Teaching Your Kids About Anger

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Episode: Teaching Your Kids About Anger
Date: July 4, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast centers on helping parents teach their children about anger—specifically, how to distinguish the healthy emotion of anger from aggressive behavior. Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of role modeling, establishing clear boundaries, and applying both positive and negative consequences to guide kids in managing their emotions effectively. The goal: Raise respectful, self-controlled children who handle anger constructively, not destructively.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Nature of Anger and Aggression

• Distinguishing Anger from Aggression:
  • Dr. Laura opens by identifying a common confusion: “Half our country does not know the difference between being angry and aggression. They just go right to aggression.” (02:38)
  • Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. Acting out aggressively is not a justified extension of that emotion.
• Human Nature & Socialization:
  • “Human beings are born animals. We don't turn into plants or minerals. But we have to humanize children.” (02:21)
  • Children often externalize feelings like confusion or hurt as aggression; adults must teach them the difference.

2. The Role of Parental Modeling

• Learning by Example:
  • “If your kid sees you lose your temper all the time, you can say anything you want. It's not going to have any impact because they're just going to copy you.” (04:42)
• Anecdote on Road Rage:
  • Dr. Laura shares her own trigger—drivers who don’t yield in crosswalks. Even when angered, she reframes it for her children:

    “When I see that, top of my head blows off, I get very angry...You can express all of that and you can say, so we're going to stop because it's the right thing to do and I'm so angry at that person. But we're going to stop and do the right thing.” (08:52)

• Handling Parental Slip-Ups:
  • If a parent acts aggressively, it’s vital to apologize and model corrective actions:

    “You blow your top and get aggressive. Damn well better suck it back in and apologize real fast and explain why what you did is wrong.” (09:39)

3. Setting Rules and Boundaries

• Allowing Emotions, Not Actions:
  • “Never say to your kid, don't be angry. I mean, it's a legitimate emotion. It's okay to feel angry, but it is not okay to use bad words on them, to threaten them, to hit, punch, etc.” (03:08)
• Clear Family Rules:
  • Regulations against physical aggression, property destruction, or name-calling must be set and enforced:

    “Gotta teach your kids you can't lash out this way. You can feel like you want to, but ultimately you can't. It's wrong.” (10:40)

4. Practical Anger-Management Techniques

• Constructive Coping Strategies:
  • “Walk away. Do something else. Distract yourself. Music. Smell the flowers. Get a coloring book out. Teach your kids to put themselves on timeout.” (11:05–11:09)
• Counting to Ten:
  • Dr. Laura encourages classic cooling-off methods:

    “When we get real angry, we count to 10. 1, 2, 3... By the time we get to 10, aren't you more relaxed?” (11:14)

5. Consistent Consequences and Rewards

• Positive Consequences:
  • Celebrating compliance with anger rules can motivate kids:

    “When you see a kid follow the anger rules...have a reward system. I don't know. Kids get tokens. They get 10 tokens, they can pick the movie that you're all going to watch.” (12:04–12:10)

• Negative Consequences:
  • Losing privileges, time out, extra chores, or making amends:

    “Some privilege is gone. Time out. Has to do extra chores. Has to do something benevolent to the person they were mad at.” (12:34–12:40)

• Consistency is Crucial:
  • If things break down, Dr. Laura says, “It's probably you not being consistent. Kids are relatively easy to train, especially with positive consequences and negative consequences.” (12:43)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It's reasonable to get angry over things. It's a normal, healthy emotion. But many people struggle to understand the difference between angry feelings and the go ahead for aggressive behavior.” (02:26)
• “You teach your kids it's okay to feel angry...but it is not okay to...threaten them, to hit, punch, etc.” (03:08)
• “Your kid is watching you express why you're angry in great detail. Well, they will learn to do that too.” (09:01)
• “Walk away. Do something else...Get a coloring book out. Teach your kids to put themselves on timeout.” (11:05–11:09)
• “When you see a kid, follow the anger rules...Have a reward system for good behavior that really does impact kids.” (12:04–12:10)

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Key Segment Timestamps

• [02:12–04:42]: The distinction between anger and aggression; need for parental role modeling
• [08:52–10:40]: Explaining and expressing anger in front of children, handling parental mistakes
• [11:05–11:14]: Practical tips, like counting to 10 and finding distractions
• [11:57–12:43]: The importance of positive and negative consequences; consistency in discipline

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Summary Takeaways

Dr. Laura’s advice is clear: Parents must separate the feeling of anger from aggressive action for their children. This is done through intentional example-setting, explicit family rules, consistent consequences, and equipping children with tools for self-regulation. Perhaps the most practical—and memorable—lesson is that both kids and adults can benefit from simple strategies like walking away, taking a timeout, or even just counting to ten.

By humanizing our children and ourselves, Dr. Laura concludes, we set them up for much healthier relationships with anger—and with others.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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Kids are quick to frustration or embarrassment or hurt or confusion, and it generally comes out as aggression. Human beings are born animals. We don't turn into plants or minerals. But we have to humanize children. Of course, half our country does not know the difference between being angry and aggression. They just go right to aggression. It's reasonable to get angry over things. It's a normal, healthy emotion. But many people struggle to understand the difference between angry feelings and the go ahead for aggressive behavior. Half our country doesn't seem to understand that at all, which I find scary. Personally, I find that scary. So let's talk about it here. So your children, should they go to college or university, won't be acting like animals. Defiant, disrespectful, aggressive, temper tantrums. And they'll learn how to deal with it properly. Because if you don't help your kids do that, aggression in childhood, fighting, teasing, goes into academic problems, peer rejections, poor mental health, and adulthood. Nothing positive to be gained. So again, it's pretty important that you help your kids disconnect anger from aggression. Unfortunately, a main part of children learning is role modeling of adults, and right now we don't have much of that in our country. So you teach your kids it's okay to feel angry. Never say to your kid, don't be angry. I mean, it's a legitimate emotion. It's okay to feel angry, but it is not okay to use bad words on them, to threaten them, to hit, punch, etc. So that's the first thing you need to do is just to help them disconnect anger from aggressive behavior. If your kid sees you lose your temper all the time, you can say anything you want. It's not going to have any impact because they're just going to copy you. For example, I read this in an article preparing for today. You're driving along in the car and the car in front of you doesn't stop to let kids or some elderly people or whoever cross the street in a crosswalk. Now when I see that top of my head blows off, I get very angry.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So you can start yelling and screaming and using bad words. Or you could go, that makes me so angry. When people are so self centered, thoughtless. Put other people in danger because nobody comes before them. Have no patience. You can express all of that and you can say, so we're going to stop because it's the right thing to do and I'm so angry at that person. But we're going to stop and do the right thing. Your kid is watching you express why you're angry in great detail. Well, they will learn to do that too. And then your solution was not to do the same thing. Now let's just say you're in a situation like that and you blow your top and you get aggressive. Damn well better suck it back in and apologize real fast and explain why what you did is Wrong. And you can say, instead of yelling, I should have gone for a walk to cool off, turned on some music and started to. I should have done something other than start screaming like a crazy maniac. And your kids will learn that, too. Most families have some rules, but you've got to delineate them and uphold them. So physical aggression, name calling, destroying property. Gotta teach your kids you can't lash out this way. You can feel like you want to, but ultimately you can't. It's wrong. And there are better ways to deal with it. Walk away. Do something else.

Distract yourself.

Music. Smell the flowers. Get a coloring book out. Teach your kids to put themselves on timeout. We adults do that sometimes. You know, when we get real angry, we count to 10. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. By the time we get to 10, aren't you more relaxed? I am. And I wasn't even angry about anything. Just counting to 10. I'm gonna curl up on my desk and go to sleep. Makes you very relaxed. Have your kids see you do that. Now. There should be positive consequences.

What are those?

You all know what negative consequences are. How come you don't know what positive consequences are?

When you see a kid, follow the anger rules.

Have a reward system. I don't know. Kids get tokens. They get 10 tokens, they can pick the movie that you're all going to watch. Whatever, I don't care. Have a reward system for good behavior that really does impact kids. Negative consequences. Some privilege is gone.

Time out.

Has to do extra chores.

Has to do something benevolent to the

person they were mad at. Like a sibling. If it all goes to hell in a handbasket anyway, don't give up, Because it's probably you not being consistent. Kids are relatively easy to train, especially with positive consequences and negative consequences. Let's all count again. One, two. No. I'm going to drop off my number. 1-800-375-2872.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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