Our Daughter Ditched Us

Summary

Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Our Daughter Ditched Us"

Date: August 29, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Maria

---

Episode Overview

This moving episode centers on Maria, an adoptive mother grappling with her daughter Cece's lifelong mental health challenges, escalating behavioral issues, and a recent, painful estrangement. Having devoted two decades to supporting Cece through therapy, psychiatric care, and everyday living, Maria now faces the emotional and existential aftermath of Cece cutting off all contact and abruptly reuniting with her birth mother. Dr. Laura offers her hallmark direct, ethical advice, challenging Maria's lingering guilt and encouraging her—and her husband—to reclaim their lives and hard-earned peace.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Living Through Years of Behavioral and Mental Health Struggles

[01:11–04:16]

• Maria recounts adopting Cece, noticing serious behavioral problems from a very young age: "At three years old, we real—I mean, we knew right off she had mental illness, anger, anxiety, depression, the whole gamut."
• In total, Cece saw "11 therapists, two psychiatrists," yet the situation never truly improved.
• Violent and oppositional behaviors were apparent: "She was being hateful to my husband... always violent, she was always hitting things and demonstrating her anger."
• Cece was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).
• Early intervention advice included "alone time with my husband," which helped their relationship but not Cece’s underlying rage.

2. The Daughter’s Complete Estrangement

[04:16–04:48]

• Recent rupture: Three weeks prior, Cece "completely ghosted" her parents, moved across the country, and went to live with her birth mother.
• Despite being financially and logistically dependent until this point, Cece made no effort to say goodbye.

3. Parent’s Emotional Turmoil and Question of Identity

[04:48–07:46 | 07:09–07:46]

• Maria is conflicted: sadness, relief, guilt, and a sense of lost identity as a mother.
• She reveals Cece accused them of "physical and emotional abuse" to acquaintances, adding public betrayal to their private pain.
• Dr. Laura's probing: "And you want me to believe that you're not at all relieved?"
• Maria admits to relief, but questions: "Am I even her mother anymore?"

4. Dr. Laura’s No-Nonsense Response and Advice

[07:47–09:19]

• Direct and definitive:
  • Dr. Laura: "No." ([07:54])
  • She affirms the caller’s efforts: "You tried your best. You both did." ([07:59])
• Validates the futility:
  • "You didn't succeed because it wasn't fixable. And you guys wasted a horrendous amount of money on mental health care." ([09:09])
• Frames Cece’s accusations and destructive statements as a pattern of a "destructive person."
• Key Instruction:
  • "Don't take her back. Don't give her money. Get your personal life back, get your marital life back. You're done with her." ([08:42])
• Encourages release of guilt:
  • "Frankly, my dear, you have to let this go and get your lives back." ([08:18])
  • "I hope you will have the wisdom to let it go. Let her go. I hope you will have the wisdom. You've earned the peace." ([09:21])

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Maria (on her struggles):
  • "The 21 years with Cece... were complete hell, really." ([01:23])
• Dr. Laura (on parental relief):
  • "And you want me to believe that you're not at all relieved?" ([04:48])
• Maria (searching for identity):
  • "Am I even her mother anymore?" ([07:46])
• Dr. Laura (unequivocal answer):
  • "No." ([07:54])
  • "You tried your best. You both did." ([07:59])
  • "You didn't succeed because it wasn't fixable." ([09:09])
  • "Frankly, my dear, you have to let this go and get your lives back." ([08:18])
  • "I hope you will have the wisdom. You've earned the peace." ([09:21])

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Adoption, early challenges, diagnoses: [01:11–04:16]
• Estrangement, ghosting, daughter’s accusations: [04:16–07:46]
• Dr. Laura’s advice, boundary-setting, emotional closure: [07:47–09:58]

---

Tone & Language

• Maria’s tone: Worn, emotional, conflicted—her language reveals a desperate search for reassurance, validation, and release from guilt.
• Dr. Laura’s tone: Direct, pragmatic, and empathetic, yet refusing false hope; her language is clear, sometimes blunt, but laced with compassion and concern for the caller’s future well-being.

---

Summary

In a deeply personal and emotionally raw episode, Dr. Laura cuts through layers of guilt and pain to help a mother confront the brutal finality of her daughter’s departure and accusations. Ultimately, she validates Maria’s struggle, insists her efforts were valiant but futile against overwhelming pathology, and compassionately pushes her to reclaim peace, joy, and identity—apart from a toxic relationship that’s run its course.

Transcript

[Geico Announcer]

The future of Downton Abbey is now in Mary's hands. It's the grand finale we've been waiting for. See it on the biggest screen possible.

[Caller]

It will be a sensation with scandalous.

[Geico Announcer]

Twists and shocking revelations. Should wives have secrets from their husbands?

[Geico Representative]

Definitely, but not the other way around.

[Geico Announcer]

The best is yet to come, so off we go for our next adventure. I like the sound of that. Downton Abbey, the grand finale. Gritty pg. Parental guidance suggested only in theater September twelveth. Get tickets now.

[Birch Lane Announcer]

Hey neighbor. It's the Labor Day sale at Birch Lane, happening August 23rd through September 2nd. Save up to 60% right now on classic furniture and decor. Update your space and create a home you love with great deals on made to last sectionals, chairs and more. It's classic style for joyful living. Plus, enjoy fast free delivery Shop the Labor Day event at Birch Lane, a Wayfair Specialty Brand, through September 2nd at.

[Dr. Laura Announcer]

Birchlane.Com thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live recording radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Maria, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hello, Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call. I'm calling because I've never heard this one before on your show. We adopted a child 21 years ago. It really wasn't an open adoption, but we did meet the birth parents and at three years old, we real I mean, we knew right off she had mental illness, anger, anxiety, depression, the whole gamut. I spent the whole first 17 years, every year I would give the birth mother an update, send her a picture, that kind of stuff. The 21 years with CECE, all color Cece, they were complete hell, really. We went through 11 therapists. She's had two psychiatrists, like one of them for seven or eight years and then we moved and she had the other one for again like seven years. And basically what has happened is what.

[Dr. Laura]

Actually was she being treated for? I mean, how does one make a diagnosis of all those things on a three year old, I wonder?

[Caller]

Because she was being hateful to my husband. And who is the gentle, gentle person? He she would try to hit him, do mean things, say mean things, calculated things to hurt him. And that's what got us to go in the first place. But she was always violent, she was always hitting things and demonstrating her anger.

[Dr. Laura]

And what would the psychiatrist tell you was the situation, ma', am, and what you ought to do about it? So all these years, what were you told?

[Caller]

Whenever she was three, the answer was for her to spend alone time with my husband, going to a park, going to get ice cream. And believe it or not, it worked. She stopped doing this stuff to my husband. She stopped hating on him. But she was just angry, belligerent, contrary. She was diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder. It just was a nightmare. But I've always loved her. We've always loved her. We always looked at it as we were giving her, to keep her alive, give her a stable environment and raise her. And we did that. But she has always had this rage inside of her and she has always lashed out and done things like in high school.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I got the picture.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

How can I help you today?

[Caller]

What's happened is. What has happened is that three weeks ago, after ghosting us, she lives in the same city as us. We've been supporting her. She cannot support herself. She moved out, but she was working in a portmante. She has moved across the country to go live with her birth mother and completely ghosted us.

[Dr. Laura]

And you want me to believe that you're not at all relieved?

[Dr. Laura Announcer]

Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one stop. Shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies, and thanks to Walmart Pharmacy, you can count on them for your prescription needs too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy delivery not available for all prescriptions and exclusions apply. Did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room? The Dr. Laura program is happy to be partnering with our sponsor All Free Clear Laundry detergent. My peeps with kids are especially thrilled to use it because it's 100% free of dyes and perfumes. All Free Clear is the number one laundry detergent brand recommended for sensitive skin.

[Dr. Laura]

By pediatricians, dermatologists and allergists.

[Dr. Laura Announcer]

For a clean you can feel good about, all you need is All Free Clear.

[Geico Announcer]

I don't mean to interrupt your meal, but I love Geico's fast and friendly claim service.

[Geico Representative]

Well, that's how Geico gets 97% customer satisfaction.

[Geico Announcer]

Yeah, I'll let you get back to your food.

[Geico Representative]

So are you just going to watch me eat?

[Geico Announcer]

Get more than just savings. Get more.

[Dr. Laura Announcer]

With Geico always so fresh, delicious and nutritious. Eglund's Best eggs fuel the body with 6 times more vitamin D, 10 times more vitamin, vitamin E and 25% less saturated fat compared to ordinary eggs. Visit eglinsbest.com to learn more.

[Lowe's Announcer]

Save big during Labor Day at Lowe's. Get up to 40% off select major appliances plus buy more to get up to an additional 20% off shop even more savings with three stay green 1 cubic foot vegetable and flower garden soil bags for $10 this Labor Day. Take care of your home for less. It Lowes we help you save ballot through nine three soil offer excludes Alaska and Hawaii. Selection varies by location. Select locations only while supplies last. See Lowes.com for more details.

[Caller]

Yes, Dr. Laura, we are. We have a multitude of feelings, but one of the things that has happened is that she told all these people at the work. Just working at a fast food place that we were physically emotionally abused. You know what?

[Dr. Laura]

She's destructive in many ways. I asked you a question. Aren't you somewhat relieved that she's gone back with her bio mother and you don't have to pay for apartments anymore? You don't have to pay for therapy anymore, for all these useless expenditures that you guys for two decades have turned your life into and now you can get your life back.

[Caller]

Yes, but I feel. Am I even her mother anymore?

[Dr. Laura]

No.

[Caller]

No, I'm not.

[Dr. Laura Announcer]

You tried your best, ma'.

[Geico Representative]

Am.

[Dr. Laura]

You tried your best. You both did.

[Caller]

Yeah, we did.

[Dr. Laura]

But there was too much wrong with her from day.

[Caller]

Yeah, well, she told everybody that we were abusive, which was not true.

[Dr. Laura]

And it doesn't matter. She's a destructive person. And that's what destructive kids do. They take no responsibility. And they try to damage the people who tell them they have responsibility. Frankly, my dear, you have to let this go and get your lives back.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

Get your personal life back, get your marital life back. You're done. You're done with her. Don't take her back. Don't give her money. Don't take her back. Don't give her money.

[Caller]

No matter what what people are saying.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, I'm not people. I'm not people.

[Caller]

I know, I know.

[Dr. Laura]

You didn't succeed because it wasn't fixable. And you guys wasted a horrendous amount of money on mental health care.

[Caller]

Yes, we did.

[Dr. Laura]

When if she was violent, there were other ways you could protect yourselves. You didn't focus on protecting yourselves. And I understand why the guilt comes in. We must be able to fix this. We want a loving situation. That's why we adopted. I know all those feelings. But right now, I hope you will have the wisdom to let it go. Let her go. I hope you will have the wisdom. You've earned the peace. 1-800- Dr. Laura. 1-800-375-2872.

[Dr. Laura Announcer]

You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the DRLaura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com, click on sponsors to take advantage of the special Discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

[Geico Fan]

So I was just parking my car, and then I saw you. The Gecko. Huge fan.

[Geico Representative]

I'm always honored to meet fans out in the wild.

[Geico Fan]

The honor is mine. I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app.

[Geico Representative]

Well, the Geico app is top notch.

[Geico Fan]

I know you get asked this all the time, but could you sign it?

[Geico Representative]

Sign what? The app. Yeah, sure.

[Geico Fan]

Oh, that means so much. Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it. Could you sign it again?

[Geico Representative]

Anything to help, I suppose.

[Geico Fan]

You're the best.

[Geico Announcer]

Get more than just savings. Get more with Geico.