My Daughter Doesn't Want Anything to Do with Me

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: My Daughter Doesn't Want Anything to Do with Me
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Air Date: December 7, 2025

This episode features a heartfelt, complex call between Dr. Laura and a mother distressed over her estranged relationship with her adult daughter. The caller seeks insight into why her daughter has cut off contact, sharing background involving a decades-old accusation of inappropriate behavior by a relative, as well as complex dynamics with extended family. Dr. Laura guides the caller to examine family loyalty, sibling relationships, and underlying emotional patterns.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Daughter’s Accusation and Estrangement

• [02:08-03:31]
  The caller describes how her 64-year-old daughter ceased communication after revealing, in her 50s, that she was inappropriately touched (“rubbed her stomach”) as a child by an uncle (the caller’s sister’s husband). The daughter cannot recall the exact details or setting.
• Dr. Laura’s Query:
  Dr. Laura asks about the nature and specifics of the accusation, probing for clarity about the event and its context.

2. Family Gatherings and Fractured Relationships

• [03:31-07:21]
  The caller explains the daughter’s ultimatum: her mother must cut off all ties with the sisters and brother-in-law or risk being cut off by her daughter. The caller refuses, stating, “I love my sisters. We’re all getting older. I’m not going to cut them out of my life.”
• Estrangement Extends:
  The daughter is also estranged from her own children, deepening the sense of isolation.

3. Dr. Laura’s Analysis and Direct Guidance

• [07:36-11:00]
  Dr. Laura encourages the caller to reflect: Why is the daughter demanding such loyalty? Is there an unspoken competition for the mother’s affection between the daughter and the sisters?
• Speculation on Dynamics:
  Dr. Laura asks, “Why would a daughter feel competitive with a mother's siblings over the mother? Is it that you really were closer to your siblings than your kids?”
  The caller denies it, but Dr. Laura pushes for honest self-reflection and deeper analysis.

4. Challenging “I Don’t Know” and Fostering Ownership

• [10:22-10:47]
  Dr. Laura confronts the caller’s repeated “I don’t know” responses:

  “I don’t tolerate ‘I don’t knows’ because that means I’m the only one working on the problem.”

• She notes the caller’s seeming reluctance to sacrifice sisterly ties for her daughter, questioning whether the alliance among the sisters has always taken precedence, consciously or not.

5. Final Thoughts and Homework

• [11:00-11:24]
  Dr. Laura summarizes the situation as a likely case of longstanding emotional competition and encourages the caller to “think about the quality of relationship with your sisters with respect to the attention that goes to your daughter.”
• The episode ends with Dr. Laura recommending the caller examine her family patterns and consider whether emotional priorities have unwittingly shaped the current estrangement.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• [03:36] Dr. Laura:
  “Why does your daughter not want to talk to you now?”
• [07:36] Dr. Laura:
  “Well, you can understand that. You’re sort of in the middle.”
• [10:22] Dr. Laura:
  “I don’t tolerate ‘I don’t knows’ because that means I’m the only one working on the problem.”
• [10:47] Dr. Laura:
  “It sounds to me like there’s a clear dynamic that your daughter has escalated to try to pull you away... it really requires you to think about the quality of relationship with your sisters with respect to the attention that goes to your daughter and perhaps the son, too.”
• [07:40] Caller
  “Yes, I love my sisters. We’re all getting older. I’m not going to cut them out of my life.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------| | 01:56 | Caller introduces family history and problem | | 02:08 | Details of daughter’s accusation revealed | | 03:36 | Dr. Laura probes for daughter’s reason for estrangement | | 07:21 | Caller explains loyalty to sisters over daughter | | 09:07 | Dr. Laura parses the accusation and family responses | | 10:22 | Dr. Laura challenges “I don’t know” answers | | 11:00 | Dr. Laura’ final analysis and advice |

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Episode Tone and Style

• Dr. Laura: Characteristically direct, probing, and empathetic—but also brisk in challenging the caller’s hesitance and pushing for honest introspection.
• Caller: Emotional, conflicted, seeking validation, but hesitant to fully examine her own role or emotions in the family dynamic.

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Summary

This episode offers an unflinching look at the ripple effects of family secrets, accusations, and fractured loyalties. Dr. Laura, with her signature tough-love approach, urges both accountability and careful self-examination, driving home the message that healing fractured relationships often requires deep personal honesty and a willingness to face uncomfortable truths. The advice is candid, practical, and leaves listeners with a powerful reminder: emotional clarity and ownership are vital when navigating long-standing family estrangements.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller]

Thank you Dr. Laura. I just got up the nerve to finally call you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, thank you. What's happening?

[Caller]

My daughter, she's 64. I had her when I was 17.

We've always had a good relationship until she was in her 50s. She came to me and said that.

Our brother in law, my sister's husband, had abused her. Ask her exactly what he did. She said that he rubbed her stomach, asked her if he went any lower, higher. She said no, he burped her stomach. She told him to stop and he told her she was not a nice little girl.

And she couldn't remember how old she was when this happened. She couldn't remember where it happened. She told me three different places.

And I really don't remember her staying with my sister and brother in law when she was little.

I don't know what to make of this. It's been years and years ago now.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why does your daughter not want to talk to you now?

[Caller]

Because I went to my other sister's house who is divorced. She had to get together before. Last Christmas she invited me my son that lives with me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, you're giving me too much information that I don't need. Why does your daughter not want to talk to you?

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[Caller]

Because I still talk to my sisters who talk to my brother in law.

She said I could have nothing to do with any of them.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, you can understand that. You're sort of in the middle.

[Caller]

Yes, I love my sisters. We're all getting older. I'm not going to cut them out of my life. She has two daughters that also haven't spoken to her in years. I feel like she's by herself.

She has a good husband.

I try to get close to her and then we'll be close for a while and then she finds a reason to get upset with me again.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Mm.

[Caller]

Always.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What other children do you have?

[Caller]

I have a son who is bipolar and he lives with one, my husband and I.

My husband is his stepfather and he with us. He's in his 50s.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I get it.

Well, do you have any reason to believe from your history with these people that he might have done this or she's only talking about rubbing her tummy, which I wouldn't call that imolastation. I'd call that seriously stupid and annoying.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And inappropriate. But I wouldn't put that under the category of imolastation. Nonetheless, why do you think your daughter, at this time in her life, wants you to take a stand against your relatives? Think for a moment. Think for a moment.

Yeah, but I'm asking you to think for a moment, not just jump into, I don't understand.

What's going on with your daughter. What's her personality like? Why might she feel competitive between you and your sister?

I'm just trying to determine whether there's something else going on.

[Caller]

She has always failed in competition with my sisters.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Now, why would a daughter feel competitive with a mother's siblings over the mother? Is it that you really were closer to your siblings than your kids?

[Caller]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Then why would she be competitive? Why would she have to be competitive with your sisters?

[Caller]

I don't know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, you're going to have to think about this because I don't tolerate. I don't knows because that means I'm the only one working on the problem. It's interesting to me that you said in no way were you going to not see your sisters, and it was plural. So it sounds like you're more willing to let your daughter go than your sisters, and you are saying that she's been competitive with your sisters.

So it sounds to me like there's.

A clear dynamic that your daughter has escalated to try to pull you away.

Sounds possible.

So it really requires you to think about the quality of relationship with your sisters with respect to the attention that goes to your daughter and perhaps the sun, too. It's worth thinking about to see if you can get a deeper understanding. My number, 1-800-375-2872.

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