The Difficulties of Open Adoptions

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "The Difficulties of Open Adoptions"

Release Date: July 30, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses the complexities surrounding open adoptions in this insightful episode of "The Difficulties of Open Adoptions." Through a heartfelt conversation with a caller, Dr. Laura explores the emotional dynamics between adoptive parents, birth parents, and the child involved in an open adoption scenario.

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Caller’s Dilemma: Navigating an Open Adoption

The episode begins with the caller reaching out to seek guidance on managing her family's open adoption situation.

Caller [00:51]:
"So we, my husband and I, adopted our son 15 years ago. He's now 15. And we adopted him from our niece who had gotten pregnant at 15... Our son has grown up knowing that she is his birth mother and they talk, see each other maybe two or three times a year. And it's gone pretty well."

The caller explains that while the adoption has largely been successful, recent developments involving the birth mother have introduced new challenges. The birth mother participated in a podcast where she openly discussed her traumatic experiences and the healing process over the past 15 years.

Caller [02:45]:
"Now recently she... shared her life experiences from the past 15 years. One thing she went into was the birth, the experience of giving him away... it's pretty traumatic, like the way she describes what she went through."

This revelation has left the caller concerned about the potential impact on her son, who is currently well-adjusted and unaware of the depth of his birth mother's struggles.

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Dr. Laura's Guidance: Prioritizing the Child's Well-being

Dr. Laura responds by emphasizing the importance of allowing the child to maintain his current healthy environment without introducing additional complications.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger [03:06]:
"Should I just leave him alone to have his life? Hey, hey, hey, hey. Just leave him alone to have his life, okay? Life doesn't have to be so complicated."

She advises against over-involvement in the birth mother's public narrative, suggesting that doing so might inadvertently drag the child into unnecessary drama.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger [05:15]:
"She talks to him. If she talks to him and tells him all of this, that's their relationship. Her going into the media and becoming an actress about it. Just leave it alone."

Dr. Laura underscores the importance of maintaining clear boundaries to protect the child's emotional stability. She highlights the potential pitfalls of extensive family involvement in open adoptions, particularly concerning privacy and the child's autonomy.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger [05:36]:
"Why are you following her updates?"

When the caller mentions maintaining a familial and supportive relationship despite her concerns, Dr. Laura remains steadfast in her advice to protect the child's space.

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Balancing Relationships and Emotional Health

The conversation delves deeper into the delicate balance between supporting the birth mother and safeguarding the child's well-being. Dr. Laura acknowledges the birth mother's efforts to persevere and provide life to her child despite her young age and challenging circumstances.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger [07:00]:
"I'm glad she didn't leave him by the side of the road to die... She persevered to give this kid life even though she couldn't raise the child and she didn't have him killed. So I give her props."

While commending the birth mother's resilience, Dr. Laura hypothesizes that the birth mother might be struggling with her identity or seeking validation through public attention, potentially hindering her healing process.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger [07:00]:
"My guess would be she's not getting good help or she's having an identity through drama."

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Key Takeaways and Conclusions

Dr. Laura's counsel centers on prioritizing the child's stability and emotional health over the birth mother's ongoing personal struggles. She advocates for:

1. Minimal Intervention: Allowing the child to continue thriving without being drawn into external conflicts or media controversies.
2. Clear Boundaries: Maintaining a respectful distance from the birth mother's public disclosures to prevent complicating the child's life.
3. Supportive Environment: Ensuring that the adoptive parents provide a secure and uncomplicated upbringing, free from the tumultuous aspects of the birth parent's experiences.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger [06:52]:
"Don't throw oil on the fire."

In conclusion, Dr. Laura emphasizes the significance of safeguarding the adoptive family's harmony by limiting exposure to potentially disruptive narratives from the birth parent.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements and non-content segments to focus solely on the meaningful discussion between Dr. Laura Schlessinger and the caller regarding open adoptions.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Lindsay, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi. Hi, how are you? Thank you for taking my call, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

How can I help?

[Caller]

Okay, so we, my husband and I, adopted our son 15 years ago. He's now 15. And we adopted him from our niece who had gotten pregnant at 15. And she gave him up, you know, up for adoption to us when he, when she was 16. Our son has grown up knowing that she is his birth mother and they talk, see each other maybe two or three times a year. And it's gone pretty well. We feel like he's grown up in a very healthy environment in a very healthy way. And so it's gone well. You know. Now recently she, I think that she's gone through a lot of healing on her own. Sorry, I'm kind of nervous.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You're doing great.

[Caller]

Okay. So recently she went on a podcast and, you know, an hour long podcast where she was interviewed and she shared her life experiences from the past 15 years. One thing she went into was the birth, the experience of giving him away, the experience of, you know, being taken out of school during the pregnancy and how, and it's pretty traumatic, like the way she describes what she went through, which is understandable. And then she also, you know, being interviewed on, she did not spend the whole hour talking about that, but talked about how she, what she has done to heal from that over the past 15 years. So my question to you, Dr. Laura, is our son is in a pretty good place. Did I tell him about this?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

She talks to him. If she talks to him and tells him all of this, that's their relationship. Her going into the media and becoming an actress about it. Just leave it alone. And why are you spending time on social media and podcasts following her?

[Caller]

So you know, there's different platforms. I see her. Her little updates when they pop up.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Why are you following her updates?

[Caller]

Because she's a member of my family and I still, of course, have a great relationship with her.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I really don't understand you in this regard. You're so conflicted. You're his mother. She gave birth to him because she got knocked up at 15. You're the mother. He's growing up happily. He knows who she is. That's enough. Let him grow up. Let him have his life separate from her drama. If she chooses to tell her drama, we have a problem. But I think he's known by the way. I always try to talk people out of adopting within the family. Yeah, because there's no privacy. Okay. I make a big effort to try to do that. Nonetheless, this is 15 years later, so who cares? So all I'd like you to do is just let him be.

[Caller]

Okay, good.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Don't throw oil on the fire.

[Caller]

Yeah, you know, that's. That's what my husband and I have been thinking. So. Good to hear that. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay. Yeah. And I'm glad she didn't leave him by the side of the road to die. I'm glad she didn't have him sucked into a sink. Well, that was probably the one good thing about having a family dynamic. That was pressure and everybody knew what was going on and so that probably helped her. If this is a family that's not good on killing babies in utero, then that was very supportive. So that's a good thing that she should remember. She persevered to give this kid life even though she couldn't raise the child and she didn't have him killed. So I give her props and if you talk to her again, give her props. Also my number one, because for a 15 year old girl, you know, oh, no, it's my baby. They think it's like a puppy or a little doll. So that was very good that she did that. And to me, that's 95% of the healing. I don't think she's. My guess would be she's not getting good help or she's having an identity through drama. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number, 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit DrLaura.com, click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discount available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

[Conan O'Brien]

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