To Be or Not to Be a SAHM

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "To Be or Not to Be a SAHM"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode Title: To Be or Not to Be a SAHM
• Release Date: February 5, 2025

Overview: In this compelling episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt and relatable dilemma faced by many modern parents: the decision to become a stay-at-home mother (SAHM). The episode delves into the challenges of communicating this desire to a spouse, managing household finances, and prioritizing family well-being over external pressures.

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Introduction

Dr. Laura welcomes her listeners and introduces the day's caller, Susan, who is grappling with the decision to transition into a temporary stay-at-home mom role. Susan seeks guidance on how to effectively communicate her intentions to her husband and navigate the ensuing family dynamics.

Key Quote:

• [00:31] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast."

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Understanding Susan's Dilemma

Susan explains her current family situation: she is employed full-time while her mother and mother-in-law assist in caring for her two young children, aged nearly five and one year. However, Susan feels overwhelmed and desires to reduce her work hours to better focus on her family.

Key Details:

• Children's Ages: Oldest is nearly 5 years old, and the youngest is 12 months.
• Current Care Arrangement: Susan's mother and mother-in-law primarily take care of the children, with the oldest attending daycare.

Notable Quote:

• [01:20] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "Take care of the kids and their family. So you're not talking about little kids that are yours, you're talking about somebody else's children."
• [01:30] Caller (Susan): "I'm talking about us. My family. Us. My husband and my two kids."

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Challenges in Communication

Dr. Laura probes deeper into Susan's situation, questioning how Susan justifies leaving her child in daycare and expressing concern over the emotional toll it takes on both Susan and her children.

Key Quote:

• [02:16] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "How do you manage to do that? Don't tell me you agree. I'm asking you how you do that. How do you justify it?"

Susan admits feeling exhausted from juggling her job and family responsibilities, leading her to contemplate a significant lifestyle change.

Key Quote:

• [02:31] Caller (Susan): "Yeah, kicking and screaming. So I'm kind of. I'm done with it. I'm having a really hard time and I'm tired of doing this."

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Financial Considerations and Planning

Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of assessing the family's financial situation before making the transition. She advises Susan to meticulously evaluate the household budget, scrutinize current expenditures, and explore potential savings to ensure financial stability while reducing her work hours.

Key Advice:

• Budget Analysis: Assess take-home income versus expenses.
• Expense Reduction: Simplify services (e.g., reducing multiple TV subscriptions to a single streaming service) and switch to more affordable grocery options.

Notable Quote:

• [06:38] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "What do you think has priority? Making sure your kids are in your arms and that you're raising them because you're the mother or him being pissy for a while, which has priority."
• [07:19] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "So there's really no other alternative and you make it work. That's how it goes."

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Strategizing the Conversation with Her Husband

Dr. Laura provides Susan with a step-by-step approach to present her case to her husband effectively. She recommends preparing a detailed budget, outlining the financial feasibility, and highlighting the emotional and familial benefits of Susan taking on the role of SAHM. Dr. Laura stresses the importance of demonstrating how this change will lead to a happier family environment and personal well-being for Susan.

Key Strategies:

• Financial Documentation: Present a clear and organized budget to reassure her husband.
• Highlighting Benefits: Emphasize improved family dynamics, children's well-being, and personal happiness.
• Appealing to Masculine Preferences: Use numbers and logical reasoning to appeal to her husband's rational side.

Notable Quote:

• [08:28] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "Your ammo is that you're the mother. You're his wife. You love him, you love the children, and you made the decision as a mother. This is what you're going to do."
• [09:02] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "If you go to them vaguely, don't worry, it'll work out. It freaks men out."

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Overcoming Resistance and Emphasizing Commitment

Susan expresses her fears that her husband may react negatively, possibly even threatening divorce over her decision. Dr. Laura reassures Susan by reinforcing the validity and strength of her choice, highlighting that a supportive spouse would understand and accept the prioritization of family.

Key Advice:

• Confidence in Decision: Stand firm in the importance of being present for the children.
• Reassurance of Stability: Show through planning that the family can sustain financially.
• Enhancing Relationship Quality: Communicate the positive impact on the marital relationship and personal self-esteem.

Notable Quote:

• [09:18] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "Because no real man is going to object to that. He's going to go, ah, shit, I don't have the money to go skiing, to go fishing. Yeah, we will. But we just have to, every month, save up."

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Conclusion and Final Encouragement

Dr. Laura wraps up the conversation by summarizing the key points and encouraging Susan to move forward with her decision confidently. She underscores the importance of prioritizing the children's needs and personal well-being, assuring Susan that with proper planning, her family will thrive under the new arrangement.

Key Quote:

• [10:08] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "If you go to them vaguely, don't worry, it'll work out."

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Final Thoughts: This episode offers invaluable insights for parents contemplating a stay-at-home role, particularly in how to approach sensitive discussions with a partner and ensure financial and familial stability. Dr. Laura's no-nonsense advice is both practical and empathetic, reinforcing the significance of personal responsibility and ethical considerations in family decisions.

Call to Action: Listeners are encouraged to rate and share the podcast, providing support and spreading Dr. Laura's impactful advice.

Notable Quote:

• [10:22] Dr. Laura Schlessinger: "I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast."

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Additional Information: For more advice and resources, visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member and access exclusive content tailored to family and parenting needs.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Susan welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi Dr. Laura. Oh my gosh. This is so exciting.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thank you.

[Caller]

Thank you for being a pillar as a mother in law, grandmother, mother, a female icon and we all appreciate you. So I want to know what I can say to my husband to have him at least sit down and listen to me in regard to why I want to be a temporary stay at home mom and take care of the kids and their family.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Take care of the kids and their family. So you're not talking about little kids that are yours, you're talking about somebody else's children.

[Caller]

I'm talking about us. My family. Us. My husband and my two kids.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

How old are your two kids?

[Caller]

The oldest is 4, going to be 5 in January and the the other kiddo is just turned 12 months.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And who's taking care of the kids now?

[Caller]

My mother. And my mother in law is taking care of the baby. And I know you're going to cringe when you hear this, but my oldest is in daycare.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

How could you turn your kid over to an institutionalized situation where he's not loved all day?

[Caller]

I agree.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

How do you manage to do that? Don't tell me you agree. I'm asking you how you do that. How do you justify it?

[Caller]

Yeah, kicking and screaming. So I'm kind of. I'm done with it. I'm having a really hard time and I'm tired of doing this.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Are you working a full time job?

[Caller]

Yes. But I know that if I can get a couple hours a day at home I can do something to supplement that where I don't need to be in a job 9 to 5 I can be home.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Caller]

That'S the question. I'm sure we can. I think he'll have a very hard time seeing that because I can just see right now he's comfortable and I don't really give a crap about that.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay, what do you think has priority? Making sure your kids are in your arms and that you're raising them because you're the mother or him being pissy for a while, which has priority.

[Caller]

Right. Well, clearly the mother component.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay then the best way to do that is to spend this week. Put in your notice starting Monday and this week, pencil and paper, work out the money that he brings home, what the take home is and what your bills are. Work it all out. I mean if you have seven different television stations that you pay for, put it down to just Netflix and give it a day. See where you can easily budget instead of going to a fancy grocery store. There are co op kind of places all over the place and their prices are unbelievably much better and the stuff is the same, which impresses me. So work it out. Give your notice Sunday. Tell him here's the paperwork. I'm going to raise your children so they know they're loved, they get educated, they are influenced by what matters to you and me. And I'll have because I won't be feeling guilty and missing my kids and working a full time job. I'm going to feel a lot sexier more of the time. Be sure you add that in and be sure you make that happen because I don't see with those burdens on you how you feel like getting it on.

[Caller]

So that's part of where I'm also having trouble with us. I mean I'm not going down the road of another conversation. But yeah, it's exactly what I don't.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Understand what you just said. Yes, you are. But let him know the benefits to him. You'll have a happier wife when you come home. Your kids will be happier because they'll be Loved up by me. Dash us. And I'm going to feel much more sexy, adorable. And here I worked out how the budget's going to happen, and I gave my notice because your kids, every day, they grow every day.

[Caller]

I know.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I can't wait for this to work out. I think you've just got to handle it. And if you're going to tell me now that if I do what you've recommended, he's going to divorce me, and you married the wrong man to start out with. What can I say about that?

[Caller]

Correct. Nope.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Because no real man is going to object to that. He's going to go, ah, shit, I don't have the money to go skiing, to go fishing. Yeah, we will. But we just have to, every month, save up. And then you can do that.

[Caller]

Yeah, okay, I'm worried. I feel like I need more ammo. But you're right. I mean, the bill, I. Yeah, correct.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Your ammo is that you're the mother. You're his wife. You love him, you love the children, and you made the decision as a mother. This is what you're going to do. And as long as you can show him on paper that we can subsist on his income, we're not going to have frivolities, but we can exist on his income. Men like numbers.

[Caller]

I know.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

If you go to them vaguely, don't worry, it'll work out. It freaks men out.

[Caller]

It freaks me out. But it has to happen. It has to happen. So there's really no other alternative and you make it work. That's how it goes.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

We do talk about the cute and feeling sexy. If you leave that out, it won't go as well. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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