Moving Apart or Moving Together?

Summary

Summary of "Moving Apart or Moving Together?" Episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Release Date: January 31, 2025

In this insightful episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, host Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages in a heartfelt discussion with a caller facing a significant family dilemma. The conversation delves into the complexities of balancing familial responsibilities, personal desires, and maintaining long-standing traditions. Below is a detailed summary capturing the key points, discussions, insights, and conclusions from the episode.

---

1. Introduction to the Caller’s Dilemma

At [00:44], a concerned caller reaches out to Dr. Laura seeking advice on a challenging family situation. The caller outlines his predicament:

• Marital Stability: Happily married for 45 years.
• Family Obligations: Grandson diagnosed with autism requires special attention.
• Geographical Constraints: His daughter and son-in-law live four hours away on a 190-acre family farm, making them the last remaining family members at the property.
• Current Living Arrangements: His wife stays near their grandson during the week to assist with his care and travels back to the farm on weekends, leading to significant fatigue.
• Conflict: The wife wishes to relocate permanently closer to their grandson to alleviate the strain of travel, while the caller is reluctant to leave the family farm.

---

2. Dr. Laura’s Initial Response and Recommendations

Dr. Laura acknowledges the complexity of the situation and offers pragmatic suggestions to address the immediate challenges:

• Enhancing Rest and Self-Care: At [01:56], Dr. Laura advises the wife to improve her rest regimen to manage the demanding travel schedule better. She suggests practical measures such as taking naps and engaging in regular exercise to mitigate fatigue.

  "She's got to get some more rest during the week so the ride back and forth won't tire her out anymore." — Dr. Laura [01:56]

• Optimizing Existing Arrangements: She emphasizes making the current arrangement more sustainable rather than immediately opting for a move.

  "If you're not leaving the farm and she's determined to do this, then we have to help her do it better." — Dr. Laura [02:16]

---

3. Exploring Potential Solutions and Alternatives

As the conversation progresses, Dr. Laura explores various alternatives to facilitate a balanced resolution:

• Flexibility in Living Arrangements: She suggests negotiating a compromise where the wife could spend part of the week closer to their grandson and the remaining time at the farm, reducing the overall travel burden.

  "Maybe she'll stay only four days and then drive and have three days back on the farm." — Dr. Laura [04:26]

• Involvement of Other Family Members: Dr. Laura proposes the possibility of other family members moving closer to the farm or the grandson to share the responsibilities.

• Emphasizing Personal Decision-Making: She stresses the importance of the caller making an independent, heartfelt decision without feeling coerced.

  "You can't look to anybody else for an answer. I can't. You have to decide." — Dr. Laura [03:31]

---

4. Importance of Upholding Family Traditions vs. Immediate Needs

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around the caller’s attachment to the family farm and the emotional weight of potentially abandoning a multi-generational legacy:

• Valuing Heritage: Dr. Laura encourages the caller to reflect deeply on what the farm represents and whether he is willing to part with it for the sake of familial obligations.

  "Are you really willing to give it up? That would be the first step, sir." — Dr. Laura [04:34]

• Avoiding Future Resentment: She warns against making hasty decisions that could lead to regrets in the future, urging the caller to remain steadfast in his values if the farm holds significant sentimental value.

---

5. Maintaining Marital Harmony Amidst Challenges

The conversation also touches upon sustaining a healthy marriage despite differing priorities:

• Respecting Each Other’s Desires: Dr. Laura acknowledges that having differing desires does not necessarily indicate problems in the marriage but requires open communication and mutual respect.

  "You could have a very good marriage and have a woman who really wants what she wants." — Dr. Laura [08:26]

• Collaborative Decision-Making: She underscores the necessity for both partners to engage in honest dialogue to navigate their conflicting needs and aspirations effectively.

---

6. Concluding Insights and Key Takeaways

In wrapping up the discussion, Dr. Laura reiterates the essential steps the caller must take to reach a resolution:

• Self-Reflection: Encourage the caller to be true to his desires regarding the family farm independently of external pressures.

  "Be true to what you want with the farm. That's the first decision and keep that separate from everything else." — Dr. Laura [08:09]

• Structured Negotiation: Once his position on the farm is clear, they can explore feasible negotiations and alternatives to balance both parties' needs without compromising the family's legacy.

• Avoidance of Overextension: Dr. Laura advises against spreading responsibilities too thin, which can lead to further complications and emotional strain.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "She's got to get some more rest during the week so the ride back and forth won't tire her out anymore." — Dr. Laura [01:56]
• "You can't look to anybody else for an answer. I can't. You have to decide." — Dr. Laura [03:31]
• "Are you really willing to give it up? That would be the first step, sir." — Dr. Laura [04:34]
• "You could have a very good marriage and have a woman who really wants what she wants." — Dr. Laura [08:26]
• "Be true to what you want with the farm. That's the first decision and keep that separate from everything else." — Dr. Laura [08:09]

---

Conclusion

This episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day offers a poignant exploration of the delicate balance between familial obligations and personal commitments. Dr. Laura Schlessinger adeptly guides the caller through introspection and practical solutions, emphasizing the importance of honesty, self-respect, and thoughtful decision-making in preserving both family bonds and cherished traditions.

Listeners grappling with similar challenges will find Dr. Laura’s advice invaluable in navigating the complexities of family dynamics, ensuring that decisions are made with integrity and compassion.

---

Note: For more advice and insightful discussions, tune into Dr. Laura Call of the Day on SiriusXM Triumph 111 or visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member.

Transcript

[Advertiser]

If you have a locked AT and T phone, we're here with bolt cutters. T Mobile will help pay off your locked phone and give you a new 5G phone for free. All on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com carrierfreedom via virtual prepaid MasterCard in 15 days. Free phone up to $830 via 24 monthly bill credits plus tax and a $10 device connection charge. Qualifying port and trade in service on Go 5G next and credit required. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue bill credits or credit stop and balance on required finance agreements. Do you have bill credits and if you pay off devices early thanks for.

[Dr. Laura]

Listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111 John welcome to the program.

[Caller]

How are you this morning? Good. Got a little dilemma here that I have maybe wanted to kind of get your insight. Happily married 45 years. We have an autistic 3 year old grandson and my daughter and her husband live basically four hours from where we live. We have 190 acres of family farm and basically the last people alive from our family for this place. And my wife wants to of course move where my grandson is and currently she's staying there during the week to pick him up from baby school and during the weeks and then she comes home on the weekends and of course it's wearing her out and so she's wanting to move there and of course I'm not wanting to leave what we have.

[Dr. Laura]

Well then she's got to get some more rest during the week so the ride back and forth won't tire her out anymore. Tell her to take more naps. Could have been earlier. Do some exercise. I mean if you're not leaving the farm and she's determined to do this, then we have to help her do it better.

[Caller]

Okay, that sounded too easy.

[Dr. Laura]

So help her do it better, right? Give her some advice and suggestions about naps and walks and having calm calm which is basically magnesium and put that in her tea at night. Or water and rest, get more rest because you're not leaving the farm. I got that you two have different and that's the only way I can see to work it out.

[Caller]

Right? And of course I didn't say that I'm not leaving the farm, I just didn't want to.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh well, as long as you don't want to, you won't probably.

[Caller]

Right. And I had just about assigned myself to the fact that I was probably going to. To have to or. Because I too, want to be around my grandson. I just hate to leave where we're at.

[Dr. Laura]

You can't look to anybody else for an answer.

[Caller]

Oh, absolutely Right.

[Dr. Laura]

I can't. You have to decide. You could always ask them to move closer to you. Maybe they can live on the farm. It's enough acres so you could talk to them about living on the farm.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

If you don't want to give it up, don't give up. I don't want you to go to your deathbed really pissed off that you gave that up when it's been in the family forever. If that's not acceptable, don't let yourself be intimidated, frankly.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

So maybe the kids will move up. Maybe she'll learn how to make the travel. Maybe she'll stay only four days and then drive and have three days back on the farm. So first thing you have to do is be true to yourself. Don't feel manipulated or threatened or ultimatumed. Decide. This has been in the family forever. Are you really willing to give it up?

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

That would be the first step, sir. That's going to be. You don't have to answer to me now. It's not my business. But I'm just telling you how I think you ought to go about it. First, make that decision separate from everything else. Because once we eliminate that as an option, then we look at her spending less time over there or them moving or her learning how to get more rest. Let's be real. Doing laundry stinks. Except the folding. I actually find that pretty meditative. But those heavy detergent jugs that spill and all those chemicals, you don't really need. No, thank you. Earth Breeze has changed the game with their detergent sheets. It's like a dryer sheet, but for your washer. Just toss in an Earth Breeze laundry sheet, walk away, you get a powerful clean without the unnecessary chemicals. It's hypoallergenic, so no irritation or itching. Earth Breeze is all about making life easier. And they do so by keeping things simple. So here's the deal. Go to earthbreeze.com drlaura for 40% off with your subscription. If you don't love it, they'll give you your money back, no questions asked. Just go to earthbreeze.com DrLora if you want 40% off with your subscription. Once you try Earth Breeze, you'll never go back. See for yourself. Have a spouse who travels a lot, a new driver in the family, a kid in college. When you turn on Life360, you can turn down the worry. Life360 is a location sharing app that lets you locate anyone in your family. You'll know when they're on their way or safely at their designated location and you'll have peace of mind with Life360's roadside and emergency response programs. For things that don't drive themselves, there's Life 360 Bluetooth Tile trackers. I've got the cutest pink punch colored tile hooked to Lily's collar. Tiles attach to all kinds of things like bikes, keys, remote controls so you can avoid the drama of lost and stolen stuff. The newest tiles have a longer range, a louder ring and SOS button that can send emergency alerts. It does everything. Stay connected to all you love with Life 360. Visit life360.com or download the app today and use the code Dr. Laura to get 15 off. That's life360.com code Dr. Laura.

[Advertiser]

Sometimes the most painful part of getting sick is the getting better part. Waiting on hold for an appointment, sitting in crowded waiting rooms, standing in line at the pharmacy. That's painful. Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy remove these painful parts of getting better with things like 247 virtual visits and prescriptions delivered to your door. Thanks to Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy Healthcare just got less painful.

[Dr. Laura]

Always so fresh, delicious and nutritious. Eglin's best eggs fuel the body with 6 times more vitamin D, 10 times more vitamin E, and 25% less saturated fat compared to ordinary eggs. Visit eglinsbest.com to learn more.

[Caller]

Right. Okay. And we have a very good marriage.

[Dr. Laura]

I didn't ask you that. I didn't. I'm sure you did. Do whatever. That's not relevant. How to make this decision is the important part right?

[Caller]

No. The only reason I said that was because when you were talking about the manipulation and that type thing and being pressured and that type thing, that's the only reason I said that. But.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, I. That doesn't preclude. You could have a very good marriage and have a woman who really wants what she wants.

[Caller]

Oh, absolutely.

[Dr. Laura]

Right. So I didn't say she was a bad woman, bad wife, bad marriage. She wants what she wants. And if you don't want the same thing, then you've got to find some alternative conclusion.

[Caller]

Right. Okay. Okay. Well, I appreciate your insight and that's what I had called for. I appreciate that.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. The first thing is be true to what you want with the farm. That's the first decision and keep that separate from everything else, then we can work on negotiations and alternatives. But if we're just going to keep all the balls in the air, then it just gets Sloppy. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[Advertiser]

Sometimes the most painful part of getting sick is the getting better part. Waiting on hold for an appointment, sitting in crowded waiting rooms, Standing in line at the pharmacy that's painful. Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy remove these painful parts of getting better with things like 247 virtual visits and prescriptions delivered to your door. Thanks to Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy. Healthcare just got less painful.