My Wife Won't Let Our Daughter Grow Up

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode Title: My Wife Won't Let Our Daughter Grow Up
Release Date: January 19, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into a familial dilemma presented by a concerned caller. The discussion centers around the challenges of supporting an adult daughter who struggles with financial responsibility, and the ensuing marital tensions that arise when one spouse seeks to continuously assist her despite nearing retirement.

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Caller’s Dilemma: Overextending Support to an Adult Daughter

Caller Spouse reaches out seeking advice on the ongoing support they and their wife provide to their 30-year-old daughter and her family. Despite the daughter being married with two children, financial instability persists. The parents had previously assisted by providing a $52,000 down payment for a condo. Recently, the daughter’s backyard began flooding, leading the wife to propose investing an additional $3,000 to $5,000 to mitigate the issue.

Key Points Discussed:

• Financial Strain: The parents have already invested significantly in their daughter’s home, and the continual financial demands are causing tension as they approach retirement.

• Perceived Lack of Responsibility: The daughter and her partner have exhibited poor financial management, leading to repeated reliance on parental support.

• Marital Discord: The wife’s inclination to keep assisting is at odds with the husband’s perspective of setting boundaries to safeguard their financial future.

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Dr. Laura’s Advice: Establishing Boundaries and Financial Independence

Dr. Laura acknowledges the emotional and financial strain the couple is experiencing. She emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility and ethical boundaries within familial relationships.

Advice Provided:

1. Open Communication: Dr. Laura suggests that the husband clearly communicates his concerns and the necessity to limit further financial support to his wife.

2. Financial Safeguards: She recommends setting up a system where money is allocated in a controlled manner, such as redirecting funds into a savings account to prevent unchecked spending on the daughter’s needs.

3. Legal Measures: In cases where control over finances is compromised, Dr. Laura advises exploring legal avenues to ensure that funds intended for future security are not diverted for ongoing support.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura (04:30): "Well, you male types who are so afraid of your women that you allow yourselves to be emasculated pay a price, which I think is worse than an irritated wife."

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Emphasizing Personal Responsibility and Ethical Boundaries

Dr. Laura underscores the importance of parents not enabling their adult children’s irresponsibility. She encourages the husband to take proactive steps to protect their financial future, even if it means creating temporary marital discord. By prioritizing their well-being, the couple can set a precedent for their daughter to develop her own financial independence.

Additional Insights:

• Long-Term Implications: Continuously assisting without boundaries can jeopardize the parents’ retirement plans and financial stability.

• Role Modeling: Dr. Laura highlights the role of parents in modeling responsible financial behavior, which can influence the daughter's approach to money management.

Notable Quote:

Caller Spouse (03:22): "I'm just wondering if I'm wrong by telling my wife that we need to stop."

Dr. Laura (03:30): "Okay, so it's a silly question because you already know. She doesn't care what you think. She wants to rescue them. She wants to be the loved one. She wants to be the favorite parent."

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Navigating Marital Tensions

The episode also touches upon the strain that financial disagreements can place on a marriage. Dr. Laura advises maintaining unity and mutual support between spouses while addressing external familial pressures. She encourages setting joint financial goals and making decisions that align with both partners’ visions for their future.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura (03:43): "Then I suggest every month, are you working or you're still working? Well then you need to figure out how legally to take most of the money out every month and put it in a savings thing so she doesn't use up all, all the money you may need for your future."

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Conclusion

In "My Wife Won't Let Our Daughter Grow Up," Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides pragmatic advice to parents grappling with supporting an adult child who lacks financial responsibility. By advocating for clear boundaries, financial safeguards, and open communication, Dr. Laura empowers listeners to prioritize their own financial well-being while addressing familial obligations.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Dr. Laura (03:30): "Okay, so it's a silly question because you already know. She doesn't care what you think. She wants to rescue them. She wants to be the loved one. She wants to be the favorite parent."

• Caller Spouse (03:22): "I'm just wondering if I'm wrong by telling my wife that we need to stop."

• Dr. Laura (04:30): "Well, you male types who are so afraid of your women that you allow yourselves to be emasculated pay a price, which I think is worse than an irritated wife."

• Caller Spouse (03:54): "Yes, sir, ma'am."

• Dr. Laura (03:52): "She’s not going to stop. Right? I'm right, right?"

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Final Thoughts

This episode serves as a valuable resource for parents facing similar challenges, emphasizing the necessity of balancing support with personal financial security. Dr. Laura's no-nonsense approach encourages listeners to uphold ethical responsibilities while fostering independence in their adult children.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Caller]

My Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111 Dawn. Welcome to the program.

[Caller Spouse]

Thank you.

[Caller]

Thank you. What's happening?

[Caller Spouse]

We have a daughter, my wife and I do. She's 30 years old, she's married, they have two kids and we gave her partner a paid off card as worth around 20,000. We gave them 52 plus dollars. 52,000 plus dollars to put down payment on the condo. Their backyard floods and my wife's wanting to put three to $5,000 into it to help that flooding go away and.

[Caller]

I'm sorry, are they on welfare? Are they on welfare? Are they handicapped? I mean what. What's the problem? What's the problem then?

[Caller Spouse]

Well, started out that they're. They weren't good with their finances and so they moved in with us for a while and we.

[Caller]

So there's nothing concretely wrong other than they're a bit lazy and not very responsible.

[Caller Spouse]

Well, they are. They're just not good with finances. My daughter works and her partner works. I know things are expensive these days. They just don't have money to do what they're wanting to do.

[Caller]

What are they wanting to do? They don't have money for fix that.

[Caller Spouse]

Backyard where it doesn't flood when it rains here. And if we didn't give them all this extra money.

[Caller]

How can I help you? I don't have a sense of this. You know, they got married. They're not responsible for their own lives. So you guys are coughing up dough all the time. Okay, so how can I.

[Caller Spouse]

And we're getting ready to retire. Oh, I'm just wondering if I'm wrong by telling my wife that we need to stop.

[Caller]

That she's not going to listen to you. But yeah, you can tell her, but she's not going to stop. Right? I'm right, right?

[Caller Spouse]

Correct.

[Caller]

Okay, so it's a silly question because you already know. She doesn't care what you think. She wants to rescue them. She wants to be the loved one. She wants to be the favorite parent. She wants to be somewhat good.

[Caller Spouse]

That I understand. Okay, well, just gotta.

[Caller]

Then I suggest every month, are you working or you're still working?

[Caller Spouse]

Yes, sir, ma'am.

[Caller]

Well then you need to figure out how legally to take most of the money out every month and put it in a savings thing so she doesn't use up all, all the money you may need for your future because she's going to continue doing that even after you retire. So the only way you're going to handle this is to shuttle money off into, I mean it's still going to be 50, 50 if you're in a community property state, but where she can't make a checkout and give it to them. So that's one idea.

[Caller Spouse]

Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. Just trying to keep peace.

[Caller]

Well, you know, you male types who are so afraid of your women that you allow yourselves to be emasculated pay a price, which I think is worse than an irritated wife. Curling up on the couch for a movie is one of my favorite ways to end the day. Lily's always right there with me. And we have a new addition to our movie nights. The fluffiest pretty rosewater pink Lola blanket. Lola blankets are unbelievably soft double sided faux fur blankets with a huggable stretch that molds to your body. Lola blankets come in a beautiful array of colors and three different sizes so you can find just the right fit for your family. They even offer weighted blankets for better sleep and relaxation and super cute knotted faux fur pillows. With thousands of five star reviews, Lola blankets are the must have upgrade your home and comfort deserve. So go to lolablankets.com, use my code DRLAURA at checkout for 40% off. An incredible discount just for you, my listener. What are you waiting for? Go to lolablankets.com today and experience the life changing softness for yourself.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Caller]

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[Dr. Laura]

When I had a kidlet living at home, the technology did not exist to tell me where he was at any given time. But it does today, thanks to Life360. Coordinating your family's activities and keeping them safe has never been easier. Life360 is a location sharing app that works on your mobile phone, letting you see the real time locations of your family members. Got a kid in college? Life 360's roadside and emergency response programs can give you peace of mind. Teen Driver in the family life360 lets you easily monitor their driving speed. Plus you can attach a Life360 tile tracker to bikes, keys, soccer bags, and more. When I get mine, I just may attach it to Lily's collar. Whether you're in the carpooling phase, raising young adults, or keeping an eye on elderly parents, you can stay connected to the ones you love. With Life360, visit life360.com or download the app today and use the code Dr. Laura to get 15 off. That's life360.com code DrLORA Sometimes the most.

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[Caller]

You have no control over your life. You're worried about your future. You're disrespected in your opinion, and your desires and you're going to tolerate that because you want to keep peace? I don't believe in peace at all costs. I don't believe in that. Act like a man. Or at least act like an individual. I'll take that. Act like an equal individual. We have to agree, sweetheart. And I don't, so big things like money cone out when we both don't agree. Should not happen. Act like a man in your own marriage. What the hell? I'm so tired of hearing men, oh, I'm not going to have sex and she'll be pissy and she won't talk to me. You tolerate that crap for your woman? Really? Wow. If I were a man, I wouldn't my number one, 800-375-2872. Wow. Come on, guys. Stop castrating yourselves. It's bad enough feminism and wives are doing it. Don't cooperate. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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