My Husband Wants to Cruise Without Me!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: "My Husband Wants to Cruise Without Me!"

Date: August 18, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest Caller: Jennifer

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, renowned for her direct and ethical advice, speaks with Jennifer, a listener struggling with her husband’s repeated solo cruising adventures. Jennifer expresses discomfort with her marriage’s dynamic and questions whether it is appropriate for her husband to continue his travel habits without her. The conversation dives deep into issues of trust, marital history, personal boundaries, non-confrontation, and what it means to support a partner’s joy even if you don’t share it.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Call Introduction & Relationship Background

[01:12–02:35]

• Jennifer, 52, and her husband, 58, have been married for 13 years; it’s a second marriage for both, but Jennifer only learned after the fact that her husband had been married “multiple” times previously (she’s his fourth wife).
• Dr. Laura probes Jennifer’s understanding and feelings about her husband’s marital past.
  • Dr. Laura [02:51]: “If somebody every year on April 7, robs a bank and they do that for 10 straight years and then you hook up with them, you really think it's in the past? That there's no pattern that would be meaningful?”

2. Marrying for the Wrong Reasons

[03:42–05:13]

• Jennifer admits she felt pressure to marry her husband out of a fear of losing him rather than a strong independent desire.
  • Jennifer [04:28]: “I felt like I was going to lose him if I didn't marry him.”
  • Dr. Laura [05:13]: “You thought you'd be safe if you married him, that he wouldn't dump you every time he got mad. That's so sad.”

3. The Cruising Conflict

[09:32–11:09]

• Jennifer’s main complaint: Her husband frequently goes on cruises with family members (not her), and she worries about their marriage dynamic.
• She no longer enjoys cruises herself; he takes steps to include other relatives.
• Dr. Laura shows little concern, noting the cruises are brief and infrequent:
  • Dr. Laura [10:52]: “Why are you calling me to complain about four to five days out of 365? He's always taking people, so he's probably not screwing around. Maybe.”

4. Communication and Marital Responsibility

[11:27–12:08]

• Jennifer wonders whether she should express discomfort about these trips.
• Dr. Laura urges her to be supportive and share in her husband’s happiness, even if she doesn’t want to go:
  • Dr. Laura [11:49]: “That's part of what spouses do for each other. They enjoy each other's happiness in some activity.”

5. Practical Marital Advice

[12:08–12:23]

• Dr. Laura suggests Jennifer help her husband prepare for trips (e.g., pack sunblock), reinforcing the idea of being a supportive spouse.

6. Self-Reflection and Future Guidance

[12:43–13:52]

• Dr. Laura reflects on Jennifer’s willingness to ignore red flags and encourages her not to call again just to complain.
  • Dr. Laura [12:43]: “Yeah, that's past. You married a man who says he has multiple marriages that ended because they were not meaningful to him. Man, I wouldn't marry a guy who said that.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On ignoring obvious red flags:
  • Dr. Laura [02:51]: “If somebody every year on April 7, robs a bank... you really think it's in the past?...”
• On marital choice motivation:
  • Jennifer [04:28]: “I felt like I was going to lose him if I didn't marry him.”
  • Dr. Laura [05:13]: “You thought you'd be safe if you married him, that he wouldn't dump you every time he got mad.”
• On the insignificance of the 'cruise issue':
  • Dr. Laura [10:52]: “Why are you calling me to complain about four to five days out of 365?”
• On supporting a partner’s happiness:
  • Dr. Laura [11:49]: “That's part of what spouses do for each other. They enjoy each other's happiness in some activity.”
• On Jennifer’s call pattern:
  • Dr. Laura [12:43]: “Let's not call complaining about him... You married a man who says he has multiple marriages that ended because they were not meaningful...”

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:12] – Jennifer introduces her concern.
• [02:09–02:35] – Discovery of husband’s prior marriages.
• [03:42–05:13] – Jennifer opens up about why she married.
• [09:32–10:52] – Details of the cruise conflict.
• [11:27–12:08] – Discussion of expressing discomfort.
• [12:08–12:23] – Dr. Laura’s practical advice for Jennifer's role as a spouse.
• [12:43–13:52] – Closing reflections and encouragement for more self-awareness.

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Summary Tone & Style

Dr. Laura maintains her classic, unapologetically candid tone, mixing empathy with sharp, sometimes humorous critique. She challenges Jennifer’s passivity and encourages deeper self-reflection, ultimately guiding her toward acceptance and practical support, rather than ongoing resentment or complaint.

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For listeners:
Even if you haven’t heard the episode, this exchange spotlights recurring relationship issues—honesty, patterns in partner selection, and the importance of finding joy in your spouse’s happiness. Dr. Laura’s advice underscores the value of self-awareness and the limits of how much one can (or should) control a partner’s independent pleasures.

Transcript

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[C]

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[C]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Jennifer, welcome to the program.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

You're welcome.

[A]

How can I hear all these people talk about being nervous and I'm wondering, like, how are you nervous? And. Yeah, now I know how. It's just talking. No. Okay.

[C]

Go ahead.

[A]

It's not. It's not. It's really. It's unwinding. And. Yeah. My question is, cousin, we did cruises together. We did our actual first cruise together.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Had a good time.

[C]

Little back, little backtrack here. How old are you both? How long have you been married?

[A]

I'm 52 and he's 58 and we've been married 13 years.

[C]

Ah. So is it a second marriage for either one of you?

[A]

It is, yes. For both.

[C]

For who?

[A]

Well, it's my second. It's multiple for him, honestly, which I did not know at the time, but yeah.

[C]

So how many times has he been divorced?

[A]

I believe three times.

[C]

So you're the fourth marriage as far as you know?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

So why do you think there were more?

[A]

His friend kind of alluded to that and I just figured it was in the past and I was just going to leave it in the past.

[C]

Really? If somebody every year on April 7, robs a bank and they do that for 10 straight years and then you hook up with them, you really think it's in the past? That there's no pattern that would be meaningful? So how many marriages did you know he had when you were dating him before you married?

[A]

I knew of two.

[C]

And did he ever explain why he didn't tell you about the rest?

[A]

Because they were not real marriages. They were. I say real. They were not meaningful marriages. They were part of an agenda that.

[C]

How do you know you're not part of an agenda? You silly woman, You. You silly woman.

[A]

I don't.

[C]

Are you hearing what you're saying? You sound silly. Come on. You said they weren't important. They were part of an agenda. But I'm sure that's all behind him yet. I'm calling Dr. Laura about a problem I have with him. I guess the agenda's not over. Jennifer, why did you marry him? Seriously, why? Are you lonely? Does he have money? Was he good in bed? Did he get you dogs? I need the truth of why you bothered to marry him.

[A]

That's deep. The truth. I felt like I was going to lose him if I didn't marry him.

[C]

I'm sorry, if you didn't marry him, you would. What? Him What? I didn't understand the word.

[A]

I thought I was. I thought I would lose him. Like we were dating and we had a fight and.

[C]

Okay, question, question. Okay, so you didn't marry him because you wanted to marry him. You didn't want to be dumped.

[A]

Oh my God, Jennifer, that's terrible when you say it out loud.

[C]

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[A]

Okay, so he has taken cruises over the past couple years without me. He's taken like his dad on one, his mom on one, his sister on one, my son on one, my daughter on one because I no longer like to cruise and he wants to keep on taking cruises and I guess I'm definitely a non confrontational person. I kind of just put my head in the sand when I don't like something and think it's gonna get me.

[C]

No. Gee, I could have guessed you were not confrontational. That's not a surprise, honey. He's gonna go on cruises. Cause that's what he likes to do. So why are you calling to complain about it?

[A]

Well, I was gonna talk to him about it. That felt like.

[C]

No, he's not gonna stop doing cruises. You can talk to him all you'd like. You're being silly again.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

By the way, how long are the cruises and how often a year.

[A]

They're like four to five days. And this year he's only been on one. Last year he was on three.

[C]

But why are you calling me to complain about four to five days out of 365? He's always taking people, so he's probably not screwing around. Maybe.

[A]

No, I don't think he's on that.

[C]

Okay, then what's your complaint? It's four to five days.

[A]

At first it was a money issue. At first.

[C]

Okay. Jennifer, Jennifer. He's not going to stop doing the cruises. He knows you don't like it. He's not going to stop doing them. So how else can I help you?

[A]

Would it be unwise for me to ask him? Not, like, he talks to me about it. If he knows I don't like him, and then he, like, gets excited and talks to me about him, like I.

[C]

Think you should if you don't want to go on the cruise. You still should be able, as a good wife, to listen to something that gives your man pleasure.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

That's part of what spouses do for each other. They enjoy each other's happiness in some activity.

[A]

Right. Okay, I hear you.

[C]

So from now on, help him pack and make sure he takes sunblock. Not sunscreen, sunblock.

[A]

Okay? Okay. I do pack for him, but okay. All right.

[C]

Well, anything else you want to ask or say?

[A]

Not at the moment, but I listen to you every day and I think a lot about calling. So I'll probably call again in the future.

[C]

Okay, but let's not call complaining about him.

[A]

Okay? I won't do that.

[C]

Yeah, that's past. You married a man who says he has multiple marriages that ended because they were not meaningful to him. Man, I wouldn't marry a guy who said that. I dump women as soon as I find out. Yeah, I don't think this is meaningful. You don't know before the wedding? No, not always. Yeah, I'd volunteer for that tomorrow. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. Give me a call at 1-800-are-you doing this kind of thinking to your head? This is not an unusual thought process. I'm just going to go with the flow of this, you know, let's do it together. 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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