Should Adults Feel Guilty About Their Childhoods?

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Should Adults Feel Guilty About Their Childhoods?
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: March 14, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger dives deep into the subject of guilt associated with our childhood actions—or lack thereof—and whether it's reasonable or healthy for adults to carry such guilt into their adult lives. Prompted by a poignant listener email about childhood inaction in the face of bullying, Dr. Laura provides both empathetic insight and firm guidance, equipping listeners with tools for both healing and proactive intervention in the lives of others.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Complex Nature of Guilt and Childhood Responsibility

• Dr. Laura begins by addressing the prevalence of guilt in everyday life, stating:

  “I feel so guilty that I don’t want to give them a present. I feel so guilty that I wasn’t nice—that you should feel guilty for.” [01:05]

• She distinguishes between genuine guilt (when one has done something wrong) and misplaced guilt (often confusion with sadness or regret).

2. Listener Email: Inaction Against Bullying

• Dr. Laura reads an email from a listener who, as a seventh grader, did not intervene to stop a classmate, David, from being bullied ([01:35]). The email reveals:

  • Witnessing David being bullied by both peers and even a teacher.
  • The school counselor named the email writer as David’s only source of kindness and asked them to persuade other children to stop bullying.
  • The writer felt terror at standing out, fearing they too would be targeted.
  • Years later, the classmate was reportedly found homeless, leading to enduring regret for not having done more.

• Dr. Laura interjects:

  “Can you believe the school counselor put that on this kid?” [03:05]

  • She criticizes the inaction of adults who failed to take charge and protect children.

• The listener closes their note by thanking Dr. Laura for the chance to get this off their chest. Dr. Laura bluntly asks:

  “Why is it off your chest now?” [04:55]

  • Alluding to the persistent, gnawing nature of unresolved guilt from childhood.

3. Dr. Laura's Philosophy: Clear Moral Direction from Childhood

• Dr. Laura shares her own upbringing advice from her Italian mother:

  “Don’t ever hit anybody… unless they hit you first, then you hit them back twice as hard. And do the same to protect somebody else.” [08:40]

  • She emphasizes the importance of teaching children to stand up physically—if necessary—for themselves and others.

• Dr. Laura identifies how instilling courage to intervene can disrupt the bystander effect, stating:

  “Instead of standing there with your cell phone taking video… you get a bunch of people who say, come on, we got to stop this… Bully won’t know what to do at that point.” [08:08]

• She delivers a stark wish for children who passively watch bullying:

  “I wish for all those kids who do that a horrible bullying experience against them. I really wish for that. My wishes have no power, but I can wish it.” [08:27]
  (A sobering comment to illustrate her intensity about the subject.)

4. Accountability vs. Absolution

• Dr. Laura contrasts her role with that of a priest:

  “When you go to a priest, you get absolution… I’m not a Catholic priest. I hold people accountable forever.” [07:49]

• She encourages the writer (and listeners) to use their regrets as powerful teaching tools:

  “I think you ought to be going around in schools and giving this story and how here you are, a grown man in your middles and you still feel rotten for not protecting somebody else.” [07:57]

5. Parenting Guidance—Passing Down Strength

• Dr. Laura recounts telling her own son to step up for himself and others in the same way she was raised:

  “Don’t hit anybody. They hit you, hit him twice as hard. Take them down. And if they're hitting anybody else, take them down. Don’t worry about getting into trouble. We'll take care of that.” [10:47]

• She relates a personal story about her son intervening during a fight at school, explaining her response:

  “Did you hit anybody first? No. Did they hit you? No. Did they hit somebody else? Yes. Did you take them down for doing that? Yes. High five. Out for pizza after that.” [12:32]

  • Dr. Laura views such action not as grounds for punishment but for praise—and even reward.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On misplaced guilt:

  "Is it guilt or is it sad?" [02:00]

• On bystander responsibility:

  "Most of you acting like sheep. Worse, getting off on it... Laughing, pointing, posting, getting off on it." [08:22]

• On real consequences in adulthood:

  “Here you are, a grown man in your middles and you still feel rotten for not protecting somebody else.” [07:57]

• On family tradition of standing up:

  “It’s funny how in my family, mothers brought this along… told my son, don’t hit anybody. They hit you, hit him twice as hard.” [10:51]

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Important Timestamps

• [01:01-01:35] – Dr. Laura introduces the topic of guilt, especially as it relates to childhood actions.
• [01:35-05:15] – Listener email read in full, detailing regret over not intervening in bullying.
• [07:49-08:38] – Dr. Laura discusses accountability, the inadequacy of mere absolution, and emphasizes proactive intervention.
• [08:40-10:47] – Reflection on moral lessons from her mother and the importance of fighting for oneself and others.
• [12:29-12:32] – Personal story: Dr. Laura high-fives her son for intervening in defense of another.

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Summary

This episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast is a candid exploration of guilt over past inaction and the moral imperatives of standing up against wrongdoing—even as children. Through listener stories and her own family history, Dr. Laura challenges both parents and individuals to address, learn from, and convert regret into action. She reminds listeners that while guilt can linger, the greater good is found in instilling courage, accountability, and moral clarity in ourselves and our children.

Transcript

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What is it? When you go to a priest, you get absolution. You say some things, make a promise, and you're good to go. I'm not a Catholic priest. I hold people accountable forever. It's wonderful that you wrote this so I would have the opportunity to warn other people, motivate other people, influence other people. But I think you ought to be going around in schools and giving this story and how here you are, a grown man in your middles and you still feel rotten for not protecting somebody else. By the way, my lecture, which I give passionately about how you stop bullies is you stand between bullies and the innocent. Instead of standing there with your cell phone taking video of a kid being mercilessly attacked verbally and or physically, instead of just doing that, you get a bunch of people who say, come on, we got to stop this. Come on, we got to stop this. Come on. Bully Won't know what to do at that point. Not used to that. Used to. A lot of people like this writer. That's what bullies are used to. Most of you acting like sheep. Worse, getting off on it. Laughing, pointing, posting, getting off on it. See, I wish for all those kids who do that a Horrible bullying experience against them. I really wish for that. My wishes have no power, but I can wish it. So here's the deal. When I was a little kid, my mother, my mother from Italy who at the end of the war married my dad and left Italy. Mussolini, the war, yeah. Anyway, she came here and when I was little and I think I couldn't have been more than five or six really. She said, don't ever hit anybody. I'm a little kid, so I'm not like me now. Because me now would have said, what? What the hell are you talking about? No. So I was a little kid and I just stared up at her. She said, unless they hit you first, then you hit them back twice as hard. And do the same to protect somebody else. So I got it in my head at five, I do not walk around smashing people. However, if they hit me first, I'm supposed to hurt them, hit them twice as hard. Boom. And do the same thing. If they're doing it to somebody else, Boom. She told a five year old little scrawny girl that, okay, I'm a 78 year old, very muscular scrawny girl. I'm scrawny with fat, but I'm good with muscle. And I taught my son the same thing. It's funny how in my family, mothers brought this along. The generations told my son, don't hit anybody. They hit you. Hit him twice as hard. Take them down. I had to take them down. I'm, you know, a little more feisty than my mother, I guess. And if they're hitting anybody else, take them down. Don't worry about getting into trouble. We'll take care of that. Don't worry about getting into trouble. Don't. And any kid seeing you take somebody down that's doing wrong, they're not going to mess with you or that person again. They're not going to do anything in your presence. So ultimately it's like a prophylactic. I didn't use that word with my kid. I didn't want to deal with prophylactics at that point. He was just a little kid.

[E]

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[D]

So I get a call from school, your son is in trouble. He was in a fight. Okay, pick him up. Okay. What happened? And I said, forget telling me what happened. Did you hit anybody first? No. Did they hit you? No. Did they hit somebody else? Yes. Did you take them down for doing that? Yes. High five. Out for pizza after that, Frankly, I thought it would be wise to have my husband go and deal with them rather than me. I thought it might go a little softer, but we didn't permit him to be punished. Kids like that should get an award. Alrighty. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger, number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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