Reasons You Should Not Be Sending Your Kids Straight to College

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: Reasons You Should Not Be Sending Your Kids Straight to College
Date: May 16, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger shares her perspectives on perfectionism, pushing back against its common bad reputation. She offers insights on the difference between healthy and pathological perfectionism, draws examples from her personal life, and provides advice for listeners who struggle with being “good enough.” The episode is rooted in Dr. Laura’s belief that striving for excellence can be a positive force, as long as it doesn’t devolve into self-destructive tendencies.

Note: Despite the episode title referencing reasons not to send kids straight to college, the main content focuses on perfectionism and its nuances, particularly as it relates to personal growth, productivity, and self-esteem.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Redefining Perfectionism

• Dr. Laura opens by challenging the conventional wisdom that perfectionism is inherently negative.
  • She claims, “I am a perfectionist. There's a difference though between being a perfectionist… and being a pathological perfectionist.” (01:13)
• Elaborates on her own proud relationship with perfectionism and how it motivates her to do her best.

2. The Dangers of Pathological Perfectionism

• Healthy perfectionism is contrasted with its pathological counterpart:
  • Healthy: Pride in trying one’s best, satisfaction in quality work, and a growth mindset.
  • Pathological: Feeling “never good enough,” chronic stress, procrastination due to fear of imperfection, and self-sabotage.
  • “Pathological perfectionist. That's somebody who says, ‘I'm never good enough. I suck.’” (02:21)
  • She uses personal anecdotes, e.g., missing a pool shot and feeling a wave of self-criticism, to demonstrate how she personally struggles and counters pathological tendencies.

3. The Role of Perfectionism in Personal Achievement

• Healthy perfectionism is described as essential to success:
  • “Successful, competent people are perfectionists because they don't settle for ‘it's okay, nobody will notice.’ They don't settle for that. Hacks settle for that.” (08:31)
  • Dr. Laura emphasizes striving for one’s best “level of absolute perfect, which is the best I can do.” (04:12)
  • Notes that comparing oneself to others (like Leonardo da Vinci) is unproductive; individuals should only compare themselves to their own potential.

4. Letting Go of Comparison and Self-Loathing

• Dr. Laura talks about the value in recognizing the limits of comparison:
  • “I can't be somebody else. You can't be somebody else. You can't be me. I can't be you… You’ve got to be yourself.” (09:01)
• She relays a moment of relief when a teacher released her from trying to be as good as someone else:
  • “[It] was like chains came off my brain because I was struggling to be as good as she is, and I can't be, because she's different.” (09:16)

5. Finding Joy in Effort and Imperfection

• Not only is doing your best fulfilling, but Dr. Laura encourages listeners to find joy in the process, not just the outcome:
  • “If there's no joy in Mudville, then what's the point?” (08:07)
• She describes how creativity and achievement “pour out” when one lets go of the fear of not being perfect.

6. Coping with Mistakes and Learning from Others

• Dr. Laura discusses learning to relax and self-correct when things don’t go perfectly, especially in hobbies like pool.
  • Shares watching a champion pool player miss an obvious shot:
    • “I figured, okay, if he can miss a shot, then I can miss a shot.” (12:03)
  • She recommends breathing and moving on instead of spiraling after failures.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura on healthy perfectionism:

  • “I'm a very healthy, proud, card carrying perfectionist, and I think you all ought to be. That's a different spin because that word is usually... it's a bad thing. No, it's an absolutely great thing.” (01:21)

• On pathological perfectionism:

  • “You can't be productive because you're waiting for everything to be just right before you start. So you're procrastinating because you're afraid it's not going to be perfect.” (04:54)

• Letting go of comparison:

  • “You’ve got to be yourself. Because if you choose to be yourself, then you're limitless in your own growth and you enjoy it.” (09:06)

• On self-forgiveness after mistakes:

  • “Once you get upset with yourself, you can't do anything right. So you've got to say, I missed a shot.” (11:12)

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Important Timestamps

• [00:44] – Dr. Laura’s monologue on perfectionism begins
• [01:13] – Outlines the difference between being a perfectionist and a pathological perfectionist
• [02:21] – Explains signs of pathological perfectionism
• [04:12] – Discusses personal standards for perfection and healthy striving
• [06:11] – (Advertisements)
• [08:05] – Returns to topic; finding joy and satisfaction in one’s best, not obsessing over unattainable standards
• [09:01] – The liberation of self-acceptance; importance of not comparing oneself to others
• [11:12] – Handling mistakes in performance and learning from professional examples
• [12:03] – Watching world-class experts make mistakes and learning self-compassion

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Final Thoughts

Through personal stories and clear distinctions, Dr. Laura reframes perfectionism as a positive, empowering trait—when kept in perspective. She reassures listeners that while nobody is immune to moments of self-doubt, the healthiest path is focusing on personal growth, finding fulfillment in genuine effort, and letting go of toxic comparisons. Her philosophy: aim high, do your best—then learn when to breathe and move on.

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For further advice or to interact with Dr. Laura, listeners are encouraged to call 1-800-DR-LAURA or visit DrLaura.com.

Transcript

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Liberty, Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. So I'm pointing out that you can shift from pathological perfectionism to just doing your best and enjoying it. If there's no joy in Mudville, then what's the point? When I write a book or write a column, I sit there, it spills out of me, and then I read a sentence back and I go, God, that's clever. Where'd that come from? If I had to think that up right now, I don't know if I could come up with it again, because it just pours out of you if you let yourself. So, to reiterate, there is healthy perfectionism. I am one of them. Successful, competent people are perfectionists because they don't settle for. It's okay, nobody will notice. They don't settle for that. Hacks settle for that. So healthy perfectionist is still someone who is proud and pleased with their work. They don't think that it's a bottomless pit that they have to keep better, better, better, better. I mean, I. When my teacher said, you do the story and the stone is incidental, it was like chains came off my brain because I was struggling to be as good as she is, and I can't be, because she's different. I can't be somebody else. You can't be somebody else. You can't be me. I can't be you. This feels like Mr. Rogers neighborhood. You've got to be yourself. Because if you choose to be yourself, then you're limitless in your own growth and you enjoy it. That's what happens when you're a perfectionist. That's not pathological. You're a. Well, that things keep coming from because you're crying hard to do your best and to unload your brain, your talents, your ideas. Pathological perfectionism is, oh, I can't make anything like that. I guess I suck and can't make anything. Well, I'll try something next week. Everything I make is not nearly as good at that. Therefore, everything I make is not good. I am too stressed and Depressed and anxious because I'm not good enough. That's pathological perfectionism. So I hope you have clarity as to the difference between the two. And you're never going to get completely free of pathological perfectionism. When I shoot a shot and pool now, and I didn't concentrate, I didn't do something right, the alignment of my body was wrong, my mind wandered. That is such a hard game. I think ping pong must be easier. This is such a hard game. It's kind of like golf. You're using a big stick to hit a little ball into a hole two miles away. I mean, that's insane. You know, give me a rest. People say I should take up golf. I don't know why they think that. First of all, you don't walk anymore. You ride a little. That would. No, no, no, no, no. Aside from which, everybody I know who plays has love, hate relationship with it. But now when I miss a pool shot, I try to breathe because if I don't do that, the next shot surely is going to miss. Because once you get upset with yourself, you can't do anything right. So you've got to say, I missed a shot. I was so happy I was watching one of those tournaments on the net. I do that now and then to try to learn things. And watch these guys, of course, they're light years away, so they just clear a table and I'm going, yeah, right. Okay, sure, someday I'll be like that if I live to 240. But this world champion missed a shot that was only like 8 inches from the pocket, but it was a tight cut, and I guess he didn't put enough spin. The right spin. Well, I have no idea. And he stood up and looked at it like, what? Because there's no way he could have missed that shot. And I figured, okay, if he can miss a shot, then I can miss a shot. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number here is 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform,

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