Sarah is Needlessly Punishing Her Husband

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Sarah is Needlessly Punishing Her Husband"

Episode Information:

• Title: Sarah is Needlessly Punishing Her Husband
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Release Date: January 28, 2025
• Podcast: Dr. Laura Call of the Day on SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt and emotionally charged call from Sarah, a 62-year-old woman grappling with feelings of betrayal and hurt after discovering her husband's infidelity before their marriage. The conversation delves deep into themes of forgiveness, trust, and the importance of perspective in long-term relationships.

Sarah’s Dilemma

[01:19] Sarah:
Sarah initiates the call by sharing her distressing discovery: she recently learned that her husband cheated on her just before their wedding. Having been high school sweethearts and married since the age of 24, Sarah expresses her ongoing struggle to move past this revelation, even though it occurred two months prior.

"I was devastated at the time. I still can't believe that this happened. And I'm just having a hard time moving forward and trying to put it behind me and move on."
— Sarah [01:19]

Dr. Laura’s Initial Response

Dr. Laura begins by probing the timeline and nature of the infidelity to understand the context better.

[02:00] Dr. Laura:
"Pretty young, not all that mature. Yeah, I get that."

She questions whether the infidelity continued during the marriage, to which Sarah clarifies that her husband assures her it was a one-time event.

[03:26] Sarah:
"He says it was a one time thing. A couple of the things that he had said didn't make complete sense, but I feel like he doesn't want to get in more trouble."

Challenging the Emotional Response

Dr. Laura challenges Sarah's use of the term "devastated," suggesting that her reaction might be an overstatement given the circumstances.

[04:11] Dr. Laura:
"How much better a man could you want? Woman, stop this crap. Stop it right now. This is silly."

— Dr. Laura [04:11]

She emphasizes that her husband has been faithful since the incident and questions the depth of Sarah's ongoing grief over a single mistake made before their marriage.

Encouraging Forgiveness and Perspective

Dr. Laura counsels Sarah to focus on the positive aspects of her marriage and to forgive her husband for his past mistake. She advises her to reconnect with her husband, affirm their bond, and let go of the lingering resentment.

[08:15] Dr. Laura:
"He told you that he's been true blue from the day you married him and he told you the truth when you asked out. Is there something more you want out of a husband?"

— Dr. Laura [08:15]

[09:37] Dr. Laura:
"I guess sometimes some people want to be miserable. And why would right now you want to be one of those people?"

— Dr. Laura [09:37]

She urges Sarah to reminisce about their vows and the years of marriage, suggesting that these should outweigh the isolated incident.

[10:09] Dr. Laura:
"How about putting in your head the vows and all the years since then?"

— Dr. Laura [10:09]

Addressing Emotional Blockages

Sarah admits that she can't stop thinking about the incident, and Dr. Laura pushes her to shift her focus towards gratitude and appreciation for her husband's consistent loyalty.

[11:10] Dr. Laura:
"Are you picturing oral sex or what are you picturing when you can't get it out of your head?"

— Dr. Laura [11:10]

Through this blunt approach, Dr. Laura aims to help Sarah recognize that her husband's mistake was an aberration in an otherwise faithful relationship.

Final Encouragement and Resolution

Dr. Laura concludes by reaffirming her belief in Sarah's husband's character and encourages Sarah to express her appreciation to him, thereby strengthening their bond and leaving past mistakes behind.

[14:24] Dr. Laura:
"Thank him for that. It'll blow his mind. And it'll make you feel good."

— Dr. Laura [14:24]

She advises Sarah to keep the matter private, avoiding discussions with friends or family to prevent external negativity from influencing her perspective.

[14:58] Dr. Laura:
"Good. Good. That's a blessing that you didn't, because some idiot female in your family might go, oh, God, that's terrible."

— Dr. Laura [14:58]

In the final moments of the call, Dr. Laura reinforces her advice, urging Sarah to embrace her husband's fidelity and the strength of their marriage.

[15:36] Dr. Laura:
"Yes. Don't lose this. Come on."

— Dr. Laura [15:36]

Conclusion

This episode highlights Dr. Laura's no-nonsense approach to marital issues, emphasizing personal responsibility, forgiveness, and the importance of focusing on the positives within a long-term relationship. Sarah is encouraged to let go of past grievances and reaffirm her commitment to a loving and faithful marriage.

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Notable Quotes:

1. Sarah [01:19]:
   "I was devastated at the time. I still can't believe that this happened. And I'm just having a hard time moving forward and trying to put it behind me and move on."

2. Dr. Laura [04:11]:
   "How much better a man could you want? Woman, stop this crap. Stop it right now. This is silly."

3. Dr. Laura [09:37]:
   "I guess sometimes some people want to be miserable. And why would right now you want to be one of those people?"

4. Dr. Laura [14:24]:
   "Thank him for that. It'll blow his mind. And it'll make you feel good."

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Takeaway:

Dr. Laura Schlessinger encourages individuals facing marital challenges to assess the overall health of their relationship, recognize the value of forgiveness, and prioritize long-term commitment over isolated past mistakes. By fostering understanding and appreciation, couples can navigate through emotional turmoil and strengthen their bond.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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To my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Sarah, welcome to the program.

[Sarah]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome.

[Sarah]

So I have a situation where I'm 62 and I just found out that my husband had cheated on me shortly before we got married. We were high school sweethearts from 16 years old. And I just found out and I'm like two months ago, and I was devastated at the time. I still can't believe that this happened. And I'm just having a hard time moving forward and trying to put it behind me and move on.

[Dr. Laura]

How old were the two of you when you got married?

[Sarah]

We were 24.

[Dr. Laura]

Pretty young, not all that mature. Yeah, I get that. Okay. And do you have any notion that he cheated during the marriage?

[Sarah]

I do not. He assures me that this was the only time.

[Dr. Laura]

How did you learn about this?

[Sarah]

Well, we were just sitting on our swing one night on the patio and I had just asked him because we always thought. Well, I always thought it was just the two of us that were together when I.

[Dr. Laura]

Why after all of these years, swinging in the evening, having a lovely time, would you say, have you ever screwed around on me? Why would that even occur to you to ask?

[Sarah]

Because when I would mention things like, oh, I'm so, you know, this is so wonderful that it's always Been, you know, just the two of us. You know, we were each of our onlys and then he would. Wouldn't react quite like I was all lovey dovey about it. And so I always sensed that something wasn't. That we were missing something there. So I just came out and asked him one time and just. And then he admitted it.

[Dr. Laura]

And. Was it a long duration? A one day stand? What was it?

[Sarah]

Well, he says it was a one time thing. A couple of the things that he had said didn't make complete sense, but I feel like he doesn't want to get in more trouble.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so when you say you're devastated if he's dead, I would expect you to word devastated. If he killed your parents, I would expect you to be devastated that he had a little nookie when you were in your early 20s before you married and never did it again. Somehow doesn't qualify for devastated. Annoyed. Surprised. Shocked. A bit devastated. Can we not overstate this, please? You're upset.

[Sarah]

I was.

[Dr. Laura]

Understandably. But after he had his little one night stand, he committed to you and never broke it. And when you asked him directly, he did not lie to you. How much better a man could. You want woman.

[Sarah]

I know.

[Dr. Laura]

Stop this crap. Stop it right now.

[Sarah]

I know I need to.

[Dr. Laura]

This is silly.

You got yourself a good man and you know it.

[Sarah]

He is. He's been.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Dr. Laura]

Had a kidlet living at home, the technology did not exist to tell me where he was at any given time. But it does today, thanks to Life360. Coordinating your family's activities and keeping them safe has never been easier. Life360 is a location sharing app that works on your mobile phone, letting you see the real time locations of your family members. Got a kid in college? Life 360's roadside and emergency response programs can give you peace of mind. Teen driver in the family Life360 lets you easily monitor their driving speed. Plus you can attach a Life360 tile tracker to bikes, keys, soccer bags, and more. When I get mine, I just may attach it to Lily's collar. Whether you're in the carpooling phase, raising young adults, or keeping an eye on elderly parents, you can stay connected to the ones you love with life 360, visit life360.com or download the app today and use the code Dr. Laura to get 15 off. That's life360.com code Dr. Laura sometimes the.

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[Sarah]

I'm trying. I. I'm not punishing him at all.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes you are.

[Sarah]

Probably.

[Dr. Laura]

He told you that he's been true blue from the day you married him and he told you the truth when you full out asked. I'm sorry, is there something more you want out of a husband? Because I don't know. Yeah, and do not talk to your friends about this. Do not talk to your family about this. Bury it. In fact, go to him tonight and say I love you and I'm happy you chose me. I'm happy you've been faithful to me since the day we took our vows.

[Sarah]

That's one of the hard parts about us, is he's been. It was so out of character for him to do this, and he's been such an out of character.

[Dr. Laura]

He was 20 something. It was. Oh, my God. It was out of character. What? You were so mature at that age. No, I can't believe you just said that. It's not out of character. He has good character. He did something, thought it would be fun, never did it again, and was true blue. I'm sorry. Jeez.

[Sarah]

Yeah. I just can't get it out of my head.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then you never should have asked the question because you knew you had a good man who would tell you the truth if you're now going to punish him for the rest of your lives. See, I've told people, don't tell your spouse. Never tell them, Never admit to it, because this is what you'll get back. I can't get it out of my head. How about putting in your head the vows and all the years since then? How about you put that in your head?

[Sarah]

I will.

[Dr. Laura]

He did not betray the marriage you're about to.

[Sarah]

I know. He's been absolutely wonderful from day one.

[Dr. Laura]

Mm.

[Sarah]

Such a good husband. Grandfather.

[Dr. Laura]

And this is the shit he's gonna get for it. I can't get it out of my head. All the good times are sort of shoved aside, and I can't get this out of my head. Well, you're picturing him on top of her or her on top of him. Are you picturing oral sex or what are you picturing when you can't get it out of your.

[Sarah]

Just him with her.

[Dr. Laura]

And what about him with her? Did he love her?

[Sarah]

I guess not. Said he didn't.

[Dr. Laura]

I think sometimes some people want to be miserable. And why would right now you want to be one of those people?

[Sarah]

You're right.

[Dr. Laura]

I guess not. I guess he didn't love her. Poor me. A true blue man. He's a good man. Did something before we were married, and now I'm just gonna suffer. Okay, then you're gonna suffer. I can't talk you out of it? I don't seem to be able to point out what a great man in marriage you have. This one incident 50 years ago seems to mean more to you than the marriage. This seems to outweigh everything. Okay. I guess he wishes that were the opposite way around, that everything that's happened in the marriage outweighed this. So your polar opposites. You gonna keep sniffling?

[Sarah]

No, I'm not.

[Dr. Laura]

And how dare you use the term devastated. How dare you Save that word for real tragedies.

[Sarah]

I will.

[Dr. Laura]

And I think when he comes home tonight, or you come home, or whoever comes home, you should give him a big hug and say, you know, she didn't end up with you. I did. Screw it. Thank you for marrying me. That's what I think you should say to him tonight. I don't think you will. So I think you're gonna drag out this I'm devastated shit a little bit longer.

[Sarah]

No, I'm. As soon as he gets in from his deer stand, that's the first thing I'm gonna do.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. I think that's a good idea. I think it's going to make you feel wonderful. Thank you for choosing me.

[Sarah]

I think.

[Dr. Laura]

So over a quickie.

[Sarah]

Right?

[Dr. Laura]

I mean, she could have been so good in bed that he'd say, I'm not going to the wedding.

This one's wonderful.

I'm going to stay here. He didn't do any of that. He had a little nookie who's probably scared about the getting married part. He did this as an idiot. And he never did anything out of his character again.

[Sarah]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

And he picked you.

[Sarah]

He did.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank him for that. It'll blow his mind. And it'll make you feel good.

[Sarah]

It will.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Get you back together again.

[Sarah]

Yes. That's what I want most.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. Don't lose this. Come on.

[Sarah]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

He's a good man. Don't discuss this with your mother or sister. Promise me.

[Sarah]

I haven't told one person because I was embarrassed.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. Good. That's a blessing that you didn't, because some idiot female in your family might go, oh, God, that's terrible. That's devastating. And I'd have to pinch her head off.

[Sarah]

Yes. Wrong choice of words.

[Dr. Laura]

No. I'm glad you started out that way, because we're not there anymore. No, no.

[Sarah]

Yep. I can do this. And I will do as you recommended as soon as he walks in.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. A little perfume. Little perfume. Okay.

[Sarah]

I can do that.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Guys like that. Yeah. All right, sweetheart. Thank you for calling.

[Sarah]

Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. I really appreciate it.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. My number, 1-800-37528 72. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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