My Child Lives in One State, and I Live in Another

Summary

Podcast Summary: "My Child Lives in One State, and I Live in Another"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode Title: My Child Lives in One State, and I Live in Another
• Release Date: June 29, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a complex marital issue presented by a caller named Jason. Jason, a truck driver, seeks advice on managing his marriage, which is strained due to geographical separation and communication challenges.

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Caller Background

• Caller: Jason
• Occupation: Truck Driver
• Marital Status: Six years married (second marriage; his wife is his first)
• Children:
  • Biological Daughter: Lives with her mother in a different state.
  • Stepchildren: Two children from his wife’s previous relationship, living with Jason and his wife.

Jason’s Situation: Jason spends approximately two months on the road and is home for short periods, totaling about a week per year. His biological daughter sees him only during the summertime as part of a 50/50 custody arrangement.

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Issues Discussed

1. Geographical Separation:

   • Jason's Concern: Difficulty in maintaining a strong marital relationship due to his extensive time away for work.
   • Dr. Laura’s Observation (00:02:02): Highlights the unrealistic nature of considering a marriage functional when partners are seldom together.

2. Communication Breakdown:

   • Jason's Complaint: His wife is overly critical, dismissive, and lacks respect for his boundaries, often being too busy to engage meaningfully.
   • Notable Quote (03:30):

     "She doesn't seem to respect my boundaries and is incredibly critical about what." – Jason

3. Emotional Disconnect:

   • Jason's Experience: Feels degraded and belittled by his wife through name-calling and screaming, leading to emotional strain.
   • Dr. Laura’s Reaction (07:16): Expresses disbelief at the severity of the situation, stating,

     "I haven't heard anything this silly in a long time and I'm finding it hard to believe it's real."

4. Lack of Mutual Support:

   • Jason's Insight: Attempts to address relationship issues logically are met with criticism, as his wife is overwhelmed with her own responsibilities.
   • Impact: Creates a cycle where both partners feel isolated and unsupported, exacerbating marital tensions.

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Dr. Laura’s Advice

1. Assessing the Marriage’s Viability:

   • Dr. Laura’s Assessment (07:34):

     "You never feel married."

   • Conclusion: Dr. Laura identifies the marriage as fundamentally flawed due to the lack of emotional connection and mutual presence.

2. Recommendations for Improvement:

   • Strengthening the Relationship:

     "Give her a hug, get a different job and move to where your daughter is." (08:18)

   • Rationale: Emphasizes the need for physical proximity to rebuild the marital bond and fulfill parental responsibilities effectively.

3. Moral Responsibility:

   • Dr. Laura’s Moral Standpoint: Suggests that maintaining such a strained and distant relationship is morally untenable.

     "That's what I think you morally should be doing." (08:16)

4. Final Thoughts:

   • Dr. Laura’s Conclusion: Advises that the current circumstances do not allow for the necessary love, attention, kindness, and warmth essential for a healthy marriage.

     "I think your expectations for calling this a marriage are way out of whack." (07:19)

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Key Takeaways

• Importance of Physical Presence: Proximity is crucial for maintaining and nurturing marital relationships, especially when children are involved.

• Effective Communication: Constructive dialogue without criticism is essential for resolving marital issues.

• Emotional Support: Both partners must feel valued and respected to sustain a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

• Moral Responsibility: Individuals have a duty to ensure their relationships are nurturing and supportive, prioritizing family well-being over personal or professional commitments.

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Conclusion

In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides blunt yet compassionate advice to Jason, highlighting the critical elements necessary for a successful marriage. The conversation underscores the challenges of balancing career demands with familial responsibilities and the paramount importance of communication and mutual respect in sustaining marital harmony.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jason on Boundaries:

  "She doesn't seem to respect my boundaries and is incredibly critical about what." (03:30)

• Dr. Laura on Marital Reality:

  "You never feel married." (07:34)

• Dr. Laura’s Advice:

  "Give her a hug, get a different job and move to where your daughter is." (08:18)

• Dr. Laura's Moral Stance:

  "That's what I think you morally should be doing." (08:16)

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This episode serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities involved in modern marriages, especially those complicated by long-distance living arrangements and blended family dynamics. Dr. Laura’s straightforward approach offers listeners practical insights into assessing and addressing their own relationship challenges.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on SiriusX XM Triumph 111. Jason, welcome to the program.

[Jason]

Hi, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi. What's happening, Jason?

[Jason]

Hi. I'm sorry, I'm really nervous. I don't want to ramble around and I don't want to get the woohoos.

[Dr. Laura]

You don't want to woohoo there. You had two of them. All right, carry on. What can I help you with?

[Jason]

I'm struggling a little bit with my wife. I'm a truck driver. We've been married six years. This is my second marriage, her first. We don't have kids between us two. I have one. My daughter lives in another state with her mother and her two kids live with us. The job of, you know, obviously being on the road.

[Dr. Laura]

May I project here. Your kid, your biological child lives in a different vicinity and you have your new wife's kids living with you. Do you see anything wrong with that picture?

[Jason]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Laura]

Then why are you doing it?

[Jason]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Laura]

Why aren't you in the state with your kid?

[Jason]

Mom has custody. Mom moved out of the state that I was in with her and I moved to Florida. So we both moved in different directions. My daughter goes with me. In the summertime. We have. We have 50. 50. So she, I take her in the.

[Dr. Laura]

Summer, someone else's kids. I wonder how that makes your daughter feel. All right. And what's the problem with your new wife?

[Jason]

She doesn't seem to respect my boundaries and is incredibly critical about what.

[Dr. Laura]

What does respect your boundaries mean in English? I don't know what that means.

[Jason]

So if I'm speaking to her, she goes, are you done yet? Are you finished? We've been going on with this for, you know, 15 minutes. You know, I have other things to do. Every time I call her, she's too busy. She doesn't make, it seems like she doesn't make any time for me. She has degraded me or spoke down to me, calling me stupid, just, you know, name calling, screaming at me, things like that.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Jason]

She would say so with the whole stupid she would say that would be a stupid question and so you're stupid for asking it. She would say that maybe I talk too much about a particular topic. Like I try to address things in the relationship and come with come to her with not with emotion but with like logic. But she's too stressed out with her day to day to deal with those things like for example, her lack of communication with me while I'm on the road. I know that she has a whole nother, you know, basically life because I'm on the road for like two months so it makes it difficult. But when I call her she's she's constantly busy with other things we set a time to say good night.

[Dr. Laura]

Understand this. You're on the road for two months without going home.

[Jason]

Correct.

[Dr. Laura]

And then how long are you home?

[Jason]

I haven't been home for a week in probably about a year and a half. So I'm home. I do go home. But it's like two days, three days.

[Dr. Laura]

How many days out of a month are you home? Out of a year?

[Jason]

Out of a month? Well, I'm. Oh, out of the year. How many days in my home? Probably about a week.

[Dr. Laura]

Is this a real phone call?

[Jason]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Because I haven't heard anything this silly in a long time and I'm finding it hard to believe it's real. That either one of you calls this a marriage. That's just silly. I'm with her. This is just silly. You never feel married.

[Jason]

Yeah, she thinks that I'm not making enough money.

[Dr. Laura]

You should be married. This is silly. This is not how you marry. You don't marry and then not be together. That's just silly.

[Jason]

Well, she's in school right now, so that we can.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, sir, I don't think I can be helpful to you because I think this is a silly circumstance which doesn't lend itself to much good communication. Love, attention, kindness, warmth, touching. There's none of those things that's going to happen when you're on the road and she's alone with her kids. So I think your expectations for calling this a marriage are way out of whack.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

I think you ought to.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Give her a hug, get a different job and move to where your daughter is.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

That's what I think you morally should be doing. My number, 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the DRLaura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com, click on sponsors to take advantage of the special Discounts available to Dr. Laura. Listeners like you.

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