Moving on From a Friendship

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode Title: Moving on From a Friendship
Date: June 28, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Gina

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura responds to a call from Gina, a longtime listener grappling with the complex feelings of longing and loss after drift in a decades-old friendship. The main theme centers on how to process the ending (or fundamental alteration) of longstanding friendships, accepting emotional responses as normal, and exploring opportunities for new, fulfilling connections later in life. Dr. Laura shares candid, compassionate, and humorous insights into friendship, nostalgia, and personal growth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Gina’s Story & Emotional Dilemma

• Background:
  • Gina, 57, was very close to a childhood friend due to shared difficult family backgrounds.
  • In their 30s, values diverged, leading to a gradual distancing; they maintained minimal, twice-yearly contact (holiday cards, occasional calls).
  • Recently, the friend called about her divorce and upcoming dating situation, but declined Gina’s offers to reconnect.
• Gina’s feelings: She understands intellectually why the friendship can’t return to what it was, but struggles emotionally:
  • Quote: “Rationally, I know this can never be what it was... but yet I have a hard time totally separating from this and getting her out of my mind and still sort of longing for that friendship.” (02:16)

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2. Dr. Laura’s Analysis: Normalizing Longing & Nostalgia

• Acceptance of Missing the Past:
  • Dr. Laura affirms it’s perfectly normal to occasionally long for what was:
    • Quote: “There’s nothing abnormal, unhealthy, psychiatrically nuts about that. If every now and then you long for what was, I call that normal.” (03:40)
  • Suggests not pathologizing nostalgia, and resists the urge to “fix normal.”
• Periodicity of Longing:
  • Gently points out this longing was absent in previous years of sparse contact; challenges Gina to identify what makes the current situation feel different.

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3. Getting to the Root: Needs Change Over Time

• Dr. Laura’s questioning:
  • Asks why Gina didn’t feel this longing during years with only minimal contact.
  • Gina admits she thought maybe her friend needed her, which Dr. Laura lightheartedly rejects as the true cause:
    • Memorable Moment: “Let me get out my violin. Oh, please, that—I refuse to accept that as an answer.” (05:06)
• Identifying the True Need:
  • Dr. Laura observes that, with age, our needs for closeness and support can grow or change, and relationships naturally evolve:
    • “Now that you’re an old broad of almost 60, you have a lot of stuff on your mind. The memory of being 25 and having a close buddy is so warm and cozy. I get it. Life changes.” (08:43)

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4. Evolving Friendships & Seeking New Connections

• Host’s Personal Experience:
  • Dr. Laura shares her own story of a deep, decades-long friendship with a Boston-based dentist whom she’s not seen in decades, yet with whom she enjoys deep connection based on trust and openness (09:43–10:48):
    • Quote: “We’re completely trusting and open with each other. We talk about everything. We don’t pull punches. And we both like that.”
• Advice for Gina:
  • Encourages Gina to look at her current circle: There may be someone she can be more open and trusting with, if she lets herself.
    • “Maybe you need to do that and not just reminisce over two young women who were just silly.” (11:01)
  • Asks Gina directly if anyone came to mind—Gina says yes.
    • Directive: “That’s what I want you to turn toward.” (11:29)
  • Urges Gina to invest energy in deepening present-day connections rather than only mourning the past.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura on the Normalcy of Nostalgia:
  “There’s nothing abnormal, unhealthy, psychiatrically nuts about that. If every now and then you long for what was, I call that normal.” – Dr. Laura (03:40)
• Gina on Struggling to Let Go:
  “I have a hard time totally separating from this and getting her out of my mind and still sort of longing for that friendship.” – Gina (02:16)
• Dr. Laura’s Humor:
  “Let me get out my violin. Oh, please, that—I refuse to accept that as an answer.” – Dr. Laura (05:06) “Now that you’re an old broad of almost 60, you have a lot of stuff on your mind...” – Dr. Laura (08:43) “God, I’m going to look like a Shar Pei at 100. I don’t know.” – Dr. Laura (11:49)
• On Friendship Depth:
  “Maybe you need to do that and not just reminisce over two young women who were just silly.” – Dr. Laura (11:01)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:40] Gina introduces herself, explains history with friend.
• [03:38] Dr. Laura normalizes longing for the past.
• [04:32–05:06] Dr. Laura probes: Why is longing different now?
• [08:08] Discussion about current need for closeness.
• [09:43–10:48] Dr. Laura shares her own friendship experience.
• [11:19–11:29] Guidance: Seek out a current connection for deeper openness.

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Tone & Closing Remarks

The episode is marked by Dr. Laura’s trademark blend of empathy, directness, and humor. She offers validation for Gina’s feelings while nudging her toward self-reflection and personal action. The emphasis is on embracing the natural waves of nostalgia but also daring to seek new, meaningful connections.

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Summary Takeaway:
It’s normal to miss old friendships—especially those forged in youth—but instead of being stuck in longing, it’s healthy to honestly assess your needs and look for opportunities to build new, enriching relationships as your life evolves.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you so much. Hi.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

First, I want to say I'm a longtime listener, first time caller. I'm very nervous. I wanted to let you know you're the reason I became a stay at home mom.

[A]

Oh, now you made my day.

[C]

Go ahead.

[B]

And one of my best parenting moments is when my 21 year old daughter recently came to me and said she's absolutely going to do the same because of the way she was raised. So I, I thank you for that very much.

[C]

Thank you for saying it. Thank you for doing it.

[B]

Yes. So I'm 57 years old and I'm calling about a, I suppose I could call a friend on and off friend I've had since I was 13. We were very close growing up. We didn't both didn't have great home lives. We really helped each other out a lot. So Getting into our 30s, we parted ways because of our differences in values. But we kept in touch maybe twice a year, Christmas cards, a phone call up until recently when she called me to tell me that she was getting a divorce. And she wanted me to know that because she was going to start dating somebody that I knew and she didn't want me to think that she was cheating. So I listened and we got both got emotional and offered to go for a walk and followed up with that a couple times and basically got blown off. Put the ball in her court. And of course I have not heard back from her. So rationally I know this can never be what it was because of, you know, our differences. We were younger then, but yet I have a hard time totally separating from this and getting her out of my mind and still sort of longing for that friendship.

[A]

Okay, that's fine.

[C]

Spend time every now and then longing. There's nothing abnormal, unhealthy, psychiatrically nuts about that. If every now and then you long

[A]

for what was, I call that normal.

[C]

And I make an effort to either

[A]

charge double for fixing normal or realizing

[C]

you can't fix normal.

[B]

Okay, okay, that's it.

[C]

Every now and then it'll occur to you, gee, I really liked what I

[A]

had 30 years ago.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And you can say it out loud to yourself, gee, yeah, 30 years ago, that was really something to miss. And then we spent a lot of years communicating twice a year.

[C]

And that was fine.

[A]

I didn't die from that.

[C]

I didn't spend all my time longing.

[A]

You didn't spend all your time longing

[C]

when you interacted twice a year?

[B]

No.

[A]

So what's different now?

[B]

I guess because.

[A]

Be careful. This is a trick question. All those years ago, you didn't long.

[C]

It was fine. Hearing each other twice a year.

[A]

Why is this different?

[C]

Take your time and think.

[B]

Because I felt like she was reaching out. Because maybe she needed something from me and she needed me.

[C]

Oh, please, please let me get out my violin. Oh, please, that. I refuse to accept that as an answer.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

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[C]

Neither has AZO.

[A]

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[D]

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[A]

I was needed, you weren't needed. The time you only talk to each other twice a year.

[C]

Come on, come on, what's going on in your life? Where do you have an empty space?

[B]

Yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot. I mean, I feel like I'm somebody that has a lot of friends, but yet I have not had that kind of close relationship since I was with her in my 30s.

[A]

Also, when we were younger we had less demands on our lives and less

[C]

demands on each other.

[A]

Now that you're an old broad of almost 60, you have a lot of stuff on your mind. A lot of Things you're responsible for.

[C]

And the memory of being 25 and having a close buddy is so warm and cozy. I get that. I get it. I get it. Life changes. The irony is that as I get older, my friendships are more intense. They weren't. They weren't at all when I was younger.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Which is interesting. We're backwards from each other. It isn't that she need you need. It isn't her need for you. It's your need to have that close a friendship.

[B]

Right.

[C]

That's why it's different today.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So look at some of the people that you have in your life. You know, I've got a friend, and I mention her all the time. She's a dentist in Boston. We haven't seen each other in 20 or more years. 25. We've been friends for 35. We haven't seen each other in person. Nope. Not once. But we communicate. We were talking about it this morning, as a matter of fact. I said, what do you think has

[A]

made our relationship this good, this long?

[C]

We haven't even seen each other's nostrils breathe. And she said, because we're completely trusting and open with each other. We talk about everything, and we don't pull punches. And we both like that. So you have to think that way and then look at the people you have in your life and see if there's someone you might be able to be more open with than you've given credit for.

[B]

Okay, I can do that.

[C]

I had a charity, and she was donating a lot of stuff to charity. I mean, that's how we started connecting with each other. And I was very appreciative, and she was very kind and. And, and.

[A]

But for the longest while, it was

[C]

very sweet on that level. And then we got closer and closer because we trusted each other to say everything on our minds and in our hearts. Okay, maybe you need to do that and not just reminisce over two young women who were just silly.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Did somebody come to mind when I said there may be somebody? Did somebody come to mine?

[B]

Yes, actually.

[C]

Good. Then that's what I want you to turn toward.

[B]

Okay, I will do that.

[C]

Okay, sweetie, I appreciate your call.

[B]

All right, thank you so much. And please continue to do what you're doing as long as you can to your 100. Please. You help so many people.

[C]

God, I'm going to look like a Shar Pei at 100. I don't know.

[A]

1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast, of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[E]

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[A]

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[E]

Inspiration.

[A]

Every time you go to bed with a negative thought, you have to match it up with a positive one.

[E]

That's your new rule, Dr. Laura weekdays at 2pm east on Sirius XM Triumph 123 and on the Sirius XM app.

[A]

As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources

[C]

provided by Lilly it's smart to always

[D]

have a few financial goals and a really smart one. You can set earning cash back on what you buy every day. And with Discover, you can get this Discover automatically matches all the cash back you've earned at the end of your first year. Seriously, all of it. And we trust you to make smart decisions. After all, you listen to this show. See [e-mail] credit card.