to do in a marriage and I was forcing him. You know, like, hey, let's take walks with the babies. Or let's Go to the park."

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Dr. Laura’s Direct Assessment

Identifying Control Issues: Dr. Laura bluntly addresses the lack of mutual respect and sense of partnership in Tracy's marriage.

• Timestamp [03:53]:
  • Dr. Laura: "Like the way your friend. There was nothing difficult. He didn't give a shit. He wanted to do what he wanted to do. He didn't think marriage meant he had a cave to you."

Evaluating Relationship Choices: She highlights Tracy's early awareness of her husband's controlling behavior during their two-year dating period.

• Timestamp [04:20]:
  • Dr. Laura: "Back for two years, you knew that he controlled everything. So don't act surprised."

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Strategies for Improvement

Eliminating Negative Behaviors: Dr. Laura emphasizes the necessity to stop nagging and yelling, encouraging Tracy to adopt positive behaviors instead.

• Timestamp [08:41]:
  • Dr. Laura: "You can't say I had two years of knowing it was going to rain every Tuesday. And I figured if I put the plant on top of the house that it would rain in a different pattern. That's what you sound like."

Implementing Feminine Wiles: Dr. Laura introduces the concept of "feminine wiles" as a healthy and strategic way to rekindle affection and improve marital dynamics.

• Timestamp [09:47]:
  • Dr. Laura: "In ancient times, they talked about feminine wiles and that was how manipulative women could be with affection, sexuality, kindness, sweetness, adorableness."

Practical Actions: She advises Tracy to take actionable steps, such as sending positive messages and enhancing her appearance to attract her husband's attention.

• Timestamp [10:33]:
  • Dr. Laura: "So when he goes and plays golf and you send him a text going, 'tee, I made. I was looking up recipes and I made some yum yums to have when you come home. You know, I think you're gonna like them. See you then, honey. Kiss, kiss.' He starts thinking about coming home."

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Maintaining Commitment and Consistency

Choosing to Act: Dr. Laura underscores the importance of commitment to change, either by improving the marriage or deciding to leave if change isn't feasible.

• Timestamp [11:08]:
  • Dr. Laura: "You either decide you want to stay in this marriage from this point on and pull out the stops and make this better or leave or stay in, bitch again."

Avoiding Counterproductive Behavior: She cautions against returning to old, negative patterns and promotes consistent positive actions.

• Timestamp [12:29]:
  • Dr. Laura: "If you want to stay, I."

Empowering Tracy: Dr. Laura empowers Tracy by affirming her control over the situation and encouraging proactive steps.

• Timestamp [13:24]:
  • Dr. Laura: "You have the power."

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Conclusion and Final Advice

Final Empowerment: Dr. Laura wraps up the conversation by reinforcing Tracy's ability to effect change in her marriage and family environment.

• Timestamp [14:02]:
  • Dr. Laura: "I swear to you. You have the power."

Ongoing Support: She offers continued support, inviting Tracy to reach out weekly if needed.

• Timestamp [14:29]:
  • Dr. Laura: "Call me back, like once a week if you need me to help you move this forward. Okay?"

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Key Takeaways

1. Personal Responsibility: Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of taking personal responsibility in repairing and improving marital relationships.
2. Positive Behavior Change: Shifting from negative behaviors (nagging, yelling) to positive ones (kindness, affection) can significantly impact relationship dynamics.
3. Strategic Affection: Utilizing "feminine wiles" as a strategic and healthy approach to rekindle marital affection.
4. Empowerment: Recognizing one's own power and agency in effecting change within personal relationships.
5. Consistency: Maintaining consistent positive actions is crucial for long-term relationship improvement.

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Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura on Control:
  "Back for two years, you knew that he controlled everything. So don't act surprised."
  [04:20]

• Dr. Laura on Feminine Wiles:
  "In ancient times, they talked about feminine wiles and that was how manipulative women could be with affection, sexuality, kindness, sweetness, adorableness."
  [09:47]

• Dr. Laura Empowering Tracy:
  "You have the power."
  [13:24]

• Dr. Laura on Consistency:
  "You have to be consistent. You have to never nag and bitch anymore."
  [10:57]

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Conclusion

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger delivers straightforward and actionable advice to Tracy, urging her to take charge of her marital situation through positive behavior changes and empowerment. By addressing the underlying issues and encouraging consistent, loving actions, Dr. Laura provides Tracy with a pathway to potentially restore and enhance her marriage, all while maintaining a harmonious family environment.

Transcript

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[Tracy]

Hi, how are you?

[Dr. Laura]

Good, thank you. What can I do for you?

[Tracy]

I'm calling because I have been married for 15 years and I've been dealing with infidelity during those years.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm at the point now you've been having affairs?

[Tracy]

No, I'm sorry. My husband has.

[Dr. Laura]

And you said you were married 15 years. And at what point in the marriage did you discover an affair?

[Tracy]

I discovered an affair about seven years ago. Our children were young, halfway through marriage.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so how old were you when you got married?

[Tracy]

30.

[Dr. Laura]

So at 37 your age? 37. He was having an affair. And do you have any idea?

[Tracy]

He was 39.

[Dr. Laura]

In his. In his head. Why he was having the affair? She paid him. You guys were not having sex. You were fighting all the time. What did he say was the problem?

[Tracy]

We were fighting a lot. Like nagging kind of. Fighting about what? Primarily responsibilities in the household. He had different views on what to do in a marriage and I was forcing him. You know, like, hey, let's take walks with the babies. Or let's Go to the park. And that's not how he was raised. So it was very difficult for him to do very simple, small things that you would think would be normal type of things. The way that he was raised, it.

[Dr. Laura]

Was difficult to go to a park with a kid. What was difficult about it? I don't understand.

[Tracy]

What was difficult was if I planned a day at the park on a Saturday, but he had planned in his head to go play golf, then it would become very difficult for him to let go of that idea.

[Dr. Laura]

Like the way your friend. There was nothing difficult. He didn't give a shit. He wanted to do what he wanted to do. He didn't think marriage meant he had a cave to you. So how many years did you date him? Give me a number.

[Tracy]

Two years. I met him when I was 28 and we dated for two years.

[Dr. Laura]

And in those two years, would you say you guys mostly did what he wanted?

[Tracy]

Yeah, but I was young. I was working. He was young and working.

[Babs]

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[Dr. Laura]

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[Tracy]

I guess I thought that I don't.

[Dr. Laura]

Want to hear what you said.

[Tracy]

As you grow and you get older.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't want to hear what you thought. I don't want to hear it. We had two years to learn how it would be. You can't say I had two years of knowing it was going to rain every Tuesday. And I figured if I put the plant on top of the house that it would rain in a different pattern. That's what you sound like.

[Tracy]

Well, we both wanted to do the same types of things. At that point in our lives is when the children came into the picture. Where it Tracy the two years you.

[Dr. Laura]

Were dating, he did what he wanted. When you had kids, he still wanted to go golfing. Nothing changed. And I'M trying to drill this into your head because you either accommodate to what you've chose or the kids lives are chaos. You're yelling and screaming like a crazy woman and he spends more time away from you because he doesn't want to deal with your anger and your yelling. And I've never heard anybody attracting a man with yelling. Does it make him want to be with you more? The first person to have made a mistake is you. I think. When you buy clothes and there's a tag on it that says as is, you don't come back in a month and bitch about the buttons. Right?

[Tracy]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

You married as is. Now, if you want to be clever and work with it, it's never going to be the way you want. But it could be better if you were clever instead of bitchy. In ancient times, they talked about feminine wiles and that was how manipulative women could be with affection, sexuality, kindness, sweetness, adorableness. Because guys are a sucker for when we turn all of that on to them. And it's not an ugly manipulation, it's a healthy one. Healthy. A woman never got anything from a man by bitching at him. Never.

[Tracy]

Right?

[Dr. Laura]

So when he goes and plays golf and you send him a text going, tee, I made. I was looking up recipes and I made some yum yums to have when you come home. You know, I think you're gonna like them. See you then, honey. Kiss, kiss. He starts thinking about coming home.

[Tracy]

You see how easy it is to do that now?

[Dr. Laura]

No, but you have to be consistent. You have to never nag and bitch anymore. It doesn't work.

[Tracy]

How do you get you all the.

[Dr. Laura]

Infidelity you're not using? Well, I can't do anything about that. You either decide you want to stay in this marriage from this point on and pull out the stops and make this better or leave or stay in, bitch again. Those are your options. So if you want to stay, I.

[Tracy]

Don'T want to be complain.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, then it stops now. And you do things like I said. He gets a text, so he starts looking at that. Should I drink beer with the guys or go home to see what these yum yums are? And you're dressed nicely, your hair is nice and you've got a little lipstick on and you're sweet. And you give him a hug when he walks in. It'll blow his mind. You want to attract flies.

[Tracy]

I guess I just need to help. I need help mentally. And I guess maybe that's just a counseling thing to get to get to the point of like you said, I'm.

[Dr. Laura]

Not going to waste your time with counseling. I'm not going to waste your time with talking about it.

[Tracy]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm a big proponent of just doing it.

[Tracy]

How could I address all, like, if we're cleaning the slate and I'm doing all that, you know, and just being really sweet and nice, but he wants.

[Dr. Laura]

To come home six months from now. He hasn't changed at all. Then you married a very bad man. In which case certainly could understand you leaving. Except I think it would damage the kids tremendously. Unless they're adults.

[Tracy]

I agree. I think that, too. That's why I'm trying.

[Dr. Laura]

So if you want to make the house better for them, then you've got to turn on the feminine wiles. And in yesteryears, before feminism made men the ultimate enemy and being feminine, a cop out, women knew how to get the best out of their men, because that's what it ultimately.

[Tracy]

What are your thoughts on being in a situation where you have not been intimate because of all of the infidelity? How do I get back? Just start doing it.

[Dr. Laura]

Yep. If he's a good lover, do it. If you want to stay, do it. If you want your kids to have a good atmosphere, do it. Or the kids are going to grow up either with a broken home or ugliness all the time. You choose.

[Tracy]

I can see it being that way. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You too, sweetheart. You have the power.

[Tracy]

I appreciate that.

[Dr. Laura]

I swear to you. You have the power.

[Tracy]

I believe that. I do believe that.

[Dr. Laura]

Then let's use it. Yeah, let's make his eyes cross. You're not going to know what the hell is going on. And you never spoke to me.

[Tracy]

I won't say anything. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, don't mention it. Call me back, like once a week if you need me to help you move this forward. Okay?

[Tracy]

Okay. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. Check out my social media. On Facebook and Instagram, I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me to. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com DrLora and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.

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