My Husband Has Been Living a Double Life

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "My Husband Has Been Living a Double Life"

Podcast Information

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111
• Release Date: April 7, 2025

Episode Overview In this poignant episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Missy, a 52-year-old long-time listener, reaches out to seek guidance after discovering her husband's prolonged infidelity. Over a 30-year marriage marked by frequent relocations due to her husband's career in big oil, Missy grapples with feelings of betrayal, exhaustion, and uncertainty about her future.

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Caller Background and Situation

Missy's Marital History Missy shares the challenges of her 30-year marriage, during which she and her husband moved 15 times to accommodate his role as a district manager and board member in the oil industry. These constant relocations were necessary for his career progression, including involvement with high-profile events like the Olympics.

Missy [01:21]: "Yeah. 30 years of marriage. We've moved 15 times for his job."

Impact on Family Life The frequent moves took a toll on their family, especially their two children, who grew up without a consistent home or community. Missy took on the primary role of supporting her children, ensuring they adapted to each new environment by staying involved with their schooling and social circles.

Missy [02:47]: "I did everything. I worked at the schools, I tutored them, I made sure I walked around houses and classrooms to find them friends. I did everything in my power."

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Discovery of Infidelity

Evidence Revealed Missy discovered her husband's double life after finding three years' worth of incriminating text messages. These messages were timestamped and explicitly indicated his infidelity. Additionally, her husband confessed to the affair, yet provided no details about the other woman, leaving Missy perplexed about how he managed to maintain this secret despite their constant relocations.

Missy [03:26]: "Proof is three years of texts that are timestamped and passed. And the wording within the text says it. Then on top of that, he admitted it."

Questions Raised Missy questions how her husband maintained this affair while moving so frequently, especially since the other woman knew intimate details about his family, such as his mother's name and their own last name.

Missy [03:49]: "It started with, he didn't know it, but she knew his mother's name, where his mother lived, my name. I mean, come on."

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Dr. Laura's Guidance and Insights

Acknowledging Missy's Efforts Dr. Laura commends Missy for her unwavering dedication to her family despite the instability caused by her husband's career choices.

Dr. Laura [03:01]: "I appreciate and honor you for doing your best to mitigate the insanity of them having no constancy in their life."

Assessing the Situation Dr. Laura probes deeper into how Missy feels about the betrayal and the future of her marriage. She highlights the inherent mistrust that arises from such infidelity and challenges Missy to consider whether staying in the marriage is truly in her best interest.

Dr. Laura [07:24]: "I don't want to go it on my own. I'm not going to be able to pull out the I don't trust you card because I've been here before and know you can't trust him."

Confronting Emotional Barriers When Missy reveals her struggle with major depressive disorder, Dr. Laura addresses it head-on, emphasizing that while depression is a serious condition, it should not be used as a shield to remain in a harmful relationship.

Dr. Laura [08:35]: "There's treatment for that. And I'm not gonna use that as an excuse to sit by and let you say, oh, well, you know, I have major depression."

Encouraging Self-Honesty and Empowerment Dr. Laura urges Missy to acknowledge her true feelings and the reality of her situation, encouraging her to break free from the "puppy dog" mentality of following her husband's lead. She emphasizes Missy's strength and resilience, suggesting that leaving the marriage is a reflection of her ability to survive and prioritize her well-being.

Dr. Laura [10:37]: "Once we've played the puppy dog role for decades, it's very hard to give it up and become a grown dog."

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Resolution and Outcome

Decision to Divorce After an honest and challenging conversation, Missy gains clarity and decides to proceed with a divorce, recognizing it as the best path forward for her and her family.

Missy [10:44]: "Okay. Okay. I think I have some clarity and I think I'm going through with it. I think I'm going through with a divorce."

Dr. Laura's Affirmation Dr. Laura expresses confidence in Missy's decision, reinforcing her belief in Missy's ability to move forward and rebuild her life.

Dr. Laura [11:03]: "That's why I would have guessed you're leaving."

Emotional Support Missy thanks Dr. Laura for her guidance, acknowledging the positive impact of the conversation on her decision-making process.

Missy [11:44]: "I appreciate you and I listen to you all the time."

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Key Takeaways and Insights

1. Importance of Self-Recognition: Dr. Laura emphasizes the necessity of recognizing one's own worth and the impact of long-term patterns in relationships.

2. Navigating Emotional Challenges: Addressing mental health issues is crucial, but it should not prevent individuals from making necessary life changes for their well-being.

3. Empowerment Through Decision-Making: Taking decisive action, such as choosing to divorce, can be a powerful step towards personal growth and stability.

4. Support Systems Matter: Seeking advice and support, whether through counseling or trusted confidants like Dr. Laura, plays a vital role in navigating complex personal challenges.

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Notable Quotes

• Missy [02:47]: "I did everything. I worked at the schools, I tutored them, I made sure I walked around houses and classrooms to find them friends. I did everything in my power."

• Dr. Laura [08:35]: "I got that. And there's treatment for that. And I'm not gonna use that as an excuse to sit by and let you say, oh, well, you know, I have major depression."

• Dr. Laura [10:37]: "Once we've played the puppy dog role for decades, it's very hard to give it up and become a grown dog."

• Missy [10:44]: "Okay. Okay. I think I have some clarity and I think I'm going through with it. I think I'm going through with a divorce."

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Conclusion In this emotionally charged episode, Missy's courage to confront her husband's infidelity and her ultimate decision to seek a divorce highlight the complexities of long-term relationships and the importance of self-respect and personal accountability. Dr. Laura's compassionate yet firm guidance serves as a beacon for listeners facing similar struggles, reinforcing the value of integrity, honesty, and the pursuit of a fulfilling and authentic life.

Transcript

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[Missy]

Hi, I'm 52. I've listened to you for years. I have a feeling what you're going to say, because I would say it back to me too. I found. Yeah. 30 years of marriage. We've moved 15 times for his job.

[Dr. Laura]

And what kind of job moves 15 times? What kind of job moves 15 times?

[Missy]

Big oil. He was marketing first district managers all the way up to sitting on boards, going on private planes.

[Dr. Laura]

Why did you have to move?

[Missy]

Going to the Olympics.

[Dr. Laura]

But why did you have to move?

[Missy]

Is my question for him to get the next job. If we, if we said no to moving, you're stagnant. You don't. You don't get a raise and get a new content.

[Dr. Laura]

That's true. But you do get to have a home, a community, a family, consistency. So the two of you chose chaos for the money. Got it. So now what?

[Missy]

Yes, you could say that at the end of it, but yes, I. Anyway, we raised two kids. They're both.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh my God. Two kids moved 15 times or such. Oh my God. Okay, go ahead.

[Missy]

I did everything. I worked at the schools, I tutored them, I made sure I walked around houses and classrooms to find them friends. I did everything in my power.

[Dr. Laura]

I appreciate and honor you for doing your best to mitigate the insanity of them having no constancy in their life. At least you provided that kind of constancy. So that was good. So here we are today. And.

[Missy]

Okay, okay, so I found proof of infidelity.

[Dr. Laura]

What is the proof? What is the proof?

[Missy]

Proof is three years of texts that are timestamped and passed. And. And the wording within the text says it. Then on top of that, he admitted it.

[Dr. Laura]

And who's the woman? And how did he have a connection with her when he had to move 15 times? How did he pull this off?

[Missy]

Tell me her. Oh, he won't tell me her name. It started with, he didn't know it, but she knew his mother's name, where his mother lived, my name. I mean, come on. Anyway, you can communicate.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then you had the ability Then you had the ability to communicate with her on his phone.

[Missy]

No, because he downloaded a scrambled app to where they.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so how long. So how long has it been since you found out he's had a double life?

[Missy]

A week.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so how old are the kids? How old are the kids?

[Missy]

They're 28. 28, 26. Both married.

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[Missy]

I don't know if I can come back from this.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't know what come. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't know what come back means. You'll always have mistrust. That's just part of the package. Okay, you can stay with him because it's a habit now. It's most of your life. Kids, the whole wreck.

[Missy]

Right, right.

[Dr. Laura]

But you cannot ever assume that he's not having an affair. You can never assume that. And that means you can just throw it over your back and just say, at least I get to keep him. She doesn't. I mean, some people actually think that way. Okay? Or you pay policeman, and that's not pleasant for anybody, and that usually ends up in a divorce. Well, that usually ends up in a divorce because it's untenable. Okay, so what were you hoping I could help you with?

[Missy]

We've decided to go to marriage counseling. I. I'm a wreck. I mean, that. That's all it is, is I have, like, brain fog and I'm a wreck. But here's the one thing I'm not is surprised.

[Dr. Laura]

Why are you not surprised? Why are you not surprised? Oh, for God's sake, woman. If you want to stay with a crappy man because you don't know what else to do with your life, don't make a big deal about it. Don't waste money in therapy. He's not going to be a different man. Stop it. Stop with the Lunacy.

[Missy]

It's because. And I know you don't like diagnoses and all that, but I have major depressive disorder and I, you know what?

[Dr. Laura]

I got that. And there's treatment for that. And I'm not gonna use that as an excuse to sit by and let you say, oh, well, you know, I have major depression. I mean, people have all over the world and they're in war places. What do you think people who have major depression are doing when their city is being bombed? I don't think they think about how depressed they are. I think they think about survival. So this is a survival moment. You know you have a bad man.

[Missy]

Yeah, I do.

[Dr. Laura]

You catered to his traveling and that hurt the kids, but you did everything you could to mitigate it as possible. He's been self centered from day one and you've been a puppy dog following after him. So if you still want to do that, then just say it out loud. I don't want to go it on my own. I'm not going to be able to pull out the I don't trust you card because I've been here before and know you can't trust him. But I'd rather have a guy I can't trust with whom I have kids and a life than not than be alone. Just say it out loud and be honest with yourself.

[Missy]

I'm in the middle of it. I just don't know.

[Dr. Laura]

There's nothing. Okay. All right. I don't think you listen.

[Missy]

When you live with it. I did. When you've lived with it, before long you start.

[Dr. Laura]

You've lived with it before. If you'd rather stay put because this is the most comfortable thing, not pleasant, but comfortable. For you to imagine being out on your own would not be comfortable since you've played the puppy dog role.

[Missy]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

Once we've played the puppy dog role for decades, it's very hard to give it up and become a grown dog.

[Missy]

Yes. Okay. Okay. I think I have some clarity and I think I'm going not the way you expect me to go. I think I'm going through with it. I think I'm going through with a divorce.

[Dr. Laura]

You know why I would have guessed that ultimately?

[Missy]

Why?

[Dr. Laura]

Because when he was doing this insane self centered shit of making his family move 15 times, he. You were 100% geared to create something else for your kids, which means you are a good survivor.

[Missy]

Oh, thanks.

[Dr. Laura]

That's why I would have guessed you're leaving.

[Missy]

Thanks for that. That, that makes me feel good.

[Dr. Laura]

All right. It's true.

[Missy]

I appreciate you and I listen to you all the time.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. I appreciate that. And you can call me as you're on this journey anytime. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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