Navigating Distance and Family Across Four States

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Navigating Distance and Family Across Four States

Podcast: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode Date: May 24, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast centers on the emotional challenges faced by grandparents when family members and grandchildren are spread across multiple states. Dr. Laura takes calls from listeners Kathleen and Karen, both of whom grapple with the reality that their desire to be more present in their grandchildren’s lives is complicated by geographic distance and differing levels of buy-in from their spouses. Through her characteristically direct and no-nonsense style, Dr. Laura explores themes of acceptance, emotional self-regulation, and the psychological toll of unrealized family expectations.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller: Kathleen – Longing for Grandchildren, Bound by Geography

[01:47]

• Kathleen’s Situation:
  • Married for 37 years, three adult children each in a different state.
  • Oldest daughter has young children; Kathleen wishes she could be more involved as a grandmother.
  • Grew up with hands-on grandparents herself and wants to replicate that relationship.
• Obstacles:
  • Cannot move closer; husband refuses to move to the daughter’s state as he dislikes it.
  • Other children also live far apart, making relocation for any one child impractical.

Dr. Laura’s Response

• Immediate Framing:

  • Dr. Laura challenges Kathleen’s expectation:
    "They don't care as much about grandmothers being there as you do." [03:31]
  • Asserts that while the desire is understandable, the children and their spouses have made choices for their own lives that may not prioritize Kathleen’s vision of the extended family.

• On Acceptance:

  • Dr. Laura bluntly encourages Kathleen to accept the situation:
    "Kathleen, you’re old enough to understand that you have to accept things." [04:31]
  • Emphasizes proactivity and emotional agency:
    "You have total control over sitting around and feeling sad. You can go ride a bike. You can watch a movie, you can read something. You can go out to lunch with a friend. That's it. We make the best out of life when we don't get all the things we want, because nobody does." [07:36]
  • Points out the impact of Kathleen’s sadness on her husband:
    "If you wish to diminish your quality of life and that of your husband who has to look at a sad woman every day, then I guess you'll continue being self centered about it." [08:16]

• Practical Suggestions:

  • Utilize technology (Zoom/FaceTime), visit when possible, cherish moments—but avoid daily overuse lest it become tedious:
    "Oh, God. I wouldn't zoom every day with anybody. God, that's boring, too." [09:13]
  • On letting go:
    "You make the best of it. You visit when you can." [08:49]

---

2. Caller: Karen – With an Older Spouse Who Won’t Move

[11:17]

• Karen’s Context:
  • All her grandchildren live ten hours away; husband, 14 years her senior (not the children’s father), refuses to move.
  • Anticipates needing to care for her aging husband but also worries about being far from family support and her grandchildren.

Dr. Laura’s Guidance

• Family Dynamics Matter:
  • Clarifies that Karen’s husband not being the children's father impacts his connection:
    "Well, then he doesn't give a damn about your kids and grandkids. Doesn't really care. No. So you have some decisions to make." [12:20]
• On Choice:
  • Suggests there is no “right answer,” only personal decisions to weigh:
    "You'll have a decision at some point where you'll have to give him an ultimatum. We move together or I move." [12:45]
• Prioritizing Roles:
  • Karen voices that “Husband first, but it’s hard.” [13:05]
  • Dr. Laura leaves the decision to Karen’s own values—acknowledging the difficulty but urging honesty in facing the tradeoffs.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the pain of unmet expectations:
  "I'm having such a hard time accepting it because I just lost everything." — Kathleen [04:23]
• On self-awareness and growth:
  "The quality of life improves when we're willing to accept things we cannot control." — Dr. Laura [08:04]
• Humor and Directness:
  "I wouldn't Zoom every day with anybody. God, that's boring, too." — Dr. Laura [09:13]
• On difficult choices in relationships:
  "You'll have a decision at some point where you'll have to give him an ultimatum. We move together or I move." — Dr. Laura [12:45]

---

Important Timestamps

• 01:41 – Kathleen describes her situation and desire to be nearer her grandchildren.
• 03:31 – Dr. Laura reframes the caller’s expectations about children's priorities.
• 04:31 – Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of acceptance.
• 07:36 – Discussion about emotional control and making the best of what you have.
• 08:16 – Dr. Laura points out the effect of self-centered sadness on family quality of life.
• 09:13 – On the practical limits of technological connection.
• 11:17 – Karen calls about a similar issue with an older spouse refusing to move.
• 12:20 – Dr. Laura addresses the significance of spousal relationships to children/grandchildren.
• 12:45 – The reality of making personal, potentially difficult choices.

---

Episode Tone & Takeaways

Dr. Laura remains assertive, pragmatic, and occasionally abrupt—favoring clear-eyed acceptance of what cannot be changed and practical strategies for navigating disappointment. She encourages listeners to recognize and own their feelings, but not to indulge in self-pity or allow their discontent to negatively impact others. The episode is a call to emotional maturity, pragmatic action, and making the most of limited opportunities to connect with loved ones.

---

Useful for Listeners:

• Offers straightforward advice on accepting family distance and redirecting emotional energy.
• Suggests actionable ways to stay in touch and maximize joy from available interactions.
• Acknowledges the complexity of blended families and second marriages in grandparenting dynamics.
• Reinforces the core theme: Accept, adapt, and find fulfillment within your reality.

---

Transcript

[A]

As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources provided by Lilly Ladies if you're in that phase where your body's just doing new things, sleep's weird, energy's weird, cravings also weird, you're not alone. It's totally normal. Menopause and perimenopause just means your body needs a little support, and sprouts makes that support easier so you can start feeling more like you. Tons of fresh organic produce for fiber, sprouts, protein and creatine to keep your muscles and bones strong and your energy up. And sprouts supplements that can help you manage mood shifts. So whether it's perimenopause, menopause or any other health journey, it's easier at Sprouts Farmer's Market. Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day, brought to you by my new sponsor, Angel. Angel is a streaming platform built around stories that uplift stories about courage and sacrifice and faith and family. If you've been looking for entertainment that reflects your values, check out angel. Go to angel.com drlaura Entertainment you can feel good about Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Kathleen welcome to the program.

[B]

Hi Dr. Laura, thanks for taking my call.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you. I'm hoping to get some help from you. I've been married to my best friend for 37 years and we've built a wonderful life. Yes, I'm very blessed. We have three adult children, all of whom now live in different states. Our oldest daughter has two little, little ones and I treasure being their grandmother and I deeply wish I could be with them and be more involved in their lives. I was fortunate to grow up with two grandmothers who played an important role in my childhood and in my adulthood. And I always dreamed that I was going to have the same relationship and get to see my grandkids like I got to see my grandmothers. Unfortunately, we cannot move closer to them, so that's not an option.

[A]

I'm sorry, why is that? Unfortunately, you can't. What keeps you from being able to?

[B]

Well, my husband won't move to that state. They're in and plus we just, we don't want to move there. And plus like I have two other kids in other states and if they have babies like they're all like one from Washington state.

[A]

Are you going to move into their states either or is that also a no?

[B]

I don't know. You know, like I don't, I don't know.

[A]

But my husband Is your husband going to has. Well, I'm sure you've asked. Does he have any interest in moving to any one of those other states?

[B]

Yes, he would move to the other states, but he doesn't want to move to the state where they live because he doesn't like it.

[A]

Okay, then I guess you'll have to wait till one of the other two has babies and then move there. You're not going to see all of them. That's because they don't care as much about grandmothers being there as you do.

[B]

Well, actually my daughter would love for us to move there. She moved there because that's where.

[A]

Sweetheart, don't give me complicated things, okay? They don't care as much as you do.

[B]

Yeah, ok.

[A]

They and their husbands don't care as much about the grandmother thing as you do. And I do.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. I just.

[A]

Okay, so when one of the others gives birth to babies, if your husband likes that state, I guess you'll be at least a grandmother in one place.

[B]

Yeah. I'm having such a hard time accepting it because I just lost everything.

[A]

Kathleen, you're old enough to understand that you have to accept things.

[B]

How do you.

[A]

Come on, you're old enough.

[B]

I know, but I don't know how to accept it. I just get sad every day.

[A]

Well, gee, that makes life worth living. And your husband must love that little self serving. I'm just going to feel sad every day that I don't have what I had when I was a kid. I can't be that too. So I'm just going to be sad every day. Does that sound grown up? As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources provided by Lilly. Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one stop shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies, and thanks to Walmart Pharmacy, you can count on them for your prescription needs, too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy delivery not available for all prescriptions and exclusions Apply confidence. It's listening to your gut. It's moving forward, even when the path ahead is unclear.

[C]

For nearly 160 years, Pacific Life has

[A]

helped people keep their promises, building confidence for generations.

[C]

Whether you're confident in your financial future or just beginning to envision it, we're here to help. Ask a financial professional how Pacific Life

[A]

the Power of a Promise Pacific Life

[C]

Insurance Co. Omaha, Nebraska and in New York, Pacific Life Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona it's

[D]

smart to always have a few financial goals, and a really smart one. You can set earning cash back on what you buy every day. And with Discover, you can get this Discover automatically matches all the cash back you've earned at the end of your first year. Seriously, all of it. And we trust you to make smart decisions. After all, you listen to this show see [e-mail] creditcard this one's for all my TV lovers.

[C]

My entertainment from DirecTV gets you 60 channels and Disney, Hulu, and HBO Max all in one pack. But here's the with so much great TV in my entertainment, you're going to want to talk about everything you've been watching. Just remember that your friends might not be as well watched as you. Don't be a spoiler and encourage them to get my Entertainment for just $34.99 a month. Go to directtv.com genrepacks and sign up today. New customers only. Service renews monthly unless canceled. Credit card required conditions apply. To Apps HBO Max Basic with apps begins after DirecTV five day trial. Learn [e-mail] restrictions apply.

[B]

No, I know it's not. I know, I know it's not. It doesn't make sense.

[A]

But no. So stop it. You have total control over sitting around and feeling sad. You have total control over that. You can go ride a bike. You can watch a movie, you can read something. You can go out to lunch with a friend. That's it. We make the best out of life when we don't get all the things we want, because nobody does.

[B]

I know that's hard to accept.

[A]

The quality of life improves when we're willing to accept things we cannot control.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

So if you wish to diminish your quality of life and that of your husband who has to look at a sad woman every day. Then I guess you'll continue being self centered about it.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah, Yeah, I know. I do feel self centered because that's what I want.

[A]

I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it anymore. It's boring. Self serving and boring. Boring.

[B]

I just got to let it go.

[A]

Yes, you do. You make the best of it. You visit when you can.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You go on zoom. You pick up the phone and FaceTime and have conversations. You make the best of it.

[B]

Yeah, we, we zoom every day.

[A]

Oh, God. I wouldn't zoom every day with anybody. God, that's boring, too.

[B]

The kids are so cute.

[A]

Yeah, I know they are. Every day. Okay. My number, 1, 800. If you lived in the neighborhood, we wouldn't do it every day. 1-800-375-2872. Folks, when you turn on the news, how do you feel about your retirement? Unsure. Unsteady. Experts say gold could reach $6,300 an ounce. And smart money is already moving. Here's the problem. Most gold companies treat in particular women's like we're easy marks. So, you know, check out Golden Crest Medals. They don't do that. Their founder, Rich Jacoby, was tired of watching honest Americans get ripped off. And when you place an order, he personally calls you to make sure everything went smoothly and you're happy. Golden Crest is the only precious metals company recommended by Bloomberg and they earned an A rating from the Better Business Bureau. Right now, my listeners get a free portfolio review to see if gold and silver belong in your retirement. You may even qualify for up to $25,000 in free silver. Am I reading this right? You may even qualify for up to $25,000 in free silver and up to 10 years of free IRA storage. Make smart decisions with your retirement. Call 888-817-7172 or go to goldencrestmetals.com DrLora My number, 1-800-375-2872. Karen, welcome to the program.

[E]

Hi, Dr. Laura, I just heard the call, or half of the call regarding the woman that had a husband that didn't want to move so she could be closer to her grandchildren. I missed some of the call. Maybe you can just clarify, which would be a short call, but I have a husband that's 14 years older than me and I have all my grandchildren in one place about 10 hours away. He absolutely refuses to move, but I'm working with that by traveling. My question is if the Caller had only one children, one grandchildren in one state, what would you have said? Because I'm concerned that as he gets older and I need to provide care for him, which I will. I was just telling him, is it possible to move closer to my children? Those years are probably within five years and he absolutely refuses to move.

[A]

Let me understand something. This guy is not the father of the kids, right?

[E]

Excellent. Excellent point. No.

[A]

Well, then he doesn't give a damn about your kids and grandkids. Doesn't really care. No. So you have some decisions to make.

[E]

Yes. And that's what I'm starting.

[A]

You have choices you're going to have to make at some point.

[B]

Yep, I'm aware of that.

[A]

Yep.

[E]

So, okay, there's really no right answer is what you're telling me. And I guess I knew that, but just was curious what you had to say.

[A]

Well, what I have to say is he's not the father nor the grandpa. So it appears he doesn't care like you do. So you'll have a decision at some point where you'll have to give him an ultimatum. We move together or I move.

[B]

Yep. Yep.

[A]

I'm not prepared to do that.

[E]

Husband first, but it's hard. Thank you.

[A]

Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform, SiriusXM. Triumph is life presenting you with challenges? Get real answers with Dr. Laurel. Call 1-800- Dr. Laura. No nonsense advice about relationships, marriage, kids, tough love. It happened is not a phrase anybody uses when they take responsibility. Inspiration. Every time you go to bed with a negative thought, you have to match it up with a positive one. That's your new rule, Dr. Laura. Weekdays at 2pm east on Sirius XM Triumph 123 and on the Sirius XM app.

[C]

This one's for all my TV lovers. My entertainment from DirecTV gets you 60 channels and Disney, Hulu and HBO Max all in one pack. But here's the thing. With so much great TV and my entertainment, you're going to want to talk about everything you've been watching. Just remember that your friends might not be as well watched as you. Don't be a spoiler and encourage them to get my Entertainment for just $34.99 a month. Go to directtv.com genrepacks and sign up today. New customers only. Service renews monthly unless canceled. Credit card required Conditions applied to apps HBO Max Base with apps begins after DirecTV five day trial. Learn [e-mail], restrictions apply.

[D]

It's Charles Barkley here with Wayfair, and let me tell you, game day is serious business at my house. If I'm grilling, chilling and watching hoops, my outdoor setup better be ready to play. That's where Wayfair wins. From patio seating and umbrellas to grills and grill accessories, Wayfair's got it all, and it shows up fast. I'm talking fast and easy delivery. So level up your grill game and your outdoor chill game and head to Wayfair.com to get your outdoor space ready for the season.

[C]

Wayfair Every style, every home.