Mistakes Are Meant to Teach Us Something

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Mistakes Are Meant to Teach Us Something"

Release Date: June 5, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Mistakes Are Meant to Teach Us Something," Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into the profound lessons that personal mistakes can impart. Through candid conversations with callers, Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility, ethical decision-making, and the courage to make transformative life changes.

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Caller’s Unhealthy Marriage: A 30-Year Struggle

The episode opens with a heartfelt call from Linda, a 59-year-old woman reflecting on her three-decade-long marriage. Linda describes her relationship as increasingly unhealthy, dominated by her husband's drug addiction, inability to maintain employment, and severely low self-esteem. These issues culminated in emotional abuse, leaving Linda feeling silenced and mentally drained.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura: “She didn't ask you that. … What made it unhealthy?” [00:57]

Linda shares that her counselor acknowledged the severity of her situation, suggesting that leaving was crucial for her mental well-being.

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Dr. Laura’s Emphasis on Personal Responsibility

Dr. Laura challenges Linda to introspect deeply about the reasons behind her prolonged stay in the detrimental marriage. She critiques the notion of lifelong vows that trap individuals in harmful relationships, regardless of the circumstances.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura: “Don't throw, I want to. Don't throw the Bible, God your vows at me, okay? Because I don't think any of that supports a man or a woman being in a very unhealthy [marriage].” [02:50]

Dr. Laura underscores the importance of not using marital vows as a shield against making necessary life changes. She presses Linda to acknowledge her role in sustaining the unhealthy relationship and the subsequent impact on her and her children.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura: “You need to take responsibility for that. And you're not with all the therapy, you're still a blamer.” [06:57]

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Reflection on the Past and Moving Forward

Linda concedes that she did "piss away" significant portions of her life but attributes some of this to loyalty and fear. Dr. Laura points out the inconsiderate consequences of prolonged unhappiness, especially concerning the well-being of her children.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura: “Why are you laughing? That's two children you brought into this mess. On purpose?” [04:35]

However, as the conversation unfolds, Linda begins to recognize her responsibility in the matter, acknowledging that leaving earlier would have been beneficial.

Notable Quote:
Caller (Linda): “I did take responsibility. That I should have left long time.” [07:19]

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Advice on New Relationships and Commitment Fears

Transitioning from past experiences, Linda seeks guidance on her current relationship dynamics. She has been dating a man for over four years but expresses hesitation about taking the next step toward marriage. Her fear stems from past experiences where significant time was invested without fulfilling commitments, leading to emotional scars.

Notable Quote:
Caller (Linda): “How do you feel about older couples not getting married after so many years of dating? Or how do you feel about them living together and all that stuff?” [10:00]

Dr. Laura responds candidly, emphasizing that cohabitation without a marital commitment sets a poor example for children and society. She advocates for "Covenantal commitment"—a deeply rooted and mutually respectful marriage.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura: “Covenantal commitment healthily made with two healthily people.” [10:53]

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Encouraging Personal Growth and Accountability

Dr. Laura encourages Linda to confront her fears by taking personal responsibility and building trust in her own strength and decision-making abilities. She argues that avoiding commitment is a way of deflecting responsibility and hindering personal growth.

Notable Quote:
Dr. Laura: “It's not so much about trusting somebody else. It's about trusting your own strength and intelligence and courage.” [13:07]

Linda agrees, recognizing the need for better communication and accountability in her new relationship. Dr. Laura reinforces the idea that true confidence in oneself can alleviate fears associated with commitment.

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Key Insights and Conclusions

• Personal Responsibility: Dr. Laura consistently emphasizes that individuals must take responsibility for their life choices, especially in relationships. Avoiding blame shifts power away from oneself and impedes personal growth.

• Commitment Over Cohabitation: The podcast advocates for the importance of formalizing relationships through marriage to demonstrate commitment, responsibility, and serve as role models for future generations.

• Overcoming Fear: Confronting and overcoming fears related to past negative experiences is crucial for building healthy future relationships. Trusting in one's own judgment and strength is essential.

• Impact on Children: Prolonged exposure to unhealthy relationships can have detrimental effects on children, underscoring the necessity for parents to model healthy relationship behaviors.

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Final Thoughts

In "Mistakes Are Meant to Teach Us Something," Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides a compelling narrative on the significance of learning from past relationship mistakes. Through Linda’s story, listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own lives, take accountability for their decisions, and strive toward healthier, more responsible relationships. The episode serves as a powerful reminder that while mistakes are inevitable, they are also invaluable lessons guiding us toward a more fulfilling and ethical life.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on SiriusX. Linda, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi.

[Caller]

Hi. I, I was just wondering. I was married for 30 years. I'm 59 years old, was in a very unhealthy relationship. I.

[Dr. Laura]

What made it unhealthy? What made it unhealthy?

[Caller]

He, he got addicted to drugs. He couldn't hold a job and his self esteem was so low. He just always like talked poor poorly to me to a point that I couldn't even speak. Like at the end of our relationship, I couldn't even talk in a full sentence. I basically was, I think my counselor at that time who said I probably wouldn't be here right now if I didn't leave them because of how mentally.

[Dr. Laura]

Counselor ever asked you what took you 30 years?

[Caller]

She was waiting a long time.

[Dr. Laura]

No, I'm asking, did the therapist say why did you stay with this situation for 30 years and waste your life and cause your mental decline? She didn't ask you that.

[Caller]

You know, she would ask me like, why, why, why are you with them? You know, questions like, well, I'll ask you.

[Dr. Laura]

It was unpleasant, uncomfortable, really bad. He was a loser. I heard the little spritz of compassion. We just had low self esteem. But I want to know why a grown woman who has a lifespan that has an end point, meaning dead, wasted, 30 years of your life. Please, I'm interested in your answer. I really am.

[Caller]

Let's see. I, you know, you know, I think when I get married, it's for a lifetime.

[Dr. Laura]

That was not, that's not an answer.

[Caller]

But the.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, that's like somebody saying, I promised I'd stand in line. Now that man is shooting everybody who stands in line. But I have to stand in line because I promised, I said I would. So don't throw, I want to. Don't throw the Bible, God your vows at me, okay? Because I don't think any of that supports a man or a woman being in a very unhealthy.

[Caller]

It was very unhealthy. And I think it just never clicked to me. Like I was just very loyal. And then, honestly, I started listening to podcasts and it just.

[Dr. Laura]

Loyal to what? He. Too quiet for a moment, please. He took vows, too. And he breached them.

[Caller]

He did all of them.

[Dr. Laura]

Just about all of them. So when you say it didn't click and that you were respecting your vows, that makes no sense to me. You were staring every day right in the face of somebody who blew out all the vows to love, honor, cherish, take care of you. He didn't do any of that.

[Caller]

No, he didn't.

[Dr. Laura]

So don't tell me it took time to click. This is going to be a deeper answer than you're typically willing to give, so I'd just like you to spend a few moments trying to make rational sense of a woman taking about a third of her life and pissing it away.

[Caller]

I did piss it away. We had children. I.

[Dr. Laura]

And you had sex with him and made more than one child. Go figure.

[Caller]

Well, we made one child. The other one we adopted. But.

[Dr. Laura]

Why are you laughing? That's two children you brought into this mess. On purpose?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Holy cow.

[Caller]

On purpose.

[Dr. Laura]

Are you gonna take no responsibility at all because I said what made this? You started your call with sort of. It was an unpleasant marriage. I asked you what made it unpleasant.

[Caller]

Right?

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[Caller]

Too many to say here.

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[Dr. Laura]

And you immediately said he.

[Caller]

I was afraid to leave. I, I don't know if that's the question you.

[Dr. Laura]

No, this is just all the typical psychobabble stuff. Without taking any responsibility, you made decisions that hurt two other children and yourself and other people who were supporting you. You need to take responsibility for that. And you're not with all the therapy, you're still a blamer.

[Caller]

I did take responsibility. That I should have left long time.

[Dr. Laura]

30 years later is not taking responsibility. No, no. And we're doing this on radio. And the reason I'm struggling real hard to make sense out of this is there are young women, middle aged women, older women listening who are wondering what they're doing and would they do this and this is a learning experience for them. So putting that aside for a moment. Putting that aside for a moment because I don't think you're going to make any progress in that answering that question department. What did you call about? How could I help you today? What was your issue you wanted to bring up?

[Caller]

Well, it seems mild compared to what we were just talking about. And I do realize I should have gotten out of the marriage earlier.

[Dr. Laura]

Before you brought two kids into it. Yes.

[Caller]

He wasn't, he was doing the drugs or anything like that at that time.

[Dr. Laura]

Or so it was the last 20 minutes of the marriage.

[Caller]

Say that again. It was probably the last 10 years. 10, 15 years of our marriage. Yeah, probably 15 when he lost his first job. Yeah. So my kids were like in middle school and stuff like that.

[Dr. Laura]

Got it. So your story is that for half the marriage he was wonderful.

[Caller]

I wouldn't say wonderful, but I would say we got along. We had a good. We were half a. Somewhat happy. We got along. We went on vacation.

[Dr. Laura]

Somewhat happy. Somewhat happy and good. I'm trying to make sense out of that. Would you go back and do those first 15 years again?

[Caller]

Yes, I would do the first 10.

[Dr. Laura]

First 10. So now we're getting. Yeah. First hand. It gets smaller. Okay. What was your question for today? First. Well now what was your question for today?

[Caller]

I just want to. I'm in a new relationship right now. I've been dating the guy for over 4 years and I was just wondering that I'm at the third part of my third. Third part of my life. How do you feel about like I.

[Dr. Laura]

Know when you're sorry, you haven't finished a sentence yet. Could you take a breath, think of one sentence?

[Caller]

How do you feel about older couples not getting married after so many years of dating? Or how do you feel about them living together and all that stuff? That's.

[Dr. Laura]

So you're new to my. So you're new to my program.

[Caller]

No, I've actually listened to you a lot.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you're shacking up, which is not being a good role model. Okay. If you're shacking up, it's not being a good role model for your children or for society.

[Caller]

Okay. Okay. So you would say the only way to live together is if. If you're married.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes.

[Caller]

Okay. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Covenantal commitment healthily made with two healthily people.

[Caller]

Yes. Well, I don't know where. I think both of us are afraid to pull the trigger, to then stay.

[Dr. Laura]

Separate and just date and have fun. If neither one of you.

[Caller]

And we are. That's that. That's what we're doing. And I feel guilty about not saying sorry.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. When two people say they're too afraid, those are two people who freaking blamed somebody else for the stupidity they lived in. Because if either. Each one of you said it was my responsibility to note these things, to make good decisions, and I made a mistake, I got in a bad situation and I did something about it, that's not a person who's afraid to have a new relationship. So you and your boyfriend are both blaming your spouses. Proof that what I'm saying is true is because you don't want to pull the trigger because you're afraid you'll get hurt the same way, as though you had no power and control over what happened.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

See, now if you admit your responsibility, he admits his responsibility, you both do the emotional psychological work to remedy how you think and, or make decisions or communicate, then you wouldn't be afraid because you could count on yourself.

[Caller]

I agree with that.

[Dr. Laura]

You know, you'd make a good decision and then you'd find out. And if I made a good decision, but it took a left hand turn, I would know immediately and handle it.

[Caller]

Yes, Yes, I agree with that. The communication I definitely need more of. Well, thank you, Dr. Laura. I think you gave me a lot to think of from before and I do take responsibility of a lot of it.

[Dr. Laura]

I didn't hear you cover any of that, so that's some work you need to do. Proof you're afraid to pull the trigger again. You know, it's not so much about trusting somebody else. It's about trusting your own strength and intelligence and courage. If you don't trust that, then you won't pull the trigger again. And you'll give all kinds of excuses. It's just a piece of paper. And the nonsense people do to deflect it doesn't really mean anything. Sure it does. That's why you're avoiding it. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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