My Mom Doesn't Love Me

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day Episode: My Mom Doesn't Love Me Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger Release Date: July 20, 2025

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Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Tom reaches out to Dr. Laura Schlessinger seeking guidance on his strained relationship with his mother. The discussion delves deep into themes of co-dependency, personal responsibility, and the importance of self-empowerment in the face of familial challenges.

Tom’s Struggle with Co-Dependency

Tom begins by sharing the longstanding tension with his mother, highlighting her severe health issues, including diabetes, neuropathy, and a chronic open wound that plagued her for over a decade. After the passing of his father, who suffered from ALS, Tom assumed the role of primary caregiver for his mother for eight years. This intense involvement fostered a co-dependent dynamic, leaving Tom feeling trapped and resentful.

“She's had diabetes and neuropathy and a bunch of diabetic complications and she doesn't take care of herself.” (00:42)

Conflict Escalates

The situation escalated when Tom confronted his mother about her refusal to move to a skilled nursing facility. His mother demanded that he take on responsibilities such as grocery shopping and pet care, further exacerbating the co-dependency.

“I said, no, I'm not taking her home. She needs to go to skilled nursing.” (01:39)

Despite seeking to establish boundaries by referencing Codependent No More, the confrontation led to significant fallout. Tom discovered that his mother had moved to assisted living and altered her will without his knowledge, resulting in her losing her foot—a consequence Tom had foreseen due to inadequate care.

“She ended up losing her foot, which I knew was inevitable.” (03:06)

Broader Family Conflict

Adding to the turmoil, Tom recounts a heated argument with his brother. His brother criticized him for being overly emotional and acting like a "17-year-old girl," implicitly suggesting that Tom’s actions were immature and unproductive.

“Your mother makes what?” (03:06) “He act like a girl because... I should just let an adult woman... do what she wants.” (03:06)

Dr. Laura’s Insightful Guidance

Dr. Laura Schlessinger promptly addresses Tom’s co-dependency, emphasizing personal accountability and the detrimental impact of his current coping mechanisms on his life.

“This is on you. This is on you, sir.” (03:57) “You're making your life miserable.” (03:57)

She challenges Tom to shift his focus from trying to control his mother’s affections to pursuing his own life goals. Dr. Laura urges him to utilize his talents and passions—like architecture—to contribute positively to the world rather than being ensnared in a destructive familial pattern.

“What have you done in your life to get to that goal?” (07:32) “I wish more people would think about how they can use their talents to make the world better.” (08:16)

Encouragement to Move Forward

Dr. Laura firmly advises Tom to move on with his life, suggesting that maintaining his current path only perpetuates his misery. She reinforces the idea that his efforts to seek his mother’s love are futile and that he possesses the strength and purpose to lead a fulfilling life independent of her influence.

“At this point, I'd like you to move on with your life.” (10:02) “Stop trying to get your mother to love you. That ain't working, babe.” (08:16)

Conclusion

Tom acknowledges the truth in Dr. Laura’s words, recognizing the time he has wasted on his unresolved issues with his mother. Dr. Laura concludes by reiterating the value of living purposefully and encouraging Tom to prioritize his well-being and personal growth over an unreciprocated and toxic relationship.

“I've wasted a lot of time on this subject.” (09:31) “You have a purpose other than trying to control your mother to make her love you.” (10:49)

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Key Takeaways:

• Co-Dependency Awareness: Understanding the signs and impacts of co-dependent relationships is crucial for personal mental health.
• Setting Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries with family members is essential to prevent emotional exhaustion and resentment.
• Personal Responsibility: Taking charge of one’s own life and focusing on personal goals can lead to greater fulfillment and reduced stress.
• Utilizing Talents: Leveraging personal skills and passions not only contributes to personal growth but also positively impacts the broader community.

Notable Quotes:

• “This is on you, sir. You're making your life miserable.” – Dr. Laura Schlessinger (03:57)
• “Stop trying to get your mother to love you. That ain't working, babe.” – Dr. Laura Schlessinger (08:16)
• “At this point, I'd like you to move on with your life.” – Dr. Laura Schlessinger (10:02)

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Final Thoughts This episode serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of self-care and the courage it takes to break free from unhealthy familial ties. Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides Tom—and listeners at large—with actionable advice to reclaim their lives and pursue their true passions, fostering a path toward personal happiness and societal contribution.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Tom, welcome to the program.

[Tom]

Great. Thank you, Dr. Laura. So, thank you. I got in a big fight this morning with my mother, unintentionally. I've been pissed at her for probably the last seven or eight months. She's had diabetes and neuropathy and a bunch of diabetic complications and she doesn't take care of herself. And she had an open wound on her foot for like 10 to 15 years or just some absolutely crazy amount of time. And I was the one that's been helping her for the last eight years after my dad died. And my dad had ALS for about a year, then he died. And then I get in this big fight with her when she's in the hospital and she's got a bone infection and they're about to release her and the doctor says to me, you know, you need to take her home. And I said, no, I'm not taking her home. She needs to go to skilled nursing. If she doesn't go to skilled nursing, she's going to lose her foot. That's why she's here with a bone infection.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Right? Good point.

[Tom]

I told her, I said, if you're going, then she said to me, you need to take me home, go to the grocery store, get my dog, all this stuff. Basically bossing me around because we are in a codependent relationship. I did read Codependent no More last year and I said to her, if you're going home, I'm not helping you.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You.

[Tom]

You need to call my brother. So I finally stood up to her over her illness. And she's been on fentanyl for about 20 years. So I think it's really kind of fright her brain. So she was, you know, angry with me. And then she ended up moving about five hours north of here where we live, or she was to an area that's cheaper but into, you know, assisted living. You know, she and my brother didn't tell me that she was moved. They've changed her will without telling me. I was supposed to be the power of attorney because I had power of attorney, which is what I wanted to use to make medical decisions for her, to put her into skilled nursing so she wouldn't lose her foot. So long story short, she ended up losing her foot, which I knew was inevitable. And you know, she complains about it and drives me crazy. And I saw her this weekend and she's, you know, complaining about the loss of her foot and it's her own damn fault, you know, she did it to herself. And my brother and I got in a big fight over it and my brother said, you know, I act like a girl because, you know, I'm gay and I have my emotions, you know, of a 17 year old girl and I should just let an adult woman, you know, do what she wants. And I said, you know, when we were kids, your mother makes what?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Nobody's a kid anymore. Tell me how much your brother's. Tell me how much your brother's comment, as insulting as it sounds, was accurate that you're acting like a teenage girl.

[Tom]

No, it's not accurate. That's just a meaning.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

[Tom]

Is it?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I wish I had a. I.

[Unknown]

Would.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You have made her life the center point of yours?

[Tom]

You know? I have. Yeah, I have.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

He hasn't. He hasn't. You haven't.

[Tom]

I have. Yeah. No, she doesn't care about me.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And that has not improved the quality of your life. It's not making you more productive. No, you are making you miserable.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

This is on you. This is on you, sir. Your brother is making a point, as annoying and insulting as it sounded, that you are operating out of emotions and that you have connected with her because you're still wanting to get something from her that you're never going to get. He doesn't care.

[Tom]

He doesn't care. Yeah, you're right.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

No, this morning he's. No, I don't want to hear. No, no, I don't want to hear it anymore. You're acting like your mother right now. You have to tell me. You have to complain.

[Tom]

I do.

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[Tom]

People when work gets crazy, I like to stop by the bar after, have a few cold ones.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I don't drink at all until 4 o'. Clock. We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night.

[Unknown]

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[Tom]

I look like my father and I act like my mother.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Do you have the sense that you're wasting your life?

[Tom]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Life is such a precious thing. Tom.

[Tom]

I'm 56, you know.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Life is a precious thing. And instead of living inside your mother, there's something you should be doing that improves the world, and you're not paying any attention to that. You're hiding in your mother.

[Tom]

Yeah, you're right.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

When you were a kid, did you want to be a baseball player? An astronaut? What did you want to be?

[Tom]

An architect.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

What did you want to do?

[Tom]

I wanted to be an architect.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay, stop, stop. So what have you done in your life to get us to that goal?

[Tom]

I sell real estate and I like flipping houses and remodeling houses and playing architect.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And what step could you take to make this even more special? Your talent for architecture? What step could you take? Is that a particular course?

[Tom]

No, it would be working my business harder and thinking less about my mother.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And do you think in doing that that would be more of a contribution to the world?

[Tom]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

See, I think we all have a moral obligation to use what skills Talents, abilities we have to make the world better, even if it's in a tiny, miniscule way. Somebody taking a foster kid in to me is making the world better. Doesn't have to be huge, but I wish more people would think about how they can use their talents to make the world better. Stop trying to get your mother to love you. That ain't working, babe.

[Tom]

Yeah, she's too wrapped up in herself to really care about anything else. I mean, she was a good mother when I was a kid.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I don't want to hear any of that. Don't want to hear any of it. None of it. I don't want to hear about yesterday. I don't even want to hear about this morning. I want to know what you're going to do tomorrow to make the world a better place. Other than that, you're wasting this valuable thing. Other than that, you're wasting your blessing of being alive. And I'd like you not to waste it anymore.

[Tom]

I've wasted a lot of time on this subject.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

That was yesterday and this morning. I don't drive a car backwards.

[Tom]

Got it?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Or I don't drive a car forward looking only through the rear view mirror. I don't do either of those, and I'd like you to.

[Tom]

Do I worry about keeping her in my life or do I just move forward with my life and she fits in wherever she does or doesn't?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

At this point, I'd like you to move on with your life. At some point when you're stronger, with that, you could make some alterations, but you put your brother in control. Leave it that way. You're not going to make her love you. You're not going to make her love you. She's a very disturbed woman and a drug addict.

[Tom]

She is. It's the addiction that's the impossible thing to deal with. And because of that, I don't drink. I don't.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I don't want to hear yet. I don't want to hear anything. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. Do you think I'm ruining.

[Tom]

My friend? Don't want to hear it. Nobody wants to hear.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

The only thing we're all hoping for is you no longer want to hear it. So you stop wasting your life. You have a purpose other than trying to control your mother to make her love you.

[Tom]

Yeah, probably true.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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