Less Talk, More Action

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary: "Less Talk, More Action"

Podcast Information

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: Less Talk, More Action
• Release Date: June 4, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Less Talk, More Action," Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into the intricacies of marital communication and connection. Addressing a caller named Amy, who seeks guidance on improving her marriage through couples therapy, Dr. Laura offers her trademark no-nonsense advice emphasizing actions over words to foster deeper connections.

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Caller’s Background and Issue

Amy, a 48-year-old married woman with a three-year-old daughter, reaches out to Dr. Laura seeking advice on enhancing her marital relationship. She shares that she and her husband have been attending couples therapy to better connect and improve their relationship dynamics. Amy explains that their primary modes of connection during their three-year dating period included traveling, biking, and watching movies together. However, she feels that despite these activities, their current efforts in therapy aren't yielding the desired improvements.

Notable Quote:
Amy [00:36]: "I've been married to my husband for five years. We have a three-year-old daughter. And my question to you, basically, I want to know..."

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Dr. Laura’s Critique of Current Approach

Dr. Laura listens to Amy's description of their connection methods and swiftly critiques the effectiveness of these strategies in fostering a meaningful marital bond. She emphasizes that while shared activities like biking and traveling are enjoyable, they may not necessarily translate to emotional connection. Dr. Laura criticizes Amy's reliance on verbal communication, stating that excessive talking without meaningful engagement can hinder true connection.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura [02:30]: "You yapping about your day is not connecting to your man. It isn't."

She further questions the depth of Amy and her husband's connection during their dating years, pushing her to recall and elaborate on the more intimate and thoughtful gestures that truly bonded them.

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Recommendations: Less Talk, More Action

Transitioning from critique to advice, Dr. Laura underscores the importance of reducing verbal communication and increasing physical expressions of love and appreciation. She advises Amy to shift her focus from talking about her feelings to engaging in actions that demonstrate her affection and acknowledgment of her husband.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura [08:14]: "When men do not feel loved, acknowledged... they shut off, shut down, disconnect."

Dr. Laura advocates for embracing femininity as a means to reconnect, suggesting that women should initiate sweet and simple gestures that resonate deeply with their partners. This includes physical affection, such as cuddling, making love, and performing thoughtful acts that show appreciation without the need for words.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura [09:52]: "You have the power. We turn on the sweetness again and they respond almost immediately."

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Practical Advice and Examples

To provide actionable steps, Dr. Laura offers specific examples of how Amy can implement her advice:

1. Physical Affection Over Words: Instead of verbally thanking her husband for his contributions, Amy should express gratitude through physical touch, such as full-body hugs or affectionate gestures like kissing him on the neck.

   Notable Quote:
   Dr. Laura [12:00]: "Instead of going, thank you, make him... just say thank you with a physical touch."

2. Initiate Playfulness: Engaging in playful interactions, like a "naughty dance" when getting into pajamas, can reignite intimacy and joy within the marriage.

   Notable Quote:
   Dr. Laura [14:02]: "Did you ever do a naughty dance to get into your jammies in front of him?"

3. Active Listening: When her husband speaks, Amy should practice active listening by remaining quiet and fully engaging with what he says, thereby making him feel heard and valued.

   Notable Quote:
   Dr. Laura [16:06]: "When he's talking, you're going to do what? Be quiet."

4. Embrace Femininity: Dr. Laura emphasizes that embracing one's feminine side can naturally attract and reconnect with her husband without the need for extensive therapy or contrived actions.

   Notable Quote:
   Dr. Laura [08:14]: "You need to turn on the femininity."

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Key Insights

• Actions Speak Louder Than Words: Dr. Laura highlights that tangible gestures often have a more profound impact on marital connections than verbal communication alone.

• Physical Connection is Crucial: Emphasizing the importance of physical affection, Dr. Laura suggests that men often interpret physical gestures as genuine expressions of love and appreciation.

• Simplicity in Reconnection: The advice centers on simple, everyday actions that can significantly enhance the emotional bond between partners without the complexities introduced by therapy or overthinking.

• Redefining Appreciation: Moving away from verbal thanks to meaningful physical acknowledgment can prevent feelings of obligation and resentment in husbands.

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Conclusion

In "Less Talk, More Action," Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides Amy with straightforward, practical advice aimed at rekindling and strengthening her marital relationship through actions rather than words. By focusing on physical expressions of love, embracing femininity, and practicing active listening, Amy is guided to create a more connected and fulfilling marriage. Dr. Laura's emphasis on simplicity and proactive engagement offers valuable insights for listeners seeking to enhance their own relationships.

Notable Closing Quote:
Dr. Laura [17:48]: "Do something. Call someone, play with the dog. Then I'm not bored. It's proactive from you. That creates your state of mind."

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Additional Resources

Listeners interested in exploring more of Dr. Laura's advice can visit her social media platforms:

• Facebook: facebook.com/drlaura
• Instagram: instagram.com/drlauraprogram
• Call-In: 1-800-375-2872

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the key discussions and advice provided in the "Less Talk, More Action" episode, offering valuable takeaways for anyone looking to improve their marital relationships through actionable steps.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on SiriusX. Amy, welcome to the program.

[Amy]

Hi Dr. Laura. I'm a big fan of yours. I'm 48 years old. Yes. Been listening to you for a long time. I'm 48. I am married. I've been married to my husband for five years. We have a three year old daughter. And my question to you, basically, I want to know. Okay, so recently my husband and I have been going to couples therapy to try to improve the way we connect. To improve the way. Can you hear me? Hello?

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, I'm trying to get you to be quiet.

[Amy]

Oh, sure. Sorry. Go ahead.

[Dr. Laura]

How long did you date before marriage?

[Amy]

Three years.

[Dr. Laura]

How did you connect for three years? Enough to get married. Tell me how you guys connected through travel.

[Amy]

Traveling and activities. That was our main way of connecting activities. We both love biking and we love. Oh, we, we like to do that too. Biking.

[Dr. Laura]

Isn't that a more personal way to connect?

[Amy]

Yeah, absolutely. That was definitely one of the ways we connected.

[Dr. Laura]

And did you watch movies together and then talk about them?

[Amy]

We did. And that actually is a good segue to what we're going through now is we would talk about it, but I would. I'm a talker more than he is. And the way that I connect and this has kind of been solidified or like brought to light in therapy is I connect through talking and talking about the day, talking about how I felt about something or Ma' am.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, that's not. Has nothing to do with connecting.

[Amy]

Oh yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Therapist didn't bring that to your attention. You yapping about your day is not connecting to your man. It isn't.

[Amy]

This is what I. This is what I love to hear. Tell me more.

[Dr. Laura]

Making love, listening to him, cuddling, doing cute little things for him, calling him, texting him, cooking his favorite cookies. Yeah, this is connecting to a man. Bike riding is not connecting to a man. Traveling is not connecting to a man. You yapping is not connecting to a man. When you think about the three years, I bet you did all sorts of sweet little things to make him think of you. Remember you when you were not together.

[Amy]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

So I asked you how you connected, and you gave me nonsense. So let's go back to the three years and tell me the sweet things. Please stop annotating. You do talk too much.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

When somebody else is talking, don't make noise.

[Amy]

Got it.

[Dr. Laura]

When your husband is talking, don't make noise. When he senses that you're just willing to jump in, he disconnects because he's not being. Shh. You're doing it now. Nothing. Don't make noise. Sit quietly and listen to him. So now let's go back to the three years you were dating and tell me the cute things you did for him, including your lipstick, your perfume, your hair, and how you dressed. Go ahead.

[Amy]

Okay. So one of the things, he traveled a ton more when we were dating, more than he. Now. He doesn't travel at all for work, but he was traveling probably 50% of the time overseas. And so I would leave him, like, notes under the pillow, like, in his suitcase and things like that. And he is very sentimental, so I would see that he would keep them. He's kept every note that I've ever written him. And so I think that's one of the things that he cherished. And we also.

[Dr. Laura]

Stop. Sdop. Stop. And don't make noise while I'm talking.

[Amy]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

Good practice for you. You just said okay while I'm talking. I don't want to hear anything from you.

[Amy]

All right?

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. So you already know he's sentimental about you connecting through little notes and things that tell him you're thinking of him and you love him. You needed to go to therapy, spend money, accuse each other of stuff, go into an artificial situation and come up with things that were not resonating with the two of you. Anyway, I love the concept of therapy. I'm a therapist, not in practice anymore. I understand that, but like a mother, her job is to get the kids out. A therapist's job is to get the patients out. Okay. You already know what to do. He leaves to go to the grocery. He leaves to go to work. He leaves to visit his mother. He leaves all the time. And you know how it helps when you acknowledge him.

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[Dr. Laura]

When men do not feel loved, acknowledged when they are frustrated with their women, they shut off, shut down, disconnect. And that's primarily why I tell women we have the power. We turn on the sweetness again and they respond almost immediately. They were born of a woman mom, and their whole upbringing is dealing with this woman who's hugging them, loving them, kissing them, playing with them, et cetera. It's very easy to manipulate a man in a good way with your femininity doesn't require years of psychotherapy and blaming each other for anything and coming up with superficial or incidental things. You got to turn on the femininity. You have a kid. Generally after a kid, women tend to shut down being feminine with their men, and that leaves the men dangling in the universe wondering why they got married. So save yourself a lot of cash and turn the femininity back on. And no, it isn't per se activities. I mean, those are really good. When people have things, they go golfing together, whatever. That is really nice and that everybody can still do the bicycling. However, it's the femininity that brings them in.

[Amy]

Can I, can I say something? Yeah. This is super helpful as long as.

[Dr. Laura]

It doesn't sound defensive.

[Amy]

No, no. What he shared is that when so there's two parts. The first thing is he said, well, I connect through actions and I Said, well, honey, I love that you connect through actions. And I acknowledge, and I do acknowledge.

[Dr. Laura]

Both of you, both the therapist and you, I believe, misunderstood what he meant. He meant that you do things.

[Amy]

Sorry. That you'd be more proactive.

[Dr. Laura]

That you're more proactive than you've been. Women who have kids tend to be proactive toward their kids and curtail that kind of being active with their husbands. You want to connect with him when you wake up tomorrow morning, roll on top of him and start kissing him. That's a connection right there. And that is the most fundamental one for a man, that his woman wants him.

[Amy]

So I have a question for you. He. I would like to know more examples. I like that one example, but can you share a few more with me?

[Dr. Laura]

Read the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Okay, I'll give you a lot of examples in the book. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands paperback. I will.

[Amy]

I, I read it like 20 years ago and I loved it. So I'll read it again because I forgot.

[Dr. Laura]

Good idea, good idea.

[Amy]

But one thing that he did say, though, is that he doesn't want acknowledge when. Because he's a very. He's very helpful. He cleans up the kitchen when I'm putting our daughter to bed. And he's very, like, handy in the house and everything. And I always say, oh, thank you so much. And he says, please don't say that. Like, this is just what I do. And so he almost gets annoyed when I.

[Dr. Laura]

That has nothing to do with connecting. And I like his attitude.

[Amy]

Okay, this is what I need to know.

[Dr. Laura]

But what if.

[Amy]

Tell me more.

[Dr. Laura]

He did. Okay, what if he did something wonderful in the kitchen and you gave him a full body hug and said thank you? I don't think he'll show annoyance. Men are very physically oriented. Very.

[Amy]

That's wonderful.

[Dr. Laura]

They're like puppies. They need constant physicality. They breathe it in. So instead of going, thank you, making him. I like his attitude because basically what he's saying with that is, oh, I'm expected to do that. You know, I'm the man, I'm the husband, and I'm expected to do that. Don't make it sound like, you know what I mean. So instead of that, what if you just gave him a full body hug or went behind him and put your hands around his waist and gave him a kiss on the neck? If you can reach his neck, I don't know how tall he is, he'll understand that. Just say thank you with a physical touch. This is actually the Whole thing is so simple. And sometimes this kind of going into couples therapy, the therapist has to come up with some stuff.

[Amy]

Right?

[Dr. Laura]

You're paying them. All you need to do, tears aside, is to turn on the femininity. You need to trust me on this.

[Amy]

No, thank you. I will. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

So simple. And the less talking, the better.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

And you're crying now because you're so happy. Because it's so.

[Amy]

Because it's so profound. No, it's so profound. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

It is, and I'm happy you said that. And you're going to turn your marriage 180 degrees in 24 hours.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

The man's not going to know what hit him.

[Amy]

Thank you, Dr. Laura. Okay. I'll do that, too.

[Dr. Laura]

Did you ever do a naughty dance to get into your jammies in front of him?

[Amy]

No. Tell me what that is. I don't know what that is.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't know. You go in the shower, you come out, and you slowly put on your jammies in front of him.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You see how simple it is?

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Honest to God, when I was in private practice, the last thing I wanted to do with married couples was, was to have them talk it into the grave. Because, by and large, one or both of them would come up with something they never should have said.

[Amy]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

Because everybody's trying to give something, they're trying to say something, you know? So what is it you want? Oh, shit. I have to come up with something. Well, what is it you want? Well, what is she not doing that you want? Well, what is she doing that you don't like? Well, what is he doing? Do you see how this doesn't make a connection? You know him better than the therapist knows him.

[Amy]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

You know what he likes?

[Amy]

Yeah. I mean, I have to say, he's not an ultra sexual person, but he does like the cuddles and things like that.

[Dr. Laura]

That's right.

[Amy]

So.

[Dr. Laura]

Give him all that.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

And every now and then, put your hand on his private parts.

[Amy]

Okay, I will.

[Dr. Laura]

And say you're such a hunk.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

I was thinking about you all day. Well, I was thinking about parts of you all day.

[Amy]

I'll do that.

[Dr. Laura]

I like your arms.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You know. Come on, play with him.

[Amy]

He has nice.

[Dr. Laura]

Play with him.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, buddy. Play with him. Have a good time with him. Have laughs with him. That's what connects. And when he's talking, you're going to do what?

[Amy]

Be quiet.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. And you're just going to listen.

[Amy]

He doesn't very. He doesn't talk very much, which Is why.

[Dr. Laura]

I wonder why. I wonder why I have met people like girlfriends or what have you. You know, you're going to establish a friendship, yes or no? And I'll find that whenever I start talking, they get, you know. And then I just shut up. I did that on a TV show once in the beginning of my career. They had four of us on a dais, and these three people were just. And during the break, the producer comes over and says, why aren't you talking? I said, because I don't compete. If somebody wants to know something from me, ask me. They're willing to yap. I'm good with that. He was so frustrated because, you know, they expect this competition for yapping, cutting each other off, that kind of thing. It's not my nature. Except if I'm talking to you, then I cut you off. But that's different.

[Amy]

Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. I'll put this in practice tonight.

[Dr. Laura]

You are going to call me next week and tell me I'm a genius.

[Amy]

Okay, I'll do it. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. Have fun. He's your man. Have fun with him.

[Amy]

Yeah. Now I'm realizing how much of an idiot I was to. To, like, put him in the corner with, like, why aren't you talking? That's so stupid of me.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, I understand that. That's why it's good to call me. It doesn't cost you anything. You get straightened out. You go back, jump in the pool. Go for it.

[Amy]

Yeah. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Have fun, Amy. Fun, fun, Fun. My number, 1-800-375-2872. I'm going to take a break. You want to call me and have fun, fun, fun. A lot of times people are bored is because they're being boring. I know the only times I'm bored is when I'm not proactively doing something and I'm bored. But the point is, it's up to me. I want to be unbored, get off my ass and do something. Do something. Call someone, play with the dog. Then I'm not bored. It's proactive from you. That creates your state of mind. That's not boring or bored. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.