Caller Danielle (3:29)

Yes, yes, I am writing it down.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (3:33)

Okay. You have to encourage them learning resilience. That means allow boys to take reasonably safe risks. I mean, I close my eyes sometimes when I see little boys with the helmets and they're on those bikes going up in the air and coming down. It's not girl stuff. Okay. So you really have to allow boys to take safe risks to get very involved in physical play. Boys need physical play. They need to experience minor failures because this all builds confidence and self reliance. See, when you talk about an Alpha male, we're not talking about a dominating beast. We're talking about a man who is strong, confident, responsible, has integrity, independence. We're not talking about dominance. Dominance. Okay? So involving male, good, strong male role models. So you go out of your way to connect your boys with strong, positive men, fathers, mentors, coaches. You assign chores and you hold them accountable for mistakes and strictly teach respect for each other's, especially women. You foster emotional intelligence. That means, let's see, you guide them to recognize and manage their emotions, to understand their emotions and to manage them, because that fosters strength, that fosters empathy. So you're feeling angry right now? Yeah. Okay, and what's the anger about? Instead of, you have no right to be angry. There needs to be boundaries for cattle, but not for kids. I had to joke there. So you need to give them consistent discipline that promotes self discipline rather than scaring the bejesus out of them saying, if you don't do this, we'll beat you into a pulp. A lot. You know, boys are very high energy. So they have to run, they have to climb, they have to fall down, they have to do all kinds of things. They need physical and emotional strength. The most important thing is sort of at the beginning and it's at the end. If you got yourself a good man who's very committed to bringing up his children with ethics and responsibility and integrity, that's good. That's fabulous right there. So you need to support it. Sometimes mommies have a hard time doing some of these things because you don't want them to be upset, you don't want them to be upset, you don't want them to have hurt feelings. And those are the things they need to learn to survive.

Caller Danielle (6:31)

Okay, okay.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (6:35)

So they're watching how dad behaves toward you. They're watching how dad behaves at sports events, at the grocery store. They're watching how dad behaves. And that's a big lesson. And that's what I'm supposed to become.

Caller Danielle (6:51)

Okay,

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (6:56)

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Caller Danielle (9:32)

All right. Are there, is there anything else? I guess that. Any advice?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:42)

I just think I gave you a book.

Caller Danielle (9:45)

Oh yeah.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:48)

Anymore?

Caller Danielle (9:50)

I don't know. Just for me as a stay at home mom, I know that my husband has a huge role to play. But for me as a stay at home mom, now I'm with them all day long.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (10:06)

Look for opportunities. Look for opportunities to teach them how to fail and be resilient about it. See, women don't think about this because this is not what we do. This is not what we did. And I remember I talked on the air about one of those quickie videos I saw on some social media thingy and, and it was either in Britain or Australia, I couldn't tell, probably Australia. And the kid was on this rickety wood thing that you walk across, sort of like over an ocean, but you're walking on this rickety thing. And the kid was scared to death. And it was a toddler scared to death. And dad just said, be brave. You can do this. Be brave. And the kid kept crying, I'm too scared. And I was watching this thinking, I hope the mother's not there because the mother is going to come up, pick up the kid and go. You mean beast Hurting my child, getting him scared and upset, that's the part that undermines things. Well, this kid kept crying and then did a little bit, stood up, realized it's shaking because it had big springs on the bottom of it and got on his hands and knees again, started crying. And dad just kept it calm and, and said, come on, buddy, be brave, be brave. Eventually, and this all happened within 90 seconds. The kid was up. He walked the whole distance of it. It was about 8ft, jumped off and he was scared about jumping off. He jumped off and then this kid lit up. He kept going back, walking across it, jiggling off. And look what he learned. And typically we learn that boys learn that from dads because moms can't stand the crying. My baby, you know, that's why I need the men to spend the time with the boys to learn this in one of the Batman thingies. It starts out with him as a little boy and he falls down in some place on the property, I don't remember, farmhouse. And he dropped down this hole and when he dropped down, bats came out from everywhere. Bats, bats, bats. And he's screaming and he's scared, and his dad and the helper guy come out and he hauls his kid out of the thing and carries him to the house. And this is what he says, not, are you hurt? Are you scared? You're okay now. He didn't do any of that. What he said is, son, do you know why we have to fall? And the kid goes, no. So we learn to get up. How's that for teaching resilience? And then, of course, he becomes Batman. And the rest of that just get. But the point made, it's mostly a project of men with women supporting, but not that being involved. Because we are different. We want to protect feelings. When they fall down and bleed, you want to kiss the boo boo, you're okay. I'll get you a pink band aid where dad goes over, you're bleeding. Wipe it off. Okay, go, go play. That's the difference. Okay, you got it now.

Caller Danielle (13:35)

Thank you. Oh, yeah.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (13:36)

You're very welcome.

Caller Danielle (13:39)

I am. I'm multitasking being with my toddler, and I was trying to write everything down. You said. Yes, it was a book. Do you think I could possibly get, like, a recording of this question?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (13:55)

Okay, sure. Let me put you on hold. If you're willing to give them your email address, we can send you an audio copy. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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