Should I Continue to Date this Man?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Should I Continue to Date this Man?
Date: July 28, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest/Caller: Victoria

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Overview

This episode centers on a caller, Victoria, seeking Dr. Laura’s advice about whether to continue her relationship with a boyfriend of 18 months. Victoria voices concerns about her boyfriend’s critical nature and struggles with whether she is settling due to age or fear of missing out on marriage and children. Dr. Laura provides her signature direct perspective, challenging Victoria to prioritize self-worth, emotional safety, and honesty over maintaining a relationship with a partner who is not consistently positive or supportive.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Assessing Relationship Timelines for Marriage (01:20–01:45)

• Victoria’s Question: How long should you date someone before knowing they are a good fit for marriage?
• Dr. Laura’s Guidance:
  • “I would say in a year and a half, if you don’t have a notion that he’s likely a keeper, I think you may have invested enough time.” (01:45, Dr. Laura)

2. The Dangers of Criticism in a Partner (01:56–02:49)

• Victoria’s Concern: Her boyfriend is "quite critical."
• Dr. Laura’s Immediate Response:
  • “You absolutely do not want to marry a man who is consistently critical. That hurts children, much less you. That doesn’t make a good parent right there.” (02:08, Dr. Laura)
  • “Who wants to get a man who’s not loving and he’s critical? Who needs that?” (02:27, Dr. Laura)
• Dr. Laura’s Broader Point: Criticism damages not just the relationship but any future family dynamics.

3. Feeling Unappreciated for Authentic Personality (02:32–02:49)

• Victoria’s Concern: Boyfriend says her personality (“enthusiastic,” “energetic”) is “a bit much.”
• Dr. Laura’s Response:
  • “Oh, honey. What makes you even think after six months this was a match—he doesn’t appreciate what an adorable, bubbly person [you are]. Why are you so desperate? Come on, you’re only 30. Don’t be desperate. It doesn’t pay.” (02:49, Dr. Laura)

4. The Risks of Staying with the Wrong Match (02:49–03:27)

• Dr. Laura warns against staying out of desperation to marry or have children:
  • “I’ve had women call: ‘Well, you know, I was 30, I wanted to have kids, blah, blah, blah. And now I’ve got a critical guy who doesn’t like my whole personal…’ Yeah, let’s not go with that.” (03:08, Dr. Laura & Victoria)
  • “Please don’t wait 18 months again. Please don’t do that.” (03:34, Dr. Laura)
• Memorable Moment: Dr. Laura’s directness and empathy, urging Victoria to invest her energy in something (or someone) that “will pay off.” (03:27, Victoria & Dr. Laura)

5. Non-Negotiables: Kindness and Consistency (03:42–04:01)

• Dr. Laura’s Bottom Line:
  • “The bottom line. He has to be nice. And critical isn’t nice.” (03:56, Dr. Laura)
• Victoria attempts to justify (“sometimes he is nice”).
• Dr. Laura’s iconic retort:
  • “I’m sure that Hitler had great parties.” (04:03, Dr. Laura)
  • “If someone is sometimes nice, not a match. Because how are we going to live predicting what we say or do and what’s going to happen?” (04:57, Dr. Laura)

6. The Peril of Stifling One’s True Self (05:14–05:35)

• Dr. Laura’s Direct Question:
  • “How much have you already tried to curtail to please him? How much have you already stifled yourself?” (05:14, Dr. Laura)
• Victoria admits, “Probably too long.”
• Dr. Laura concludes:
  • “Thank you.” (05:35, Dr. Laura)

7. How to Break Up Safely and Honestly (08:09–09:13)

• Victoria asks: “How do you break up with someone?”
• Dr. Laura’s Advice:
  • End things in a public place for safety.
  • Use honesty: “Tell them the truth… there are some lovely things about you, but frankly, all in all, we’re not a match. And I don’t believe it is possible to change us into a match because I’ve given up who I am just to keep you being nice.” (08:23–09:13, Dr. Laura)
  • If needed, bring him to a therapist’s office for the conversation.

8. Dismissing “Therapy Can Fix Him” (09:18–09:52)

• Victoria considers joint therapy. Dr. Laura’s Rebuke:
  • “Therapy can’t fix this. No, no, don’t do that.” (09:29, Dr. Laura)
• Dr. Laura’s Suggestion: If safety is a concern, use your therapist’s office for the breakup—otherwise, a public setting.

9. Firm, Final Encouragement (10:00–11:05)

• Dr. Laura reiterates:

  • “Don’t try to say it in a way so specifically curtailed to keep him not pissed off. Say it with the truth. I mean, you be it kindly, but just say the truth.” (10:00, Dr. Laura)
  • “Don’t open it up for discussion. Make it clear to him this is your decision.” (10:20–10:27, Dr. Laura)
  • “I don’t want to send [you] to play the game of being nice for six months. You marry him, and then you’re in hell again. Don’t do it.” (10:37, Dr. Laura)

• Support of Victoria’s personality:

  • “Anybody who doesn’t like my beloved Victoria’s personality is whacked out anyway… I like bubbly. I’d adopt you.” (10:48 & 11:01, Dr. Laura)

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Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura: “You absolutely do not want to marry a man who is consistently critical. That hurts children, much less you. That doesn’t make a good parent right there.” (02:08)
• Dr. Laura: “Oh, honey… He doesn’t appreciate what an adorable, bubbly person [you are]. Why are you so desperate? Come on, you’re only 30. Okay, don’t be desperate.” (02:49)
• Dr. Laura: “The bottom line. He has to be nice. And critical isn’t nice.” (03:56)
• Dr. Laura: “I’m sure that Hitler had great parties.” (04:03)
• Dr. Laura: “If someone is sometimes nice, not a match. Because how are we going to live predicting what we say or do and what’s going to happen?” (04:57)
• Dr. Laura: “Don’t open it up for discussion. Make it clear to him this is your decision.” (10:20–10:27)
• Dr. Laura: “Anybody who doesn’t like my beloved Victoria’s personality is whacked out anyway.” (10:48)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:20] – Caller Victoria introduces her dilemma
• [01:45] – Dr. Laura on whether timeline is sufficient
• [02:08] – On criticism being a dealbreaker
• [02:49] – Victoria’s personality “too much” for boyfriend
• [03:08] – The risk of staying out of marriage/family pressure
• [03:56] – The non-negotiable: kindness
• [04:03] – Hitler had great parties (illustrating point)
• [05:14] – How much have you stifled yourself?
• [08:11] – How to break up safely
• [09:29] – “Therapy can’t fix this”
• [10:00] – Tell the truth, don’t soften the blow too much
• [10:37] – Warning not to marry and end up in “hell”
• [10:48/11:01] – Affirmation of Victoria’s personality

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Tone and Style

• Dr. Laura maintains her signature no-nonsense, direct counseling style.
• She provides tough love, sharp wit, and direct challenges, but always centers Victoria’s value and well-being.
• The conversation is candid and empathetic, with some humor to underline key points.

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Concluding Thoughts

For listeners:
Dr. Laura delivers clear, actionable advice on when to walk away from a relationship—especially when a partner’s criticism makes you curtail or question your personality. Her bottom line: There’s no fixing a match that requires you to stifle your authentic self, and kindness is a non-negotiable in any romantic relationship. Be honest and prioritize your well-being, even if difficult choices are required.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

with me [e-mail] Victoria welcome to the program.

[Caller Victoria]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call this morning. I guess it's not morning anymore. It's just afternoon. I had a question of how long do I give a relationship to see if it's. I'm a good fit for marriage. I'm 30 and my boyfriend is 33. Sorry.

[Dr. Laura]

How long have you been dating?

[Caller Victoria]

A year and a half.

[Dr. Laura]

I would say in a year and a half. If you don't have a notion that he's likely a keeper, I think you may have invested enough time. So what is your concern?

[Caller Victoria]

Okay, two things. The first one is that he's quite critical. It just seems to be the way he runs.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, let's stop it one at a time. Let's stop one at a time. You absolutely do not want to marry a man who is consistently critical. That hurts children, much less you. That doesn't make a good parent right there.

[Pacific Life Announcer]

It would be.

[Dr. Laura]

And who wants to get a man who's not loving and he's critical? Who needs that? Okay, what else?

[Caller Victoria]

Yeah, sometimes I feel like, I mean, you shared this with me, that my personality is a little too enthusiastic or a little too energetic and it's a bit much. And he said he finds that difficult. Yes, he did.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, honey. What makes you even think after six months this was a match he doesn't appreciate? What an adorable, bubbly person. Why are you so desperate? Come on, you're only 30. Okay, don't be desperate. It doesn't pay. I've had women call.

[Podcast Host]

Well, you know, I was 30, I wanted to have kids, blah, blah, blah. And now I've got a critical guy who doesn't like my whole personal.

[Caller Victoria]

Yeah, let's not go with that.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't want that call. Okay.

[Podcast Host]

I need calls all the time, but

[Dr. Laura]

I don't want that one.

[Caller Victoria]

Okay, I can roll with that. I'll put an investment into something that'll pay off.

[Podcast Host]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Please don't. Don't wait 18 months again. Please don't do that.

[Caller Victoria]

Okay. May I ask a few follow up questions?

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, you can ask as many as you'd like. But let me say one thing first. The bottom line to get in to see you. The bottom line. This is the bottom. Okay. He has to be nice. And critical isn't nice.

[Caller Victoria]

Sometimes he is nice. I wanted.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sure that Hitler had great parties.

[Caller Victoria]

Yeah. Okay. Sometimes I don't want.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, how about this? You can bring up kids who are going, is daddy can be nice today?

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[Dr. Laura]

Let's check. Let's don't be noisy. Let's make sure daddy's okay so he'll be nice. Is that how you want to raise kids? I've had women come in with their kids and with a husband, and that's what the kids did.

[Caller Victoria]

Okay. And sometimes I'm not certain if it's his sense of humor or if he is critical. Okay.

[Podcast Host]

May I just say, every time you

[Dr. Laura]

use the word, sometimes he's not a match.

[Caller Victoria]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

If someone is sometimes nice, not a match, because how are we going to live predicting what we say or do and what's going to happen?

[Caller Victoria]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

How much of yourself have you already tried to curtail to please him?

[Caller Victoria]

I think.

[Dr. Laura]

How much have you already stifled yourself to please him?

[Caller Victoria]

Probably too long. No, not probably too long.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you.

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[Caller Victoria]

How do you break up? Well, with someone.

[Dr. Laura]

You sit and tell them the truth and make sure you're at a place where there are people just in case he acts out inappropriately and physically. I never trust these things. I'm always telling women, just be careful. Don't do this in private either. Do it in a place over coffee. Do it at your parents house, you know what I mean? Someplace where it's public, where you can feel safe. And you say to him, you know, we've been together for 18 months and there are some lovely things about you, but frankly, all in all, we're not a match. And I don't believe it is possible to change us into a match because I've given up who I am just to keep you being nice. Tell them the truth. See, if I were your therapist, I would say bring him in and tell him the truth. I think it's very useful for people to hear the truth because they could use that in their Next relationship or continue to be a jerk.

[Caller Victoria]

Yeah. All right.

[Dr. Laura]

Are you seeing a therapist for some wild reason?

[Caller Victoria]

I am. He is not. We were considering going in together. Perfect.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, no.

[Dr. Laura]

Therapy can't fix this. No, no, don't do that. But bring him into therapy with you. Call your therapist, say you spoke to me. You want to break it off, but you want the security of doing it in your therapist's office. And then arrange. Say, I know you don't want therapy, but there is something very important I have to tell you.

[Podcast Host]

So would you be so kind as

[Dr. Laura]

to come in this one time?

[Caller Victoria]

Okay, I can do that.

[Dr. Laura]

Good.

[Caller Victoria]

All right, Dr. Ora. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

And don't try to say it in a way so specifically curtailed to keep him not pissed off. Say it with the truth. I mean, you be it kindly, but just say the truth.

[Caller Victoria]

Tell him he's critical.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah,

[Caller Victoria]

okay.

[Dr. Laura]

But don't open it up for discussion. Make it clear to him this is

[Podcast Host]

not the beginning of therapy. This is not.

[Dr. Laura]

This is your decision.

[Podcast Host]

And if he'd like to know why, you'll tell him.

[Dr. Laura]

But it's not open. No.

[Caller Victoria]

Okay, sounds good.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't want to send it to play the game of being nice for six months. You marry him, and then you're in hell again. Don't do it.

[Caller Victoria]

Not worth it.

[Podcast Host]

And anybody who doesn't like my beloved

[Dr. Laura]

victorious personality is whacked out anyway.

[Caller Victoria]

I'm gonna roll with that. I'm gonna take that and walk in stride.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes, absolutely. I like bubbly. I'd adopt you.

[Caller Victoria]

You know that's not fun. I go for a walk.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. All right, sweetheart, call me after the therapy session, please.

[Caller Victoria]

Okay. Can I. If I feel like I don't need the therapy session with him, can I just break up with him in a safe public space?

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. That was just one suggestion.

[Caller Victoria]

I like the suggestions. All right, I'll follow up for you back when it's all done.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, perfect. Yeah. The therapist was just a suggestion to protect you.

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My number.

[Dr. Laura]

1-800-375-2872.

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Every time you go to bed with a negative thought, you have to match it up with a positive one.

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This is how a conversation works.

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