Their Therapist Fired Them… Now She Wants Out

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Their Therapist Fired Them… Now She Wants Out
Date: May 16, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Ben

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Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Ben, a husband whose wife has recently asked for a divorce. The couple has experienced normal marital issues, but the situation has become more complicated since Ben’s wife started taking antidepressants and expressed a lack of romantic feelings. Ben seeks Dr. Laura’s advice on whether he should let his wife go through with the divorce, or fight to save their marriage. The central theme revolves around understanding and responding to a partner's emotional needs, particularly focusing on the differences between men and women in relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background and Nature of the Problem (01:14–03:32)

• Ben shares relationship history:
  • Ages: Ben (33), wife (32).
  • Two children, ages 10 and 4.
  • Married for 11.5 years, together for about 13 years.
• Wife’s concerns:
  • Began taking antidepressants in December; her personality and feelings have changed since.
  • Wishes Ben was “more romantic,” misses cuddling and affection.
  • Describes lack of romantic feelings as the reason for wanting divorce.

2. Dr. Laura’s Initial Reaction (04:16–05:24)

• Dr. Laura challenges Ben’s view:
  “When men are this ignorant about women’s sexuality, it’s really sad.” (05:06, Dr. Laura)
  • Emphasizes men’s constant baseline interest vs. women’s fluctuating needs, especially post-children and with hormonal changes.
  • Calls out Ben for not fulfilling his wife’s emotional needs and dismisses his defensiveness.

3. The Role of Romance and Intimacy (08:28–09:08)

• Dr. Laura explains the importance of non-sexual romance:
  “That’s where the romantic stuff. So there’s a lot of romantic touching and hugging and playing around without sex and then touching, hugging, kidding around with sex...” (08:28, Dr. Laura)
  • Women require emotional connection and romance beyond sexual advances.
  • Nonsexual affectionate gestures—notes, cuddling, watching movies together—are essential.

4. Addressing Ben’s Efforts and Responsibility (09:19–10:26)

• Dr. Laura on perspectives:
  “If you want to keep your woman and your kids under your roof, then you have to care about her point of view, not yours.” (09:27, Dr. Laura)
  • Rejects Ben’s “I have tried” rationale; says it's not about keeping score or being defensive.
  • Encourages Ben to act based on what his wife says she needs to feel loved and valued.

5. Therapy Experience and Dr. Laura’s “Firing” (10:34–11:10)

• Ben reveals their marriage therapist “fired” them.
• Dr. Laura relates:
  “Because I’m about to fire you. So it’s nice to know I’m following suit here.” (10:53, Dr. Laura)
  • Critiques Ben’s approach to therapy as being about “we have issues” rather than understanding her specific needs as a woman.
  • “You know what your woman needs and wants. Take care of it. No pride, no nonsense, no defensiveness. You're going to lose your family.” (11:10, Dr. Laura)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura’s directness:
  • “When men are this ignorant about women’s sexuality, it’s really sad.” (05:06)
  • “If you want to keep your woman and your kids under your roof, then you have to care about her point of view, not yours.” (09:27)
• On the difference between genders:
  • “She’s a woman. You’re a man. You’re not the same. And you have to be more caretaking of her emotionality.” (11:10)
• On romance:
  • “She gave you the solution.” (09:08)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:14] Ben describes his marriage and wife’s recent request for divorce.
• [03:32] Ben explains his wife’s need for more romance and her loss of romantic feelings.
• [05:06] Dr. Laura criticizes Ben’s misunderstanding of women’s sexuality.
• [08:28] Dr. Laura explains the real meaning of romance in a marriage.
• [09:27] Dr. Laura insists Ben must prioritize his wife’s perspective.
• [10:49] Ben reveals the therapist “fired” them and Dr. Laura mirrors that sentiment.
• [11:10] Dr. Laura reiterates the need for Ben to fulfill his wife’s emotional needs or risk losing his family.

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Tone & Approach

• Dr. Laura’s trademark style: Blunt, direct, and no-nonsense with a focus on personal responsibility and practical advice.
• Critical of deflection: She swiftly dismisses defensiveness or attempts to share blame, keeping the focus on what must be done to save the marriage, if that is what Ben wants.
• Empathetic yet tough: Dr. Laura expresses frustration but also a deep understanding of complexities in marital dynamics.

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Summary Takeaway

Dr. Laura’s conversation with Ben revolves around the need for husbands to recognize and address their wives’ emotional needs—not just going through the motions, but genuinely embracing romance, affection, and attention. By doing so, Dr. Laura argues, men can foster true intimacy and preempt issues that often lead to marital breakdowns. She warns against passivity and defensiveness, urging instead an active commitment to nurturing the partnership, especially when clear feedback is given by a spouse.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

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[Ben]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. What's happening?

[Ben]

So my wife has told me at the end of February that she wants to get a divorce. She. I mean, we have, I feel like normal issues in our marriage that can be fully resolved. But my. My big thing is that in December she went on antidepressants. And since then she's been like a completely different person. And I feel like if she wasn't on them, you know, things wouldn't be. She wouldn't feel the way she feels right now. And I'm having. My question is I don't know if the right thing to do is to let her, you know, do what she feels like she needs to do. I think she's making a mistake.

[Dr. Laura]

Tell me how old you are, how old she is when you started dating. Give me some background.

[Ben]

Sure. I'm 33. She's 32. We have two kids, 10 and 4. We have been married for 11 and a half years, together for 13, I think. 12, 13, both. We got married, I guess relatively young. Yeah. She.

[Dr. Laura]

And when you were dating, were there any concerns that you had at the time?

[Ben]

No, no. Things were great. Things have been overall, like I said, good. I mean, we have, like I said, common.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. From her frame of reference. What has she not been happy about? From her frame of reference, I know you think, you know, these are normal things people go through, but from her frame of reference.

[Ben]

So I guess the. She says that she wishes that I guess I was more romantic. You know, like the. The cuddling and the snuggling and. And stuff like that. And. And that's why. And she says that the reason that she wants a divorce is that she doesn't feel like romantic feelings anymore. She. She says I didn't do anything. She says that, yes, things were good. She was happy and all this. And it just. Out of the blue, you know, she just got kind of.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, it's not out of blue for her. She's. It's not out of the blue for her. So what keeps you from being adorably romantic every day? Doing cute things?

[Ben]

Well, I guess that would be my side of our, you know, our. Our problems. I vote for the last few years, I guess, like our intimacy, our sex life has gone. It's gotten. I don't want to say worse. And it's not that, you know, I. If I initiate, we. We will, like. I mean, it's not like she says no all the time. I know that's a lot of a problem a lot of people have, but it just. She. She never wants to. And when we do.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, Ben, I'm gonna be a little blunt about that. I. When men are this ignorant about women's sexuality, it's really sad. Yeah, you guys are sort of on. On a low level of interest all the time.

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[Dr. Laura]

Women, especially when they have kids, hormonal shifts up and down, whatever else is going on, are generally not ready all the time. That's where the romantic stuff. So there's a lot of romantic touching and hugging and playing around without sex and then touching, hugging, kidding around with sex and A woman is going to be more interested when there's romantic stuff that doesn't end up in sex that's just romantic toward her. Sweet, loving, caring women need to be turned on.

[Ben]

I understand.

[Dr. Laura]

And they're not turned on just because you grab them. You know when she tells you something like, you're not romantic, I just want to hit you on the head with something. Duh. She gave you the solution.

[Ben]

Well, she says so. She says that she wishes we spend more time together. This and that I make myself. From my point of view, I have tried.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't care about your point of view. If you want to keep your woman and your kids under your roof, then you have to care about her point of view, not yours. This is not tit for tat. This is not being defensive. This is not keeping score. Your woman needs a lot of attention. There's nothing wrong with that. Gosh darn. When you guys were dating, you paid a lot of attention. And now you don't leave her cute notes. You don't come behind and just nibble on her ear and tell her you love her and she looks gorgeous. You don't say, let's put the kids to bed and watch this stupid movie with potato chips in bed. And God knows what can come from that. So you're not doing your job as a husband. From her point of view. From her point of view. All right. Ben, is there something else you'd like to ask me about? Because I feel like I'm answering you and you're being defensive.

[Ben]

No, no.

[Dr. Laura]

When the woman says what she said, work with it,

[Ben]

okay or not.

[Dr. Laura]

And get a good attorney. Okay, wait a minute. Put up on the screen that your therapist fired you. What does that mean?

[Ben]

So we went to counseling after she told me that she.

[Dr. Laura]

Because I'm about to fire you. So it's nice to know I'm following suit here.

[Ben]

Well, I approached our therapy from the we can work out, you know, these. We have. Yes, we do. We both have issues.

[Dr. Laura]

No. Wrong. No, you still don't get it. She's a woman. You're a man. You're not the same. And you have to be more caretaking of her emotionality. That's the reality of men and women. Don't fight it. Embrace it. Accept it and do your job better. We have issues. I don't care about your issue, sir. You know what your woman needs and wants. Take care of it. No pride, no nonsense, no defensiveness. You're going to lose your family. So I'm the second therapist to fire you my number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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