Kaye Has a Big Problem on Her Hands

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast – “Kaye Has a Big Problem on Her Hands”

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: November 17, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Kaye, a recurring listener seeking advice for the fourth time. Kaye faces a parenting dilemma: her nearly nine-year-old daughter, eager to learn braiding, wants a mannequin head for her birthday. Kaye’s husband, however, strongly objects to the gift. The episode delves deeply into the underlying reasons for his objection, revealing personal and sensitive family dynamics, particularly relating to his ongoing recovery from pornography addiction. Dr. Laura delivers her trademark blunt assessment, focusing on protecting the child and encouraging Kaye to prioritize her daughter’s development and interests.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Kaye Outlines the Dilemma

• [02:24] Kaye explains her daughter’s interest in learning to braid hair, expressing support for her daughter's creativity and skill-earning ideas.
  • Quote: “She has asked a few times now... some ideas for her birthday and one of the ideas is one of the mannequin heads with fake hair that she can learn how to braid.”
• Kaye describes the family background: four children, 13 years of happy marriage.

The Husband’s Objection

• [03:10] Kaye shares that her husband is “adamantly against” the mannequin head.
• [07:00] Discussing reasons, Kaye reveals: “My husband is in active recovery for pornography addiction.”
  • Dr. Laura immediately signals concern.
  • Quote (Dr. Laura): “[07:12] Did you ever observe the porn he was watching?”

Dr. Laura’s Interrogation and Analysis

• Dr. Laura stresses the importance of knowing precisely what kind of pornography was involved, suggesting possible links to the husband's discomfort.
  • Quote: “[07:32] You can’t be quite positive of anything if you have never seen it... you hope to hell it wasn’t kitty porn, but you don’t really know.”
• She probes Kaye about the husband’s stated reasons, receiving a vague response: he called braiding “high maintenance.”
  • Quote: “[08:08] How is that high maintenance? To learn how to do braids?”

Dr. Laura’s Advice to Kaye

• Dr. Laura is clear and direct in her recommendation:
  • [08:14] “There’s something terribly wrong with him. And I would get her the Styrofoam head with the things and a little video on how to make braids. And I would tell him if he opens his mouth and says one thing negative about them to her, that he’s going to have to go stay at his mother’s house for a month.”
• Dr. Laura repeatedly states the importance of prioritizing the child’s best interest over Kaye’s marriage.
  • Quote: “[10:23] Remember, I don’t give a damn about your marriage. I only care about your kid.”

Family and Recovery Dynamics

• Kaye says they are “working this program together” and are “open and close” about her husband’s recovery.
• Dr. Laura challenges Kaye on not investigating what type of pornography was involved, suggesting it reflects a reluctance to fully confront the issue.
  • Quote: “[08:52] Which is why you never check to see what kind of porn it was.”
  • Quote: “[10:09] I don’t know what his problem is, but you’re going to have to push this and maybe then you’ll find out what the problem really is.”

Protective Parenting

• Dr. Laura assures Kaye that girls often enjoy doing each other's hair and that this is a normal, harmless activity.
  • Quote: “[10:09] That’s what girls do.”
• Dr. Laura emphasizes again her primary concern is for the daughter, not the adult dynamics.
  • Quote: “[10:23] She’s the only part of this that has no power to make decisions.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [07:32] Dr. Laura: “You can’t be quite positive of anything if you have never seen it. Don’t go there. You hope to hell it wasn’t kitty porn, but you don’t really know. That’s the problem.”
• [08:14] Dr. Laura: “There’s something terribly wrong with him... if he opens his mouth and says one thing negative about them to her, that he’s going to have to go stay at his mother’s house for a month.”
• [10:23] Dr. Laura: “Remember, I don’t give a damn about your marriage. I only care about your kid. Yeah, keep that in mind, because that’s the first concern. Because she’s the only part of this that has no power to make decisions.”
• [09:07] Dr. Laura: “Every time I can’t figure out how to use my computer, I call a friend.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:24] Caller describes daughter’s interest in braiding and asks for advice.
• [03:10] Caller reveals husband’s strong objection.
• [07:00] Disclosure of husband’s pornography addiction recovery.
• [08:14] Dr. Laura’s direct advice: support daughter, confront husband if necessary.
• [10:09] Dr. Laura elaborates on the need to protect the child above all else.
• [10:23] Dr. Laura’s powerful closing statements on parental priorities.

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Episode Tone

Dr. Laura is characteristically direct, occasionally acerbic, but always focused on the well-being of the child. She is skeptical of Kaye’s willingness to accept surface-level answers from her husband regarding his opposition and is firm in her stance that a child's development and emotional safety come first. The episode is a pointed reminder of Dr. Laura’s philosophy: protect children, confront uncomfortable realities, and don’t let adult discomfort overshadow what’s best for the youngest family members.

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In summary:
This episode exemplifies Dr. Laura’s no-nonsense approach, placing children's best interests above adult sensitivities, and providing actionable, clear, sometimes tough advice to listeners grappling with difficult family dynamics.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller]

Hi Dr. Lara, thanks for taking my call. I think this is the fourth time I've called so it's been very helpful in the past and I thought that it could be helpful again. Your screener was fantastic and really helped ask the right questions to help me understand.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, well let's get right to it ma'. Am. You got me now, so let's get to it. How can I help?

[Caller]

My daughter is turning nine this weekend. She is my second child of four with my husband. We've been married for 13 years, very happily. I love him very much and we're very happy. I brought up last night that she has been really interested in learning how to braid hair and learning how to do her own hair and she has asked a few times now. Not asked but told me some ideas for her birthday. And one of the ideas is one of the mannequin heads with fake hair that she can learn how to braid.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good idea.

[Caller]

And I thought that that was a fantastic idea.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, what's the problem I can help you with?

[Caller]

Well, when I brought it up to my husband last night, he was pretty adamantly against it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And why is that?

[Caller]

And.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And why is that?

[Caller]

Your screener helps me know that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Can you wait? Okay. Would you like to go back and talk to the screener? Because I'm here now, so let me know if you want to talk to me or go backwards. Just let me know.

[Caller]

Okay. Talk to you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller]

It's a hard. It's.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Sorry. Okay. I apologize. We have a break coming now. I'd like to put you on hold, give you some time to think about it. And right after the top of the hour break, I'll talk to you. Okay.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. Hold on. All right. Want to hear why he has a problem with braids? Gotta give that some deep analytical thought. Or maybe I'll just wait.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Kay. All right. What you told me is that your daughter's turning nine. She wants to learn how to do braids. My granddaughter got really good at that. She would braid my hair and so she wants a styrofoam head with some wigs so she can learn how to braid. And you happened to mention that to your husband and he's adamantly was the word you used against it. My last question is why the hell would he care? So help me understand.

[Caller]

Okay? My husband is in active recovery for pornography addiction.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Stop.

[Caller]

And stop.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Stop. Not and stop.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Did you ever observe the porn he was watching?

[Caller]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It would be useful to know if it was minor girls with braids.

[Caller]

I'm quite positive it is not minor.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You can't be quite positive of anything if you have never seen it. Don't go there. You hope to hell it wasn't kitty porn, but you don't really know. That's the problem. So what did he say was his reason for not wanting her to do braids?

[Caller]

He said, let's talk her into something cool like getting interested in soccer.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What was his reason for not doing braids?

[Caller]

He said we don't want our daughter growing up to be high maintenance.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How is that high maintenance? To learn how to do braids?

[Caller]

That's what I asked. I said it's very normal for girls to be interested in.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, you have a problem. There's something terribly wrong with him. And I would get her the Styrofoam head with the things and a little video on how to make braids. And I would tell him if he opens his mouth and says one thing negative about them to her, that he's going to have to go stay at his mother's house for a month. There's something wrong with him and you know it.

[Caller]

Well, Dr. Allure, we're both working this program together and have been for a long time. We're very. We're very open and close about this.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah. Which is why you never check to see what kind of porn it was.

[Caller]

Can I ask how I would go about doing that? I don't even know how to go about doing that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Gee, I would have asked somebody. Every time I can't figure out how to use my computer, I call a friend.

[Caller]

So every time he's relapsed? Well, not every time, but we're to the point where when he relapses, the.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Most important thing is he not take out his neurotic crap on your daughter.

[Caller]

Correct.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't care if you want to stay with a porn ridden guy. I really don't care. It won't keep me up tonight. But I'm concerned about him impacting your daughter. I don't know if you have any other such stories, anything about how she dresses, where she's going, what she's doing, that would be of concern. Well, thank you. Tell him he doesn't understand little girls. You hope. Tell him he doesn't understand little girls. And you're going to do the braids thing because it's fun. And kids have birthday parties where all the girls are doing each other's hair. That's what girls do.

[Caller]

Right?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't know what his problem is, but you're going to have to push this and maybe then you'll find out what the problem really is.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And good luck with that. Remember, I don't give a damn about your marriage. I only care about your kid. Yeah, keep that in mind, because that's the first concern. Because she's the only part of this that has no power to make decisions. Somehow after all those years, I'd know what kind of porn it was. I would have turned on the computer, opened a cell phone. I would have seen it. I don't know. Okay, just sounds weird. Sounds like the behavior of somebody who doesn't really want to know. Let's just do the sanitized part of going through a program and relapsing. As she mentioned, my number. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Pod podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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