Navigating Trust with a Teen

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Navigating Trust with a Teen
Date: July 24, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Sylvia (Mother of a 17-year-old daughter)

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a deeply personal call from Sylvia, a long-time listener and mother of a 17-year-old daughter, who is struggling with issues of trust, boundaries, and family tension after discovering her daughter's risky behavior with an older boy. Dr. Laura guides Sylvia through the emotional landscape, offering insights into adolescent rebellion, parental overinvestment in children's activities, and the delicate balance of authority, love, and communication within the family.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Trigger Incident and Parental Discovery

• Background: Two months prior, Sylvia’s 17-year-old daughter began communicating with an 18-year-old boy she met at school. The mother, with her husband's awareness, has monitored her daughter's text messages.
• Parental Interference: The daughter's phone was previously confiscated due to concerns, then returned under strict conditions related to her sports and college communications.
  • Quote (Sylvia, 03:13): “He gave it back to her on one condition. That she wouldn’t talk to him unless it was specified by my husband.”
• Discovery of Behavior: Texts reveal the daughter sent a provocative photo, something she’d vowed to friends she’d never do.
  • Quote (Sylvia, 05:41): “Her friend was saying, you shouldn’t take a picture of yourself and send it to him. You said you’d never do that, and you did.”

2. Father’s Reaction and Family Tensions

• Father's Ultimatum: Upon confronting his daughter, the father—frustrated with perceived betrayal after years of support and investment—tells her to choose between the family and the relationship, ultimately demanding she leave the house.
  • Quote (Sylvia, 07:07): “He goes, either you make it effort, he said, you make a decision. Pack your bag, go live with him, or you can stay here and you, you can live by our rules or whatever.”
• Parental Conflict: Sylvia expresses concern that this harshness only pushes her daughter further away, recognizing adolescent emotional impulsivity.
  • Quote (Sylvia, 07:29): “You’re pushing her more away or more away from us... we need to find some, I don’t know, happy medium or something.”

3. Dr. Laura’s Analysis: Overinvestment and Adolescent Pushback

• Possible Overinvestment: Dr. Laura raises the issue of whether the father's intensive involvement in the daughter’s athletic career has become counterproductive.
  • Quote (Dr. Laura, 10:48): “Do you think you and he, or maybe mostly he, have put way too much into her sports?”
• Lack of True Passion: Dr. Laura postulates that some kids work hard because of authentic passion; if that’s absent, parental investment can feel burdensome, provoking rebellion.
  • Quote (Dr. Laura, 11:05): “I know a number of kids who have worked very hard at sports so they could get a scholarship to go to college. Nothing would take them off the track because they had a passion about it. Not even a cool boy. … I don’t know that your daughter is one of those.”
• The ‘Push Back’ Theory: The daughter’s relationship may be an unconscious form of resistance or self-assertion against parental expectations.
  • Quote (Dr. Laura, 12:24): "This boy might be her way of pushing you back. So throwing her out of the house misses the point."

4. Communication, Control, and Power Dynamics

• Powerlessness and Acting Out: Dr. Laura explains that when teens feel powerless, they resort to lying or risk-taking as forms of reclaiming autonomy.
  • Quote (Dr. Laura, 20:48): “She has no power. She has to do stupid stuff, to push back.”
• Emotional Toll on Parents: Both mother and father are acknowledged as caring deeply and sacrificing, but Dr. Laura underscores the need for empathy and stepping back.
  • Quote (Dr. Laura, 20:57): “He needs to come to peace that it may not be the way he sacrificed or planned.”

5. Recommended Path Forward

• Family Meeting Guidance: Dr. Laura advises Sylvia to take charge of a calm, mediated conversation, ensuring neither husband nor daughter dominate or escalate.
  • Quote (Dr. Laura, 15:55): “I’ll tell you what you got to do. You got to get the three of them together tonight and say, I’m running this meeting. Not you, dear kid, and not you, beloved husband, love of my life. I’m running this.”
• Exploring True Desires: Urges the family to honestly consider whether the daughter wants to continue pursuing sports/college—or needs space to mature differently.
  • Quote (Dr. Laura, 16:51): “We have to get real serious about what you really want to do. Maybe you don’t even want to go to college right now… You don’t have to be with this idiot boy to do that.”
• Parental Healing: Suggests the father privately listen to the recorded call, to foster understanding and lessen his sense of betrayal.
  • Quote (Dr. Laura, 19:57): "I need you to do this. He needs you to do this. He needs to come to peace that it may not be the way he sacrificed or planned."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On adolescent stupidity vs. true rebellion:
  • Dr. Laura (13:32): “If she were just being a shitty kid, I’d kick her ass out, too. Okay? … But I think pushing her out is to miss the point that he’s been pushing too hard.”
• On parental dreams vs. children’s desires:
  • Dr. Laura (15:14): “Because when he goes into all the money and all the time. Yeah. It’s personal to him... He wanted to turn her into Tiger Woods or Serena and Venus.”
• On finding identity:
  • Dr. Laura (19:26): “Now it’s here and I’m scared shitless, and I’m overwhelmed, and I’m not even sure I still want it. This is not an easy time.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Topic | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:29 | Sylvia introduces her family situation | | 03:00 | Parental rules and cell phone monitoring | | 04:05 | Daughter’s friend warns about risky behavior | | 07:07 | Father’s ultimatum—leave or obey | | 10:48 | Dr. Laura questions overinvestment in sports | | 12:24 | Dr. Laura explains why rebellion may be a push back | | 15:55 | Dr. Laura’s plan for a family intervention | | 19:26 | Discussion about facing the transition to adulthood | | 20:48 | Powerlessness and acting out |

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Tone and Language

Dr. Laura maintains her signature no-nonsense, direct-yet-compassionate tone, balancing tough love with empathetic understanding. She is explicit about the psychological dynamics, peppering the conversation with frank language (“bullshit”, “shitty kid”, “idiot boy”) to drive points home, while validating both parents' and daughter's emotions and struggles.

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Summary

In "Navigating Trust with a Teen," Dr. Laura deftly unpacks a fraught family situation, illustrating the complex interplay of youthful impulsivity, parental ambition, and the need for boundaries rooted in respect rather than control. Listeners learn that when teenagers act out, it's often a signal to reconsider underlying family dynamics, particularly overinvestment and unmet emotional needs. Dr. Laura advises honest, structured conversation and personal reflection, empowering parents to move from anger and control to empathy, understanding, and authentic connection.

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Transcript

[Game Show Host]

Welcome back to Sugar get it Delivered.

[Caller (Mother)]

Contestant.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day brought to you by Bristle Beauty, a modern hairbrush brand reimagining hair care with its Universal forever brush. Visit bristlebeauty.com and use the promo code DRLAURA at checkout for a special offer. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on SiriusXM triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Sylvia, welcome to the program.

[Caller (Mother)]

Hi Dr. Laura. I've been listening to you for about 30 years.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you.

[Caller (Mother)]

So just want to say thank you for everything. And I have a feeling I know that you've heard this one before many times. And I know you probably say what you're going to say, but I'll ask it anyways.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why don't you tell me what you think I'm going to say and then let's see if it happens

[Caller (Mother)]

that her father is right, he's a dad. And that yes, when she turns 18 she should find her own way.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, that's true. Even if there's no problem, That's non specific. That's absolutely true. Okay, so now tell me what's going on.

[Caller (Mother)]

About two months ago, she met 18 year old. My daughter's 17, she met an 18 year old boy. They were in the same class, he just graduated, he's supposed to be going to college back east. And two months ago they started a conversation and he started being very complimentary of her and she just. To me, I feel like she just took the bait. She just let herself go. She, she sent, you know, he texted in a text because I've read all her texts, I've read Everything. And one of them, the very beginning of this relationship was like, have you ever thought about having sex with me?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

She knows you're reading these?

[Caller (Mother)]

Yes, she does.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

When you asked her, you know I'm reading these, right? What did she say?

[Caller (Mother)]

And she says, well, I know that. Well, she, I apologize. It's back up.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

We.

[Caller (Mother)]

My husband had read some texts three weeks ago from him, but he didn't go in depth. He had already taken her phone before and he gave it back to her in one condition. That she wouldn't talk to him unless it was specified by my husband that it was okay because she has scholarships and colleges that are reaching out to her for sports and she has great opportunities to go to college. So my husband let her have the phone back because a lot of the coaches reach out to her via phone, so he didn't want to do that. Plus, she does other stuff for school and stuff. So. Fast forward. My husband read a text, text last night about something kind of petty about how the, how my daughter was complaining again to this boy and how, I'm

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

sorry, complaining about what? I need specifics. Don't be vague.

[Caller (Mother)]

Oh, I'm sorry. Complaining, complaining, complaining about her dad, about her dad and how her dad's acting towards her. And her dad said, you know, I don't, I don't want you, you need to slow down with this boy. You're moving too fast, you know, and just saying a couple things and she's telling this boy, you know. And so my husband was upset and called me this morning and said, I do everything for her. I'm trying to get her into college and you know, we take her to training camp, we do a lot of stuff for her and she just doesn't see it and I'm just tired of it. And I go, I get it, you know, But I also understand how 17 year olds are stupid, you know, hormonal wise. And especially when a boys, when a boy's complimentary or saying how beautiful she is, how, you know, how, you know, I want to be with you and hold you and hug you. I can, you know, I get the whole stupidity of a 17 year old girl because I, I, I've done stuff like that when I was stupid, you know, let the boy kind of just, you know, you kind of take over, your emotions take over. But that wasn't the case. So when I came home, I asked my husband what is her password for me to get onto the phone and he told me. So I got on the phone and I went back two months ago. Looked at her phone between what the guy was texting, and I also looked at the text from one of her best friends. And even her best friend was telling her, you know, I. I don't think you should do this. You said you would never do that. You're doing, you're doing.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry, you're getting vague again. You shouldn't do what? You shouldn't do that.

[Caller (Mother)]

You shouldn't, you shouldn't. Like her friend was saying, you shouldn't take a picture of yourself and send it to him. You said you never do that, and you did. I don't really care for him. There's something just there. Or he's not really talkative. And then my daughter would just say, well, he doesn't know you very well. You know, he's protecting him. So here we are now. And I told my husband, I think we all need to sit down and talk. I've already talked to her, and she needs to come forthright and tell you exactly what's been going on because she's been lying to you. So she came out and told him everything that was going, and he just said, you know what? I'm sick of this. You've already promised me three weeks ago that everything was going to be right. I trusted you. I want you to pack your bags and I want you out of the house. Either call a friend. I'm sick and tired of this because I pay for everything. I pay for your sports. I pay for us traveling with your sports. You know, I, I do things for you. We go on trips and I've taken everything, all my money and everything, you know. And she just sat there and he goes, either you make it effort, he said, you make a decision. Pack your bag, go live with him, or you can stay here and you, you can live by our rules or whatever. But then I think he realized that didn't work last time. So he. His, his mind switched and he said, no, forget it. And he's cussing the whole time when he's saying this. Forget it. I want you out now. Pack your bag and go call the boy and you can go live with him if that's what you want. And she said, well, I don't want that. And he said, I don't. I don't give a flying blah, blah, blah. Then I want you out of here.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

She said she doesn't want that. What does she want? You sound like you're a bystander in your own house. I don't get this.

[Caller (Mother)]

No, I wasn't. I just I'm letting him talk because I've already talked to him. After he went off the rail, I walked over. I walked over to him and I said, this isn't, this isn't good. You're. You're. You're pushing her more away or more away from us. I said, I understand you're upset and hurt as a dad. I get that. But. But pushing her and telling her the how of the house isn't helping out either. So we need to find some, I don't know, happy medium or something. And he said, I'm just burnt out. I'm sorry.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

There is no happy medium. She has to make a decision.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Game Show Host]

Welcome back to Sugar get it delivered.

[Caller (Mother)]

Contestant.

[Game Show Host]

You're out of food and you're meds but are too tired to get up. Do you A, pout, B, beg your roommate? Or C, get Walmart to deliver it all. Same day. Same day. Who knew?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Uh, gonna go with C. Walmart.

[Game Show Host]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I love not leaving my couch.

[Game Show Host]

Walmart. Who knew?

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[Caller (Mother)]

But I think even now, Dr. Laura, that no matter what she says and goes to her dad and apologizes profusely that at this point he's so overworked, stressed out and cares so much about this child.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

May I ask. This is a tough thing to ask a parent. Do you think you and he, or maybe mostly he, have put way too much into her sports?

[Caller (Mother)]

You know, it's funny that you say that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'll tell you why I ask. I have a terrible feeling. I know a lot of kids. Let me start it this way. I know a number of kids who have worked very hard at sports so they could get a scholarship to go to college. Nothing would take them off the track because they had a passion about it. Not even a cool boy.

[Caller (Mother)]

Oh.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Because they had a passion about the sport and the opportunity to play it for four more years and get an education and a degree. I don't know that your daughter is one of those. And he might be. The way she pushes your husband back.

[Caller (Mother)]

So you're saying. I think I know what you're saying. Because of the pushing and stuff that we've. You feel that we've been doing or primarily him. I know he does a lot of it, especially doing the sports recruits and all that kind of stuff.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's right.

[Caller (Mother)]

She's not participating.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The boyfriend going on is the push back. So this is where you come in.

[Caller (Mother)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Honey, Sweetie, I know all your intentions were beautiful, but in watching you watching her all these years, I think there was an imbalance and you wanted to give her every opportunity. So we flew here and we did this and you get that. And we did this and we did this and we were drove everywhere. We did all of that and. And I think there was a disproportionate amount of energy pushing her. And I wonder if this boy isn't her way, which she may not even at 17, understand the dynamics like a therapist would. This boy might be her way of pushing you back. So throwing her out of the house misses the point. She's not just being a crappy Kid. Look, honey. Sylvia, my dear, if she were just being a shitty kid, I'd kick her ass out, too. Okay?

[Caller (Mother)]

Right?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I mean, sociopaths and this and that show very early on, and, you know, how much can you take? So. But I think pushing her out is to miss the point that he's been pushing too hard. And she doesn't really want this. It really isn't in her blood. It's what she thinks she has to do. She's breaking free in a stupid way because, as you said, we're stupid at 17. I get that. However, she's not that stupid. Someplace in her head, she realizes this is the only way to push dad back. She didn't expect to be thrown out, though, and to say, go live with him.

[Caller (Mother)]

No, I know. I know. That was his anger.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I know that. But this is where you go, sweetie. We have pushed her more than she really had it in her.

[Caller (Mother)]

You know, Doctor, not every. Believe you are.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Not everybody's raising y' all good. Not everybody's raising a Tiger Woods.

[Caller (Mother)]

No, I agree with you. And the problem with that is I. It's been going back and forth for probably the last three years of, like, back and forth and stuff. And I. And he's even asked her, we'll quit. We don't. We don't have to do this anymore. I mean, he says, I won't be upset. And he has said that since several times.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

She doesn't believe that. And she would feel so guilty and scared. Yeah, she doesn't. I wouldn't believe he meant that.

[Caller (Mother)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I would think he was saying that just to get me to talk.

[Caller (Mother)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Because when he goes into all the money and all the time. Yeah. It's personal to him. It isn't just about giving her every opportunity. It's personal to him because of what he's done and what he's given up. He wanted to turn her into Tiger woods or Serena and Venus, even though

[Caller (Mother)]

he's like, well, that's not. That's not what I want to do. But I know. I know. I know. Yeah, I know. I know. I. Well, I'm not really.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'll tell you what you got to do. You got to get the three of them together tonight and say, I'm running this meeting. Not you, dear kid, and not you, beloved husband, love of my life. I'm running this. This is what I think is going on. I think we have provided more than she really wants or can handle at this time in her life. And I think he is the way to push back because look what he did. You leave and I don't have to do this anymore. I don't have to help you anymore. I don't have to spend money on this anymore, et cetera, et cetera. And don't allow either one of them to disagree with you. Go. Bullshit. I know better.

[Caller (Mother)]

Mm.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I know you, love of my life. And I know you, sweetiekins. This is what's going on. So we have to get real serious and we're not going to solve it all tonight. We have to get real serious about what you really want to do. Maybe you don't even want to go to college right now. Maybe you want to take few years off and just get a job and find a place to live and just find yourself. You don't have to be with this idiot boy to do that.

[Caller (Mother)]

Yeah, I gotta tell you, Dr. Laura, but I know he doesn't want that because our oldest one did that, who's 24 and she's doing okay in life, but she's. And she's finding herself. She's still continuously going to school for the last six years. So I believe with this one he just didn't want that. He wants her to go. I know college and.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, what he wants and what we all are. I mean, my dad did not want me to go into anything related to psychology. He thought that was the God awful, dumbest thing that exists in the universe. And here I am. Anyway,

[Caller (Mother)]

thank God.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But I. Thank you. But I started out, I have, I got a four year degree in college in biology, which was the toughest in those days. That was the toughest major because you had to take all the other subjects. And then I got a master's and two masters and a PhD in graduate school with physiology, which is again a medical science. And then here I am. I finally did what I wanted to do. Not what he thought was the smartest, that if I was really smart I'd do the biology. I know fathers like your husband, they mean well. Except my father just was really hostile about psychology. That was a whole other thing. And I don't want her to wait till how old I was when I finally said, yeah, bullshit, this is what I want to do.

[Caller (Mother)]

Yeah, well, I mean, she wants to get an engineering degree and just play soccer in college. And she's been saying she wants to do engineering for God since she was like six. So. Well, and she has colleges. Yeah. She's got to pay the price that are looking at her. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But you know what that feels like to a 17 year old girl, I've won.

[Caller (Mother)]

No. Because I never had that opportunity.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And now it's here and I'm scared shitless and I'm overwhelmed and I'm not even sure I still want it. This is not an easy time. Come on.

[Caller (Mother)]

I know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So you have to bring the meeting to order and get everybody calm. Can you tell? Anybody raises their voice or starts pointing with their finger, I want them out of the room for five minutes.

[Caller (Mother)]

It's going to be difficult for my husband.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I need you to do this. He needs you to do this. He needs to come to peace that it may not be the way he sacrificed or planned. He needs to come to peace with that. As a matter of fact, why don't I give you a tape of what we just did and you take him privately aside and let him listen. I mean, you know, he's a good man. Give him the opportunity to listen because he has sacrificed a lot.

[Caller (Mother)]

Oh, I know, Dr. Laura. He works so hard. We have our own business, and I know that. And he's always bringing that up, so I completely know. Get that. And he's hurt. I mean, she's hurt him with everything that's going on. And I told him that I. He's just hurt with all the lying, so.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, but she doesn't know what else to do. What other power does she have? Let me. Being sexual or lying, what else does she have? Power. He has all the power. He's the dad. Okay? She has no power. She has to do stupid stuff, to push back.

[Caller (Mother)]

That's true. That's true. I remember that. Yeah. God, do I. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So let me put you on hold. Give them your phone number if you want, and we'll just mail you a copy of that so you can sit and listen to it with him. And then maybe after he listens to it, all three of you listen to it together. But I would do this in pieces. Give him. Because. He needs to be treated tenderly through this. Okay, my number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform,

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No nonsense advice about relationships, marriage, kids, tough love. It happened is not a phrase anybody uses when they take responsibility, inspiration. Every time you go to bed with a negative thought, you have to match it up with a positive one.

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Oh, no.

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[Stephen Dubner]

Hey there, it's Stephen Dubner, host of Freakonomics Radio, and we have just made a new show, a TV talk show. It's called Better In Person. We have the kind of guests you don't see on every other show, and we have the kind of conversations you don't hear anywhere.

[Caller (Mother)]

Frank.

[Stephen Dubner]

I'm like, yes, Chef.

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Be one with the pork. You have the opportunity to make this little corner of the world into your ideal world, your dream world.

[Stephen Dubner]

You can watch Better In Person on the Freakonomics YouTube channel. You'll find a new episode there every week.

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This is how a conversation works.