These Are the Repercussions of Chaos

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "These Are the Repercussions of Chaos"

Release Date: June 15, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In the episode titled "These Are the Repercussions of Chaos," Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into the emotional aftermath of family turmoil, particularly focusing on the strained relationships between parents and their adult children post-divorce. Drawing from her extensive experience in providing no-nonsense advice, Dr. Laura addresses a heartfelt call from Georgia, a long-time listener grappling with her 25-year-old son's estrangement following her divorce.

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Caller Background: Georgia's Family Struggles

Georgia reaches out to Dr. Laura seeking guidance on her deteriorating relationship with her adult son. Here's a snapshot of her situation:

• Marriage and Family: Georgia has been married for 45 years and has a daughter with two grandsons. Her daughter remarried after her first marriage ended.

• Parenting Approach: Emphasizing rules, morals, and personal responsibility, Georgia maintained a close-knit relationship with her grandsons, traveling and spending quality time with them.

• Son's Estrangement: When her older grandson turned 16, he chose to live with his father and stepmother, who permitted more freedoms typical of teenage years, such as bringing girlfriends over and partying on weekends. This decision marked the beginning of his gradual withdrawal from family interactions.

• Current State: At 25, Georgia hasn't spoken to her son for two years. He expressed a desire to keep his life private, fearing that any communication with Georgia might be relayed to his mother, leading to further estrangement.

Notable Quote:

Georgia [07:06]: "It just breaks my heart that I don't have a relationship with him."

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Dr. Laura's Analysis: The Impact of Parental Chaos

Dr. Laura empathizes with Georgia but offers a critical perspective on the underlying issues contributing to her son's distancing. She identifies the root cause as the chaos stemming from the divorce and the resulting family dynamics.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Children's Unique Personalities:

   • Dr. Laura emphasizes that children are not passive entities; they possess distinct personalities that influence how they perceive and react to their environment.
   • Quote [03:34]: "Kids aren't like that. They have their own distinct personalities which lead them to react to how they're being treated and what they see."

2. Perception of Safety and Trust:

   • The son perceives interactions between Georgia and his mother as a lack of privacy and potential disrespect, undermining his sense of safety in communicating with his grandmother.
   • Quote [03:31]: Georgia states, "All I did was show them love," to which Dr. Laura responds by highlighting the son's perspective on privacy and respect.

3. Parental Responsibility:

   • Dr. Laura criticizes the tendency of parents to externalize blame onto their children for the familial discord they create.
   • Quote [08:30]: "Why is it adults put it on the kids? Why is it adults do that?"

4. Long-Term Emotional Repercussions:

   • The episode underscores how unresolved parental conflicts can lead to long-term emotional distress in children, manifested in various behaviors such as withdrawal, depression, or rebelliousness.

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Insights and Advice: Navigating Parental Challenges

Dr. Laura offers Georgia a blend of empathy and tough love, guiding her to introspect and recognize her role in the familial estrangement.

Advice Provided:

1. Acknowledging Parental Fault:

   • Dr. Laura urges parents to understand that often, the turmoil in a child's life stems from the parents' actions and conflicts.
   • Quote [08:40]: "That's ridiculous. When he grows up."

2. Creating a Safe Communication Environment:

   • Emphasizing the importance of fostering an environment where children feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or repercussion.
   • Quote [06:18]: Dr. Laura expresses frustration over parents blaming children for chaos they themselves initiated.

3. Healing and Reconciliation:

   • Encouraging Georgia to seek ways to mend the broken lines of communication, possibly through family counseling or open dialogues that address past grievances without assigning blame.

4. Understanding Individual Reactions:

   • Recognizing that each child may react differently to parental actions based on their personality and experiences, and that there's no one-size-fits-all solution to familial conflicts.

Notable Quotes:

Dr. Laura Schlessinger [07:14]: "I need the parents to acknowledge they caused chaos, that caused pain..."

Dr. Laura Schlessinger [08:47]: "Some kids just become acquiescent and go along with everything. Some kids get depressed, some kids go on drugs, some kids say go to hell."

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Conclusion: The Path Forward

Dr. Laura wraps up the discussion by reiterating the importance of parental accountability in fostering healthy relationships with their children. She challenges parents like Georgia to reflect on their actions, address the root causes of familial chaos, and take proactive steps toward healing and rebuilding trust with their adult children.

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Final Thoughts

"These Are the Repercussions of Chaos" serves as a poignant exploration of how parental conflicts and unresolved issues can have lasting effects on children's lives. Through Georgia's story, Dr. Laura Schlessinger underscores the critical need for parents to cultivate environments of trust, respect, and open communication to prevent long-term estrangement and emotional distress in their children.

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For those seeking personalized advice, Dr. Laura Schlessinger continues to offer support through her Call of the Day podcast, providing insights grounded in ethics, accountability, and personal responsibility.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111 Georgia welcome to the program.

[Georgia]

Hello Dr. Georgia hello.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

What's on your mind?

[Georgia]

I've been married to my husband for 45 years and I have a daughter who gave me two handsome grandsons. My daughter did not stay married to her first husband. She remarried and we put rules and morals in our children. And when my grandson turned 16, he decided he was going to go live with his dad and his stepmom because they allowed him to bring girlfriends over the weekend and party and all that good stuff for a teenager. And but every year we would, since my grandsons were born, we would travel and do vacations with them and on weekends and, you know, just very loving and kind and, and just being a grandma and having fun. But since he moved out to be with his father, he doesn't speak to his mother anymore. He continued to speak to me. Now he's 25 and I haven't spoken to him in two years. He said that his life is his business and he doesn't like talking to me because he's afraid that I'm going to reiterate what our conversation to his mother and he has nothing, doesn't want anything to do with her.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I'm sorry that you're going to reiterate a conversation to his mother. What is that about? I don't understand.

[Georgia]

He doesn't want his mother to know any of his business or that I even spoke to him. I told him all I want to know is that you're okay and that you're doing well. And he says, and he says, I'll call you when, when I, when I want to talk to you. That's okay, you know. Meanwhile, his little brother is just like the big loving teddy bear, you know.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I guess his life experience was different from his little brother.

[Georgia]

Yes, definitely, because he was the older brother.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Right. So he experienced more of the chaos and difficulties with a divorce. And this is his reaction. I think everybody expects kids to be like furniture, that we can put the house through hurricanes and fires and, you know, breakage and break ins and somehow the furniture is going to be okay. Kids aren't like that. They have their own distinct personalities which lead them to react to how they're being treated and what they see. And he doesn't want to know.

[Georgia]

All I did was show them love. Yep.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

In your opinion, that's what you did? He perceives things through his own eyeballs and his experience. So if he experiences that you're not a safe place to talk to because you and his mother will communicate, then he's not going to give you that opening. But whether you call it love or whatever you want to call it, he sees it as disrespect and a lack of privacy, which means he's not really loved. So he sees the world differently because of his experience.

[Georgia]

Okay.

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Sorry, but that's the chaos that happens with divorces and this and that and the other thing. That's why I'm on The air. Trying to get people to be secure in their marriages and take care of their kids. This kind of stuff doesn't happen when they're older. And I would say if there's one predominant sad topic that I get too often is the adult kids won't talk to me. It's probably one of the most frequent complaints. And I'm wondering, first 25 years that I did this on air, I never heard that. I have no memory of ever hearing my kids won't talk to me or I have to kick them out because she's evil. That doesn't matter.

[Georgia]

I've listened.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Yeah.

[Georgia]

It just breaks my heart that I don't have a relationship with him.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Yeah.

[Georgia]

I mean, for 16 years, every summer, we take our vacations and drive in the car and, you know, he put the in and out app on my phone so, you know, we'd take off and go to the beach and, you know, he. There's an in and out, you know, just two miles away. Let's stop. You know, everything you want to do. When he turned 15, I let him drive in LA, for Pete's sake. You know, it's like, you know, I did a lot.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

That never would have happened if he was mine. He wouldn't have been driving at 15. He wouldn't have a cell phone.

[Georgia]

Yeah, well, I had no control over the cell phone stuff. But he was a good driver, and he can even tow, you know, he was. He. You know, the time that I did have.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I'm happy. At least you have a lot of good memories.

[Georgia]

I do, but I still talk to his father. You know, it's not, you know, I can't. He's still his father regardless. And the communication is there with even the father's wife. And he. She said, we've tried to talk to him, and he just needs to grow up. He needs to have a relationship with his family. It's important.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Why is it adults put it on the kids? Why is it adults do that? They create chaos and then blame the kids.

[Georgia]

I don't know what the hell.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

That's ridiculous. When he grows up.

[Georgia]

Yeah, he needs to grow up. That's what she said.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Well, I think he did a bit growing up, and that's why he spent a lot of time kissing off most everybody, because he didn't like what they had to offer you. Adults need to sit in a pool. I don't mean a swimming pool. I mean a circle. And be honest about what everybody put the kids through. Some kids just become acquiescent and go along with everything. Some kids get depressed, some kids go on drugs, some kids say go to hell. Kids handle chaos in different ways, but I need the parents to acknowledge they caused chaos, that caused pain and in his not incredibly psychologically yet mature mind they solve the problem in ways which are usually destructive. But I guess I bristle when I hear it all put on the kids. When I was in private practice and ran a clinic, it was amazing to me how many parents wreaked havoc in their kids lives and then sent them in for counseling like the kids were the problem. Here. The kid needs help fix him and 9.9 out of 10 it's the parents who needed fixing. Try to convince them of that. It's easy just to dump your kid and give a check. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number one, 800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on Sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

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