My Friend Needs Space From Me

Summary

Podcast Summary: "My Friend Needs Space From Me"

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest Caller: Elizabeth
Date: July 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Laura counsels Elizabeth, a longtime listener who is struggling with the loss of her mother and the recent emotional distancing of a friend she considered a godsend. Elizabeth shares an uncanny story of finding comfort in a new friendship that felt "divinely orchestrated," only to have it undone by what her friend described as emotional overwhelm. Dr. Laura offers her trademark direct feedback, guiding Elizabeth to reflect on her own needs and attachments, and encouraging a journey toward independence and self-awareness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Elizabeth's Background and Losses

• Elizabeth opens up by describing the devastating loss of her mother, calling her "the most important person in the world" due to having no husband or children.
• She mentions also recently losing her beloved dog, further compounding her sense of emptiness and grief.
  (02:25–08:20)

2. The "Miraculous" Friendship

• While working a canvassing job, Elizabeth meets a British woman with uncanny similarities to her mother:
  • Same hometown area, both their mothers were “telephonists” in the Women’s Air Force and both lived to be 97.
  • Both women are named Elizabeth and live in close proximity.
• Elizabeth views this encounter as "divine intervention," feeling her mother sent this friend to her in her time of need.
  (08:25–10:26)

“A lot of people when I say the story, say it’s a God wink or a godsend… I truly believe that my mom asked God to put her in my path because she knew how devastated I would be."
— Elizabeth, 09:31

• The friendship becomes a strong emotional anchor for Elizabeth as they share teas, bond over shared cultural roots, and commemorate their mothers together.

3. The Rift: When A Friend Needs Space

• Elizabeth laments that the friend eventually tells her she needs space, citing emotional overload:

"She says, ‘I don’t have the bandwidth emotionally or spiritually or emotionally or psychologically or whatever. I hope you understand.’”
— Elizabeth, 11:06

• Dr. Laura immediately hones in on the dynamic, identifying Elizabeth’s intensity and emotional neediness as the likely cause for the friend's overwhelm.
• Dr. Laura asserts that while the friendship was initially comforting, it shifted into a burdensome responsibility for Elizabeth’s friend.
  (11:23–13:06)

“She didn’t want to be your mother substitute. Your neediness was obvious to her, and it became a burden.”
— Dr. Laura, 11:23

4. Honest, Tough Love from Dr. Laura

• Dr. Laura challenges Elizabeth’s view, insisting that the friendship served Elizabeth's needs rather than being equally reciprocal.

  • She refutes the notion of "divine intervention" in favor of psychological honesty.
  • She pushes Elizabeth to accept her friend’s need for boundaries and to get another dog as a healthier outlet for her affections.

• Dr. Laura dismisses objections based on personality or astrology, emphasizing personal responsibility:

“I don’t give a damn about Pisces or any of the rest of that crap. You’re a human being. She was a human being. You burdened her. She walked away.”
— Dr. Laura, 13:13

• Elizabeth resists, noting she did many nice things for her friend, but Dr. Laura points out that good intentions can still feel overwhelming to someone else.
• Dr. Laura encourages Elizabeth to reflect deeply and shift her focus away from her own needs toward imagining the friend’s experience. (13:27–15:18)

“Because you wanted to do something doesn’t mean it was her pleasure. It was for your well-being... It became too much in her sensing your need.”
— Dr. Laura, 14:34

5. Reflection and Takeaway

• Dr. Laura closes with empathy for Elizabeth’s pain and a stern reminder about the risks of seeking substitutes for irreplaceable relationships.
• She offers a path forward: acceptance, self-reliance, and openness to new relationships with adjusted expectations.

“Be gracious about it. Be happy for the time you had with her and get on with the business of living how your mom would probably want you to be. And that is independent. And get another dog, for God’s sake.”
— Dr. Laura, 12:44

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Elizabeth on the friendship’s meaning:
  “I truly believe that my mom asked God to put her in my path because she knew how devastated I would be.” (09:31)

• Dr. Laura's direct feedback:
  “She didn’t want to be your mother substitute. Your neediness was obvious to her, and it became a burden.” (11:23)

• Dr. Laura rejecting excuses:
  “I don’t give a damn about Pisces or any of the rest of that crap. You’re a human being. She was a human being. You burdened her. She walked away.” (13:13)

• Emphasizing perspective:
  “Learn to see outside yourself. For you it was fine. For her it became not fine.” (13:41–13:57)

• Parting advice:
  “Be happy for the time you had… and get on with the business of living how your mom would probably want you to be. And that is independent.” (12:44)

• Empathy and observation:
  “That is such an erotic connection to her mother. That is so sad. That is deeply sad to me… No, that’s why she had to leave. It wasn’t for her.” (15:18–15:35)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:25–08:20 — Elizabeth describes her background and the losses of her mother and her dog.
• 08:25–10:26 — The story of meeting her friend and the similarities between their lives.
• 11:06 — The friend expresses she needs space ("I don't have the bandwidth...").
• 11:23–13:06 — Dr. Laura identifies the dynamic of neediness.
• 13:13 — Direct confrontation about responsibility and burden.
• 14:34 — Encouragement to accept and move on.
• 15:18–15:35 — Dr. Laura's reflection on the broader psychological implications.

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Tone and Style

Dr. Laura is assertive, unvarnished, and compassionate beneath her bluntness. She does not sugarcoat her insights, offering a strong mix of empathy for Elizabeth’s grief and no-nonsense advice for emotional self-sufficiency. Elizabeth’s tone is reflective, sometimes defensive, but vulnerable and yearning for connection throughout.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a candid, emotional exploration of grief, need, and boundaries in friendship. Dr. Laura’s practical wisdom offers guidance for listeners tempted to lean too heavily on new relationships to fill old voids, underscoring the importance of self-awareness, respectful boundaries, and moving forward with resilience.

Transcript

[A]

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[C]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Been listening to you for many years. Terrestrial radio, et cetera. Thank you. But I must admit, I'm very nervous right now.

[A]

Okay. It'll pass as you start talking.

[C]

Okay. Shall I just dive in? I guess so.

[A]

That would help. Yeah.

[C]

So in a nutshell, I lost my mom. And of course, you know, most important person in the world. You know, no husband or kid.

[A]

Really? You don't have children or a husband?

[C]

Nope. Nope. And my mom was no husband, no kids. That is correct.

[A]

Ever. Wow. Okay.

[C]

No, not that I.

[A]

Well, then I can understand why your mother was the most important person. Got it.

[C]

But she would have been anyway because she was a wonderful, lovely mom. She was from England, same age as the queen and I would hope she

[A]

wouldn't have been the most important person if you had a husband and children. Okay, okay, let's move on. How can I help you today?

[C]

Okay, so bottom lining it. So obviously I had a very, you know, difficult time. I still actually do.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

But I did a little job that in politics, which was canvassing door to door for a senator. And I must admit, my whole life, whenever I came across somebody with an English accent, I'd always say, oh, where are you from? My mom's from Harrow in Middlesex, you know, and I've always been in politics. So the first day of doing this little job that I did for three months, literally almost the first house, guess who answers somebody. This lady with an English accent. Now, she's not old enough to be my mom. She's only, you know, five years older. But when we were talking, this is where it gets a little weird. A whole bunch of inexplicable.

[A]

Oh my gosh. I didn't realize the music just turned on. Would you be willing to hold for the break?

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Oh, thank you so much. I apologize. It happens a lot. I get so into the calls, I don't pay attention to the clock. It's not like TV when somebody counts me down. Alrighty, we're going to take a break. Come back with Elizabeth. Come back with Elizabeth. Yes, from England. Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one stop. Shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies. And thanks to Walmart pharmacy, you can count on them for your prescription needs too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy. Delivery not available for all prescriptions and and exclusions apply. Listen up. I haven't stuck around for over 50 years without earning some trust. Neither has AZO. For three decades, they've been helping women manage real health issues from the number one doctor recommended brand for otc, urinary pain relief and vaginal health. Azo focuses on facts, not fluff, providing proven science based relief for things like itching, burning odor. Reach for Azo, the brand that's been there and will keep being there for women. Visit azoproducts.com for product details, usage instructions and safety information.

[B]

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[A]

And I get back with from the last hour, thank you for being patient with me, Elizabeth. Thank you. So you told me a lovely story about your mum from England. You haven't been married. No Munchkins. And you do a lot of canvassing and work and politics and you went to this particular house and you met this lady from England. So that's where we were. So go ahead.

[C]

Yes, well, actually, I must admit I like that little break. Because I brushed my teeth, because I had cotton mouth, because has anyone ever told you, Dr. Laura, you're a bit intimidating?

[A]

Never heard that. Never in my life. I don't understand why. I'm 5 foot 2 and 114 pounds. How can that be scary? Come on. All right, go ahead.

[C]

You know, I was an officer in the Air Force Reserves, activated for Desert Storm. And you scare me even more than the enemy. But anyway,

[A]

I had a Marine master sergeant call me one time and say, you know, you'd make a good Marine master sergeant. Yeah, but I couldn't get a uniform small enough. But go ahead.

[C]

So, anyway, so long story short, I just did this little three month canvassing job as a way to, you know, I was obviously depressed and distracting and whatnot, so. English accent so this is where it gets a little weird. I always ask people, have you ever had anything like a small miracle happen or something inexplicable? Well, this is mine, so. And by the way, I should also say that I lost my doggie five days before that after, oh, grand cancer. I had him for 13 years and I needed Dino, my little beagle, to help me grieve my mom. So I didn't have. Of course, you can imagine I'm in a bad mind frame at this point. Mindset.

[A]

Double barreled shotgun to your head and heart. Yeah. Okay, so then what happened?

[C]

So here's the inexplicable stuff. So I had lost my mom last year. She lost her mom last year. My mom was 97. Her mom was 97. My mom was in the WAF, the Women's Air Force in England. Her mom was in the waf. My mom is a telephonist in the waf, which is a switchboard operator. Her mom was a telephonist in the waf. I live in this particular town. She lives in the same town. We're walking distance. My name is Elizabeth and her name is Elizabeth. So it's just very strange. So a lot of people when I say the story, say it's a God wink or a godsend, and I go one step further and say it's divine intervention or providence. I truly believe that my mom asked God to put her in my path because she knew how devastated I would be. And she was right. So needless to say, luckily it was wonderful. It was a Tuesday and she said, you know, I'm off on Thursday. Why don't you come over for tea? Well, that was manna from heaven. I couldn't believe it. This is so wonderful. And I brought over some English baked goods and I brought over pictures of my mom. And from there, you know, we. We became good friends. I took her to this tea room I never got. I always took mom to different tea rooms. And this is before Google, this is word of mouth. And there was one where we're from and never got to go because they had a plumbing problem for six months and we got to go Christmas time. It was beautifully decorated Victorian house. And we raised a cuppa to our mums. And you know, from then on, you can imagine Dr. Lara when she spoke with her British accent, it was very comforting. I heard my mom. And I'll tell you, I used to say to people, if anything ever happened to Liz, it would be like losing my mum all over again. And. But I meant like, like if she died or something because last summer she had a heart problem and different other things. So that's what I meant. I didn't for in a million years think it could possibly be that, you know, she might want to, you know, step away from our friendship, you know, and she's a really unbelievable individual. I mean, a friend in her own right.

[A]

And how can I help you? What happened that I might help you with?

[C]

Okay, well, he's had A very difficult situation with her adult daughter who kind of mentally, shall we say, had a breakdown. When was his.

[A]

No, no, no. Let's get to what happened that I can help you with.

[C]

Well, that's. She was in a situation.

[A]

She terminated the relationship. I'm gathering.

[C]

Well, I'm hoping it's not totally terminated. Basically, at a certain point, you know, she said.

[A]

What did she say, Elizabeth? What did she say?

[C]

She says, I don't have the bandwidth emotionally or spiritually or emotionally or psychologically or whatever. I hope you understand. And because I tended to send, like, lots of long texts, but I thought I was being funny and a lot of stuff.

[A]

Elizabeth. Elizabeth. She didn't want to be your mother. Substitute. Your neediness was obvious to her, and it became a burden.

[C]

Yeah, she kind of stood just normal.

[A]

Ma', am, stop talking about what? Stop. I don't believe it was divine intervention that your mother saw that you couldn't handle it. Because I would think your mother would be of the ilk, that she'd count on you to learn how to handle it. She'd want you to have that strength and not substitute somebody with a British accent to fill the space. That woman has her own.

[C]

Ma'. Am.

[A]

Ma', Am. I'm going to end pretty soon, and I know that's upsetting to you. I appreciate that. That's the reality here on a radio program. I'm trying to explain to you. It was nice, but you were much too needy. All your commenting, all the things you took her to do. She realized and felt a burden of obligation and responsibility because she liked you and she felt bad and she liked you. But she has her own life and her own problems and she didn't want to handle yours. She was nice about how she did it. So be gracious about it. Be happy for the time you had with her and get on with the business of living how your mom would probably want you to be. And that is independent. And get another dog, for God's sake.

[C]

The whole thing with the stiff upper lip is a real thing with the Brits, that's for sure. But I'm a Pisces and I'm the reverse. I'm emotional.

[A]

I don't give a damn about Pisces or any of the rest of that crap. You're a human being. She was a human being. You burdened her. She walked away.

[C]

I did so many nice things for her, though.

[A]

A year and a half ago, you burdened her. You burdened her with all your nice things.

[C]

I didn't bother her. I Mean, I didn't smother her at all.

[A]

From her point of view, it was a burden. You know, learn to see outside yourself. For you it was fine. For her it became not fine. Learn to see outside yourself.

[C]

I was always doing things to make her, cheer her up. Because of the daughter.

[A]

Well, you weren't. You weren't. You were burdening her.

[C]

I mean.

[A]

Okay, we're over now, Elizabeth. Okay, I've explained it to you. If you want to spend time after you hang up thinking about it, I would suggest you do that. But you're so self centered and you've got to see beyond yourself because you wanted to do something doesn't mean it was her pleasure. It was for your well being that you're taking care of your mother again. It was for you. And it became too much in her sensing your need. And the way you're arguing with me.

[C]

No, I'm not arguing.

[A]

She was very brave. She was very brave. You always say. I didn't. It didn't. I didn't.

[C]

I'm not. I didn't smother her at all. We've only talked on the phone maybe a dozen times the whole time I knew her.

[A]

Okay, Elizabeth, I hope what I said is useful once you think about it and come outside yourself and think about somebody else's well being, mainly this woman. Perhaps you can come to peace with it.

[C]

All I did was think about her well being. I was worrying.

[A]

Have a good day, Elizabeth. Boy, that is such an erotic connection to her mother. That is so sad. That is deeply sad to me. I'm sure you've seen something like that in movies. But I'm only doing it for her. No, that's why she had to leave. It wasn't for her. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to to listen. Listen to my podcast, of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[C]

SiriusXM Triumph is Life presenting you with challenges?

[A]

Get real answers with Dr. Laurel. Call 1-800- Dr. Laura. No nonsense advice about relationships, marriage, kids, tough love. It happened is not a phrase anybody uses when they take responsibility. Inspiration. Every time you go to bed with a negative thought, you have to match it up with a positive one.

[C]

That's your new rule, Dr. Laura.

[A]

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