My Husband Isn't Attracted to Me

Summary

Podcast Summary: "My Husband Isn't Attracted to Me"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: My Husband Isn't Attracted to Me
• Release Date: April 1, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura’s "Call of the Day," Liz reaches out for guidance concerning her marital struggles, particularly feeling unattracted and neglected by her husband. This detailed summary encapsulates Liz's predicament, Dr. Laura's insightful advice, and the underlying themes of marital communication and personal responsibility.

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Caller Background

Liz's Relationship History
Liz, a 35-year-old woman, has been married to her husband for five years. She shares that they have two children together—a four-year-old and a five-year-old—and a 15-year-old from a previous relationship.

• Meeting Her Husband:
  Liz explains that she and her husband met as teenagers. They dated from ages 13 to 15, broke up, and reconnected years later through Facebook after a series of challenging relationships. This long history has deeply intertwined their lives despite past separations.

• Marriage Formation:
  The marriage occurred under pressing circumstances—Liz became pregnant and felt compelled to marry her husband. She emphasizes that despite the lack of sexual intimacy, she married him because he offered stability and safety after dating a series of "bad men" (Transcript [04:27]-[05:29]).

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Issues Presented

Lack of Sexual Intimacy
Liz expresses significant distress over the minimal and unsatisfying sexual relationship with her husband.

• Sexual Neglect:
  She states, “[...] I feel just like severely neglected when we do have sex now” ([02:11]-[02:45]). Liz has attempted to embrace the situation by trying to gain weight to align with her husband’s preferences, but feels unable to do so.

• Emotional Toll:
  Liz shares feelings of anger, disgust, and confusion, pondering if her husband's lack of attraction stems from deeper issues, such as his sexuality: “I thought he was gay. Maybe, like, maybe that's why he didn't like me” ([03:52]-[04:22]).

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Dr. Laura’s Response and Advice

Understanding the Root Cause
Dr. Laura probes into the history of Liz's marriage to identify when the feelings of hate and neglect began ([02:06]-[02:11]).

• Encouraging Professional Help:
  Dr. Laura advises Liz to seek the assistance of a sex therapist to navigate their sexual incompatibility:
  “I would recommend you two go to a sex therapist and deal with each other's fantasies, desires and all of that” ([09:07]-[09:10]).

• Maintaining the Marriage for the Sake of the Children:
  Emphasizing the importance of family stability, Dr. Laura advises against ending the marriage solely due to sexual issues:
  “I certainly would not recommend you walk out of this marriage... We have three kids who don't need more turmoil” ([09:32]-[09:47]).

• Addressing Mutual Issues:
  She acknowledges that both partners may have personal issues contributing to the marital strain:
  “He's got some, as people like to say to me, issues, issues. And so do you” ([09:52]-[09:58]).

• Reframing the Relationship:
  Dr. Laura encourages Liz to avoid labeling her marriage with negative terms like "hate" and instead focus on fostering mutual respect and understanding:
  “Don't use that word for a situation like this. You knew you weren't going to have a lot of sex, but he had so many qualities that made you feel safe that you went ahead anyway” ([10:12]-[10:30]).

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Key Insights and Conclusions

• Importance of Communication:
  Effective dialogue between partners about sexual needs and desires is crucial for marital satisfaction.

• Role of Therapy in Resolving Intimacy Issues:
  Professional guidance, especially from a sex therapist, can help couples navigate complex sexual dynamics and rebuild intimacy.

• Balancing Personal Happiness with Family Stability:
  Liz is encouraged to find a middle ground where she can honor her own needs while maintaining a stable environment for her children.

• Avoiding Negative Labeling:
  Dr. Laura emphasizes refraining from using harsh terms like "hate," which can exacerbate marital tensions, and instead fosters a more constructive approach to resolving issues.

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Notable Quotes

• Liz on Neglect:
  “[...] I feel just like severely neglected when we do have sex now” ([02:11]-[02:45]).

• Dr. Laura on Therapy:
  “A sex therapist helps you to talk about it, to understand better how everybody's thinking and feeling and what they would like and not like” ([09:25]-[09:35]).

• Dr. Laura on Marriage Stability:
  “There's nothing evil here. [...] honor to do that in a happy way so that the kids are not affected” ([10:00]-[10:15]).

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Conclusion

This episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day" delves into the nuanced challenges of maintaining a fulfilling sexual relationship within marriage. Through Liz's heartfelt account and Dr. Laura's practical advice, listeners gain valuable perspectives on addressing intimacy issues, the significance of seeking professional help, and the delicate balance between personal happiness and family responsibilities. The conversation underscores the importance of empathy, communication, and proactive solutions in sustaining marital harmony.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Liz]

Hey, Dr. Laura. Hi, can you hear me?

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. How can I help?

[Liz]

I think I am 35. I've been married for five years to my husband. We have a four and a five year old. I have a 15 year old that he has been a big part of her life. My husband that I, you know, I had her young, I never married her father. But I think that I feel like I'm in a marriage that's full of just hate. And I don't know if I can continue.

[Dr. Laura]

Explain to me when the hate started. What are we talking about here?

[Liz]

Well, he is nev. He never really, we've never really had a lot of sex and that was, I kind of settled for that because he wasn't, he was a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He was never mean to me, you know, and I've experienced that before. And so for years I've been, I've asked him and I've asked him, you know, why won't you have sex with me? You know, it's amazing that we even have two children together. And he never really answered me, like ever. I don't, I don't know what he would say. He would just be like, you know, Liz, I'm just tired or I've never been that way. So finally, like a few months ago, he got a little liquid courage, he had a few drinks and I got it out of him. And he likes fat girls, he likes big women. The opposite of me. I've been mainly on £120 my whole adult life. So I feel just like now. I feel just like severely neglected when we do have sex now. I've tried to like embrace it. I've even drank some boost to try to get weight on me and it's just not, I can't do it. And I feel like he sits on a gross toilet inside of his workplace, scrolls his phone and gets his pleasure off of girls on the Internet that are his fetish. And I'm so angry about it, so disgusted by it. I'm so confused. I thought he was gay. Maybe, like, maybe that's why he didn't like me. But this is like a whole different thing.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, take me back. How did you, how did you meet?

[Liz]

We met when we were 13 years old. He was my first boyfriend. We dated for two years, like very young. Then a couple of years later, like when I was like a senior in high school, we dated again until I met my 15 year old daughter's father and I left him. And then I went through just years of just, you know, bad men, mean men, stupid choices. And then, you know, we just messaged each other one day on Facebook and he was easy, he was nice, he was consistent and always there. So we got married. I had to, I got pregnant.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Liz]

I was like, I'm not going to. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Liz]

How long in between or how long did.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes.

[Liz]

How long get married?

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. Well, I think that's the same thing. I may have lost my marble for a moment. I just want to know, when you went back and saw that he was on Facebook between that moment and your wedding, how long did that take?

[Liz]

About maybe two and a half years.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. And in that two and a half years, how was the sex?

[Liz]

It was not a lot. Very, like, mediocre. Not very often, but I felt safe with that and a little confused, you know.

[Dr. Laura]

But you married it anyway. You married it anyway. So the reason I was asking that is I wanted to know if you had forewarning and you did. And now you have two kids with him. And one of the things that I would recommend is that you two go to a sex therapist and deal with each other's fantasies, desires and all of that. A sex therapist helps you to talk about it, to understand better how everybody's thinking and feeling and what they would like and not like. In spite of the fact that people do have fetishes. That doesn't mean you two can't have a reasonable sex life with each other. And I certainly would not recommend you walk out of this marriage. There's nothing evil here. He's got some, as people like to say to me, issues, issues. And so do you. However, we have three kids who don't need more turmoil. So if it means very little sex with him for the rest of they're growing up, I think you need to have enough honor to do that in a happy way so that the kids are not affected. They don't know whether you're having sex or not. There's no hate going on. Don't use that word for a situation like this. You knew you weren't going to have a lot of sex, but he had so many qualities that made you feel safe that you went ahead anyway. Well, those qualities are still there. So I urge you to go not to a regular psychotherapist, but a sex therapist. Okay? I think that will help the two of you find some common ground. And I mean, every relationship is going to be different in the world. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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