My Kids Can't Forgive My Criminal Past

Summary

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Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: "My Kids Can't Forgive My Criminal Past"

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: David
Date: September 20, 2025

Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Dr. Laura advises David, a 57-year-old father seeking guidance on reconnecting with his estranged adult children. After serving time for a white-collar crime and enduring a difficult divorce, David grapples with his children's ongoing sense of shame and distance. Dr. Laura offers her characteristic direct, no-nonsense wisdom—centered on personal accountability, patience, and realistic expectations about family healing after betrayal.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

David’s Story: Context & Struggles

[02:22 - 09:04]

• David, formerly a financial professional, admits to misusing client funds, ultimately serving 11 months in prison after attempting restitution.
• Since his conviction and prison time became public in a small Canadian community, his adult children (27 and 25) have struggled with intense shame and embarrassment.
  • "I assume full responsibility and there's no question that I did this to myself." (David, 04:14)
  • Attempts at reconnection post-incarceration have been fraught—his son is distant, and his daughter has barely communicated for four years.
• At a recent family event, David’s hope for a breakthrough with his daughter was dashed: “The wall was as up and as present as ever.” (David, 05:30)

Advice from Past Professionals & Dr. Laura’s Interrogation

[09:04 - 10:20]

• David acknowledges consulting various professionals—some suggesting that, with time and maturity, or as their mother’s influence wanes, his children might return.
  • Dr. Laura presses whether David’s ex-wife “lied” to the kids, to which David responds he has no direct evidence.
  • Dr. Laura quickly dismisses the suggestion that his ex-wife is primarily to blame:
    • “Yes. I think that was bad advice.” (Dr. Laura, 10:20)

Dr. Laura’s Core Advice—Let Go, Accept, and Rebuild

[10:57 - 13:04]

• Dr. Laura is unequivocal: David must accept that his children’s withdrawal is a consequence of his own actions, not others’ manipulation.
  • “You do not approach your children. Not now. That’s what you want, that’s what you need. You damaged them with what you did.” (Dr. Laura, 11:00)
• She emphasizes the power and persistence of shame and embarrassment for young people and cautions David not to underestimate its impact.
  • “Kids growing up, if you remember when you were growing up, one of the worst things ever was to be embarrassed. For sure, don’t underestimate that.” (Dr. Laura, 11:16)
• Her prescription:
  • Don’t pressure the children—give them space and time.
  • Focus on personal rehabilitation and positive community involvement—giving the children potentially different, better things to know about him over time.
    • Volunteer, do good deeds, become known for something positive, even if it takes a decade to reconnect.
  • “So sometime in the future you may wait 10 years and knock on one of their doors, but between now and then, let them get on with their lives. You get on with yours so that you have something positive to eventually show them.” (Dr. Laura, 11:48)
• Dr. Laura’s summary directive: “Go do the right thing.” (Dr. Laura, 12:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• David’s Self-Reflection:

  • “I assume full responsibility and there’s no question that I did this to myself.” (04:14)
  • “…the wall was as, as up and as present as ever.” (05:30)

• Dr. Laura’s Direct Guidance:

  • “I think that was bad advice.” (10:20, on blaming the ex-wife)
  • “You do not approach your children. Not now. That’s what you want, that’s what you need. You damaged them with what you did.” (11:00)
  • “Don't underestimate [embarrassment]. One or the other or both may come around, but back off. Leave them alone… and get past all that shame and embarrassment and discomfort and confusion.” (11:14)
  • “Give them something else to know about you. Now go do the right thing.” (12:43 & 12:49)

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Segment Timestamps

• [02:18] David introduces himself and summarizes his criminal conviction, restitution, and family estrangement.
• [05:30] David recounts recent failed attempt at reconnecting at a family wedding.
• [09:04] Post-advertisement, Dr. Laura presses David about therapist’s and professionals' earlier advice.
• [10:20] Dr. Laura challenges the narratives blaming the ex-wife, labels guidance as “bad advice.”
• [11:00 - 12:49] Dr. Laura’s step-by-step guidance: don’t pursue children now, work on himself, allow for the possibility of future change.

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Tone & Approach

The episode features Dr. Laura’s trademark style—direct, unsentimental, and grounded in personal accountability. She delivers empathy for David’s regret but centers the conversation on present realities and concrete steps for moving forward, not on wishful thinking or blame-shifting.

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Takeaway

This episode compellingly illustrates the long-term, deeply personal impact of betrayal and public shame on family relationships. Dr. Laura reminds listeners that the path to reconciliation can be slow—or may never materialize—but that real healing starts with personal transformation, patience, and humility.

Transcript

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[B]

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[B]

Hi Dr. Laura, how are you today?

[A]

Good. How can I help?

[B]

I'm going to try and give you a shortened version of my Lifetime Story movie that I've lived. I am 57 years old. I am remarried, went through a very acrimonious divorce during the years. I did the best I could to be supportive financially and otherwise to my children in every way possible. But since the divorce it's been extremely difficult treading with both my children. One is 27, the other is 25. In the late years of 2018, the late months of 2017, I committed a crime, a white collar crime. I was a financial professional for 28 years and I misused funds from clients in, in my trust account. I cooperated with the authorities in every way I could. And ultimately I had one client. I gave back all the. To the, to the clients who were harmed. And I had one client who decided to take this to another level. And three years after the administrative procedure that was taken against me was settled, they brought criminal charges against me. I'd already pleaded guilty on the administrative level, so it transported in Canada to the criminal level. I cooperated the best I could, but as a result of the circumstances within my small community in Canada, I was victimized by my own doing. Of course, I assume full responsibility and there's no question that I did this to myself. But I had tried to do the best I could in the circumstances. I ended up serving an 11 month prison term, which was extremely shameful to my children. They put me on the Montreal News and it was in the newspaper and they felt a great sense of shame. And. Yeah. So as best I tried to make a bad situation into a better one by admitting my guilt, making restitution with my investors and all of that, my children felt a great sense of shame and embarrassment for me, which I completely understand. And from the combination of both the divorce and the circumstances that I just described to you, I've now created, there's a wall that's very big. When I got home from my jail sentence, I reached out to both of them. My son felt very uncomfortable communicating with me from jail. He felt like it was going to potentially cause some kind of encumbrance on him. I didn't push it. I accepted that. My daughter I haven't spoken to in four years. We exchange very limited texts. My niece just got married. On Sunday, I saw my daughter for the first time in four years. Again, I didn't want to put a lot of pressure. I try not to create that vacuum of pressure for her. I know that it's very difficult for her. And the shame was overwhelming within our community. And Sunday didn't work out as well as I had hoped. I was hoping we'd be able to talk a little bit, even though the wedding might not have been the ideal circumstances. Just to create an opportunity to have a hug and just a brief conversation. And the wall was as, as up and as present as ever. So I'm just not sure where to go with this.

[A]

Just a second. David. David.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

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[A]

Okay, David, what were you thinking about during the break?

[B]

I was thinking that I'll end telling more of my story because it's going to be very long and encumbering on the rest of your listeners and yourself. I. Obviously I'm seeking some counsel. I mean, there's a lot of experts out there and a lot of different opinions. I've consulted with professionals. Professionals. And I'm just trying to figure out.

[A]

Really, what have professionals told you?

[B]

So I'll tell you a little bit. Summer shared with me that when my children fully mature, fully grow up and maybe have less impactful dealings day to day with their mother, some of the acrimony may come. May produce a different sense of reality for them.

[A]

So they blamed it on your ex wife.

[B]

Some of. Some of the angry emotion. Not what I did in terms of my professional practice, but just in terms of the maybe making my children believe things that may not have been true during the divorce situation and things of that nature that may have.

[A]

Are you aware that she lied to the children about you? And if so, what did she lie about?

[B]

I'm not aware of anything directly, so I certainly wouldn't say that she.

[A]

Yeah. And was your therapist a male or a female?

[B]

Female.

[A]

That said that? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Yes. I think that was bad advice. I think that was bad advice.

[B]

Fair enough.

[A]

Okay, next. Next thing you heard.

[B]

So the other thing I heard is don't pressure them. When they're ready, they'll come around. I feel like I'm the parent, I'm the adult, I'm the one who is guilty. And although this is now in the past and I'm working very proactively to make my life different from the way it was before, I obviously feel as though I just don't know how to approach my children. I've tried to create conduits where.

[A]

David. Okay, David, my turn. You do not approach your children. Not now. That's what you want, that's what you need. You damaged them with what you did.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Kids growing up, if you remember when you were growing up, one of the worst things ever was to be embarrassed. For sure, don't underestimate that. One or the other or both may come around, but back off. Leave them alone. Let them get on with their lives. Let them have equanimity and get past all that shame and embarrassment and discomfort and confusion. And let's not. You have no concrete evidence that she has done anything to damage the relationship anymore. You've done enough of it yourself, correct? So sometime in the future you may wait 10 years and knock on one of their doors, but between now and then, let them get on with their lives. You get on with yours so that you have something positive to eventually show them. Get involved in charities. Get involved in some good deeds. Get involved in something that might even hit the paper showing how you have that. You're trying to compensate for your past deeds. Give them something else to know about you. Now go do the right thing. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drw Laura and instagram.com drlaura program.

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