It's Time to Start Living a Happier Life

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "It's Time to Start Living a Happier Life"

Episode Overview

In the April 6, 2025 episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages with Leslie, a long-time listener seeking guidance on overcoming personal struggles following her divorce and maintaining sobriety. The episode delves deep into themes of personal responsibility, emotional resilience, and the steps necessary to cultivate a happier and more fulfilling life.

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1. Introduction to Leslie’s Situation

Leslie begins the conversation by sharing her history with Dr. Laura, highlighting a previous call made five to six years ago when she was grappling with feelings of emptiness, depression, and grief as her children went off to college. Since then, Leslie has achieved sobriety, maintaining three and a half years without alcohol, but recently faced the abrupt end of her 30-year marriage through divorce.

Notable Quote:

Leslie [01:33]: “I was really struggling with emptiness and having a lot of depression and really sick of myself and all of the grief... I was divorced from my husband of 30 years about a year and a half ago abruptly.”

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2. Exploring the Roots of the Divorce

Dr. Laura probes into the reasons behind Leslie’s divorce, suspecting underlying issues such as alcoholism and lack of social support on her ex-husband’s part. Leslie confirms that her husband also struggled with alcoholism and lacked meaningful friendships, leading to their strained relationship.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura [02:23]: “Why? What happened? You got sober and then divorced. What happened?”

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3. Emotional Fallout and Mental Health Struggles

Leslie recounts experiencing a severe nervous breakdown, leading to hospitalization. Her breakdown was precipitated by her husband's initial desire for divorce, subsequent attempts at reconciliation influenced by their children, and the ultimate decision to proceed with the separation. This period intensified her depression and suicidal thoughts.

Notable Quote:

Leslie [04:18]: “I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the hospital.”

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4. Childhood Influences and Fear of Abandonment

Delving into her past, Leslie reveals that the loss of her father at age six and a subsequent childhood spent moving between her mother’s house and her husband’s home fostered a deep-seated fear of abandonment. This fear manifested in her relentless efforts to preserve her marriage, despite recognizing its detrimental nature.

Notable Quote:

Leslie [05:30]: “I lost my dad when I was 6. And most of my life has been spent trying to prevent bad things from happening, trying to prevent people from leaving me.”

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5. Transformation in Perspective Post-Sobriety

Now sober, Leslie no longer views her ex-husband as the "knight in shining armor" she once believed him to be. Instead, her perception has shifted to seeing him as a "custom-made demon," recognizing his toxic influence and the reasons behind the dissolution of their marriage.

Notable Quote:

Leslie [07:27]: “No. He's like my custom made demon. He hit all of my buttons and poke them over and over and over and over again.”

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6. Dr. Laura’s Strategic Advice

To help Leslie move past her emotional turmoil, Dr. Laura employs a metaphor involving coconuts on a table to illustrate the disproportionate emotional weight Leslie places on recent negative experiences compared to the broader context of her life. She emphasizes the importance of not fixating on minor setbacks ("two to three coconuts") at the expense of recognizing her significant achievements and progress.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura [08:38]: “You're not respecting the healthy part of your brain. You're not respecting it... You've done so much. You got clean and sober. You finally realized that he was a piece of shit all along and you're grateful to be away from it.”

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7. Introducing Physical Activity as Emotional Relief

Dr. Laura introduces a practical exercise for Leslie: jumping up and down to alter brain chemistry and alleviate emotional distress. This technique serves as a non-pharmaceutical method to manage overwhelming emotions, encouraging Leslie to replace crying with physical movement to regain control over her feelings.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura [16:12]: “Get up and jump up and down 10 times and count them out loud. Do it now.”

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8. Setting Boundaries with Her Son

Addressing Leslie’s strained relationship with her son, Dr. Laura advises her to establish clear boundaries by demanding respect and removing herself from toxic interactions. She underscores the importance of teaching her son to treat her with dignity, thereby fostering a healthier and more respectful familial dynamic.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura [14:14]: “Tell your boy, you treat me with respect or hit the highway. Call me when you're willing to be respectful to your mother.”

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9. Final Empowering Encouragement

Concluding the session, Dr. Laura reinforces the necessity for Leslie to take decisive action in her relationships, emphasizing self-respect and personal empowerment. She challenges Leslie to commit to not reverting to destructive emotional responses and to maintain the progress she has made toward a happier life.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura [19:51]: “More jumping. And it's simple. You can do it everywhere... It actually changes your brain chemistry. It's like taking a pill without side effects.”

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10. Episode Conclusion

Dr. Laura wraps up the episode by summarizing the key takeaways, encouraging listeners to implement the discussed strategies in their lives to achieve greater happiness and fulfillment. She also invites listeners to rate and share the podcast to broaden its positive impact.

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Key Insights and Takeaways

• Personal Responsibility: Emphasizing the power individuals have in shaping their emotional responses and life paths.

• Emotional Resilience: Adopting practical strategies, such as physical activity, to manage and overcome emotional distress.

• Healthy Boundaries: The importance of setting clear limits in relationships to foster respect and reduce toxicity.

• Recognizing Progress: Encouraging individuals to acknowledge their achievements and not dwell excessively on minor setbacks.

• Empowerment through Action: Taking proactive steps to regain control over one’s life and emotions, leading to increased self-esteem and happiness.

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Conclusion

This episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day provides profound insights into overcoming personal challenges through self-awareness, strategic action, and emotional management. Leslie’s journey from despair to empowerment serves as a testament to the effectiveness of Dr. Laura’s advice, offering listeners actionable steps to pursue a happier and more fulfilling life.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Leslie]

Hi Dr. Laura, can you hear me okay?

[Dr. Laura]

Perfectly.

[Leslie]

Okay, great. I'm a longtime listener.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you.

[Leslie]

And I called you once about five or six years ago after my children went to college and I was really struggling with emptiness and having a lot of depression and really sick of myself and all of the grief and you really, really helped me and gave me some direction, motivation and ideas and I'm hoping for the same today. I and three and a half years sober from alcohol. I was divorced from my husband of 30 years about a year and a half ago abruptly.

[Dr. Laura]

Why? What happened? You got sober and then divorced. What happened?

[Leslie]

My theory is one, he is also an alcoholic and did not want to live a sober life and two, I think that he felt like I could actually survive him leaving if being sober with all of the support that I had. Oh, and so I mean you finally.

[Dr. Laura]

Your ex husband have any friends? Did your ex husband have many any friends? Did your ex husband have many or any friends?

[Leslie]

Like guy friends, friend friends or like girlfriends friends?

[Dr. Laura]

Not sexual friends.

[Leslie]

Okay. He did. He thought he did. I would not. He did not have good friend relationships. No, I'm just gonna put it that way. And they've mostly turned away from him now.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Before they turned away from him, did he really have any good friends? Yes or no? Just give me a yes or no.

[Leslie]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

That would explain then why he was so jealous of how you got support.

[Leslie]

Why? He. He would be jealous.

[Dr. Laura]

He was jealous because you got support.

[Leslie]

Oh, I see. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

See, if the two of you just drunk together, then everybody else is irrelevant. You had people who cared about you. He really didn't have much of that, so I can understand. All right, so then what happened?

[Leslie]

I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the hospital.

[Dr. Laura]

Tell me what a nervous breakdown is because it's not an actual diagnostic.

[Leslie]

Yeah, what it looks like was screaming, crying, catatonic. I was already suicidal after he first said he wanted to get a divorce and then backtracked when my children got really angry at him and agreed to do some therapy. So during that therapy, I became very depressed and suicidal. And then when he finally pulled the trigger, I. I freaked out. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I became catatonic and just wanted to die.

[Dr. Laura]

What do you think got you that scared? When he said he wanted to leave, what do you think got you that scared?

[Leslie]

I lost my dad when I was 6. And most of my life has been spent trying to prevent bad things from happening, trying to prevent people from leaving me. And we married young, so I basically went from my mom's house to house with him. Never really had any alone, independent time.

[Dr. Laura]

Right, right.

[Leslie]

And I had really basically fought to keep the marriage together for about 13 years. And as hard as I had fought for it to end, I just couldn't. I couldn't.

[Dr. Laura]

Would you say marrying him was that. That was a good choice to make?

[Leslie]

No, no, no, it wasn't.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Leslie]

We were young, drunk, partying. Yeah, all those things.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, I understand.

[Leslie]

He was exciting and charismatic and I even called in my knight in shining armor. And that's how I've kind of believed in, like my whole marriage, you know, thinking, oh, my gosh, this guy loves me. This guy chose me. I have a lot of shame, you know? So I sort of always treated him like that. Made him my God. But if not a soul.

[Dr. Laura]

Looking back, now that you're sober and that part of your life is history, looking back, do you still see him as your knight in shining armor? I know you thought that at the time, but looking back, do you?

[Leslie]

No. He's like my custom made demon. He hit all of my buttons and poke them over and over and over and over again.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. So don't you think it's curious, Leslie, that he did that to you and that was your life, yet you were upset when he left?

[Leslie]

Yes. Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

As opposed to. If you had called me that day, I would have said, I got a couple of good places to get Food from. We should throw a party.

[Leslie]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

That's what I would have said to you. Let's throw a party. He's helping you out where you were afraid to go.

[Leslie]

Yeah. A thousand percent.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Leslie]

I had even been in.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Leslie]

Just between the 12 step program I was working and some therapy. I didn't want to be married to him anymore.

[Dr. Laura]

I knew sane, mature part of you.

[Leslie]

Yep, yep. Yeah. But that other part of me couldn't accept it and still sometimes has a hard time.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I. I want you to image something with me right now. Right now. I want you to see in front of you this huge long table from left to right. It's very long from left to right. Okay? And I'm going to put a hundred. I'm going to put 100 coconuts from left to right, equally spaced. Okay?

[Leslie]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

How many of those coconuts. I'm going to do it the other way. How many of those coconuts represent the crying thing you just did? Start from left to right. Take off how many coconuts? Let's take off. One, two. Is that enough? Three, Four. How many of those coconuts represent you not wanting to be married him for most of your marriage? How many of those coconuts?

[Leslie]

It wouldn't really be that many because I didn't become really conscious of it until I got sober.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Today, Today, how many of those coconuts represent you not wanting to be married to him?

[Leslie]

100.

[Dr. Laura]

No, because you're crying over some number of coconuts and I'm frankly tired of hearing.

[Leslie]

Actually, actually, you said 100%. I've worked so hard and I'm still.

[Dr. Laura]

No, no, stay with me, stay with me. You're still crying over the little handful of coconuts even though there are like 98 other coconuts. Managing your health can be difficult, but pharmacy delivery from Walmart now makes it easier. Whether you're down with a sinus infection, have a chronic condition or just a time crunch, choose express delivery and your meds will be at your door in as fast as an hour. Prescriptions delivered fast. Welcome to your Walmart. Excludes pharmacy processing, time restrictions, exclusions and fees apply.

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[Dr. Laura]

You're not respecting the healthy part of your brain. You're not respecting it. Keep crying over the few coconuts on the end, on the right. That's no good. You're not respecting the 98. So I need the crying over the other two to stop. I need that to stop. That's just self indulgent at this point because you've done so much. You got clean and sober. You finally realized that he was a piece of shit all along and you're grateful to be away from it. But you got this little tug. But it's only two or three coconuts. You cannot cry over two to three coconuts. I won't have it good. You've done too much good work, woman, to give those few coconuts so much power. You've done too much good work to give those few coconuts so much power.

[Leslie]

Is that true when I also do that with my son and the difficulties in our relationship?

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, yeah, it's the same thing.

[Leslie]

Yeah. They set me off.

[Dr. Laura]

Like, first of all, your kids watched you be abused.

[Leslie]

Yeah, they did.

[Dr. Laura]

And sometimes that ends up in kids being nasty to their parents or one parent. And it's usually, well, think of it this way. Kid watches. Let me just overly make this overly dramatic. Kid watches Daddy always putting mommy down. Kid realizes, hmm, there are only two choices in the world. Give out shit or eat shit. I think I'd rather be the one who gives out shit. Because kids actually imagine those two images. That's the only opportunities. That's the only. That's it. There are only those two options. So of course they're going to take the nastier shit because that at least puts them in power and keeps them from being a victim. So sometimes in these circumstances with you crying and losing your mind for a little bit, you take the hit. Yeah. And what you have to do, in my never to be humble opinion, is to tell your boy, you treat me with respect or hit the highway. Call me when you're willing to be respectful to your mother. Until then, hit the highway. And you say that very low. And you don't argue about it. You just make the statement. Remember, they always talked about a man of very few words who was very quiet when he spoke. Everybody was scared. This is what I want you to do in a very quiet voice. You treat me with respect or hit the highway. Until you're ready to do that, the crying part has to stop.

[Leslie]

I can't do that.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, you're doing it to me now? Cut it out. No, I don't want to talk to you if you're going to keep doing this. Stop it.

[Leslie]

Anyone else?

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I'm gonna hang up. You want me to? Don't test me. No. Then stop it. Are you sitting? It's not a hard question. Are you sitting?

[Leslie]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, get up and jump up and down 10 times and count them out loud. Do it now. Get up off your butt and jump up and down 10 times. Let's go.

[Leslie]

Okay, I was in the car, so I'm gonna be in my garage.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, fine. Okay, you're in good shape. Do it 10 more times. I liked hearing it. You're in good condition. Go do it. Okay, the crying stopped. Why did the crying stop? Because you just changed the brain chemistry by moving your body. So, see, you don't have to be crying at a drop of a hat. That time is over. You're going to start leading a happier, more fulfilling, stronger life now. You're not going to take crap from anybody and you're not going to start crying every time it doesn't look like it's going well. You're going to jump up and down, and I mean it. If you're in front of your son and you want to kick him in the teeth, just jump up and down.

[Leslie]

That's what I was envisioning.

[Dr. Laura]

He'll think you're nuts. And who cares? You've got to get your pride back, woman. And I'm trying to tell you how to do it. He either talks to you nicely. He either talks to you nicely, or he hits the road but you don't cry anymore. That's over. You're taking control now. You spend a whole lifetime going, I hope nobody leaves me. I hope nobody leaves me. I hope nobody leaves me. And at some point, you should have said, I hope this ass leaves me.

[Leslie]

Yeah, I should have.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, say it now.

[Leslie]

I'm glad that ass left me.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. What did you say?

[Leslie]

I'm glad.

[Dr. Laura]

I said glad. You said glad, right?

[Leslie]

Glad. Yes, glad.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. Oh, thank you, Lord. Thank you. Okay. And when your son gives you any, you're going to tell him to leave. You're going to stop being worried about people leaving and more concerned about keeping people around you that you want. And if your son. Your son has to earn back being with you by behaving properly, and you help him be a better man. If you do this, you won't like.

[Leslie]

Him, but you'll help him.

[Dr. Laura]

For a little bit, you'll just have to wait for.

[Leslie]

Shh, shh, shh.

[Dr. Laura]

For a little bit, you'll have to wait. Can't fix everything. Can't fix everything. Are you going to cry again?

[Leslie]

Try not to.

[Dr. Laura]

All right, jump up and down. Come on. 20 times. Let's go now.

[Leslie]

Come on. I can't believe I'm doing this.

[Dr. Laura]

Now. Okay, I need you to do this. This is instead of taking a pill. We're using the natural chemicals between the neurons in your brain to help you. That's what the jumping up and down. It's just not me being ridiculous. It actually changes your brain chemistry. It's like taking a pill without side effects.

[Leslie]

Yeah, I've got enough of those I'd like to be off of.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you can. More jumping.

[Leslie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

And it's simple. You can do it everywhere except inside your car. There. That's the laugh I wanted to hear. Okay, here's a deal I'm going to make you. You're not going to cry between now and Monday, and you're going to call me on Monday, but every time you think you're going to cry, you're going to jump. I don't care where you are, who's there. It doesn't matter if you feel like an idiot, you're going to jump. Is that a deal?

[Leslie]

Can I cry happy tears? Because you're so awesome?

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, you can cry over that. I like that. I'm going to put you on hold, and we're going to make a specific time on Monday. Well, that's it for today, folks. Thank you very much for listening, more so for calling in, because I believe that people learn a lot listening to you and you're helping other people, including yourself. Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your friends preferred social media platform.

[D]

Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale. Emma has a test tomorrow.

[C]

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[F]

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[D]

Wait, what?

[Leslie]

Really?

[D]

Yep.

[F]

Just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door.

[D]

Thanks.

[Dr. Laura]

Sad. When does mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes.

[F]

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[Dr. Laura]

Exclusions apply.