Should People Just Do What They Need to Do in Order to Get the Result They Need to Achieve?

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode: Should People Just Do What They Need to Do in Order to Get the Result They Need to Achieve?
Date: January 25, 2026

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Main Theme

In this episode, Dr. Laura tackles a "philosophical question" posed by a listener relating to authenticity versus practicality in interpersonal relationships. The core debate: Should people act in ways that produce desired results—even if those actions feel at odds with their emotional state—or does this become insincere or "fake"? Dr. Laura dissects common scenarios in family and marital dynamics to illustrate her practical approach to building successful relationships, emphasizing that smart choices rooted in love and kindness are not inherently fake.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener's Question: Is Being Strategic in Relationships 'Fake'?

• Timestamp: 00:58–03:12
• A male listener in his late 50s asks if following advice such as “do what you need to do to get the result you want,” is inauthentic—does it require faking feelings or behaviors?
  • Scenarios Referenced:
    • A mother-in-law refraining from expressing negative feelings to be allowed access to her grandchildren.
    • Wives taking actions to motivate more favorable responses from their husbands, even without spontaneous desire to do so.

2. Dr. Laura’s Response: Authenticity vs. Adult Choices

• Timestamp: 01:50–03:12
• Dr. Laura challenges the premise that these examples are fundamentally the same and insists this practical approach is neither fake nor manipulative.
  • Key Insight: “Her feelings aren’t faked, she’s not sharing them so nobody even knows what they are anymore, but she is cooperating with the rules of the house in order to see the grandkids. I’m sorry, what the hell is wrong with that?” (Dr. Laura, 03:23)
  • She draws a line between suppressing inappropriate expression (not faking) and pretending to feel something you don’t.

3. Scenario Deep-Dive: The Mother-in-Law

• Timestamp: 01:50–03:12
• Dr. Laura pushes back on the idea that following house rules or social cues to gain an important life outcome lacks integrity:
  • “There’s nothing fake here… That’s called smart.” (Dr. Laura, 02:52)
  • It is prudent, not deceptive, to act in ways that allow access to meaningful relationships (e.g., grandchildren).

4. Mutual Influence and the Circle of Giving in Marriage

• Timestamp: 05:46–06:28
• The host explains that small acts—like a wife brushing up against her husband or dressing up—benefit both partners and nurture the relationship, even when not heartfelt in the moment.
  • “When a woman expresses her femininity, she feels better, more feminine and more happy. He is benefiting from her touch, her scent, her warmth, her enthusiasm, and is ignited to reciprocate. It goes in a circle.” (Dr. Laura, 06:00)
  • Genuine caring often involves doing for others—and the emotional payoff often follows the act.

5. On Acts of Love Beyond Personal Mood

• Timestamp: 06:30–07:14
• Dr. Laura draws parallels to parenting, highlighting that selfless action is a mark of love, not insincerity.
  • “Doing for someone when you don’t particularly feel like it is an act of love and kindness, compassion, thoughtfulness. That’s my answer.” (Dr. Laura, 07:12)
  • The focus is on the outcome of actions, not always on moment-to-moment authenticity of feelings—especially in the context of family.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Her feelings aren’t faked, she’s not sharing them so nobody even knows what they are anymore, but she is cooperating with the rules of the house in order to see the grandkids. I’m sorry, what the hell is wrong with that?”
  — Dr. Laura, 03:23

• “When a woman expresses her femininity, she feels better, more feminine and more happy.”
  — Dr. Laura, 06:00

• “Doing for someone when you don’t particularly feel like it is an act of love and kindness, compassion, thoughtfulness. That’s my answer.”
  — Dr. Laura, 07:12

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• 00:58 Listener’s email/question introduced
• 01:50–03:12 Dr. Laura’s clarification on authenticity and smart choices
• 05:46–06:28 Marital dynamics and ‘circle of giving’
• 06:30–07:14 Acts of love and selflessness beyond mood

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Summary & Takeaways

Dr. Laura’s position is clear: Strategic choices for the well-being of relationships are not fake, but a sign of maturity and love. She advocates for acting out of kindness, even when the emotional impetus may be lacking, likening this to countless acts of parental love. True authenticity is not about always acting on immediate feelings, but about committing to behaviors that nurture and sustain important connections.

Listeners walk away with a pragmatic, compassionate perspective: Love is demonstrated as much in the choice to act as it is in spontaneous feeling.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger Caller]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger Caller]

All right, the quickie [e-mail] really like this he entitles it Philosophical Question I'm a single male in his late 50s. Interesting how you write that. I love listening to your program and even though many of the scenarios regarding marriage and child rearing don't apply to my life currently, I still feel I learned something I can apply to other parts of my life and other types of relationships. One theme that I see running through some of your advice is that people should just do what they need to do in order to get the result they're looking to achieve. For example, now I want you to pay close attention to the examples because he thinks they have something in common. Barely. Okay. For example, when a mother in law wants to see her grandchildren, the advice is keep your mouth shut, do what the daughter in law says, and you'll get to see your grandchildren. Some of the advice toward women about husbands is geared toward having the wife do things that will motivate her husband to respond more favorably, even though she may not feel inclined to do those things at the moment. These have nothing to do with each other really. So I will come back and demonstrate that what I struggle with is that it feels fake. The mother in law fakes feelings and behaviors to get to see her grandchildren. No, she doesn't fake any feelings. Her feelings are hers. They're inside her. Inside her heart, her mind, her head. She's not sharing negative feelings anymore. She's agreed to follow the rules of the stepdaughter because her son's Olympic so she can see the grandkids. That's called smart. There's nothing fake here. Her feelings aren't faked she's not sharing them so nobody even knows what they are anymore, but she is cooperating with the rules of the house in order to see the grandkids. I'm sorry, what the hell is wrong with that?

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger Caller]

Next, the wife brushes up against her husband or dresses seductively to bend the husband to be more this or that because he will be happier. That's mutual. When a woman expresses her femininity, she feels better, more feminine and more happy. He is benefiting from her touch, her scent, her warmth, her enthusiasm, and is ignited to reciprocate. It goes in a circle.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And women.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger Caller]

Always want their husbands to do what the women want, whether or not he wants to. There are times. We are giving. We are giving whether or not we're in the mood. We sit and read to our children when we don't damn well feel like it. It's been a long day. I don't want to sit here and read this dumb book again and again. But we do it because it's the loving, right thing to do for our children. And as we read that book and experience the kids giggles, we feel better. Doing for someone when you don't particularly feel like it is an act of love and kindness, compassion, thoughtfulness. That's my answer. 1-800-375-2872 if you like this podcast, be.

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