Missy's Husband Says He's Too Ticklish For Sex

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode: Missy's Husband Says He's Too Ticklish For Sex
Date: September 18, 2025

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Overview of the Episode

This episode centers around Missy, a long-married listener who seeks Dr. Laura’s candid advice about a lack of intimacy in her 24-year marriage. Missy shares her frustration about her husband's persistent avoidance of physical closeness, blaming extreme ticklishness. The episode unpacks her feelings, her options, and Dr. Laura’s signature no-nonsense path to clarity and acceptance.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Missy’s Situation and Emotional State

• Missy introduces herself as married to a “great man” for 24 years, but reveals that they haven’t been intimate for a decade due to his ticklishness.
  • Missy: “We haven't had intimacy for 10 years and I'm so tired of him saying I'm ticklish every time you touch me.” [02:28]
• Dr. Laura challenges the characterization of “great man,” probing the distinction between “nice” and “great.”
  • Dr. Laura: “That makes him a nice man. A great man. I don't think that qualifies, but okay, he's a… great dude. We'll put it that way.” [02:14]
• Missy admits they are empty nesters and she feels lonely and angry, struggling with the absence of connection and open communication.

2. Exploring Missy’s Options

• Dr. Laura asks Missy what she thinks her options are.
  • Dr. Laura: “Let's talk about what you believe your options are.” [03:04]
• Missy reflects that she could just continue “letting it go” as she has for 10 years. However, she’s feeling increasingly resentful.
  • Missy: "I'm finding myself very mad about it often." [03:55]
• Dr. Laura reframes the issue: The “ticklishness” is likely an excuse masking a deeper lack of desire for intimacy, and Missy must now decide if the remainder of her life with this arrangement is worth the tradeoff.

3. The Tradeoff: Companionship Without Intimacy

• Dr. Laura pushes Missy to make a clear choice—stay and accept the situation, or leave.
  • Dr. Laura: “If you want to stay with him, you have to stop with the anger and just in your mind, it's a trade off. You're not physically intimate at all. No hugging, kissing, touching. … Is the financial and the companionship and the being nice to you sufficient? That's a yes, no question.” [07:49]
• Missy hesitates, saying she’s not dependent on him but is pressed for a direct answer.
  • Dr. Laura: “I'm only accepting... yes or no. One of the reasons people go on screwing up their lives is they don't look at things clearly one piece at a time. … The difference between what you’re doing and I’m doing is: you’re probably going to stay, but you’re going to be bitchy until the end. I’m suggesting that you stay and find a way to enjoy what you do get.” [08:24, 08:34]

4. Acceptance and Practical Advice

• Missy opens up about her difficulty in actually reaching acceptance, despite intellectually understanding the tradeoff.
  • Missy: “It's just I'm trying to figure out how to get there.” [09:46]
• Dr. Laura responds with her trademark bluntness:
  • Dr. Laura: “You accept that you're making a bargain. ... Once you make that decision, you're not angry anymore.” [09:54–10:34]
• The conversation wraps up with Dr. Laura delivering direct, practical advice:
  • Dr. Laura: "And get a vibrator." [10:37]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On defining the relationship:
  • Dr. Laura: “That makes him a nice man. A great man. I don't think that qualifies, but okay, he's a… great dude.” [02:14]
• On the reality of Missy's options:
  • Dr. Laura: “You could have 20 years like this. But he's nice to you, so maybe that's enough.” [03:28]
• Direct push for clarity:
  • Dr. Laura: “Sweetheart, sweetheart. That's a yes, no question. ... I'm only accepting yes or no. One of the reasons people go on screwing up their lives is they don't look at things clearly one piece at a time.” [08:24–08:34]
• On acceptance and moving forward:
  • Dr. Laura: “You accept that you're making a bargain. The bargain is you have company, you're together … and finances, you're secure. ... Once you make that decision, you're not angry anymore.” [09:54–10:34]
• Parting, practical shot:
  • Dr. Laura: “And get a vibrator.” [10:37]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:45] Missy’s call begins: outlines 24-year marriage, “great man.”
• [02:28] Missy’s complaint: “He’s too ticklish for sex.”
• [03:04] Dr. Laura asks about options.
• [03:55] Missy shares her increasing anger and frustration.
• [07:21] Missy discusses the lack of connection and failed communication.
• [07:40] Dr. Laura reframes the issue: “He doesn’t want it for whatever reason… It’s not going to change, right?”
• [08:24–08:34] The yes/no ultimatum: Dr. Laura presses for clarity.
• [09:54–10:34] Dr. Laura explains acceptance and the psychological trade-off.
• [10:37] Dr. Laura: “And get a vibrator.”

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Summary Tone and Takeaway

With her classic blend of compassion and unyielding realism, Dr. Laura guides Missy to confront the hard truth: unless Missy can accept their marriage as one of practical partnership rather than romantic or physical intimacy, she’ll remain angry and dissatisfied. Dr. Laura urges listeners in similar situations to make clear-eyed choices, avoid self-delusion, and proactively seek personal peace—sometimes with a bit of humor and unmistakable directness.

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This summary captures the full arc of Missy’s call, the central conflict, Dr. Laura’s advice, and provides practical reference points for listeners looking for tough-love wisdom on intimacy and compromise in long-term relationships.

Transcript

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[Caller (Missy)]

Hi there. I was calling Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call. Longtime listener. Just want to see if you can give me some input feedback. I'm married to a great man, celebrating 24 years.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Before you go on, tell me what makes him a great man.

[Caller (Missy)]

He's a good person, he's loyal, he's hard working, very nice to me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Mm.

[Caller (Missy)]

But we.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, that makes him a nice man. A great man. I don't think that qualifies, but okay, he's a. He's a great dude. We'll put it that way. All right, so what's the problem with this great dude?

[Caller (Missy)]

So the, the problem is he says, I'm ticklish every time you touch me. I don't. I can't touch him. And I. We haven't had intimacy for 10 years and I'm so tired of him saying I'm ticklish every time he touched me. I'm ticklish. I try to flirt and it just doesn't work. And I'm just like, tired of this. I don't know what to do. We're empty nesters. It's not like we have.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What do you think? What do you think are the. I'm sorry, what did you just say about home?

[Caller (Missy)]

We are empty nesters.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, what do you think the options are? Let's talk about what you believe your options are.

[Caller (Missy)]

Just let it go for. I have for 10 years, so why not longer?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller (Missy)]

It'S something maybe I want so that we feel connected, but it doesn't seem like it's something she wants.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, but I'm asking you what your options are. You said accurately, one of your options is just to live with it till you die or he dies. That is an option. At 58, that's a lot of years. Yeah, at 58, that's a lot of Years. You could have 20 years like this. But he's nice to you, so maybe that's enough.

[Caller (Missy)]

I'm finding myself very mad about it often.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't know what that means.

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[Caller (Missy)]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller (Missy)]

No, that's true.

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[Caller (Missy)]

Well, I'm. I'm angry because we don't seem to connect and share anything. And if ever I want to talk about that, I think he feels like there's a miscommunication with me. I should just. Well, he doesn't drop it and it's never going to talk about it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

He doesn't want to talk about sex. He doesn't approach you. So he doesn't want it for whatever reason. I don't know what his reason is, but he doesn't want it.

[Caller (Missy)]

Won't tell me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Can you? Yeah, I understand. I understand that. Which means it's not going to change, right? So if you want to stay with him, you have to stop with the anger and just in your mind, it's a trade off. You're not physically intimate at all. No hugging, kissing, touching. He doesn't want any of that. So is the financial and the companionship and the being nice to you sufficient? That's a yes, no question.

[Caller (Missy)]

Yeah. Good. Yeah. I'm not depending on him.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart. That's a yes, no question. Your turn. Yes. No.

[Caller (Missy)]

Yes, you're right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

About what? It was a question. My question is, is the companionship, the financial stability and that he's basically nice to you? Except when you bring this up, is it sufficient for you to stop the anger and enjoy what you can. That's a yes. No question. Can you do that? I'm going to have to be willing to do that. Yes or no? No, no, no, no. I am only accepting the reason I'm being a bitch about yes or no is one of the reasons people go on screwing up their lives is they don't look at things clearly one piece at a time. They go, yeah, but this, yeah, but that. But I've talked to him and everything, so you don't have to make up your mind. Now, the difference between what you're doing and I'm doing is you're probably going to stay, but you're going to be bitchy until the end. I'm suggesting that you stay and find a way to enjoy what you do.

[Caller (Missy)]

Get.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It My way, you're happier than your way. Your way is to stay and be miserable. My way is to realize it's a trade off.

[Caller (Missy)]

Yeah, I had come to that conclusion myself. It's just I'm trying to figure out how to get there. It's like that break and I just.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Told you how to get there. You accept that you're making a bargain. The bargain is you have company, you're together with the kids for the next 20, 30 years, and finances, you're secure.

[Caller (Missy)]

Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So you tell yourself, that's a bargain I'm willing to make. I'm willing to give up the sex and the physical intimacy in order to keep these other things. Once you make that decision, you're not angry anymore.

[Caller (Missy)]

Got it?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And get a vibrator.

[Caller (Missy)]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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