Should Children Feel Guilt For What They Did As Children?

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Should Children Feel Guilt For What They Did As Children?
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Air Date: December 28, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura addresses the emotional legacy of childhood inaction—specifically, whether adults should feel guilt over things they did or failed to do as children. Sparked by a listener email recounting a story about witnessing bullying in middle school and regretting not standing up for the victim, Dr. Laura explores personal accountability, the appropriate way to raise children with regard to self-defense and protecting others, and the persistence of childhood guilt into adulthood.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Listener Story: Childhood Guilt Over Bullying (00:57–05:02)

• Dr. Laura reads an email from a listener who, as a child, failed to intervene when a classmate named David was bullied.
• The listener describes feeling too scared to stand up for David, fearing they would be targeted themselves.
• Years later, learning that David’s life went off track, the listener expresses long-lasting regret.

Notable Moment:

“Truth is, I felt so unsure of myself that I was deeply afraid that if I stood up for David, they would begin treating me the same way they treated him. I just couldn’t take that chance. … I regret that I was not stronger.” (Listener email, read by Dr. Laura, 03:58)

2. Responsibility of Adults vs. Children (04:15–05:02)

• Dr. Laura questions the actions of the adults involved (e.g., school counselor, science teacher) for failing to properly address the bullying.
• She expresses concern that responsibility was inappropriately placed on a child to influence their peers rather than on adults to intervene.

“Can you believe the school counselor put that on this kid?” (Dr. Laura, 04:08)

3. What Should Children Feel? Is Guilt Appropriate? (07:35–08:15)

• Dr. Laura addresses whether it’s fair or healthy for adults to experience lasting guilt over childhood inaction or mistakes.
• She distinguishes between people seeking forgiveness (“absolution”) versus holding oneself accountable long-term.

“When you go to a priest, you get absolution. … I’m not a Catholic priest—I hold people accountable forever.” (Dr. Laura, 07:35)

• Dr. Laura recommends the listener use their story to motivate and educate others, suggesting speaking in schools to prevent similar regrets.

4. Dr. Laura’s Personal and Family Approach to Bystander Situations (08:16–12:24)

• Dr. Laura shares childhood advice from her mother about self-defense and defending others:
  • “Don’t ever hit anybody. Unless they hit you first. Then you hit them back twice as hard. And do the same to protect somebody else.”
• Dr. Laura continues this philosophy with her own son, emphasizing the importance of defending oneself and others rather than being a passive bystander.
• Real-life example of her son getting into a fight defending someone else, which was celebrated by the family.

Notable Quotes:

“I got it in my head at five: I do not walk around smashing people. However, if they hit me first, I’m supposed to hurt them, hit them twice as hard. Boom. And do the same thing if they’re doing it to somebody else. Boom.” (Dr. Laura, 09:51)

“And any kid seeing you take somebody down that's doing wrong, they're not going to mess with you or that person again. … So ultimately, it’s like a prophylactic. I didn’t use that word with my kid. I didn’t want to deal with prophylactics at that point.” (Dr. Laura, 11:30)

5. Self-Defense and the Problem with ‘No Self-Defense’ Policies (12:25–14:58)

• Dr. Laura criticizes proposals to ban self-defense in schools, calling such ideas “stupid.”
• She clarifies that, while it's usually best to avoid conflict (“get away”), defending oneself—or especially others—is vital if escape is not possible.
• Reinforces the notion that children should be taught both empathy and assertiveness to combat bullying culture.

“If you can get away, get away. However, comma, if you can’t and you need to protect somebody else, you ought to be able to use equal and opposite force. I think that's just stupid to say anything else.” (Dr. Laura, 14:32)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Bystander Culture:

  “Instead of standing there with your cellphone taking video of a kid being mercilessly attacked… you get a bunch of people who say, ‘Come on, we gotta stop this.’ Bully won’t know what to do at that point. … Most of you acting like sheep. Worse, getting off on it, laughing, pointing, posting, getting off on it.” (Dr. Laura, 08:35)

• On Parenting:

  “If you’re not bringing up your kids to do that, shame on you.” (Dr. Laura, 13:27)

• On Generational Wisdom:

  “Funny how in my family, mothers brought this along the generations. … Don’t hit anybody. They hit you, hit them twice as hard, take them down. … And if they’re hitting anybody else, take them down.” (Dr. Laura, 10:27)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:57 – Episode Theme Introduced: Childhood guilt and bullying
• 01:25–05:02 – Listener’s email about witnessing bullying and feeling regret
• 07:35 – Dr. Laura’s response: accountability vs. absolution, using the experience for education
• 08:16–12:24 – Dr. Laura’s family stories about standing up to bullies; practical advice
• 12:25–14:58 – Critique of anti-self-defense policies and reinforcement of assertive parenting

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Summary

Dr. Laura’s direct, no-nonsense style gives listeners permission to examine their childhood regrets without dwelling unnecessarily on guilt, while urging them to turn past inaction into present and future action—by teaching their children, speaking out, and supporting assertiveness against bullying in all its forms. The tone is frank, opinionated, and infused with personal family anecdotes to underscore the importance of moral courage.

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Ideal For Listeners Who:

• Struggle with unresolved childhood guilt
• Want practical, time-tested family values on assertiveness and empathy
• Are interested in bullying prevention
• Appreciate honest, hard-hitting advice with a mix of warmth and humor

Host’s Final Message:

“If you’re not bringing up your kids to do that, shame on you.” (Dr. Laura, 13:27)

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For more episodes and advice, visit DrLaura.com

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thank you for listening to my morning monologue brought to you by Golden Crest Metals, a new sponsor I want to welcome to my program Find out how gold and silver can protect what you have worked so hard to build. Learn [e-mail] Protect Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] hi. Talking about guilt? When were you talking about guilt? Probably everybody likes to talk about I feel so guilty that I don't want to give them a present. I feel so guilty that I don't want to go to the store. I feel so guilty that I wasn't nice that you should feel guilty for. So we talk a lot about is it guilt or is it sad? But anyway, should children feel guilty for things they did or didn't do when they were children? Hmm. Got this email today and I want to read it to you because it is so perfect a way to start the program. There is no topic of the day, there's just whatever you have a need to talk about. But I read your piece on building a bully proof society today with great interest. I wish I had this before I was in the seventh grade. It might have helped me do the right thing. When I was in the seventh grade there was a boy named David. He was bullied mercilessly by the other kids. Once I even witnessed our science teacher be extremely mean to him, which was very disturbing. I felt sorry for David and tried to be as nice to him as I could. One day the school counselor asked for me to see him in his office. He explained to me that he had been working with David to try to help him deal with the way he was being threatened by other students. Sidebar really? Why didn't the school counselor grab those kids by the neck? Why didn't the school counselor say, hey, we've got to have some supervision in the when they're out playing or in the classroom to stop this? Just noticed it and brought it up. Anyway, back to he said David told him that I was the only person in school who treated him nicely in the school who treated him nicely. The counselor asked me if I would speak to the other kids in the school and try to persuade them to treat David kindly. Can you believe the school counselor put that on this kid? Anyway, here we go. That was a terrifying proposition to me. I told the counselor that I'm very sorry for how a David is treated. There is no way I could influence the other kids to change their behavior. Truth is, I felt so unsure of myself that I was deeply afraid that if I stood up for David, they would begin treating me the same way they treated him. I just couldn't take that chance. I was totally. I was totally frightened at the prospect of being bullied myself. But I regret that I was not stronger. A friend told me that years later they encountered David on the side of the road hitchhiking, and he was apparently homeless and adrift in life.

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thank you for allowing me to get this off my chest. Why is it off your chest now? What is it? When you go to a priest, you get absolution. You say some things, make a promise, and you're good to go. I'm not a Catholic priest. I hold people accountable forever. It's wonderful that you wrote this so I would have the opportunity to warn other people, motivate other people, influence other people. But I think you ought to be going around in schools and giving this story and how here you are, a grown man in your middles and you still feel rotten for not protecting somebody else. By the way, my lecture, which I give passionately about how you stop bullies is you stand between bullies and the innocent. Instead of standing there with your cell phone taking video of a kid being mercilessly attacked verbally and or physically. Instead of just doing that, you get a bunch of people who say, come on, we got to stop this. Come on, we got to stop this. Come on. Bully. Won't know what to do at that point. Not used to that. Used to a lot of people like this writer. That's what bullies are used to. Most of you acting like sheep. Worse, getting off on it, laughing, pointing, posting, getting off on it. See, I wish for all those kids who do that. A horrible bullying experience against them. I really wish for that. My wishes have no power, but I can wish it. So here's the deal. When I was a little kid, my mother. My mother from Italy, who at the end of the war married my dad and left Italy. Mussolini, the war, yeah. Anyway, she came here and when I was little and I think I couldn't have been more than five or six really. She said, don't ever hit anybody. I'm a little kid, so I'm not like me now. Because me now would have said, what? What the hell are you talking about? No. So I was a little kid and I just stared up at her. She said, unless they hit you first, then you hit them back twice as hard. And do the same to protect somebody else. So I got it in my head at five, I do not walk around smashing people. However, if they hit me first, I'm supposed to hurt them, hit them twice as hard. Boom. And do the same thing. If they're doing it to somebody else. Boom. She told a five year old little scrawny girl that, okay, I'm a 78 year old, very muscular scrawny girl. I'm scrawny with fat, but I'm good with muscle. And I taught my son the same thing. It's funny how in my family, mothers brought this along. The generations told my son, don't hit anybody. They hit you. Hit him twice as hard, take them down. I had to take them down. I'm, you know, a little more feisty than my mother, I guess. And if they're hitting anybody else, take them down. Don't worry about getting into trouble. We'll take care of that. Don't worry about getting into trouble. Don't. And any kid seeing you take somebody down that's doing wrong, they're not going to mess with you or that person again. They're not going to do anything in your presence. So ultimately it's like a prophylactic. I didn't use that word with my kid. I didn't want to deal with prophylactics at that point. He was just a little kid.

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

So I get a call from school, your son is in trouble. He was in a fight. Okay, pick him up. Okay, what happened? And I said, forget telling me what happened. Did you hit anybody first? No. Did they hit you? No. Did they hit somebody else? Yes. Did you take them down for doing that? Yes. High five. Out for pizza after that. Frankly, I thought it would be wise to have my husband go and deal with them rather than me. I thought it might go a little softer, but we didn't permit him to be punished. Kids like that should get an award. Alrighty. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number one, 800-375-2872. And if you're not bringing up your kids to do that, shame on you. Some idiot in politics in California not going to say the name because I already said idiot is trying is proposing a bill that you cannot use self defense. My number 1-800-37. You're supposed to run away. Generally that is smarter. It is smarter if you can. I mean, I have a black belt in martial arts and the first lesson is get away because if you actually fight, you're probably going to get hurt. So if you can get away, get away. However, comma, if you can't and you need to protect somebody else, you ought to be able to to use equal and opposite force. I think that's just stupid to say anything else. My number is 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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