Put the Pain Aside and Get to the Rage!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Put the Pain Aside and Get to the Rage!
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: March 20, 2026

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Main Theme

This emotionally charged episode centers around grief, addiction, and the transformation of pain into constructive anger. Dr. Laura counsels Marla, a mother grieving her son’s death from a drug overdose. The conversation explores the complexity of loss, letting go of self-blame, the role of anger in healing, and the harsh realities of dealing with addictive loved ones. Dr. Laura’s trademark bluntness is both comforting and provocative, nudging Marla toward an active step in her grieving process.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Marla’s Story: Grieving Her Son

• Marla calls in, expressing exhaustion and guilt over her ongoing grief [01:15–02:34]

  • She describes feeling a “pain that takes over my soul, mind and spirit. Bigger than me.” [02:18, Marla]
  • Marla shares that her son died from a drug overdose and that she always feared this outcome due to his addiction.

• Self-blame and the Illusion of Control [02:46–03:59]

  • Marla wonders if she could have done more: “I always tried to…” but Dr. Laura interrupts: “From how you phrase that, it implies that if you forced him, he’d get help and he wouldn’t be dead. Is that correct?” [03:26, Dr. Laura]
  • Dr. Laura asserts, “You can’t force an addict or a drunk to do anything. So if you thought that you’re responsible because you didn’t force him, that’s incorrect.” [03:41, Dr. Laura]
  • Marla clarifies that she did let her son go, understanding he had to choose recovery himself.

Unusual Circumstances of Notification & Loss

• Marla wasn’t notified of her son’s death until months later [04:20–08:31]
  • “He died in February and I wasn’t notified until May by the police.” [04:35, Marla]
  • The police told her her son was cremated and his ashes were tossed in the ocean without her knowledge or consent.
  • Marla had filed a missing persons report; the delay and lack of closure compounded her trauma.
  • Dr. Laura listens but sets boundaries: “This sounds like law and order, so I’m going to have to let that be. Behind all of this was ugly. I can understand why you’re upset.”

Dr. Laura’s Core Advice: Transforming Pain into Rage

• Dr. Laura identifies Marla’s critical emotional need [08:31–09:35]
  • “Your problem is if you haven’t gone to a therapist, you have to go to one who teaches you to get into your angry mode.”
  • She bluntly places responsibility with the son’s addiction: “Your son caused you and everybody else this trouble by being a freaking addict.” [09:02, Dr. Laura]
  • Dr. Laura prescribes: “You gotta put the pain aside and get to the rage. It’s your assignment. Now go do the right thing.” [09:04, Dr. Laura]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura, on emotions and calls:
  • “People are emotional and they call me all the time. It’s just that if you’re absolutely sobbing, then I can’t understand the words.” [01:34, Dr. Laura]
• On letting go of control:
  • “You can’t force an addict or a drunk to do anything.” [03:41, Dr. Laura]
• On the necessity of anger in grief:
  • “You gotta put the pain aside and get to the rage. It’s your assignment. Now go do the right thing.” [09:04, Dr. Laura]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:15] — Marla introduces her grief and her son’s history with addiction
• [02:18] — Marla describes the overwhelming pain
• [03:26] — Dr. Laura challenges the idea that Marla could have saved her son
• [04:35] — Marla recounts learning of her son’s death months later
• [08:31] — Dr. Laura recommends a therapist focused on accessing anger
• [09:02] — Dr. Laura bluntly addresses responsibility and the need for rage
• [09:04] — The key assignment: move from pain to productive anger

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Episode Flow & Tone

The conversation is direct, compassionate, and unsparing. Dr. Laura quickly moves past comforting platitudes to hard truths, insisting Marla confronts her feelings of guilt and pain through the healthy release of anger. The episode is both supportive and confrontational, maintaining Dr. Laura’s signature balance of empathy and tough love throughout.

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For listeners seeking guidance on loss, guilt, or coping with the addiction of a loved one, this episode offers both validation of complex emotions and a clear, actionable path forward: acknowledge your pain, but let your anger propel your healing.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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[B]

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[A]

Do you wear plaid?

[B]

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[C]

Oh, hello.

[B]

Hi Marla.

[C]

Thank you for taking my call. I'm super nervous.

[B]

Well, then how brave are you?

[C]

And I know you don't like it when people get emotional, so forgive me.

[B]

That's not true. That is not true. Hey, sweetheart, don't say things like that. People are emotional and they call me all the time. It's just that if you're absolutely sobbing, then I can't understand the words.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so tell me what's happened.

[C]

I'm tired of feeling this way. My family's getting tired too, and I hate it because I do.

[B]

What way are you feeling?

[C]

A pain that takes over my soul, mind and spirit. Bigger than me.

[B]

And what happened that causes that pain? What happened?

[C]

My son died. And I knew it was going to happen because, you know, drugs.

[B]

Oh, so he was an addiction? Any OD'd?

[C]

Yes. And eventually, you know, I just have to let him go. And that's fine. But it's fine.

[B]

You just said it's fine. No, because calling me, trying not to cry, you're driving everybody in your family insane and you feel sick all the time and then you say it's fine.

[C]

That's actually funny because I knew if he didn't, you know, reach out for help on his own without me forcing him, that was going to happen, but I always tried to.

[B]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. From how you phrase that, it implies that if you forced him, he'd get help and he wouldn't be dead. Is that correct?

[C]

Uh huh. Well, you're wrong that if I.

[B]

Number one, you can't force an addict or a drunk to do anything. So if you thought that you're responsible because you didn't force him. That's incorrect.

[C]

No, I'm sorry. I misspoke.

[B]

Okay, well, respond.

[C]

He didn't. Yeah, no, what I meant to say is that, you know, I had to let him go and say, you know what? You have to do it on your own.

[B]

So you know what your problem, Marla, is? You know what your problem is? By the way, how long ago did he die? Od.

[C]

That's another. You know that. I think that's the main issue that I want.

[B]

Did he od? Give me a date two years ago. Okay. Okay.

[C]

But can I say something else?

[B]

Oh, yeah, go ahead.

[C]

I'll make it quick. He would. He died in February and I wasn't notified until May by the police.

[B]

Okay, that did. That's not going to change what I have to say, but thank you for the information. That means you had a rest. You didn't have to suffer. Okay, drop the little bit more and then that's it. And then give me a chance to be helpful. Okay, drop the little bit more.

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[A]

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[C]

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[G]

Huh?

[C]

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[B]

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[G]

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[B]

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[C]

When the police came in May, they said that, oh, I said, okay. They knocked on the door and they told me that he had passed, and I said, okay, where is the body? They said, well, he was cremated. And of course, you know, it was like a double slap. My son died, you know, and then, you know, there's no body. And then I said, okay, where are his ashes so I can go get them. Oh, they were tossed in the ocean.

[B]

I'm sorry, who took. Ma', am, who took charge of that? Who was responsible? The government?

[C]

The coroner?

[B]

Somebody else? The coroner? Because nobody claimed the body.

[C]

Well, there was a report because I had filed missing persons report in March. He died in February. When I. When I called the police to report him missing, he had. He had already been dead. So they just dropped the ball.

[B]

This sounds like law and order, so I'm going to have to let that be. Behind. All of this was ugly. I can understand why you're upset. Your problem is if you haven't gone to a therapist, you have to go to one who teaches you to get into your angry mode.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

Your son caused you and everybody else this trouble by being a freaking addict.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And you gotta put the pain aside and get to the rage. It's your assignment. Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[G]

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