Stay Out of the Middle?

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Stay Out of the Middle?
Date: May 15, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest/Caller: Molly

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura speaks with a caller, Molly, about a persistent family conflict involving her adult children—a son and daughter—whose argument at a Christmas gathering escalated into a lasting rift. Molly struggles with whether she should continue trying to mediate or accept the estrangement that has resulted. Dr. Laura gives her trademark direct, no-nonsense advice on respecting boundaries, accountability, and the limits of parental intervention in adult children's disputes. The overarching theme is the importance of not forcing reconciliation when there's clear right and wrong, and the empowerment that comes from respecting one’s own judgment.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background of the Conflict

• Molly’s son and daughter (both in their late 20s at the time) got into an argument at Christmas about four years ago.
• The son was taunting and picking at his sister, who, after repeatedly asking him to stop, snapped and lashed out with hurtful remarks—specifically about his income and career prospects.
• The son left the gathering and contact has been strained ever since.

2. Family Roles and Parental Dilemma

• Molly describes the ongoing toll of the feud and her attempts to mediate.
• She expresses frustration that her husband (the children's father) didn’t step in assertively to rebuke their son or demand he apologize, instead preferring to keep the peace.

3. Dr. Laura’s Perspective and Guidance

• Dr. Laura quickly focuses on personal responsibility and the realities of family dynamics:

  • Labels Molly’s son as behaving like “a bully,” and states he “got nailed back” by his sister—implying some conflicts resolve themselves through natural consequences.
  • Supports Molly’s hesitance to play peacemaker, encouraging her to accept that sometimes right and wrong are clear and siding with what’s right—regardless of family pressure to smooth things over.

• Dr. Laura highlights the futility of being the only one trying to enforce peace at the expense of one’s own boundaries and self-respect.

4. Self-Respect vs. Family Pressure

• Molly voices that her heart sometimes overrides her head and she questions if she's been too harsh.
• Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of respecting her own judgment and not feeling guilt-tripped by others ("If you’re the only voice in the wilderness, it doesn’t make you wrong.").
• Dr. Laura advises, “Let them stew,” reinforcing that enabling bad behavior by making excuses or pushing reconciliation without accountability is bad parenting.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

The Nature of the Conflict

• Dr. Laura: “Is your son kind of a bully in general?” (02:22)
• Caller Molly: “No, he’s not a bully, but he... just likes to, when he was younger, kind of taunt… you know, a little sarcastic.” (02:28)
• Dr. Laura: “That’s a bully. And he got nailed back. He deserved what he got. She finally fought back. Finally. Good for her.” (05:16)

Parenting and Avoiding the “Middle”

• Dr. Laura: “It doesn’t pay off ever to marry a weak guy.” (04:47)
• Caller Molly: “Where I’m at now is I vacillate between eating crow… but there’s still right and wrong and I can’t seem to go, I can’t be that person that’s like, hey, everything’s great.” (05:05)
• Dr. Laura: “That’s right, Molly, forget the hurt thing.” (05:16)

On Self-Respect and Boundaries

• Dr. Laura: “That’s the part you have to respect.” (08:42)
• Caller Molly: “That’s the word I don’t do to myself sometimes when I fall on the sword… I don’t like that about myself.” (08:48)
• Dr. Laura: “Respect.” (09:00)
• Dr. Laura: “If you’re the only voice in the wilderness, it doesn’t make you wrong.” (10:25)
• Dr. Laura: “Let them stew.” (10:07)

On Parental Roles

• Dr. Laura: “Why didn’t your husband do that? And he can still do it.” (04:15)
• Dr. Laura: “That would have been bad, bad parenting, really.” (09:59)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:31 – Molly introduces her family and the beginnings of the conflict.
• 02:22 – Dr. Laura probes into the son's behavior.
• 04:07 – Molly explains her husband's hands-off approach.
• 05:50 – Molly expresses difficulty letting go emotionally.
• 06:32 – (Resumes after ad break) Molly reaffirms what she knows is right.
• 08:42-09:02 – Exchange about respecting oneself.
• 10:25 – Dr. Laura’s summary stance: being the dissenting voice in the family doesn't mean you're wrong.
• 10:48–10:50 – Conversation closes, Molly expresses gratitude for Dr. Laura’s clarity.

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Summary & Takeaways

• Don’t force reconciliation when lines of right and wrong are clear. Attempting to “stay in the middle” against persistent wrongdoing only erodes self-respect and encourages unhealthy dynamics.
• Self-respect is paramount. Dr. Laura insists on respecting one's own intuition and values, especially when pressured to smooth over problems for the sake of superficial harmony.
• Parental responsibility changes with adult children. Stepping back and allowing consequences can be more loving than endless mediation.
• Being “the only voice in the wilderness” is not a bad thing. Moral clarity may set you apart, and that’s both valid and necessary.

This episode reinforces Dr. Laura’s overarching philosophy: Stand firm on principles, reject guilt for healthy boundaries, and remember that sometimes family peace cannot come at the cost of condoning bad behavior.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller Molly]

Hi. Thanks for having me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're very welcome. What's happening?

[Caller Molly]

Well, this has been going on for almost four years. I have an adult son who's married with a new baby, and I have adult daughter and another son. My daughter and the son that's married got into it at Christmas a couple years, three years back. Um, and.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, slow down. Your son, one of your sons and your daughter got into a fight?

[Caller Molly]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And what was the fight about?

[Caller Molly]

Well, child just is taunting. My son was kind of taunting my daughter, just kind of picking at her a little bit and she.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And how old were they when this happened?

[Caller Molly]

Too old. 27? 28? 20? 26? 27.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, is your son kind of a bully in general or.

[Caller Molly]

No, he's not a bully, but he. No, he's. He just likes to, when he was younger, kind of taunt and, you know, a little sarcastic where you're like, okay, enough, stop, that's enough kind of a thing with him. So he was just kind of picking. My daughter had said, hey, stop, stop it, stop it, stop it. And she finally blew. And she said some things that were pretty Hurtful but you know, she kind of went all out.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And what did she say that was hurtful?

[Caller Molly]

Well, she kind of picked on his income, you know, what he was going to do for his job, she trusts, you know, things like that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Can you just tell me exactly to best of your memory what she said to him?

[Caller Molly]

She just said look here know you're going to be working at this job, you're only going to be making this much money and you know, good luck to you. That kind of thing. Taunt, that exact thing to taunt him, to get him to shut up kind of. We were at a parking lot, we got out of the car and you know, I was obviously like oh no, not this. So he had told me he was going to apologize to her but his fiance at the time was like no, that was kind of crazy, you know. So it has never resolved itself and it's been about four years and I have, I have interjected myself because my son, my son ended up leaving that it was Christmas. My son end up leaving and going back to where he lives and it has been an ongoing stress point since

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

and I'm sorry, are you married to his dad?

[Caller Molly]

Yes. Yeah, we've been married for 30 something years and well what the hell is

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

wrong with your husband?

[Caller Molly]

Woohoo.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What the hell is wrong with his dad? Not getting in his face and telling him to be a man and not do that kind of crap anymore and go apologize and mean it. Why didn't your husband do that? And he can still do it?

[Caller Molly]

Yeah, he, my husband went to him and you know, he was leaving and said I can't believe you're leaving. You know, we're doing all, you know, we have all this Christmas and you're leaving and my son just left. My husband is more of a wants to keep the peace type thing I believe.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, you married one of those.

[Caller Molly]

Yeah, wants to keep dicks.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It doesn't pay off ever to marry a weak guy.

[Caller Molly]

No, and I ever and no. And where I'm at now is that I this many years later I vacillate. I between eating crow like kind of going, trying to make a resolution with my son and my daughter in law but there's still right and wrong and I can't seem to go, I can't be that person that's like hey, everything's great. But that's right Molly, that's not big.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's right Molly, forget the hurt thing. Your son has grown up being a bully. That's a bully. And he got nailed back.

[Caller Molly]

Yeah, and then.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And he just. He deserved what he got. She finally fought back. Finally. Good for her. So you know what? You have three kids. Two of them are reasonable.

[Caller Molly]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's how you. I need you to think.

[Caller Molly]

And that's what I think.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good.

[Caller Molly]

But there's time. My heart gets in the way. And there is a little bit.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller Molly]

Yeah, because that's the part that knows the best.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Knows that well, that's the part you have to respect.

[Caller Molly]

I like that word. Yes. That's the word that I don't do to myself sometimes when I fall on the sword and go, oh, and I don't like that about myself. I don't like myself.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Respect.

[Caller Molly]

Respect. Okay. Because there's been a lot of someday,

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

you know, when they probably have a baby, he's going to want back in the family and you're going to tell him what's required.

[Caller Molly]

He does have a baby, a brand new eight month old.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And it didn't make him pick up the phone and want mommy and daddy.

[Caller Molly]

Yeah, we all went to see the birth of the baby and then even my daughter. And that ended up obviously, that. Not obviously, that ended up okay. Until it didn't and I was put in the back burner and she was putting on the back burner again.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, then the hell with them. I'm sorry. Sometimes the worst people to get along with come from your own family. Sorry.

[Caller Molly]

No, I. I'm glad that you. I'm glad to get the clarity. I've been wrecking my brain thinking, should I have done this? Should I have not gotten involved?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, no, that would have been. That would have been bad, bad parenting, really.

[Caller Molly]

And I am being serious.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm being serious. Let them stew.

[Caller Molly]

This is right and this is wrong. And that's why that's correct.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. Yes.

[Caller Molly]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes.

[Caller Molly]

And I have been the only one. I've got a lot of, you know, flack from the family. Like, oh, that was too. No, there's right and wrong, Molly.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If you're the only voice in the wilderness, it doesn't make you wrong.

[Caller Molly]

Okay. All right, all right. The part I knew was true. I just kept. Sometimes I GR myself right over it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, you got it now, right?

[Caller Molly]

Got it. I got it. And thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome. You're welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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