My Husband Is Never Home

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "My Husband Is Never Home"

Episode Information:

• Title: My Husband Is Never Home
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Release Date: March 13, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In the March 13, 2025 episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt and challenging call from a listener grappling with her husband's prolonged absences due to his demanding career. This episode delves deep into the complexities of marital responsibilities, personal sacrifices, and the strain that extended periods apart can place on a family.

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Caller’s Dilemma: Struggling with a Distant Husband

At [00:45], the caller introduces herself and outlines her predicament:

Caller: "Hi Dr. Laura, it's an honor to speak with you."

Dr. Laura inquires about her situation, prompting the caller to reveal her feelings of selfishness for requesting her husband to alter his career path:

Caller: "I guess I'm struggling with maybe feeling selfish for asking my husband to change jobs or to not pursue a, you know, a dream job that takes him away from the family." [00:52]

She provides context about her family life:

• Age: 27
• Husband’s Age: 32
• Marital Duration: 7 years
• Children: Two (a five-year-old and an eight-month-old)

The caller explains her husband's demanding schedule:

Caller: "He spends 90 days or more, sometimes out of the country and then he'll get to spend 30 days at home." [01:29]

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Background: Husband’s Career Transition and Its Impact

The conversation progresses to uncover the roots of the husband's career choices:

Dr. Laura: "Why did you marry somebody who has this kind of career in the first place?" [01:25]

Reflecting on their past, the caller shares that her husband was previously a first responder:

Caller: "When we were first married, he was a first responder. So he worked like 24 hours at a time and then he had 48 hours off. He was a firefighter." [01:57]

She further elaborates on how the husband's role evolved during the COVID pandemic:

Caller: "He kind of started like traveling for work around the COVID pandemic. He started traveling helping out in New York when everything was pretty bad and then kind of just escalated from there." [06:11]

This shift led to increased strain on her, especially after the birth of their youngest child:

Caller: "...I was just kind of burnout. I'm a social worker, so I was a little burnout. And my husband's definitely the type to swim through shark infested waters to bring me a lemonade." [06:11]

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Dr. Laura’s Response: A Firm Stance on Family Priorities

Dr. Laura does not mince words in addressing the caller's situation. She challenges the husband's priorities and the impact of his choices on the family unit:

Dr. Laura: "Do you imagine that at your ages, married seven years with these two kids, that this is the only option anybody in the United States has had to take care of mom at home? I think not." [07:01]

Emphasizing the unacceptable nature of the husband's prolonged absences, she states:

Dr. Laura: "It's ridiculous to say I'm going to be gone most of the year. So I won't be a husband, I won't be a father, I won't be there raising my kids so you can stay home. No." [07:01]

She urges the caller to confront her husband and assert her needs:

Dr. Laura: "You've got to sit down and have a true discussion with him and go. No. There are other options that I can stay home. Where we live, how we budget, there are other options." [07:01]

Dr. Laura does not support the husband's decision, branding it as selfish:

Dr. Laura: "I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to say this is a no. I'm going to pack up and move in with my mother. I won't consider this a marriage. You're not here." [07:01]

She encourages the caller to take decisive action, even threatening separation if necessary:

Dr. Laura: "But I'm here for 30 days. Really? Well, if I when I was dating you only saw you 90 days, not 30 days. Yes, I never would have married you. So you're going to have to sit down and tell the truth." [07:01]

In a powerful conclusion, Dr. Laura affirms that the caller is not at fault, but rather her husband's choices are:

Dr. Laura: "No, you're not selfish. He is being selfish. That wasn't the only opportunity to keep you home." [07:01]

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Key Takeaways and Insights

1. Balancing Personal Dreams and Family Responsibilities: Dr. Laura underscores the importance of prioritizing family over personal ambitions when the latter significantly disrupts familial harmony and presence.

2. Communication is Crucial: The episode highlights the necessity for open and honest discussions between spouses about career choices and their impact on the family.

3. Setting Boundaries: Dr. Laura advocates for setting clear boundaries and making tough decisions to preserve the integrity and functioning of the family unit.

4. Self-Respect and Self-Care: Listeners are encouraged to recognize their worth and not feel guilty for advocating for a balanced family life.

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Conclusion

In "My Husband Is Never Home," Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides no-holds-barred advice to a listener facing marital strains due to her husband's extended absences for work. Emphasizing ethics, accountability, and personal responsibility, Dr. Laura empowers listeners to prioritize their family's well-being and take necessary actions to ensure a harmonious home environment. This episode serves as a compelling reminder of the delicate balance between personal aspirations and familial obligations.

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Notable Quotes:

• Caller at [00:52]: "I guess I'm struggling with maybe feeling selfish for asking my husband to change jobs or to not pursue a, you know, a dream job that takes him away from the family."

• Dr. Laura at [07:01]: "It's ridiculous to say I'm going to be gone most of the year. So I won't be a husband, I won't be a father, I won't be there raising my kids so you can stay home. No."

• Dr. Laura at [07:01]: "No, you're not selfish. He is being selfish. That wasn't the only opportunity to keep you home."

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For more insights and daily advice, visit DrLaura.com and join the Family member community.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Izzy, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi Dr. Laura, it's an honor to speak with you.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. What's happening?

[Caller]

Well, I am calling just with kind of a general question. I guess I'm struggling with maybe feeling selfish for asking my husband to change jobs or to not pursue a, you know, a dream job that takes him away from the family.

[Dr. Laura]

How old are you? How old is he? How long have you been married?

[Caller]

I'm 27 and he's 32 and we've been married for seven years and we've got two kids, a five year old and an eight month old.

[Dr. Laura]

And what is his daily schedule?

[Caller]

So he, he spends 90 days or more, sometimes out of the country and then he'll get to spend 30 days at home.

[Dr. Laura]

Why did you marry somebody who has this kind of career in the first place?

[Caller]

Well, this he did not have. I wouldn't have married.

[Dr. Laura]

So before you were married, what did he do for a living and what was his schedule then?

[Caller]

When we were first married, he was a first responder. So he worked like 24 hours at a time and then he had 48 hours off. He was a firefighter.

[Dr. Laura]

So was this in the fire department?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, and then when did he go international and how did that come about? And tell me of the discussions you two had about that.

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[Caller]

So he started, he kind of started like traveling for work around the COVID pandemic. He started traveling helping out in New York when everything was pretty bad and then kind of just escalated from there. But this most recently after we had our youngest baby, I was just kind of burnout. I'm a social worker, so I was a little burnout. And my husband's definitely the type to swim through shark infested waters to bring me a lemonade. So, you know, he, his solution for my burnout not wanting to go back to work was to take this job that makes enough money for me to stay home. But he has to be away. So now I am struggling because I.

[Dr. Laura]

Feel like I've asked for question question. Do you imagine that at your ages, married seven years with these two kids, that this is the only option anybody in the United States has had to take care of mom at home? I think not. I'll answer that myself. It was rhetorical and it's ridiculous to say I'm going to be gone most of the year. So I won't be a husband, I won't be a father, I won't be there raising my kids so you can stay home. No. I think he likes this. So you've got to sit down and have a true discussion with him and go. No. There are other options that I can stay home. Where we live, how we budget, there are other options. But not having a husband most of the time, not having a father for my children most of the time is a no. So I do not support this and it needs to stop. We need to find another alternative asap. And I don't care. If it's his dream job, then he never should have gotten married and had kids. That is selfish. Not you. He's being selfish. That wasn't the only opportunity to keep you home. No, wrong. There are a lot of people where the mom is at home and they're not living like this. So I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to say this is a no. I'm going to pack up and move in with my mother. I won't consider this a marriage. You're not here. But I'm here for 30 days. Really? Well, if I when I was dating you only saw you 90 days, not 30 days. Yes, I never would have married you. So you're going to have to sit down and tell the truth. And no, you're not selfish. He is my number. 1-800-375-2872. There are other options. Come on, friends. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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