My Husband's Priorities Are Screwed Up!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "My Husband's Priorities Are Screwed Up!"

Episode Information:

• Title: My Husband's Priorities Are Screwed Up!
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Release Date: April 13, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, a concerned wife reaches out to seek guidance on her husband's recent behavior that has unsettled her after over three decades of marriage. The discussion delves into issues of trust, boundaries, and accountability within a long-term relationship.

Caller’s Situation

The caller, a woman married for over 30 years with three adult children, shares her distress upon discovering her husband’s private text messages with a female colleague. While the content of the messages wasn't scandalous, it pertained to personal matters and included unprofessional language.

• Timestamp [00:36] Caller:
  “...text message between my husband and a female colleague... It wasn't anything that was scandalous, but it was about personal issues... she used swear words in her reply... not a professional colleague type text message.”

Recently, her husband revealed another message featuring a video of the colleague’s son snowboarding. She confronted him, expressing that maintaining private, personal communications with another woman feels inappropriate and undermines their marital boundaries.

• Timestamp [02:21] Caller:
  “I just feel it's inappropriate for you to be having a private, just the two of you text message with a colleague that I'm not privy to... it's sharing your life with another female.”

Dr. Laura’s Initial Response

Dr. Laura acknowledges the caller’s feelings and probes deeper to understand if such behavior has occurred before, which it has not.

• Timestamp [03:07] Dr. Laura:
  “He's not taking any responsibility and there's a problem.”

When the caller describes her husband's dismissive response, Dr. Laura firmly supports her stance, affirming that her husband did indeed wrong her.

• Timestamp [03:29] Dr. Laura:
  “You did something wrong... You caught his ass, okay?”

Husband’s Perspective

The husband claims that his interactions are innocent and maintains that the marriage remains strong, asserting his wife is his "number one." He attempts to shift the blame onto his wife for making him feel as though he did something wrong.

• Timestamp [05:54] Caller:
  “He said what he would do. He goes, well, I'll block them... you're more concerned about blocking them and what their reaction is going to be than what you did to me.”

Dr. Laura identifies this as a manipulative tactic, recognizing signs that the husband may be emotionally involved beyond professional boundaries.

• Timestamp [08:44] Dr. Laura:
  “If you need to ask me that question. Your husband is more manipulative than I thought.”

Further Advice and Resolution

Dr. Laura advises against simply blocking the colleague, emphasizing the importance of open communication and setting clear boundaries to restore trust.

• Timestamp [06:42] Dr. Laura:
  “Blocking is not useful. I believe having a conversation with her... that's the grown-up and professional way to handle this.”

She suggests a transparent discussion involving all parties, possibly including the husbands, to ensure accountability and re-establish boundaries.

• Timestamp [07:08] Dr. Laura:
  “With you present... in your presence. We need to go back to our professional... boundaries.”

Dr. Laura underscores that the crossover between professional and personal spheres is inappropriate, regardless of gender, highlighting that such behavior is a breach of marital trust.

• Timestamp [08:27] Dr. Laura:
  “If you need to ask me that question... that's what all this is about.”

Conclusion

The episode concludes with Dr. Laura reinforcing her support for the caller, emphasizing the need for prioritizing the marital relationship over inappropriate external interactions. She commends the caller for recognizing and addressing the issue, highlighting the importance of maintaining ethical boundaries in personal relationships.

• Timestamp [09:34] Dr. Laura:
  “Your priority is in the wrong place.”

• Timestamp [09:45] Caller:
  “Wow. When I bring that up to him, like that kind of a statement.”

Dr. Laura finalizes the conversation by affirming the caller's insights and encouraging her to uphold the boundaries essential for a healthy marriage.

• Timestamp [10:22] Caller:
  “Colleagues do not send personal missives back and forth behind their spouse's backs. That's not what colleagues do.”

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Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura [03:07]:
  “He's not taking any responsibility and there's a problem.”

• Dr. Laura [08:44]:
  “Your husband is more manipulative than I thought.”

• Dr. Laura [09:34]:
  “Your priority is in the wrong place.”

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Final Thoughts

This episode serves as a poignant reminder of the vital role that trust and clear boundaries play in sustaining long-term relationships. Dr. Laura adeptly navigates the caller through her emotional turmoil, offering practical advice to address and rectify the underlying issues threatening her marriage.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. And welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. What can I help with?

[Caller]

Well, I just have a question about a couple. So we've been married. My husband and I have been married for over 30 years and we have three adult children that are out of the home. And in the last couple of months there has been, and I happened to just come upon it, but a text message between my husband and a female colleague who's also married. It wasn't anything that was scandalous, but it was about personal issues and not, and not about like work, even though it was a colleague. And at that time I told him that Mike, it made me uncomfortable. That was an uncomfortable feeling to see a conversation. And the way that she talked to him was very like, not professional. Like she used swear words in her reply that, you know, like not a professional colleague type text message. Well, then just yesterday he came home and he, he said, I just want to be upfront with you. I got another text message from so and so and here it is. And, and it was a video of her son, you know, snowboarding or something. And so that night I told him, I said, I just feel it's inappropriate for you to be having a private, just the two of you text message with a colleague that I'm not privy to. And it's personal. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's sharing your life with another female.

[Dr. Laura]

Right.

[Caller]

And he did not see where my con. I, he did not see where my concern. He said, it's totally innocent. Our marriage is strong. This isn't, you know, you're my number one. This is nothing. And I said to him, if I were to have a private message that you didn't know anything about, and I was taking up our family time, our time after work, texting, talking to somebody from work that you never met, that you don't know that was a male, would that be bothersome to you? And he said, well, it would depend on the context of it. But my opinion is no matter what, it's inappropriate.

[Dr. Laura]

And Ann?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

He's not taking any responsibility and there's A problem. Has anything like this happened before in this marriage?

[Caller]

No. And that's the thing. I said. I, you know, and he. He. After talking for a while, he turned it around and said, you make me feel like I did something wrong.

[Dr. Laura]

And I said, the answer is you did. You did something wrong. You have personal communications with a woman you know. You don't have to prove anything to me. You caught his ass, okay? And he's trying to turn it back on you. Yeah, because that's offensive. He did you make me feel something wrong. And I already said I know. Yeah. Okay. You had to convince me.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

And I'm sorry.

[Caller]

Well, thank you.

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[Caller]

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[Caller]

He said what he would do. He goes, well, I'll. I'll block them. And then he goes, but that. How's that going to affect my work relationship with this person? And then I said, you're more concerned about blocking them and what their reaction is going to be than what you did to me.

[Dr. Laura]

That's right.

[Caller]

Like they're feeling what they're.

[Dr. Laura]

You don't have to repeat it. That's correct.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Smart woman.

[Caller]

Okay. Thank you. Well, how do I move forward? Like, because this has.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, you got. Don't ask a question and then go on and on and on. Don't do that. I can't answer anything. Okay. So one thing at a time. Blocking.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't know if you'll get another phone, but I don't think blocking is useful. I believe having a conversation with her that you are privy to, and she knows you're privy to that. We've been discussing personal things about our lives and our families and our homes and all of that, and this is wholly inappropriate. I'd like to go back to us being colleagues. That's the grown up and professional way to handle this.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

With you present. And I think the three of you should be in a room or maybe also her husband. That's how I think this needs to be handled with great. As they say in politics, with great transparency.

[Caller]

Thank you. Okay. I agree with that.

[Dr. Laura]

But let me finish my sentence. Let me finish my thought because you keep complaining you can do that with your girlfriend or your mother. You don't need to do it with me. I already got it. Okay.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm supporting you. Okay. If he's not willing to do that in your presence, then you have a huge problem.

[Caller]

Okay. Okay. I think that's a good idea.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. It has to be in your presence. We need to go back to our professional. Oh, I'm going to use a word everybody likes. You ready? No. Boundaries.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

We crossed a boundary between work and personal. Yeah, I love boundaries. Property line. Okay, so go ahead.

[Caller]

You feel like you feel that.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't ask me about. Don't ask me about my feelings. Ask me about my opinions and my thoughts.

[Caller]

It's is your opinion that there is a difference between a man and a woman privately texting who are colleagues and a man and a man who have a text message back and forth. Who are colleagues.

[Dr. Laura]

If you need to ask me that question. Your husband is more manipulative than I thought.

[Caller]

Okay. All right. Well.

[Dr. Laura]

Worries me that. That worries me.

[Caller]

Yeah, that also came up and I.

[Dr. Laura]

That was manipulative. That was manipulative.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Saying that they were the same. Look, he's hot for her. I don't know if they screwed or not, but he clearly is hot for her and he got caught and so he is being defensive and that's what all this is about.

[Caller]

Okay. Wow. Okay. I guess I need. I needed to hear that.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, I think you did.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

And the most brilliant thing you said to him was your priority. Your priority is in the wrong place.

[Caller]

Yeah. Like, why spend that energy? Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm like, because it's sexually emotionally satisfying.

[Caller]

Wow. When. When I bring that up to him, like that kind of a. A statement. He says, they're just colleagues. Like, there's no. He. There's.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Caller]

He tells me there's no And.

[Dr. Laura]

And colleagues.

[Caller]

I know, I know. I know the truth.

[Dr. Laura]

Quiet.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Colleagues do not send personal missives back and forth behind their spouse's backs. That's not what colleagues do.

[Caller]

Okay. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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