I've Met Somebody Else

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "I've Met Somebody Else"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: I've Met Somebody Else
• Release Date: May 6, 2025

Overview: In the episode titled "I've Met Somebody Else," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses complex relationship dynamics with her listener, Paul. The conversation delves into long-term commitment challenges, the impact of differing religious beliefs on relationships, and the emotional turmoil of developing feelings for a new person while being in an existing relationship.

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1. Caller Introduction and Relationship Background (01:19 - 04:19)

Paul’s Situation: Paul reaches out to Dr. Laura seeking advice on his eight-year relationship with his boyfriend. They have been cohabiting for the past two years and share aspirations of marriage and having children. Despite their deep love, Paul and his partner harbor reservations about formalizing their commitment.

Key Points:

• Long-Term Cohabitation: Living together has brought underlying issues to the forefront.
• Desire for Marriage and Children: Both partners share common goals but face obstacles in achieving them.
• Reservations About Each Other: Highlighting potential incompatibilities that hinder progress.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "When you hear the word maybe, then I realize I'm not getting facts. So when you two have discussed getting married, what are the facts that keep you from going forward with it?" (02:14)
• Paul: "I think, well, I know one of them, you know, we have a different in the way we see religion and we also want children." (02:28)

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2. Impact of Religious Differences on Relationship (04:19 - 06:11)

Discussion Highlights:

• Religious Divergence: Paul and his boyfriend have conflicting religious beliefs, which becomes a significant barrier, especially concerning future children.
• Navigating Beliefs: The challenge of reconciling different spiritual views within the framework of a committed relationship.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "And why is religion a hang up? How is religion a hang up? What difference does it make?" (02:46)
• Paul: "I think, like navigating that." (02:59)

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3. Emergence of New Feelings and Secondary Relationship (06:30 - 14:26)

Paul’s Confession: Paul confesses to feeling a strong connection with another person, whom he refers to as "George." Despite not crossing any physical or inappropriate boundaries, Paul grapples with guilt over his emotional attachment to someone outside his primary relationship.

Key Points:

• Emotional Infidelity: Developing feelings without engaging in physical or overtly inappropriate behavior.
• Self-Reflection: Paul recognizes his actions as potentially delusional and acknowledges the mismatch in fundamental values.
• Impact on Primary Relationship: The confession has caused significant pain to his boyfriend, exacerbating existing tensions.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "But, yeah, it's not okay. Don't say it's okay. It's not okay to have different values." (04:06)
• Paul: "I just want to tell you, like, what I'm processing and this is very painful, obviously that was very painful for him to hear." (07:33)
• Dr. Laura: "You were a kid, he was older. You didn't want to be alone. You were attracted. It was flattering." (08:00)

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4. Dr. Laura’s Advice on Resolving Relationship Issues (06:30 - 14:26)

Guidance Provided: Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing fundamental incompatibilities, especially when they pertain to core values like religion and family planning. She advises Paul to take decisive action to resolve the situation responsibly.

Actionable Steps:

• Acknowledgment of Mistakes: Accepting personal errors in judgment regarding the commitment level.
• Legal and Financial Considerations: Recommending the involvement of an attorney to handle shared assets like the house.
• Avoiding Emotional Manipulation: Encouraging honesty without attempting to manipulate or convince the partner of their inadequacies.
• Strategic Time Frame: Advising a period of maturation before entering into new relationships, suggesting waiting three years before making major commitments with someone else.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "The smartest thing to do because life is finite and we don't know when the off button gets pressed. The best thing to do when we realize we've made a mistake is not demonize anybody, but repair the mistake." (09:29)
• Dr. Laura: "With your new state of mind and your new maturity. Date him. Whoever. Him." (12:35)
• Dr. Laura: "You realize at 19, 20, you made a mistake. So are you going to be man enough to fix the mistake?" (08:00)
• Dr. Laura: "Don't try to convince him that he's better off without you. Just tell him we are not a match for me, for the things I Want and I believe in and I look forward into the future for. We're not a match." (11:50)

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5. Final Thoughts and Encouragement (13:54 - 14:26)

Closure: Dr. Laura reinforces her support for Paul, providing her contact information for further assistance and encouraging engagement through social media platforms. She underscores the importance of making informed and mature decisions to ensure personal well-being and healthy relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "Call me back if you need some help excavating this." (13:54)
• Dr. Laura: "You can find me at facebook.com/drlaura and instagram.com/drlauraprogram." (13:56)

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Conclusion: In "I've Met Somebody Else," Dr. Laura Schlessinger adeptly navigates a complex relationship dilemma presented by Paul. By addressing issues of religious incompatibility, emotional fidelity, and the importance of maturity in decision-making, Dr. Laura offers pragmatic and ethical advice aimed at fostering personal responsibility and accountability. The episode serves as a valuable resource for listeners facing similar challenges, emphasizing the significance of aligning core values and making deliberate choices to cultivate fulfilling relationships.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Paul]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for taking my call. I appreciate it.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. What can I help you with?

[Paul]

So me and my boyfriend, we've been together for a little over eight years now. We did buy a house and we moved in together for the first time two years ago. And I guess I have been, you know, I think we both, you know, have been feeling. We both want to get married. We're not married, we're not engaged. And I feel like we both had our reservations about maybe each other, but just like we have a lot of love for each other and here we.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, could you. Could you take a side trip and just tell me what the reservations are about?

[Paul]

I think maybe we each have our own reservations, you know.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. When you hear. When I hear the word maybe, then I realize I'm not getting facts. So when you two have discussed getting married, what are the facts that keep you from going forward with it?

[Paul]

I think, well, I know one of them, you know, we have a different in the way we see religion and we also want children. We both want children, which is great. But yeah, I think religion is a big one for us that we have kind of a hang up with.

[Dr. Laura]

And why is religion a hang up? How is religion a hang up? What difference does it make? What Religions.

[Paul]

You are, I think, because we want to have children in the future.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, I see.

[Paul]

I think, like navigating that.

[Dr. Laura]

And so it never occurred to you personally, Paul, never occurred to you not to invest in something as huge as a house with somebody who's not sharing the same future with you? I mean, why did that not occur to you that that was not a good step? It's very hard to get out of owning a house together. Very difficult financially to get out of that. So why would you take that step? But why would you, in using your brain, take that step when there was no commitment to a future or with respect to sharing a religion? Explain to me why you would do that.

[Paul]

It's a level of delusion. Honestly, I think it was delusional. Now, you know, and so, yeah, that's definitely, you know, I'm coming to terms with, you know, like, we just see the world differently and, you know, hold different values and that's okay.

[Dr. Laura]

But, yeah, it's not okay. Don't say it's okay. It's not okay to have different values.

[Paul]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Especially when there are children involved, dear.

[Paul]

Yeah, for sure.

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[Paul]

Well, and things have come to a head because a friend of mine that basically I told I wanted to be honest with him and we're here. Recently, I have been feeling just a connection, feeling with someone else where we do align so perfectly. You know, we don't. I haven't crossed any lines that I think of. I do feel kind of guilty that I have a connection with someone. But we see the world the same and this and that. Like, I don't flirt. Like we haven't, you know, done anything inappropriate. And I recently told him, I said, hey, like, you know, you're my boyfriend, my partner, and I want to be honest with you, I have developed feelings for someone and I just want to tell you, like, what I'm processing and this is very painful, obviously that was very painful for him to hear. And I think what's bothered me so much is I have, I, you know, have the fundamental things with this person is so in alignment and it just seems like I can just so easily see us like if we want to have children.

[Dr. Laura]

Weren't you, Weren't you one year out of being a teenager when you hooked up with this guy?

[Paul]

Yes. Yeah. And this person is also older than me too. And I'm like, okay, I'm the younger person here and I'm wanting to.

[Dr. Laura]

You were one year out of being a teenager and for some reason you thought that gave you the wisdom that would come with eight more years.

[Paul]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, it didn't. You were a kid, he was older. You didn't want to be alone. You were attracted. It was flattering. I get all that. The stupid part was getting a house together because that's going to be selling it and divvying up the money is going to be an issue.

[Paul]

Yeah, yeah, you're right. You know, funny enough because we're not married, I mean, it makes sense. Like, we've not bought anything together. I mean, ours, besides the house. It sounds silly saying that, but like, even, even groceries, it's like we buy our own groceries, you know, so it's like we can make a Commitment on a box of Cheerios.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, that's weird. Okay, you realize at 19, 20, you made a mistake. So are you going to be man enough to fix the mistake? I don't mean hook up with the other guy immediately. I mean, you've got to resolve this. You've got to resolve this. By the way, how much older is he?

[Paul]

Six years.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, that's not horrendous. Sixteen. That hit you on the head. All right.

[Paul]

Yeah, for sure.

[Dr. Laura]

In life, we make mistakes based upon our maturity, our experience, our emotional state, etc. The smartest thing to do because life is finite and we don't know when the off button gets pressed. The best thing to do when we realize we've made a mistake is. Is not demonize anybody, but repair the mistake. He's not a bad guy because you're in disagreement with all sorts of things. He's just the wrong guy. So he's not a bad guy. He's the wrong guy for the rest of your life.

[Paul]

Yeah, no, I know. You're right, because he is a great person, you know?

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. We don't have to become enemies and hate each other. We just have to realize we're not really a match. Not for serious things like building a family.

[Paul]

Correct. And I have thought that, too, like, maybe if they found someone with the same views, especially on religion, I think that he would be a lot happier, you know, even though he stays so happy with me. But I feel like he could possibly. I mean, I know he could find someone that believes the same.

[Dr. Laura]

And what's his religion?

[Paul]

Even more happiness. He's Christian.

[Dr. Laura]

And you're.

[Paul]

I'd say agnostic. Spiritual. I'm not sure, but I'm not Christian.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, what are you religiously? Well, how are you brought up?

[Paul]

I was brought up very religiously Christian. And I deconstructed from that years ago. And, yeah, I don't believe in the Bible. And I. And I'm totally, you know, fine. I've got a lot of great Christian friends. I'm not trying to say that, but I just don't.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, is that an agnostic, an atheist, or just a bystander?

[Paul]

I say agnostic. I believe in a higher power.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. All right. Well, the truth is, you've got to take care of this.

[Paul]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

And please, what you just said before, don't try to convince him that he's better off without you. Don't try to make this better for you. Just tell him we are not a match for me, for the things I Want and I believe in and I look forward into the future for. We're not a match. We met when we were both teeny tinies. And that doesn't mean it was meant forever. We were too young to make this decision.

[Paul]

Correct. And now, did you both put in over the year? Go ahead. I'm sorry.

[Dr. Laura]

Did you put the same amount of money in to the house?

[Paul]

We base 60 40. Like our down payment was 60 40. So he.

[Dr. Laura]

Which one has the 40 than me? Oh, okay. All right. Well, together. I recommend you get an attorney who helps you unravel this. Get a real estate agent and put up a reasonable price and move on. And don't be shacking up quickly. Wait three years.

[Paul]

I don't want to do that.

[Dr. Laura]

With your new state of mind and your new maturity. Date him. Whoever. Him. What's the name for the second guy?

[Paul]

Yeah, I don't feel comfortable saying that.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, don't feel comfortable. Call him George. How old is George? With respect to you.

[Paul]

He is three years younger.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, you're the old man now. Okay. Yeah, that makes him 25. We need him to get to 28 before you guys make a decision about a commitment. Okay? Promise me.

[Paul]

Okay. Okay, I promise.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Thank you. I was going to be very upset if you didn't. All right. Call me back if you need some help excavating this. Okay.

[Paul]

Thank you so much, Dr. Lara.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very, very welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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