Joseph Gets a Lesson In How to Be a Man

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Joseph Gets a Lesson In How to Be a Man"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: Joseph Gets a Lesson In How to Be a Man
• Release Date: July 7, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Caller's Situation

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt call from Joseph, a 36-year-old entrepreneur and father of two young children. Joseph reaches out seeking guidance amidst escalating marital conflicts that are affecting his family life.

Notable Quote:

Joseph [00:43]: "I'm a 36-year-old man, husband of two, married for five years to my wife, entrepreneur... ever since pregnancy, the wife's just been very difficult for me."

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2. Root Causes and Background

Joseph describes a tumultuous relationship characterized by constant criticism, lack of respect, and aggressive arguments that sometimes escalate to physical violence. He attributes much of the strain to the challenges following his wife's pregnancy and their shared responsibilities in raising young children.

Notable Quote:

Joseph [00:43]: "She criticizes everything I do. I don't think she respects me because I just do things with a little carefree attitude."

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3. Dr. Laura's Initial Probe

Dr. Laura begins by probing Joseph's feelings about his marriage choice, questioning whether he believes he selected the right partner.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura [03:52]: "Do you think you chose poorly in picking her to marry?"

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4. Caller’s Reflection on Marriage Choice

Joseph reflects on his hasty marriage, highlighting the physical attraction and the immediate decision to move in together. He acknowledges that the idealized view of his wife changed after the birth of their children, leading to increased stress and conflict.

Notable Quote:

Joseph [03:56]: "We moved in right away... it was like a fantasy. Six months later... got pregnant and well, got natural challenges."

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5. Current Family Dynamics

The conversation delves into the day-to-day dynamics of Joseph's family life. Both he and his wife share responsibilities in caring for their children, but the underlying tension leads to frequent arguments and emotional volatility.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura [05:14]: "Who is the full-time caretaker of the babies? Is it your wife or you?"

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6. Challenges and Frustrations

Joseph expresses deep frustration over the persistent conflicts and their impact on his children. He admits to resorting to violence during arguments and grapples with feelings of inadequacy and fear of mirroring his absentee father.

Notable Quote:

Joseph [02:30]: "I've slapped her... I feel I'm not happy with myself... I want to be better than him."

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7. Dr. Laura’s Advice on Communication

Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of effective communication. She advises Joseph to adopt a more agreeable and complimentary approach when interacting with his wife, aiming to de-escalate conflicts and foster mutual respect.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura [08:46]: "When she is nagging you about the frying pan, what I'd like you to say is 'Good idea, I'll be careful.'"

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8. Discussion on Anger and Violence

Addressing the sensitive issue of physical aggression, Dr. Laura sternly advises Joseph to control his anger to set a positive example for his daughters. She underscores the moral responsibility he holds as a father to demonstrate respectful behavior towards women.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura [09:22]: "You cannot show your daughters that this is what they should expect from a man."

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9. Steps Towards Improvement

Dr. Laura provides actionable steps for Joseph to rebuild his relationship. These include consistently complimenting his wife, engaging in gentle physical gestures, and prioritizing the well-being of his children over personal grievances.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura [13:20]: "Compliment and agree."
• Dr. Laura [13:28]: "Walk behind her and just touch the back of her neck as you walk by."

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10. Conclusion and Takeaways

By the episode's end, Joseph acknowledges the validity of Dr. Laura's advice, expressing hope for positive change. Dr. Laura reinforces the significance of his role as a father and encourages persistent efforts to improve his marital relationship for the sake of his children.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura [14:48]: "Then don't mess them up."

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Key Takeaways:

• Effective Communication: Adopting a complimentary and agreeable tone can reduce marital conflicts.
• Anger Management: Controlling anger is crucial, especially in front of children, to model respectful behavior.
• Parental Responsibility: Prioritizing the well-being of children should guide actions and decisions within the family.
• Personal Growth: Acknowledging personal shortcomings is the first step towards meaningful change.

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This episode offers a candid exploration of marital struggles exacerbated by parenting pressures and provides practical advice for transforming conflict into constructive communication. Dr. Laura's no-nonsense approach underscores the importance of personal responsibility and ethical behavior in maintaining a healthy family environment.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Joseph how can I help?

[Caller]

Awesome. I need advice. I'm a 36 year old man, husband of two, married for five years to my wife, entrepreneur. I stay at home a lot and the wife stays at home and watches our babies. They're young, they're under five, newborn and under five. And ever since pregnancy the wife's just been very difficult for me. She is who she is, but she's difficult for me, meaning just critiques everything I do. I don't think she respects me because I just do things with a little carefree attitude. As you know, she's the more stressed out, fearful, let's do it right. And lately, well, not lately, it's been a pattern. And we argue in our arguments over anything really, they escalate to violence. And you know, I was raised not. And you know, recently it was, it was, you know, over breakfast. I was cooking and she wanted me to make them. She didn't want me to burn the pan, make the breakfast a certain way. And I said, leave me alone, I don't cook. Just leave me alone. I want to do this, this is a pride thing. I just want to cook for my babies and you let me be. And she's relentless. She doesn't take no for an answer. She's very strong minded. And yeah, you know, it just escalates in front of the kids. We really have no boundaries. We just let it all out and I'm kind of just telling her no and she's, you know, she spits in my face and I just react and I slap her. And my mom didn't raise me like that. It's not the first time I've done it and I'm, you know, I feel I'm not happy with myself. The thing is I, you know, immediately I'm like, I'm getting divorced. We talk about divorce all the time. And you know, our normal response is when we get Mad. It's all right. The courthouse is right down the street. Be my guest. And the. I'm sorry. And so it's gotten, it's just gotten to the point of the kids see it and oh, the next morning, you know, we'll take a day to cool off but then, or not even a day and then the next morning it's like nothing happened. So I guess I'm the emotional one. She's kind of the more logical one in the relationship and she just moves on and just wants to talk about the things we're doing as opposed to understanding what the hell just happened. And I'm not blaming her, I'm blaming both of us. But I don't, I don't know what to do. I want a family. I. I've always wanted a family. My dad left me and I've always wanted to be better than him but I don't find myself being better than him with what how I handle my wife. So I guess the question I'm asking you think.

[Dr. Laura]

Do you think you chose poorly in picking her to marry?

[Caller]

Yes, it was very physical. It was. I just came off of a, an amazing high of starting my business and I believe the, you know, the Lord gave me a beautiful woman and it was immediately we moved in right away and physical, attractive. It was very, it was like a fantasy. It was great. It was amazing. Six months later, naturally we had a baby and well, got pregnant and of course I was like, yes, if this is how it's going to be. Absolutely. And I've been married prior but she, we didn't have kids so this. And I have a 17 year old from high school. I never stayed. I joined the Marine Corps, you know, when I was 18. So I was just, you know, I would go and visit her and we have an okay relationship. You know, she called me on Father's Day. That's great. And, and I've taken your advice with my prior, with my oldest about accepting this is what you deserve with her. So thank you for that advice. I just took her for lunch and I just took it for what it is as opposed to being an egomaniac and feeling entitled as a father with my 18 year old daughter. So I just accept and embrace what our relationship is. But back to my point, I have these two amazing little babies. They bring so much joy. And who is the.

[Dr. Laura]

Are, who is the full time caretaker of the babies? Is it your wife or you or at home?

[Caller]

You know, I'm, yeah, I'll be gone for a couple days for work and Then we're right back at it. I mean, we're doing amazing on paper. If you looked at us, people would think, oh, you guys are awesome. But, you know, all we do is avoid each other and nitpick and lecture and I mean, I'm guilty of it too. So I really think. And it's just frustrating because when it escalates to the abusiveness or the rage, it's inevitable. I've gone through this numerous times. I've served her for divorce and then, you know, I turned to the good Lord and. And it's still happening. So I've been listening to you. You bring peace to my heart. And my mom's always about doing the right thing, so that's why I love you.

[Dr. Laura]

Do you really believe in God? Yes or no?

[Caller]

I'm on the fence. I believe there is a higher power, but I'm not. I go to church for the community. I don't read the Bible.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, I get that because you keep throwing around God gave me. God didn't give you a wife. If he did, he made a mistake.

[Caller]

I chose her.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Okay. This is what I need from you. I need you just like you've accepted your daughter's anger and limitation on what the relationship is. That sounded really good to me. Very healthy. Need to do the same thing with your woman. Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one stop. Shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies and thanks to Walmart pharmacy, you can count on them for your prescription needs too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy delivery not available for all prescriptions and and exclusions apply. Did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room? The Dr. Laura program is happy to be partnering with our sponsor All Free Clear laundry detergent. My peeps with kids are especially thrilled to use it because it's 100% free of dyes and perfumes. All Free Clear is the number one laundry detergent brand recommended for sensitive skin by pediatricians, dermatologists and allergists. For a clean you can feel good about. All you need is All Free Clear.

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[Dr. Laura]

So when she is nagging you about the frying pan, what I'd like you to say is good idea, I'll be careful. I'd like you to compliment her and agree with her compliment. Agree truthfully. Once you say good idea, I'll be careful, she's not going to be looking at the pan anymore. All you have to do is quote, give it to her.

[Caller]

Give her what she wants.

[Dr. Laura]

Right?

[Caller]

There's a rage inside of me.

[Dr. Laura]

No, it won't be there when you're considering how you might as well take one of your kids and smack them. Because when you smack her, they register it. And they're girls so they know what to expect from a man. Your rage is not going to be with her. It's going to be with yourself. Because you cannot show your daughters that this is what they should expect from a man. And I do believe you have more control over that than you have for her.

[Caller]

It's so hard, Dr. Laura. It's so hard.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't care. Hey, hey, hey. Talking to the wrong woman, guy. If you think I give a damn about something being difficult. Wrong woman. I live for the difficult. Your girls will be beaten by their boyfriends and husbands unless you control yourself. How do you like them apples? You have control over their future with men. This is not about your wife. You have to accept her the same way you accept your daughter. Your job is to.

[Caller]

I want to leave.

[Dr. Laura]

You can't because it hurts your. Yeah, I. Okay, I don't give a shit if you want to leave. It isn't about you anymore. Once you made babies, it isn't about you. You don't matter. Your desires, your fantasies don't matter. What matters is your moral obligation to those two little kids. So stop with the crap of we're gonna go get a divorce. Start agreeing and complimenting and never raise your hand again. I don't care how angry you are. If a cop had stopped you, you wouldn't have hauled off and belted the cop. You belt a woman because they don't hit back like a co. That's a cowardly man. That's a weak man. And if that's the man you are, then, yes, you should get a divorce and never see the children or your woman again.

[Caller]

Wow.

[Dr. Laura]

And I mean that.

[Caller]

I feel it.

[Dr. Laura]

You're going to tell me you would slap a nun or a cop, then you have to leave.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't give me any. It's difficult. You're talking to the wrong woman. I was born in Brooklyn. I'm one tough, badass bitch. Okay? So don't give me that.

[Caller]

Maryland. So I'm not that far.

[Dr. Laura]

That's far enough. Too far. It ain't Brooklyn, babe. That's a whole different world. So I'm counting on you to compliment and agree. Repeat those words for me. Compliment and agree.

[Caller]

And agree.

[Dr. Laura]

Right. Because if you.

[Caller]

I'm telling you, Dr. Laura, I'm going to tell you. I was never shown how to see how to treat a woman.

[Dr. Laura]

I guarantee you're correct. But I'm here to teach you. That's why you want the best out of us. You want the best out of us. Protect us even from you. Compliment and agree. Find moments to compliment something and agree. She picks up the kids, you go. I just love the way you interact with the kids. That will light her up incredibly.

[Caller]

Oh, my God. I can see it now. You're right. I would never say that. I could just envision.

[Dr. Laura]

I know you wouldn't. Yeah. Nobody told you how to be a man with a woman.

[Caller]

Compliment and agree. I'm. Write that down.

[Dr. Laura]

And touch.

[Caller]

All right. And touch.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm not talking about grab her, throw her on the ground and have sex. I'm talking about walking behind her. Something you have to do. So you're walking behind her and you just touch the back of her neck as you walk by. Just light touch. She will change into something you can't believe. If you do this consistently every day.

[Caller]

It'S gonna mess me up. It's gonna. It's gonna mess me up in a good way. I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid of the man. I'm gonna know, Hear me? I'm afraid of the man that I'm meant to be.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, too bad. Did you say you were in the military?

[Caller]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't want to hear this crap from somebody in the military.

[Caller]

Well, I'm fighting for my family, and I listen to you every day.

[Dr. Laura]

And the person you're fighting, yourself, not her. You have the power to transform that woman into something more soft and she needs it. Yes, especially after making two babies.

[Caller]

Our babies are so amazing. They're so awesome.

[Dr. Laura]

Then don't mess them up.

[Caller]

Yes, ma'. Am. Thank you for the call, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura]

Call me again.

[Caller]

I will. Next week.

[Dr. Laura]

You promise?

[Caller]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com Dr. Dr. Laura Program. I know you've got a gazillion photos sitting on your phone right now. Don't leave them there. Get them printed for free and delivered straight to your door with Free Prints. With more than 1 million 5 star reviews, free prints is the world's favorite way to get premium quality photo prints. No subscriptions, no commitments, just a thousand free prints a year. Go to freeprints.com or download the Free Prints app directly from Google Play or the App Store.