The Past is Coming Back to Haunt Us

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "The Past is Coming Back to Haunt Us"

Release Date: March 4, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In the episode titled "The Past is Coming Back to Haunt Us," Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into the lingering effects of past family dynamics on present relationships. The episode centers around a heartfelt call from Leslie, a 54-year-old mother struggling with her adult daughter's estrangement. Dr. Laura offers insightful advice on navigating this sensitive familial rift, emphasizing the importance of validation, accountability, and personal responsibility.

Leslie’s Dilemma: A Call for Help [01:14]

Leslie initiates the conversation by explaining her strained relationship with her 23-year-old daughter, who is now married and has chosen to distance herself from the family.

Leslie:
"My daughter… she is married and she does not want to be in our lives."
[01:14]

Understanding the Root Cause [01:30]

Dr. Laura probes into the origins of the estrangement, uncovering a history of perceived emotional neglect dating back to Leslie’s daughter’s youth.

Leslie:
"She left home at 18 because she didn’t like the way her father treated her and that I allowed him to treat her poorly."
[01:47]

Unpacking the Emotional Abuse [02:11]

Leslie elaborates on the non-physical abuse her daughter experienced, highlighting the demands placed on her from a young age.

Leslie:
"She had to have a job at 14 and pay for her car and insurance, which took away her childhood."
[02:20]

Parental Absence at Key Moments [03:00]

A significant point of contention was Leslie’s husband's failure to attend his daughter's track and cross-country meets, despite Leslie’s consistent presence.

Dr. Laura:
"He didn’t go to all of them because he was working in the garden or doing chores at home. What the hell."
[03:36]

Impact of Minimizing Her Daughter’s Feelings [08:19]

Dr. Laura criticizes Leslie and her husband for minimizing their daughter's legitimate feelings, which has further alienated her.

Dr. Laura:
"She needs to be affirmed that her perspective is fair. Without that affirmation from you, she ain’t gonna talk to you no more."
[08:45]

Dr. Laura’s Advice: Affirmation and Accountability [07:27 – 08:19]

Dr. Laura emphasizes the necessity for Leslie to validate her daughter's feelings and take accountability for past actions. She advises Leslie to approach her daughter with sincere apologies and acknowledgment of her daughter's experiences.

Dr. Laura:
"She needs her reality affirmed. Of course, the job at an early age was a very good idea. Responsibility. Now go do the right thing."
[08:45]

Conclusion: Moving Forward with Responsibility [09:52 – 10:17]

As the conversation wraps up, Dr. Laura reiterates the importance of recognizing and rectifying past mistakes to heal and rebuild the strained relationship.

Dr. Laura:
"You need to drive to her house and say, I called Dr. Laura and she ripped me and down the other. But she's absolutely right and I felt the same way. Selfish as the day is long."
[08:45]

Key Takeaways

• Validation is Crucial: Acknowledge and affirm the feelings and perspectives of family members to foster understanding and healing.

• Accountability Matters: Taking responsibility for past actions is essential in mending strained relationships.

• Effective Communication: Open and honest dialogue can bridge gaps and restore familial bonds.

Notable Quotes

• Leslie on Her Daughter’s Feelings:
  "She had to have a job at 14 and pay for her car and insurance, which took away her childhood."
  [02:20]

• Dr. Laura on Affirmation:
  "She needs to be affirmed that her perspective is fair. Without that affirmation from you, she ain’t gonna talk to you no more."
  [08:45]

• Dr. Laura on Taking Action:
  "Now go do the right thing."
  [08:45]

Final Thoughts

In "The Past is Coming Back to Haunt Us," Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides compelling advice on addressing long-standing familial issues. Through Leslie's story, listeners learn the importance of validating loved ones' feelings, taking responsibility for past behaviors, and engaging in honest communication to heal and strengthen family relationships. This episode serves as a poignant reminder that acknowledging and addressing past mistakes is pivotal in overcoming present challenges.

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If you found this summary insightful, consider tuning into Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s live radio program for more expert advice on family and personal issues. Visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member and connect with a community committed to growth and accountability.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

Lily Bug loves to explore the great outdoors while I'm here on the radio with you. I'm able to keep track of her whereabouts though, thanks to the Life360 Bluetooth tile. I clipped it onto her collar With a longer range, louder ring and new SOS button tiles can be attached to everyday things like bicycles, keys, soccer bags, and even pets. Life360 puts the real time location of the people and things you care about most in the palm of your hand. Link your life 360 and tile accounts and you'll be able to see everyone and everything that matters in one place on your Life360 map. Whether you're keeping an eye on elderly parents or waiting for your teen to safely drive home, stay connected to all you love with Life360. Visit life360.com or download the app today. Use the code DRLaura to get 15% off. That's life360.com, code DRLORA thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Leslie welcome to the program.

[Leslie]

All right, thank you Dr. Laura, for taking my call. My name is Leslie, I'm 54 and I'm calling. I'm married and we have a daughter and she is 23 and she is married and she does not want to.

[Dr. Laura]

Be in our lives.

[Leslie]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

Wow.

[Leslie]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

When did I not want to be in your lives? Right now start.

[Leslie]

It started in August, so it's been a few months now.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, what happened in May, June and July?

[Leslie]

She it actually it started last fall, but it's really been going on since she was 18 when she left the house and she went off to school and she said she didn't like the way that her father treated her and that I allowed him to treat her poorly.

[Dr. Laura]

And how did she describe the treatment, the interaction that was not pleasant? How did she describe?

[Leslie]

Yeah, she's at 18. She said that he was abusive at 18.

[Dr. Laura]

In what form? In what form?

[Leslie]

Okay, yes. Not physically, but mentally. Some examples she gave recently because she went back to that time, she said that she had to have a job at 14 and pay for her car and pay for her car insurance. And she felt like that took away some of her being a child and getting to do teenage things. And she, she also.

[Dr. Laura]

That's abuse.

[Leslie]

She also that yes. And then she said that he didn't go to all of her track meets and cross country meets, although I was at every one of them. I was at everything.

[Dr. Laura]

Of course. You don't matter. Well, he said that he didn't. Woohoo. He didn't go to all of them because why? He was working. He was sick.

[Leslie]

Why he. No, he did not go to all of them because he was working in the garden or you know, doing chores at home. And so that's why he didn't go to all of them.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, what the hell. You didn't tell him. That was seriously stupid choice.

[Leslie]

Yes I did. Yes, I did. Yes, we had arguments over that. That's for sure. Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Why did he do that?

[Leslie]

She feels like he said he had. He had things that he had to do, that he had a life.

[Dr. Laura]

Why did he do that to her?

[Leslie]

Why did he do that to her?

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. Why did he hurt her like that? You know him. Why did he do that? He was angry. He had a daughter instead of a son. What? What was the problem?

[Leslie]

No, definitely not. Definitely not.

[Dr. Laura]

I did a guess to hope to prime the pump so that you would tell me why he would do something like that and why didn't you grab him by his ear and take him curling up on the couch for a movie is one of my favorite ways to end the day. Lily's always right there with me. And we have a new addition to our movie nights. The fluffiest pretty rosewater pink Lola blanket. Lola blankets are unbelievably soft double sided faux fur blankets with a huggable stretch that molds to your body. Lola blankets come in a beautiful array of colors and three different sizes so you can find just the right fit for your family. They even offer weighted blankets for better sleep and relaxation and super cute knotted faux fur pillows. With thousands of five star reviews, Lola blankets are the must have upgrade your home and comfort deserve. So go to lolablankets.com, use my code DRLAURA at checkout for 40% off. An incredible discount just for you, my listener. What are you waiting for? Go to lolablankets.com today and experience the life changing softness for yourself.

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[State Farm Representative]

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[Walmart Representative]

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[State Farm Representative]

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[State Farm Representative]

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[Walmart Representative]

Managing the house while mom is gone is not easy. But did you know that now Walmart Pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door?

[State Farm Representative]

Wait, what? Really?

[Dr. Laura]

Yep.

[Walmart Representative]

Just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door.

[State Farm Representative]

Thanks, dad.

[Dr. Laura]

When does mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes.

[Walmart Representative]

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[Leslie]

I've thought about this. I don't know an exact answer, but.

[Dr. Laura]

He must have at some point. He must have at some point said why he didn't want to bother seeing her meet.

[Leslie]

He said that he had other things to do. That's exactly what he said.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, you're not. Are you not understanding the question? I didn't ask you what he said about what he was going to do. Instead, I asked you what did he say about neglecting her.

[Leslie]

He said sports are stupid. He said that?

[Dr. Laura]

He said that you and I are entirely different. Woman. If my husband had said that about my daughter, his ass would have been in the car anyway. But anyway. Okay, so she is legitimate. Have you ever told her her complaint is legitimate? He minimized the value of what she was doing?

[Leslie]

Yes, I did tell her that, yes.

[Dr. Laura]

What did you say to her?

[Leslie]

I said that he should be here. I told her that. And my husband.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm talking about for many years. I'm talking about last fall when she started telling you this. Did you say he was totally wrong? He thought it was stupid and I'm horrified that he did that. She needs to be affirmed that her perspective is fair. Without that affirmation from you, she ain't gonna talk to you no more.

[Leslie]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

She may never talk to him again because he dismissed his own daughter and you kept whitewashing well, he said he had other things to do. No, there's nothing else to do. Planting a begonia. Okay, Against. I understand being proud of your daughter. So you need to drive to her house and say, I called Dr. Laura and she ripped me and down the other. But she's absolutely right and I felt the same way. Selfish as the day is long. And I regret that I didn't drag him by his ear. And you were right. She needs her reality affirmed. Of course, the job at an early age was a very good idea. Responsibility. Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[State Farm Representative]

Okay, we've got Katie's projects, Dan's bake sale. Emma has a test. Sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds.

[Walmart Representative]

Managing the house while mama's gone is not easy, but did you know that now Walmart pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door.

[State Farm Representative]

Wait, what? Really?

[Dr. Laura]

Yep.

[Walmart Representative]

Just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door.

[State Farm Representative]

Thanks, dad.

[Dr. Laura]

When does mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes.

[Walmart Representative]

Now your pharmacy comes to you. Welcome to your Walmart delivery. Not available for all prescriptions. Exclusion supply.