The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: The Responsibility of Teaching Kids the Things They Need To Know

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: December 30, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode centers on a foundational principle of parenting: preparing children to be self-sufficient, capable adults. Dr. Laura explores the challenges and responsibilities in teaching kids the skills they need—not just for basic survival, but for flourishing independently and forming healthy adult relationships with parents based on respect and love rather than need.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Anecdotes – Letting Go as a Parent

• Dr. Laura opens with lighthearted commentary about her morning eye examination, using it as a metaphor for facing changes and letting natural processes unfold (03:31).
• She shares a related story about a doctor wanting her to stop all physical activity for a minor tendon issue, tying it back to the theme of not overreacting or over-controlling but instead seeking balanced solutions (02:41).
• Quote:
  "You want me to stop doing all the physical things that I do? Well, yeah. Then it won't hurt. ... It's like the joke: 'It hurts my hand.' Well, stop doing that."
  — Dr. Laura (02:50)

2. The Role of Parents: Raising Children to Leave

• Dr. Laura references Anna Freud, stating, "her definition of a mother is someone to be left." Mothers (and parents in general), she argues, should be focusing on raising children to leave and not need them (03:31).
• She shares concern for parents who struggle with the idea of their adult children "leaving the nest," highlighting a recent caller who could not accept this reality (04:44).
• Quote:
  "You're supposed to raise them to leave you, not need you... If they need you forever, you have failed as a parent."
  — Dr. Laura (07:22, 13:10)

3. Review of GoodMenProject.com Article: “To Become Unnecessary – A Parent's Ultimate Mission”

• Dr. Laura discusses Antonio Parente Jr.’s article, emphasizing the need to teach children not to need parents for day-to-day living.
• She reads and reacts to parts of the article, noting that while the article is written by a father, the message applies to all parents:
  "You need your kids not to need you. Now, I wouldn't have put 'need' in the first word because a lot of people need that. I need to be needed."
  — Dr. Laura (07:22)
• The article addresses parental fears around granting kids more autonomy and the difficulty in determining the right timing and amount of freedom (07:45).
• She reinforces the article’s guiding principle:
  "If you and your child come to a place of feeling reasonably comfortable, it’s probably time to unlock the next achievement."
  — Dr. Laura (paraphrasing article, 08:20)
• Dr. Laura warns against “herd parenting”—doing what other parents do without considering what is right for your child and your family (09:00).

4. Love vs. Need in Parent-Child Relationships

• Dr. Laura draws an analogy to friendships:
  "Do you need them the way a child needs a caregiver? No. Need them because of the mutual love you share. It's the same for our adult children. We want them to need us, but not for money, not for daily support, but for the kind of parental love only we can give."
  — Dr. Laura (09:30)
• She clarifies that healthy adult-parent relationships are characterized by mutual respect and love, not dependence (09:45).

5. Practical Example: Teaching Independence

• Dr. Laura recounts her own experience with her son wanting to bike to school. Initially anxious, she and her husband allowed him freedom while discreetly supervising to ensure safety and gradual learning (10:30).
• She describes a small mishap (her son bumping a parked car), illustrating how real-world mistakes are essential for growth and learning, provided safety is not compromised (11:30).
• Quote:
  "You teach them how to handle situations and then give them the opportunity to fail, succeed and do it."
  — Dr. Laura (12:30)

6. The Parent’s Responsibility: Teaching for Independence

• Emphasizes that the ultimate failure is to have a child who continuously relies on their parents into adulthood for basic needs or problem-solving (12:30).
• Contact for advice should be for perspective, not for rescue (13:00).
• Ends with a direct challenge:
  "You don't let go, you're a bad parent. That's it. I'm just going to say it."
  — Dr. Laura (13:10)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• "You're supposed to raise them to leave you, not need you."
  (Dr. Laura, 03:31)

• "Nothing sadder than a 40 year old who only calls his mother to ask for money."
  (quoting/paraphrasing Antonio Parente Jr., 07:55)

• "We want them to need us, but not for money, not for daily support, but for the kind of parental love only we can give."
  (Dr. Laura, 09:45)

• "You have failed as a parent if for the rest of their lives they need you."
  (Dr. Laura, 12:40)

Timestamps of Important Segments

• 03:31: Dr. Laura introduces Anna Freud’s philosophy on motherhood.
• 07:22: Key discussion of GoodMenProject.com article on being “unnecessary” as a parent.
• 09:30: Analogy between friendships and the parent-child dynamic in adulthood.
• 10:30: Personal story about teaching her son to bike to school.
• 12:30: Main takeaway on responsibility—teaching independence.
• 13:10: Direct challenge about parental responsibility and the consequences of not letting go.

Tone & Delivery

Dr. Laura’s delivery is candid, empathetic, and peppered with humor. She is unapologetically direct—sometimes blunt—in articulating the tough truths parents may not want to hear but need to consider. The tone is motherly but firm, motivational, and solution-oriented.

Takeaway Message

Parents have the ultimate responsibility to teach their children the skills and values needed for independence. Success means your kids love you and consult you for wisdom but don't rely on you for daily living or rescue. Letting go is a vital, necessary part of parenting—and failing to do so is a fundamental error.