My Brother-In-Law Is a Bully

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "My Brother-In-Law Is a Bully"

Overview In this compelling episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," aired on March 31, 2025, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a caller's distressing situation involving her brother-in-law's bullying behavior towards his 20-year-old daughter. The discussion delves deep into the dynamics of familial bullying, personal responsibility, and effective strategies to confront and eliminate such toxic behavior within the family structure.

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The Caller’s Dilemma Caller: Kelly

• Timestamp: 00:46

Kelly reaches out to Dr. Laura seeking guidance on handling her brother-in-law, who has been exhibiting bullying behavior towards his adult daughter during family gatherings. Despite his turbulent childhood, Kelly is concerned that his past is being used to excuse his present actions. She describes a pattern where he belittles his daughter by criticizing her lifestyle choices, calling her lazy, and urging her to move out of the family home.

Key Points:

• Frequency of Incidents: The bullying has been a recurring issue over the last five to six family gatherings.
• Target: The 20-year-old daughter, who is still living under her parents' roof.
• Behavioral Patterns: Verbal abuse focusing on her personal life and choices.

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Dr. Laura’s Response and Advice Timestamp: 01:03 – 06:21

Dr. Laura approaches Kelly's situation with a no-nonsense attitude, emphasizing personal responsibility and accountability. She refuses to let the brother-in-law's traumatic past absolve him of his current behavior, insisting that individuals are responsible for their actions regardless of their history.

Notable Quotes and Insights:

1. On Excluding the Past as an Excuse:

   • "Tell me about this without saying anything about his childhood as though that eliminated his responsibility and ability to behave properly today."
     - Dr. Laura (01:03)
     Dr. Laura underscores the importance of holding individuals accountable, irrespective of their past traumas.

2. On Immediate Confrontation:

   • "Why are you such a nasty son of a bitch? You've been doing this for 20 years. All of you people stand by and let this happen to everybody."
     - Dr. Laura (05:09)
     She emphasizes the necessity of confronting bullying behavior head-on, without waiting or making excuses.

3. Personal Anecdote on Standing Up Against Bullies:

   • Dr. Laura shares a childhood experience where she stood up against a "girl gang," highlighting her lifelong commitment to confronting bullies immediately rather than tolerating their behavior.

4. Advocacy for Zero Tolerance Policies:

   • "Raise your kids not to ever stand by. Defend other people all the time. Defend other people."
     - Dr. Laura (06:21)
     She advocates for teaching children to actively defend themselves and others, ensuring that bullies do not continue their harmful actions.

5. On Empowering Others to Act:

   • "If you brought up all your kids to intervene, how could a bully continue bullying even on the net, all the nice kids close in on that person's address or however, whatever you call it at school."
     - Dr. Laura (06:21)
     Dr. Laura discusses the importance of a collective effort in combating bullying, both in person and online.

Advice Offered:

• Immediate Intervention: Do not tolerate bullying behavior; confront it directly and immediately.
• Empowerment: Encourage family members, especially children, to stand up against bullies to prevent ongoing abuse.
• Responsibility: Hold the perpetrator accountable for their actions, regardless of past traumas or external circumstances.
• Family Unity: Foster a supportive environment where family members defend each other, creating a united front against bullying.

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Conclusion Dr. Laura firmly advocates for a proactive and assertive approach to dealing with bullying within the family. By sharing her personal experiences and emphasizing the importance of accountability, she empowers listeners to take decisive action against toxic behavior. The episode serves as a powerful reminder that allowing bullies to continue their actions unchecked can cause long-term harm, and that standing up for oneself and others is crucial in fostering a healthy and supportive family environment.

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Notable Timestamped Quotes Summary:

• 01:03: "Tell me about this without saying anything about his childhood as though that eliminated his responsibility and ability to behave properly today."
• 05:09: "Why are you such a nasty son of a bitch? You've been doing this for 20 years."
• 06:21: "Raise your kids not to ever stand by. Defend other people all the time."

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This episode of Dr. Laura's podcast provides invaluable insights into addressing and mitigating bullying within families, emphasizing the roles of personal responsibility, immediate confrontation, and collective support in creating a harmonious and respectful household.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Kelly, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Thank you. Dr. Laura. Hi, so I'm calling about a situation that I would like your opinion on. How would you handle this? Because I'm starting to feel complicit in this situation. I have a brother in law who has had a very traumatic childhood and.

[Dr. Laura]

I believe it's quite emotional. Wait, stop. Tell me about this without saying anything about his childhood as though that eliminated his responsibility and ability to behave properly today. So leave that out.

[Caller]

Okay, Okay, I will start all over again.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi Kelly, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hello Dr. Laura, I would like your opinion on how to handle this situation with my brother in law. So when we gather at family gatherings, which is usually when we do see him, we don't have much of a relationship with him outside of family gatherings. He has in the past belittled and berated those attending adults and in that way we've kind of let him say his piece. No one has really reacted to it as of late. He is now doing this to his daughter who is, who is 20. So I guess she is an adult. She's still living under their roof. But he's belittling her. And it happens consecutively, I guess for the last like five, six gatherings we've had. The conversation tends for him to migrate there and he again belittles her, bullies her a little bit. And I'm at the point now where it's like.

[Dr. Laura]

That's your description. That's your description. Yeah, but you're not telling me what he is actually doing. What is he actually.

[Caller]

Okay, so he'll tell her you shouldn't be eating, that you're not doing enough with your life, you're lazy, you get up late, you should move out. Sometimes she'll come back at him and say, like you're not being very nice. I don't like you all the time. And then he'll say, well, I don't like you very much. Why don't you leave?

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[Caller]

I don't think she's mature enough to yet.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh wow. Everybody has an excuse. 17. I graduated from college, went to college. That was it. Didn't go live home. Come on. How mature could I have been then? Yeah, first of all, in my you asked what I would do normally. I never answer that question. However, I think it's relevant here so I will in front of me me and I'm not sure this is correct of me, but I know me in front of me if I heard that I'd be in somebody's face going why are you such a nasty son of a bitch? You've been doing this for 20 years. All of you people stand by and let this happen to everybody. And I think you're all a bunch of weak, spineless jerks to allow him to brutalize everybody because you're all too gutless. I don't know what you're afraid of. He doesn't have $10 million that you're hoping he will leave to you. So I don't know what the motivation is, but I'm not standing by. You're a jerk and you need to leave this house now. Especially if it's my house. If I'm in somebody else's house, I would say that. But I can't get away with it because it's not my house. But I would have taken it on. I always do. I never let anything like that go by in my presence. Never. I'm not built that way. I don't wait years, I'd wait seconds. And I have done that since I was a teeny, tiny, quick story. I'm about 12 and I have this girlfriend. And we're walking outside of school. I remember it vividly, but I don't remember the exact time. And some girls in a girl gang in those days, girl gangs looked tough and had leather jackets and, you know, but it was harmless. Nobody had weapons, nobody got hurt really. It was none of that. It was sort of silly. But girl gang, so they walked around being tough and there was always the leader of the gang and she was a big girl. And I've always been kind of, we'll call it petite. And suddenly, and I don't know what it was about because that the head of the girl little team and my friend must have had a little history because she starts threatening her. An idiot face here. Even at 10 years old, 12 years old, I don't remember. I just remember I was very young. I was scared out of my mind, terrified. But I opened my mouth anyway and I said, don't talk to my friend that way. And this girl gets closer to me, looks down at me. The other girls are sort of closing in. It was like a movie scene. I remember that because I thought maybe I should have. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to do. And she looked down at me and she said, leave this one alone. I like her, she's brave. And they walked away. And I've been that way my whole life. I don't let anybody stand by and get hurt in my presence. So I'm just asking you all to do the same. There be no bullies in school systems. If you all taught your kids, you don't stand by. You don't stand by and take video. Bullies couldn't march on if people didn't close in and say, cut that out. We're reporting you. We're sending this to the police. We're calling 91 1. We're telling your mother now. When I was a kid, that was the worst thing I'm going to tell your mother. Oh, God, I'd rather die. Kill me now. Don't tell my mother. But these days it doesn't matter. Who's your mother? Doesn't matter. So if you brought up all your kids to intervene, how could a bully continue bullying even on the net, all the nice kids close in on that person's address or however, whatever you call it at school. If they all circled and said, no, you can't hurt them. So they keep doing, let's do a class on how you should handle a bully and who was the class directed at the victims or the standby types. Raise your kids not to ever stand by. Got a call from the school. My son was in a fight. He came home and he got in trouble. Zero tolerance to fights. Came home and I said, who started it and who was the problem? This boy A started it on boy B. Okay, and what did A do to B? He hit him, kicked him, pushed him. And then what happened? I hit him. Hey. To stop him. And I said, did you stop him? Did you kind of. And get him down? He goes, oh, yeah. And I said, good. Do you want pizza or Chinese food tonight? Don't worry about getting into trouble on it. My husband went in to deal with the school because he knew if I went in, he'd get in the front page of every newspaper. So he goes, I'll go in and talk to the principal. Yeah. No, you raise your kids to defend other people all the time. Defend other people. No bullies would exist for more than two seconds. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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