My Husband Won't Let Me Raise My Kids My Way

Summary

Podcast Summary: “My Husband Won't Let Me Raise My Kids My Way”

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: January 7, 2026

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode centers around a heartfelt caller, Leah, who discusses her disappointing realization that her husband—and broader family dynamic—has prevented her from raising her children as she intended. Dr. Laura guides Leah through her frustrations about parental roles, marital expectations, intergenerational family conflicts, and core lessons about accepting and adapting to challenging family circumstances for the sake of her children’s well-being.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Leah’s Backstory and Expectations

[01:44 – 05:58]

• Leah describes marrying young (at 24), striving to be a “good wife,” and looking forward to traditional family life.

  • She expresses that her approach was deeply influenced by Dr. Laura’s teachings heard with her mom as a teen.

• Despite her hopes, Leah felt undermined soon after her first child was born:

  • Her husband “pushed a nanny” on her against her wishes ([03:25]).
  • She admitted she was “probably just too... a bit of a pushover,” trying to avoid conflict ([03:40]).
  • When her children were old enough for preschool, both sets of parents insisted it was the right choice, despite her misgivings.

• Leah later realized her husband and his parents exhibited controlling or narcissistic behaviors, relating painful experiences like her father-in-law speaking badly about her to the children ([04:40]).

  “I can control how much time [my in-laws] have with my kids. My husband's pretty supportive about that. …but now, over 17 years, I'm beginning to realize maybe my husband is a bit of a narcissist as well.”
  — Leah [05:35]

2. Dr. Laura’s Direct Feedback & Unvarnished Honesty

[09:07 – 13:44]

• Dr. Laura responds with stark realism regarding Leah’s chosen relationship and family situation:

  “I think you tried to do that way too young. You didn't know enough. You didn't have enough worldly experience to know your own mind and to know what to look for. That's what happens when you marry. The distance from 30 down—the more that is, the worse it often gets. It's a different world.”
  — Dr. Laura [09:07]

• She explains it is neither possible nor productive to hope things could “be different”; rather, Leah must “endure and try to minimize” the damage ([09:18]).

• On in-law interference, Dr. Laura is blunt:

  “If I have kids and I have an in law who's talking smack about me to my children, they would never see them again outside of in my presence.”
  — Dr. Laura [09:24]

• Dr. Laura expresses that using the term “narcissist” too broadly is problematic and distracts from the real issue: Leah’s lack of decisive boundaries and strength.

  “And don't start labeling everything narcissistic. You don't even mostly know what you're talking about. That's a very complex, very layered diagnosis... But you're the one who married into this. ...You're stuck. Make the best of it.”
  — Dr. Laura [10:49]

3. Consequence of Divorce and Focus on Children

Divorce Dilemma and Custody

[10:23 – 11:56]

• Leah asks if she should stay with her husband until her youngest is 18.

• Dr. Laura warns her against divorce for the kids’ sake, explaining:

  “They will spend half the time not under your roof and they will spend all that time with his parents. ...It would be good for you in a way, but it wouldn't be good for the kids, which means it wouldn't be good for you.”
  — Dr. Laura [10:29]

• Dr. Laura urges Leah to quietly assert firmer boundaries, specifically controlling when and how in-laws see the kids.

Practical, Unsentimental Advice

[12:02 – 13:44]

• Leah’s question about how to remain a religious virgin into her 30s prompts a candid, secular answer from Dr. Laura—that true discernment comes from life experience:

  “If you had gone into six to nine months of premarital counseling, you never would have married him. And this is why I tell people to do that. Especially when you're under 30, because you really don't know what the hell you're doing.”
  — Dr. Laura [12:16]

• Dr. Laura’s lesson: Leah’s focus must be on creating the safest, most comforting environment possible for her children, “not how unhappy you are with him. It’s too late for that.” She notes that post-divorce, the instability would only worsen the situation for the children.

  “And if you divorce, half the time, you won't have your kids. And if you think that's okay, I'm here to tell you that'll be a nightmare, because you'll have two different worlds, that your kids go back and forth.”
  — Dr. Laura [13:10]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On the futility of wishing for different marital circumstances:
  “I can't help you make anything be different. This is one of those things you have to endure and try to minimize.”
  — Dr. Laura [09:16]

• On setting boundaries with toxic in-laws:
  “Your parents are only going to be around the children when I'm there. I don't trust them. Why would your parents say bad things about the kid's mother to the kids? What kind of nonsense is that?”
  — Dr. Laura [11:09]

• On labeling people as narcissists:
  “And don't start labeling everything narcissistic. ...To make an actual diagnosis requires more than a circumstance. But you're the one who married into this... You're stuck. Make the best of it.”
  — Dr. Laura [10:49]

• Candid reality check about the post-divorce situation:
  “After 18, they're already messed up.”
  — Dr. Laura [13:44]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:44 – Leah Introduces Her Story
• 03:25 – Leah Recounts Being “made” to get a nanny
• 05:35 – Leah Identifies Possible Narcissism in Husband
• 09:07 – Dr. Laura’s Main Assessment: “You married too young”
• 10:29 – Dr. Laura on Divorce and Kids’ Welfare
• 12:16 – Dr. Laura on Premarital Counseling and Life Experience
• 13:44 – The “already messed up” comment about after age 18

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Episode Tone

Dr. Laura delivers her signature brand of tough love, with a direct, no-nonsense, and sometimes biting assessment of Leah’s situation. The conversation is candid, practical, and focused on realistic outcomes—providing listeners with a sobering reminder about the consequences of young marriage, the challenges of family dynamics, and the paramount importance of children’s well-being in complex marital situations.

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For more guidance or to call in, visit drlaura.com or call 1-800-DR-LAURA.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

A fraction of the retail price.

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Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Leah welcome to the program.

[Caller Leah]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you.

[Caller Leah]

I listen to you. Yeah, I listened to you as a teenager and I. Probably not with full attention back then, but I definitely listen to you more with attention now that I'm 41. By the time I was 24. Like, yes, I was young, but I didn't go into marriage blind, probably because I did listen to you with my mom and I studied child development later and she said 18 to 24 is the last plane of development. So I think I made it just in time to hopefully be fully grown. But I was still pretty young. I dated my husband for a year before he proposed. I was a virgin the entire time. I thought I did my due diligence getting to know him and his family. We discussed how many kids we wanted and everything. I wasn't a Perfect wife. But I was a wife who like barely ever nagged again. Hopefully. Yeah, probably because of listening to you and really couldn't wait to see him at the end of every workday and greet him with a kiss. And while we were dating, his mom was complaining about his, his brother's ex wife not being involved enough mother and relying on the nanny too much. I thought, wow, someone who appreciates a stay at home mom. But as soon as my firstborn was a few weeks old, my husband pushed a nanny on to me. I had her for about like a week probably and fired her. And then.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry, I'm not understanding some of your words. We don't have the best connection. But you gave birth. And what did your husband say? I missed.

[Caller Leah]

He just, he kind of made me get a nanny.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Like, okay, nobody in America unless you've been kidnapped and held in a basement can make you get a nanny.

[Caller Leah]

I mean, I was probably just too, like I said, like a bit of a pushover. Probably like I just tried not to nag and.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You were more concerned about.

[Caller Leah]

And got rid of her.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If shish doesn't work, I don't know what does. Okay, go ahead with your story.

[Caller Leah]

No, I complained enough and got rid of her. She. She was gone. And then when he was old enough for preschool, we also had a newborn at the time he said he and his parents and my parents actually said he needs to go to preschool. And I was not really for that. But of course if everybody's saying it, then there must be something wrong with me. He went to preschool and it wasn't just any preschool. It was about 30 minutes away from us, which would be closer to his parents. So they would get him after school too, which I still regret to this day. But I mean, what's done is done. But anyway, over the years I realized that they were narcissistic, which was okay because. And again I use that word. I don't know. I've had some really bad narcissists to my life and they're not in my life anymore. So I know these guys are not as bad. And I can actually, with my in laws, I can control it. I can, I can, you know, they'll, I can control how much time they have with my kids. My husband's pretty supportive about that. I can control when and how often and actually ended up at one point having a conversation with my father in law where I basically lost it at him because he was talking to my kids really negatively about me and my daughter would come back really upset every time. And I said, if you continue, you won't see them at all. But supposedly it stopped. Anyway, I dealt with them, but now, over 17 years, I'm beginning to realize maybe my husband is a bit of a narcissist as well. And that's where it's really painful.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And how did you hope I could help you today? Choose to show up with the bold.

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[Caller Leah]

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[Caller Leah]

How do? Well first of all he has every so often and God willing it won't be oh wow. But last Christmas he, he had a somewhat of a nervous breakdown and we ended up in the hospital and I was there to support him on our wedding day. Actually we had a nervous breakdown during our like dancing part. He again they come with like medical things. It wasn't just that, it was that he on our wedding he had too much Red Bull and danced to the point of he didn't eat all day and had just Red Bull and basically his foot just gave out and I was supporting him there. Then yeah, Christmas he ended up taking.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How are you hoping I could help you today?

[Caller Leah]

I just. Life didn't go the way that I planned even though I really tried hard to pick the right person.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I think you tried to do that way too young. You didn't know enough. You didn't have enough worldly experience to know your own mind and to know what to look for. That's what happens when you marry. The distance from 30 down. The more that is, the worse it often gets. It's a different world. So I can't help you make anything be different. This is one of those things you have to endure and try to minimize. I mean, if I have kids and I have an in law who's talking smack about me to my children, they would never see them again outside of in my presence. You thought, I'm going to have a discussion and then it'll all be over. Except that's when they come in and go, don't tell your mother.

[Caller Leah]

I mean, thankfully, I'll hurt you.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Leia.

[Caller Leah]

Leia wouldn't let me homeschool either, okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I can't help you because you're too damn weak.

[Caller Leah]

Do I stay with them till my youngest is 18 and then I can meet you or do I just.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That I can't answer for you because I don't know what's going to happen. They will spend half the time not under your roof and they will spend all that time with. With his parents. So it would be good for you in a way, but it wouldn't be good for the kids, which means it wouldn't be good for you. But from this point on, quietly, you can put your foot down. This is what I'm doing. This is what I'm not doing. Your parents are only going to be around the children when I'm there. I don't trust them. Why would your parents say bad things about the kid's mother to the kids? What kind of nonsense is that? And don't start labeling everything narcissistic. You don't even mostly know what you're talking about. That's a very complex, very layered diagnosis. And I don't think we could make it just because people are self centered. Leave it alone. No, no, because everybody can be narcissistic traits now and then. So to make an actual diagnosis requires more than a circumstance. But you're the one who married into this. You're the one who had more than one kid with him. He wasn't like every step of the way. Ma', am, ma', am, don't argue with me. There's no point. I'm just pointing out what you told me. You're stuck. Make the best of it.

[Caller Leah]

How do you stay a virgin man if you don't get married at 24? Like religiously? How do you do that?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm you talking to a secular talk show host. So I can't answer your question. You listened to me for many years when you were growing up. You knew better than to make a decision that young to a guy who would drink Red Bulls. I'm sure that's not the first time he did stupid, immature, dumb stuff like that. So there were indications that he wasn't very mature and his parents were very involved in his life. And if you had gone into six to nine months of premarital counseling, you never would have married him. And this is why I tell people to do that. Especially when you're under 30, because you really don't know what the hell you're doing. So we're stuck. Now, you make the best of it by being stronger without being confrontational all the time. You make it as pleasant as you can for your kids. What you want and what you need has to be put by the wayside right now. You've got to create an environment that's safe and comforting to your kids. That needs to be your focus, not how unhappy you are with him. It's too late for that. And if you divorce half the time, you won't have your kids. And if you think that's okay, I'm here to tell you that'll be a nightmare, because you'll have two different worlds, that your kids go back and forth.

[Caller Leah]

Even after 18.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, after 18, they're already messed up.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But under 18, they're gonna go back and forth. And so all I can tell you is make the best of it. 1-800-375-2872.

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