This Relationship is Weighing Me Down

Summary

Podcast Summary: "This Relationship is Weighing Me Down"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111
• Release Date: April 25, 2025
• Episode Title: This Relationship is Weighing Me Down

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Introduction

In the episode titled "This Relationship is Weighing Me Down," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt call from a young listener seeking guidance on navigating a challenging romantic relationship. Known for her no-nonsense advice rooted in ethics, accountability, and personal responsibility, Dr. Laura delves deep into the complexities of maintaining a relationship under immense emotional and practical strain.

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Caller’s Dilemma

Caller: Pierce, a 21-year-old college student.

Pierce reaches out distressed about his relationship with his girlfriend, who recently moved from Indiana to Oklahoma to be with him. Their history is complicated; she was his ex before relocating, and she grapples with numerous personal issues, including family conflicts, narcissistic tendencies, and past abuse. Additionally, Pierce reveals that his girlfriend is autistic and has an undiagnosed autoimmune disease, which has placed him in the role of a caretaker.

Key Concerns:

• Emotional Burden: Pierce feels overwhelmed by the emotional weight of supporting his girlfriend.
• Caretaker Role: He perceives himself as a caregiver rather than an equal partner, which is causing significant stress.
• Relationship Viability: Uncertainty about the future of their relationship and its impact on his personal life and well-being.

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Dr. Laura’s Analysis

Dr. Laura responds with empathy but firmly emphasizes the unsustainability of Pierce's current situation. She underscores the importance of recognizing one's limits, especially given Pierce's young age and the complexity of his girlfriend's needs.

Notable Insights:

• Self-Assessment: Dr. Laura prompts Pierce to evaluate his capacity to handle such a demanding relationship, pointing out that taking on the role of a caretaker is beyond his responsibilities at 21.
• Long-Term Implications: She warns that continuing in this relationship could hinder Pierce's personal growth and future prospects, including marriage and starting a family.
• Emotional Guilt: Dr. Laura distinguishes between reasonable and unreasonable guilt, advising Pierce not to let misplaced guilt prevent him from making necessary changes.

Quote with Timestamp:

• [02:25] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "You should never have taken this on. This is not going to set you up for marriage and kids and all that. There are too many problematic situations here."

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Advice and Recommendations

Dr. Laura provides a clear roadmap for Pierce to address his predicament effectively:

1. End the Relationship: She advises Pierce to conclude the relationship, emphasizing that staying would not be in his best interest.

   Quote with Timestamp:

   • [07:17] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "You don't start out like this at 21. First of all, you won't last. You'll get drunk, be on drugs, throw yourself off a cliff or leave."

2. Facilitate Support for His Girlfriend: Dr. Laura stresses the importance of ensuring that Pierce's girlfriend receives the necessary support from her family or other relatives.

   Quote with Timestamp:

   • [03:10] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "She really needs to go back home. If not to her parents, then some other relatives."

3. Communicate Effectively: Encourage Pierce to have an honest conversation with his girlfriend about his limitations and the need for her to seek appropriate care.

   Quote with Timestamp:

   • [08:32] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "You have to, because she needs to be taken care of. And that ain't by you."

4. Shift Focus to Her Well-Being: Remind Pierce that his primary responsibility is to ensure his girlfriend's safety and well-being, not to fulfill roles beyond his capacity.

   Quote with Timestamp:

   • [10:42] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "It’s not about how you feel. It’s about what she ultimately needs. And it isn't you."

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Notable Quotes

• "You should never have taken this on. This is not going to set you up for marriage and kids and all that. There are too many problematic situations here." — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (02:25)

• "You don't start out like this at 21. First of all, you won't last. You'll get drunk, be on drugs, throw yourself off a cliff or leave." — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (07:17)

• "She really needs to go back home. If not to her parents, then some other relatives." — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (03:10)

• "You have to, because she needs to be taken care of. And that ain't by you." — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (08:32)

• "It’s not about how you feel. It’s about what she ultimately needs. And it isn't you." — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (10:42)

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Conclusion

In this poignant episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger adeptly guides a young listener through the murky waters of a burdensome relationship. She emphasizes the importance of personal boundaries, self-awareness, and prioritizing one's well-being over misplaced responsibilities. Pierce is encouraged to make the difficult but necessary decision to end the relationship, ensuring that his girlfriend receives the appropriate support from her family or professional resources. Dr. Laura's compassionate yet assertive advice serves as a reminder that recognizing one's limits is crucial for long-term personal growth and emotional health.

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For further assistance or to share your own story, Dr. Laura invites listeners to call 1-800-375-2872 and become a member at DrLaura.com.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Pierce. Welcome to the program.

[Pierce]

Hello, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi, Pierce. What can I help you with?

[Pierce]

Well, I'm sorry if I'm a little shaky in my voice. I've never talked to my feelings, especially over live program, but I don't know what to do in my relationship right now. I have lots of concealing or conflicting interests and I just have a ton of stress on my shoulders. It's really weighing me down.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How old are you?

[Pierce]

21.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, what are the conflicting issues? Tell me what those are.

[Pierce]

To start, my girlfriend moved from Indiana to Oklahoma where I'm in college now. And she was my ex before coming. And she's had a lot of personal issues, a lot of family, lots of narcissism, parents and abuse. So she just needs a lot. She's also. She is autistic and she has an undiagnosed autoimmune disease. So it feels like I'm the caretaker. Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce. You sound like you're a nice guy, but you should never have taken this on.

[Pierce]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And I know you feel like a guilty heel and a terrible man for thinking you should not be taking this on, but you should not be taking this on. This is not going to set you up for marriage and kids and all that. There are too many problematic situations here. And I realize it kind of tugs at your heart and you want to be the hero, but this is not a good idea at all.

[Pierce]

Do you think that the external factors that I've listed is enough already? Like I don't have to go anymore and how I feel emotionally.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I really. Do you understand what I'm asking can understand? Yes. And she really needs to go back home. If not to her parents, then some other relatives, then. She's got relatives. Everybody isn't dead in her family.

[Pierce]

That's true. But I don't know what she would do if she went back home. That's my issue. She already had.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't understand what you said that, sir sounds A little mumbled, move the phone in a better place. There you go. I'm telling you, you need to send her back to some family. This is not what you can handle. You're not a doctor, you're not a physician, you're not a best girlfriend, you're not a mother, you're not a father, you can't be all those things. You're a 21 year old guy. Two years ago you were a teenager. Come on, don't do this to yourself.

[Pierce]

Well, what do I do now that I'm in this position?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You sit with her and say, I'm only 21. I love you, I care about you. I can't take responsibility for any of this. I'm not ready to be with anybody, much less with all these complexities. This is above my pay scale. Say it any way you want, but tell her you'll drive her home, you'll put her on a plane, but she's got to go to some family who can take care of her and support her and deal with her psychological and medical issues. This is way above your pay scale. There's a difference when you're married to somebody for 40 years and one or the other or both of you gets ill. Did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room? The Dr. Laura program is happy to be partnering with our sponsor, All Free Clearance laundry detergent. My peeps with kids are especially thrilled to use it because it's 100% free of dyes and perfumes. All Free Clear is the number one laundry detergent brand recommended for sensitive skin by pediatricians, dermatologists and allergists. For a clean you can feel good about, all you need is All Free clearance.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You don't start out like this at 21. No, first of all, you won't last. You'll get drunk, be on drugs, throw yourself off a cliff or leave. Somehow you already expressed what you're feeling like.

[Pierce]

I don't know what to say.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes, you do. You know what you wish to do. You just feel guilty about it. But there's reasonable guilt and unreasonable guilt. And you are not equipped to take care of this woman. You are totally not equipped to do that.

[Pierce]

I mean, I feel like it's easy to say on paper, you know, just what's up? I feel like it's easy to say that on paper, but it's different to do in real life to just say, hey, like, you know, go home. I don't feel like I can do that to her.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You have to, because she needs to be taken care of. And that ain't by you. You're not going to be able to do this. You're a very young guy in college. As I said, you're not a psychiatrist, a physician, a parent or a best friend. You're a young guy in college. You're not equipped to do this. You have to help her go to where she will be taken care of. That is, to me, your moral responsibility to get her to where she will be safe and taken care of. That's what you should focus in on. As somebody who cares about her. You are not equipped to provide all that she needs and frankly, you never will be. So instead of thinking how, oh, there are going to be hurt feelings and people are going to be mad at me and I'm going to feel like crap, the focus should be on getting her where she'll be safe and taken care of. Yes, she's going to be upset. So what? Ultimately, in the long run, she needs to be safe and taken care of and you can't do that. So you have to make sure you help her get to where it can happen. Can you see that?

[Pierce]

Yeah, of course. I've thought about every angle of this relationship. I just don't know what to do at this very moment.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, Well, I. I gave you a recommendation of what I thought is in her best interest. You'll have to think about that and decide it's not about how you feel. It's about what she ultimately needs. And it isn't you. She doesn't need you. She needs a lot of help. Not you. Okay, so get her to where she'll be helped and safe. That is your responsibility.

[Pierce]

Yes, ma'am.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And it doesn't matter how you feel about it. Usually we know something's the right thing to do when it feels awful.

[Pierce]

That's certainly true. I mean, what you've been saying is. You know, it's been in the back of my mind when it comes to this relationship, you know, just end it, because I can't do it. But I haven't thought about that last part that you said. That the feeling is awful, but it's the right thing to do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Right? She'll be upset, but it's in her best interest, and someday she'll see that. But right now, you're just the fantasy. You can't be that. So figure out who in her family. Grandparents, aunts, an older sibling. Figure that out. Connect with them and take care of it. That's the best help you can give her.

[Pierce]

Yes, ma'am. Well, I guess I have no further questions. I appreciate your time.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You can always call me back. Okay, Pierce?

[Pierce]

Absolutely. Thank you. I'll let you know if anything changes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, just call me. I'll help you deal with it. Okay. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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