My Son Dislikes His "Sister"

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: My Son Dislikes His "Sister"
Date: June 29, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest/Caller: Christine

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura counsels Christine, a listener struggling with boundaries after years of acting as a surrogate parent to her son’s former girlfriend. Christine seeks advice on how to step back from that relationship without causing further distress within her family, particularly regarding her son, who seems uncomfortable with the closeness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background and Listener's Dilemma

• Christine shares that she and her husband informally “stood in” as parents for their son’s girlfriend, who came from a troubled background. After the teen romance ended, they continued offering support, sometimes referring to the young woman as their “daughter.”
• Christine’s core question: How can she step back from this relationship, or phase it out, without hurting anyone, particularly her own son?
  • [02:23] “My question is how to phase out or gradually step away...from a surrogate parenting relationship. My husband and I kind of became surrogate parents for a childhood friend, girlfriend of our son.”

2. The Importance of Language and Boundaries

• Dr. Laura immediately pinpoints the confusion that calling the young woman “your daughter” could cause for Christine’s son.
  • [03:29] “Please, in front of your son, don't call her your daughter.”
• The co-host underscores the risk of giving the impression that Christine equates her son and the young woman in family hierarchy.
  • [03:38] “I only can imagine how that makes him feel. It's very confusing.”
• Both Dr. Laura and her advisor encourage Christine to avoid loaded terms like “surrogate parent” or “daughter” to prevent complicating family relationships.
  • [08:28] “So all these words you use make it more intense...Be careful of your words because it gives an impression that can upset others when there's very little contact, really at this point.”

3. Emotional Reality for Christine’s Son

• Dr. Laura and her team urge Christine to recognize why her son may be hurt or confused by her behavior, and why having clear boundaries is healthy.
  • [04:08] “But I don't think you want to alienate your son. And it's not unnatural for him to have mixed feelings about all of this.”
• They imply that what Christine’s son likely objects to is not the help itself—but the implication that this woman is at the same emotional and familial status as him.
  • [04:27] “Enjoin her as the same status as he has.”
  • [04:35] Christine: “I don't know that she's ever really been the same status as. As he. But I...”
  • [04:37] Dr. Laura: “In whose mind? In whose mind?”
  • [04:53] Co-host: “You called her your daughter. Yeah. That same status.”

4. Concrete Advice: What To Do Next

• Ask, don’t assume: Dr. Laura suggests Christine have a direct conversation with her son.
  • [08:21] Co-host: “I'd like you to ask your son which part of our interaction with her concerns you the most? And then just shut up and let him talk.”
• Don’t justify—listen: Christine is urged to ask which specific behaviors, interactions, or language bother her son, and to listen before defending her intentions.
  • [09:19] “And then he talks about the contact, say, well, you know, it's like it's once or twice a year or we make a phone call. We're very happy that we helped this human being, this young woman, in the beginning of her life.”
• Pull back from “fantasy family:” Dr. Laura highlights that Christine’s intentions were good, but the emotional framing may be unhealthy now.
  • [09:18] Co-host: “But you took it into a bit of a fantasy level and I'd like you to pull that back.”

5. Acknowledging Good Deeds Without Overstepping

• Dr. Laura and her co-host stress that Christine and her husband were “wonderful people” for helping a child in need, but now is the time to clarify healthy limits and move forward appropriately.
  • [08:57] “You are wonderful people who help this young woman at a terrible time in her life that is from heaven. Wonderful.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On boundaries:

  “Please, in front of your son, don't call her your daughter.”
  —Dr. Laura, [03:29]

• On emotional confusion:

  “I only can imagine how that makes him feel. It's very confusing.”
  —Co-host, [03:38]

• On asking directly:

  “I'd like you to ask your son which part of our interaction with her concerns you the most? And then just shut up and let him talk.”
  —Co-host, [08:21]

• On intentions vs. actions:

  “You are wonderful people who help this young woman at a terrible time in her life that is from heaven. Wonderful. But you took it into a bit of a fantasy level and I'd like you to pull that back.”
  —Co-host, [08:57]/[09:18]

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Key Timestamps

• [02:23] Christine outlines her concern and gives background.
• [03:29] Dr. Laura: “Please, in front of your son, don't call her your daughter.”
• [03:38] Co-host highlights potential confusion for the son.
• [04:08] Dr. Laura and co-host caution against alienating Christine’s son.
• [08:21] Co-host recommends having a direct, open conversation with Christine’s son.
• [08:57]–[09:18] Praise for Christine’s good intentions + warning against blurring familial lines.
• [09:48] “And she's on her own now.” (Dr. Laura)

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Summary / Final Thoughts

Dr. Laura’s practical wisdom shines in this episode as she walks Christine through the emotional terrain of blended family boundaries and the unintended impact of extending parental care beyond one’s own child. The overarching message: Good deeds are valuable, but clear language and honest communication are essential to preserve core family relationships and prevent confusion or hurt.

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Recommended Action for Listeners:
When providing mentorship or care outside your nuclear family, be mindful of the language used to describe these relationships and remain attuned to your own children’s emotional needs and perspectives. Open, honest conversations—without justification or defensiveness—are the best bridge toward resolution.

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Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Commercial Voice 1]

Hi.

[Caller Christine]

Thanks Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're very welcome.

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

What's going on? What can I help you with?

[Caller Christine]

My question is how to phase out or gradually step away or maybe not gradually from a surrogate parenting relationship. My husband and I kind of became surrogate parents for a childhood friend, girlfriend of our son. They were teenagers, so I don't really know how serious, you know, that can be. But she, this child had a very difficult life. Parents were drug addicts, etc. And so even after they stopped dating, you know, my husband and I stood in and filled a void along with her grandparents that were raising her that, you know, we we met over the years. To fast forward now, my son is 26 and the. Our. The surrogate child. Our daughter is. Will be 25. Our son.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Have you legally adopted her?

[Caller Christine]

No, no. It's purely.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Please, in front of your son, don't

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

call her your daughter.

[Caller Christine]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

I only can imagine how that makes him feel. It's very confusing.

[Caller Christine]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

I don't think you have to phase out of being interested and involved, but acting as regulation parents, it may be very confusing and upsetting and complicated. I appreciate you have a big heart.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I appreciate you have a big heart.

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

But I don't think you want to alienate your son. And it's not unnatural for him to have mixed feelings about all of this.

[Caller Christine]

I agree.

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

Enjoin her as the same status as he has.

[Caller Christine]

I hear what you're saying. I don't know that she's ever really been the same status as. As he. But I.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

In whose mind? In whose mind?

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

You called her your daughter? Christine. You called her your daughter. Yeah. That same status.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller Christine]

So how do we kind of step away or kind of phase this relationship?

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

Well, what, what is it that you do with her? I mean, tell me the what goes on between the three of you, Your

[Caller Christine]

husband, yourself and this girl we occasionally call, give parental advice. We might visit her once a year. She lives in another state. So when she was younger, you know, we got her on a career path, you know, made sure that she finished school. You know, these were things in years. I helped her, you know, find an apartment.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Things that I'm talking about now.

[Caller Christine]

I'm talking currently, just telephone. Occasional telephone conversations. Not daily. Maybe. I don't know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

One I'd like you to ask.

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

Okay, then I'd like you to ask your son which part of. And don't call sir. Don't say surrogate parent.

[Caller Christine]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

I thought you had carried somebody's baby to term.

[Caller Christine]

Oh, I'm sorry. Pardon me.

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

So all these words you use make it more intense.

[Caller Christine]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

So be careful of your words because it gives an impression that can upset others when there's very little contact, really at this point.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So I think it's reasonable for you

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

to ask your son and avoid those words. You're not surrogate parents. She's not your daughter. You're not her mother. You are wonderful people who help this young woman at a terrible time in her life that is from heaven. Wonderful.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But you took it into a bit

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

of a fantasy level and I'd like you to pull that back. Nonetheless, I'd like you to ask your son which part of our interaction with her concerns you the most? And then just shut up and let him talk. And then he talks about the contact, say, well, you know, it's like it's once or twice a year or we make a phone call. We're very happy that we helped this human being, this young woman, in the beginning of her life.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And she's on her own now.

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

What part of this upsets you

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

so

[Dr. Laura's Co-Host or Advisor]

then we'll know what Then we'll know what we're Then we'll know what we're dealing with. That's what I recommend you do at this point. Whatever his concerns are, let's find out what they are. What is it he really wants you to stop? Let's understand what he means.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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