Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Episode: My Daughter is Crashing and Burning
Release Date: January 10, 2025

Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, host Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses the heart-wrenching struggles of Shauna, a mother grappling with her adult daughter's destructive behaviors. The conversation delves deep into the complexities of parenting a child with emotional and behavioral challenges, emphasizing the fine line between support and self-preservation for parents.

Shauna's Story: A Mother's Struggle

Shauna, aged 56, shares her journey as a mother to her 23-year-old adopted daughter. From an early age, Shauna and her husband noticed atypical behaviors in their daughter, prompting them to seek professional help:

• Early Signs and Diagnoses:
  "[...] her fine motor skills were really behind in school. She was having a lot of crying spells, temper tantrums that were kind of out of the norm."
  (00:46)

  Shauna recounts how her daughter was initially suspected to be on the autism spectrum, leading to occupational therapy interventions. As her daughter grew, more diagnoses followed, including ADHD in third grade and later, oppositional defiant disorder during her teenage years.

• Family Therapy Efforts:
  "We decided to do kind of half and half family therapy. We had a therapist that just kind of helped support my husband and I so we could be the best we could be as a couple parents and for her."
  (02:10)

  The family employed a dual approach to therapy, focusing both on supporting Shauna and her husband as parents and addressing their daughter's behavioral issues.

The Breaking Point: Setting Boundaries

At 18, the mounting behavioral problems led Shauna and her husband to make the difficult decision to ask their daughter to leave home:

• Establishing Independence:
  "At 18 we asked her to leave because I felt at 18 now I've done what I could."
  (02:43)

  They provided her with an apartment nearby, allowing her independence while maintaining boundaries. Shauna continued to support her daughter by helping with independent living skills during visits.

Current Challenges: Addiction and Risky Behaviors

Now 23, Shauna's daughter exhibits numerous risky behaviors that strain the family's relationship:

• Addiction Issues:
  "She's addicted to weed. She's just doing so many risky behaviors."
  (03:35)

  Shauna describes her daughter's lack of motivation, unemployment, and excessive use of marijuana, which contribute to the chaotic household dynamics.

Dr. Laura's Guidance: Acceptance and Self-Care

Understanding the depth of Shauna's distress, Dr. Laura provides candid advice aimed at helping Shauna prioritize her well-being:

• Acknowledging Limits:
  "Give it up. Stop it. You're eliminating years off your own life."
  (04:26)

  Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of recognizing when continued efforts to help may be detrimental to the parents' mental health.

• Emotional Release and Moving Forward:
  "Have a good cry, throw water on your face and think about the new path you're on."
  (08:44)

  She encourages Shauna to allow herself to grieve the unchangeable aspects of her daughter's condition and to focus on forging a new, healthier path for herself.

Key Insights and Takeaways

• Balancing Support and Self-Preservation:
  Parents must find a balance between supporting their children and safeguarding their own emotional and mental health.

• Recognizing When to Let Go:
  It's crucial to acknowledge when continued efforts to help may no longer be effective, and when letting go is necessary for personal well-being.

• The Power of Professional Guidance:
  Engaging in therapy, both individually and as a family, can provide invaluable support during times of crisis.

Notable Quotes

• Shauna on Her Daughter's Struggles:
  "She's just doing so many risky behaviors."
  (03:35)

• Dr. Laura on Parental Limits:
  "Give it up. Stop it. You're eliminating years off your own life."
  (04:26)

• Dr. Laura on Self-Care:
  "Have a good cry, throw water on your face and think about the new path you're on."
  (08:44)

Conclusion

In this poignant episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger offers a compassionate yet straightforward approach to a mother's dilemma of supporting a struggling adult child. Through Shauna's narrative, listeners gain insight into the emotional toll of parenting under such challenging circumstances and the critical need for self-care and acceptance when faced with situations beyond one's control.

For more insightful discussions and advice, tune in to Dr. Laura Schlessinger's daily radio program exclusively on SiriusXM Triumph 111.