There's More Than One Way to Get the Joy of Family

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: “There's More Than One Way to Get the Joy of Family”
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: November 14, 2025

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Overview

In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Laura offers guidance to a 44-year-old caller, Terry, who is struggling with childlessness after unsuccessful fertility treatments. The conversation deeply explores grief, finding alternative family connections, and appreciating the impact one can have on others—even if it's different than the traditional path. Dr. Laura challenges Terry’s ideas of motherhood and family joy, steering her away from finding comfort in delusions, and instead encourages appreciation of the unique familial bonds Terry has already developed through her work in adult foster care.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Grief over Childlessness and the Temptation of Substitutes

• Terry’s Situation:

  • Terry shares emotional disappointment over being unable to have children despite attempted fertility treatments ([01:22]).
  • She admits considering “reborn dolls”—lifelike baby dolls—for comfort ([02:15]).

• Dr. Laura’s Response:

  • Dr. Laura bluntly opposes substitute comforts, stating,

    “No, don’t go into delusionary living. No, that’s…unhealthy and somewhat sick.” ([02:35], Dr. Laura)

  • She draws an analogy to inappropriate coping mechanisms in relationships, emphasizing the need to face reality and not escape into fantasy.

2. Alternative Paths: Adoption and Foster Care

• Practical Limitations:

  • Dr. Laura suggests adopting older children, highlighting the transformative impact one can have:

    “Why don’t you take on the responsibility of a real human being who would be lost without you?” ([03:10], Dr. Laura)

  • Terry shares her work as a manager at an adult foster care home and explains that her living arrangements disallow fostering or adopting children ([03:23]).

• Dr. Laura’s Challenge:

  • She challenges Terry to recognize that her career and life choices are a defining factor:

    “If you really want to adopt a child, an older child, which I would think would be beautiful, then you’re going to have to change your circumstances or accept that if you cut your hair short, you can’t make pigtails.” ([04:12], Dr. Laura)

  • Encourages Terry to make a plan if adopting in the future remains important:

    “…plan for the next few years to make some changes so in a couple of years you’d be available to adopt an older child.” ([04:39], Dr. Laura)

3. The Worth and Impact of Nontraditional Family

• Mission and Sacrifice:

  • Terry expresses her dedication to caring for the challenged adults in her facility:

    “I feel very strongly about taking care of…people who are mentally and physically challenged.” ([07:40], Terry)

  • Dr. Laura underscores the importance and value of this “mission,” acknowledging the sacrifices involved:

    “Sometimes with a mission, we have to make sacrifices.” ([07:57], Dr. Laura)

• Redefining Family:

  • Terry reveals the deep familial bonds she’s formed with her residents, even if the state doesn’t legally recognize these relationships:

    “Some of these people…don’t have family, but I’m their family, you know?” ([08:29], Terry)

  • Dr. Laura reframes Terry’s understanding of family:

    “So when you say you don’t have family, I guess you’re incorrect.” ([08:58], Dr. Laura)

4. Self-Appreciation

• Recognizing One’s Impact:
  • Dr. Laura suspects Terry undervalues her life’s work, urging her to stand back and appreciate it:

    “I think you damn well don’t appreciate what you do. Perhaps you’ve been doing it so long…that it seems like everyday, mundane stuff. But stand back and look at what you’ve done for these people.” ([09:49], Dr. Laura)

  • The conversation ends on a light and warm note, as Terry and Dr. Laura share laughter over aging, giving the exchange an authentic, human touch:

    “And you don’t have stretch marks.” ([10:23], Dr. Laura)
    “No, but I still have saggy boobs. There you go. You can’t be 44 without saggy boobs.” ([10:27], Terry)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Don’t go into delusionary living. That’s unhealthy and somewhat sick.”
  — Dr. Laura, [02:35]
• “Take on the responsibility of a real human being who will be lost without you.”
  — Dr. Laura, [03:16]
• “If you cut your hair short, you can’t make pigtails.”
  — Dr. Laura, [04:17] (using humor to address irreversible choices)
• “Sometimes with a mission, we have to make sacrifices.”
  — Dr. Laura, [07:57]
• “So when you say you don’t have family, I guess you’re incorrect.”
  — Dr. Laura, [08:58]
• “You don’t have stretch marks.”
  — Dr. Laura, [10:23]
• “No, but I still have saggy boobs. There you go.”
  — Caller Terry, [10:27]

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Important Timestamps

• [01:22] – Terry explains her grief and unsuccessful fertility attempts.
• [02:15] – Introduction of “reborn dolls” as a coping mechanism.
• [02:35] – Dr. Laura’s firm dismissal of substitute family fantasies.
• [03:10] – Suggestion to adopt an older child.
• [04:12] – Discussion about changing life circumstances for adoption.
• [07:40] – Emphasis on Terry’s commitment to her work.
• [08:29] – Terry describes being “family” to longtime residents.
• [09:49] – Dr. Laura calls on Terry to value her impact.
• [10:23]– Lighthearted exchange about aging and life choices.

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Conclusion

Dr. Laura’s tough-love approach helps Terry see that the joy of family and fulfillment can be found in unexpected, nontraditional places. Instead of seeking solace in fantasy or focusing on what’s missing, Dr. Laura encourages her to honor and appreciate the profound familial bonds she’s already created. The episode delivers a moving reminder: family is often built not by biology, but by the warmth, commitment, and sacrifices we share with others.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my call of the day, sponsored by Native Path Collagen, the collagen I take daily to support healthy joints, skin, bones and gut. Go to getnativepath.com drlora for free shipping and a special bundle deal at a fraction of the retail price. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Terry, welcome to the program.

[Commercial Announcer]

Hi.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi.

[Caller]

Longtime listener, first time caller.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Caller]

So I am 44. Never been married, never had children. About six years ago, so 39. Started working on doing that with a sperm donor, which was. And fertility treatments, which was unsuccessful. So now being 44, I realize that, you know, it's probably not in the cards. Sorry, I'm emotional about this. I've listened to you for a long time and I know your thing is, you know, get over it. You've got good things in your life. You know, move on. Nieces and nephews, move on. Right. Am I good so far?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

A little bit. Go ahead.

[Caller]

Okay. I have recently been exposed or found out about the world of reborn dolls, which are babies that look like real children. I know they're dolls.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, no, don't go into delusionary living. No, that's. That's unhealthy. Unhealthy and somewhat sick.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

When if you had a boyfriend or husband and he was masturbating on the net to AI women, you would be horrified. So. No, I tell you what you can do is you can adopt an older child or two older children who have probably no hope of being adopted.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And that would be a godsend for you to start making babies from birth. No, I don't support that. But why don't you take on the responsibility of a real human being who will be lost without you.

[Caller]

I would love that. I would love that. Sorry, give me just a second. Currently my job is I'm a manager of adult an adult foster care home and I live there as well. I live live on site. I have 12 residents who are mentally and physically challenged. Therefore, because I live there and I do adult foster care, I am not even allowed to do child foster care, let alone adoption. But.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Right. Well, the roadblock is you.

[Caller]

My my choice of job.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If you really want to adopt a child, an older child, which I would think would be beautiful, then you're going to have to change your circumstances or accept that if you cut your hair short, you can't make pigtails.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So you might want to plan for the next few years to make some changes so in a couple of years you'd be available to adopt an older child. So make that your plan and start working on it.

[Caller]

Okay?

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[Caller]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Clock.

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[Caller]

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[Caller]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so now you have a plan?

[Caller]

Yeah, if I. Yes. Yeah. If I choose to do that route. Right. I mean, I feel.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Exactly.

[Caller]

Yeah. So it's. It's. It's one or the other. I feel very strongly about taking care of, you know, people who are mentally and physically challenged.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You know, you have a mission now.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And sometimes with a mission, we have to make sacrifices.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You do an incredibly important task. No, I don't think you do. I don't think you appreciate it as much as I think you ought to appreciate it.

[Caller]

Okay, that's probably true. That's probably true. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

There are very few people, I think, who would be willing, much less capable to do what you do.

[Caller]

Yeah, I know that. I know that. You know, I've been doing this for basically my life, my whole life. I was raised in it. My. My grandma had a home, my mom had a home, and now I'm living there, running it for my aunt with the intent of buying it. And some of these people we've had for 20 years and they don't have family, but I'm their family. You know?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's right. So when you say you don't have family, I guess you're incorrect.

[Caller]

Yeah. So unfortunately, the state doesn't see it that way, so that's frustrating.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But I never measure things by what the state appreciates.

[Caller]

Yeah. Well, yeah. Thank you. Okay. You know. Yeah. I appreciate your wisdom and I. It's a choice, and I. I guess I'm choosing them over my own, you know, fairy tale, which is. I just need to embrace it, I guess. Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, you need to appreciate it more. This is what I'm getting out of this phone call. Not about a disappointment, but I think you damn well don't appreciate what you do. Perhaps you've been doing it so long and you're so close to it that it seems like everyday, mundane stuff. But stand back and look at what you've done for these people. Just stand back and look at it, homie.

[Commercial Announcer]

Wow.

[Caller]

Yeah, you're right. You're right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you don't have stretch marks. And you don't have. And you don't have stretch marks.

[Caller]

No, but I still have saggy boobs. There you go. You can't be 44 without saggy boobs. But thank you. Thank you so much. You're right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're very welcome, sweetheart.

[Caller]

Thank you. Have a good day.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You, too. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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