Questioning Strength or Insecurity

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast – “Questioning Strength or Insecurity”
Date: June 10, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Samantha

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Samantha, a 57-year-old single woman navigating the uncertainties of dating later in life. Samantha seeks insight after inviting a man to dinner and receiving a dismissive response. The conversation centers on interpreting others’ reactions, understanding what they reveal about character, and separating personal worth from external responses. Dr. Laura offers candid, direct advice aimed at helping listeners approach relationships with confidence and clarity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Scenario: Making the First Move

[01:20 – 03:00]

• Samantha shares that she initiated a social invitation to a male acquaintance, believing there were no existing romantic entanglements.
• His response was awkward, terse, and quickly ended the conversation, causing Samantha to question both his character and her own feelings.

2. Reaction Analysis: Strength vs. Insecurity

[03:00 – 03:46]

• Dr. Laura asks for a direct recounting of the man’s response and quickly pinpoints what matters:
  • Dr. Laura: “He was not rude. He was scared. And we learned something about him. He’s not a strong man. He’s not a confident man. He’s not a communicative man.” [03:22]
• Dr. Laura stresses that these characteristics mean the man is not a suitable candidate for dating.
• She encourages Samantha (and the audience) to view such moments as opportunities to “learn about their psychology” based on behavior.

3. Interpreting Responses: It’s About Them, Not You

[05:11 – 06:08]

• Samantha wonders if she should “stand up for herself,” feeling uncomfortable about the exchange.
  • Dr. Laura: “There’s nothing to stand up for… His reaction had nothing to do with who you are. Nothing.” [05:48]
• Dr. Laura points out a key pitfall: assuming other people’s discomfort is a judgment of your worth.

4. Dating at a Certain Age: Realities and Expectations

[06:12 – 07:05]

• Dr. Laura acknowledges that dating later in life often means encountering more people with emotional baggage or relationship scars.
  • Dr. Laura: “At your age, you’re going to find a lot of these because…they have failure in a marriage or they have some psychological problems and committing is just something they can’t face.” [06:26]
• Initial interactions are about investigation, not personal attacks or failures.

5. The Value of Vulnerability and Directness

[07:05 – 07:41]

• Samantha expresses pride in being bold enough to ask the man out, despite nerves.
  • Dr. Laura interrupts to clarify: “Their response tells you something you need to know to make a final decision as to whether or not it would be worthwhile to pursue.” [07:22]
• The takeaway: facing discomfort is part of the process; responses from others provide essential data.

6. Defining the Purpose of Dating

[07:41 – 07:54]

• Dr. Laura: “Dating is to discern whether or not it’s a good man and a reasonable match. That’s what dating is for. It’s not a guarantee.” [07:41, 07:54]
• The experience is reframed as successful, not because it led to a relationship, but because it gave clarity.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura: “He’s not a strong man. He’s not a confident man. He’s not a communicative man. Put those three together and he in no way is the man you want to date.” [03:25]
• Dr. Laura: “How they handle themselves tells you a lot about their psychology. And he’s not in a great place.” [03:47]
• Dr. Laura: “There’s nothing to stand up for. What are you talking about? This wasn’t an attack on you… His reaction had nothing to do with who you are. Nothing.” [05:21 – 05:48]
• Dr. Laura: “At your age, you’re going to find a lot of these…they have failure in a marriage or they have some psychological problems and committing is just something they can’t face.” [06:26]
• Caller Samantha: “I gave myself credit to be honest, to the fact that I extended myself at all to ask him in the first place. It’s nerve wracking…” [07:05]
• Dr. Laura: “Dating is to discern whether or not it’s a good man and a reasonable match. That’s what dating is for.” [07:41]
• Dr. Laura: “So go get a manicure and relax.” [08:02]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:20] – Samantha introduces her dating scenario
• [03:22] – Dr. Laura’s key analysis on the man’s character
• [05:48] – Dr. Laura clarifies it’s not about Samantha’s worth
• [06:26] – Dr. Laura on common issues in dating later in life
• [07:22] – The value of others’ responses as data points
• [07:41] – Purpose and reality check about dating

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Recap & Takeaways

• Dating reveals others’ character, not your deficiencies.
• Discomfort in dating is universal; clarity comes from observing, not overanalyzing.
• Responses from potential partners are reflections of their own limitations or strengths.
• Especially later in life, dating may require more “investigating” to find a compatible, emotionally healthy partner.
• Taking the initiative and being direct is an act of strength—regardless of the outcome.

Dr. Laura’s direct, practical advice empowers listeners to approach relationships with honesty, resilience, and self-respect, reminding us that every interaction is an opportunity to learn, not a referendum on our worth.

Transcript

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[Caller Samantha]

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my call of the Day, brought to you by my new sponsor, Angel. Angel is a streaming platform built around stories that uplift stories about courage and sacrifice and faith and family. If you've been looking for entertainment that reflects your values, check out angel. Go to angel.comdrlora Entertainment you can feel good about. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Samantha welcome to the program.

[Caller Samantha]

Hello Dr. Laura. Good afternoon. Thank you so much for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome.

[Caller Samantha]

Okay, so I'll give you some quick background and then I will jump into my question. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Super duper.

[Caller Samantha]

I am a 57 year old single lady, never married, no kids. And, and I know in kind of recent months you've talked a lot about the kind of importance of direct communication. So that might be exactly the answer that I need from you. Okay, so okay, know this, I know this man casually through some kind of professional interactions. I knew enough to know that he was unmarried. I didn't fairly certain he had no girlfriend. So during a conversation with him I kind of, you know, mentioned to him perhaps we might like to socialize, maybe go out to dinner sometime. And like I said, I had kind of, you know, tested the waters a bit before I did that. Well, his response was a very kind of kind of curt brush off, borderline kind of rude, very, very uncomfortable and then kind of terse.

[Dr. Laura]

And you thanks for all the dramatic picture of it. Can you just stop for a second and tell me what he said?

[Caller Samantha]

Okay, so I said hey, I was thinking, you know, thought it might be nice for the two of us sometime to go out to dinner. Just go out and have some fun. And I just wanted to mention that to you today. And he said, oh, yeah, okay, yeah, no, I don't know, whatever. Maybe I've got your number. See you later. Bye. And then kind of rushed away from me very, very quickly, ended the conversation very, very quickly.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, what did we learn about him in that moment?

[Caller Samantha]

Okay, again, I've analyzed this so much. He was very nervous, very uncomfortable. Didn't know how to respond. I don't know. To maybe a woman asking him out. I don't know. Then again, this is where all the analyzing starts. I don't know.

[Dr. Laura]

The point is, he could. The point is he was not rude. He was scared. And we learned something about him. He's not a strong man. He's not a confident man. He's not a communicative man. Put those three together and he in no way is the man you want to date.

[Caller Samantha]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

So it isn't a matter. It's only a matter of when you interact with somebody, how they handle themselves tells you a lot about their psychology. And he's not in a great place. Okay,

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[Caller Samantha]

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[Caller Samantha]

So.

[Dr. Laura]

So my date. He's not somebody you wish to date?

[Caller Samantha]

Yeah. Ultimately, that tells me, yeah, you're right. Because I was thinking to myself, do I need to stand up for myself

[Dr. Laura]

and say to him, there's nothing to stand up for? What are you talking about? This wasn't an attack on you and that's something you better sit on because if that's going to be your reaction in these situations, you're going to get yourself in trouble. You have to be able to look at his response as him, not you.

[Caller Samantha]

Yeah, and I absolutely do. And I, and I hear what you're talking about.

[Dr. Laura]

No, you didn't. No, the reason I'm saying that is because you didn't. I need to stand up for myself. You weren't attacked. There's nothing to stand up for. His reaction had nothing to do with who you are. Nothing.

[Caller Samantha]

You know, Dr. Laura, when you get to be a certain age and you get beaten down in these types of situations, at my age, as you've mentioned

[Dr. Laura]

before, you were not beaten down. Stop.

[Caller Samantha]

It becomes harder to meet people.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, my God. Are you just going to keep talking?

[Caller Samantha]

No, I'm, I'm going to stop.

[Dr. Laura]

You were not beaten down. You found out he's a weak guy. How else do you find out if not having these initial interactions? And at your age, you're going to find a lot of. At your age, you're going to find a lot of these because the reason they're single, if somebody hasn't died on them, they have failure in a marriage or they have some psychological problems and committing is just something they can't face. So these initial interactions are not about beating you down. It's about you being an investigator and seeing if this guy, whichever guy it is, is worthwhile. And you're going to find the preponderance are not.

[Caller Samantha]

And I gave myself credit to be honest, to the fact that I extended myself at all to ask him in the first place. It's nerve wracking to do any of that kind of interaction. And I know, again, that's all on me. I hear you extend yourself to somebody. Their response is. Their response.

[Dr. Laura]

No, that's not what I said. Their response tells you something you need to know to make a final decision as to whether or not it would be worthwhile to pursue.

[Caller Samantha]

Okay. Yeah, got to take that in. Got to feel that. Yep.

[Dr. Laura]

Dating is to discern whether or not it's a good man and a reasonable match. That's what dating is for.

[Caller Samantha]

Yes, you're right.

[Dr. Laura]

It's not a guarantee.

[Caller Samantha]

Okay, thank you so much. Thank you. I needed to hear that. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

So go get a manicure and relax. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. Sirius XM Triumph Is life presenting you with challenges?

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