Unravelling a Family Secret

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Unravelling a Family Secret"

Episode Title: Unravelling a Family Secret
Release Date: May 1, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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1. Introduction

In this poignant episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a deeply troubling family issue brought forward by two sisters, Sally and Sarah. The conversation centers around the revelation of past incestuous abuse perpetrated by their brother and the subsequent impact on family dynamics.

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2. Presenting the Issue

Sally initiates the discussion by disclosing her traumatic experience:

[01:24] Sally: "When I was between 6 and 11 years old, our brother molested me. And I had not told anybody that it had been going on."

Sally explains that over the years, she confided in her husband, friends, older sister Sarah, her husband, and a younger sister, but never approached her parents. The recent Christmas gathering became tense as Sarah has become estranged from their brother upon discovering his actions.

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3. Exploring Family Dynamics and Awareness

Dr. Laura delves into whether the older sister, Sarah, was aware of the abuse during the formative years:

[02:44] Dr. Laura: "Sarah, you're two years older, and during that time, were you aware of anything odd in the behaviors of your sister and your brother?"

Sarah recounts an incident where she walked in on her brother and sister:

[02:44] Sarah: "I walked in on them one time, and he was like laying in her bed... he quickly jumped out of bed, pulled up his pants, and said it was nothing before buying me bubble gum."

Despite this alarming encounter, neither Sarah nor their parents intervened, partly due to the brother's abusive behavior towards the siblings:

[04:34] Sarah: "He would kind of beat up on us, make us do things for him. And it was always don't tell mom, don't let mom find out."

The sisters reveal a strained relationship with their parents, who maintained a stringent disciplinary approach, leaving the children feeling unsupported:

[04:55] Sally: "They were very disciplinarian and just very parent. It didn't feel like you could share and understand yourself."

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4. Dr. Laura’s Guidance and Recommendations

Dr. Laura addresses the reluctance of the sisters to disclose the abuse to their parents, emphasizing the importance of breaking the silence:

[08:20] Dr. Laura: "You can't live in a world where you're not going to take stands to support yourselves and each other."

She encourages a step-by-step approach to confronting the issue:

1. Direct Confrontation: Both sisters should discuss the abuse with their brother together.
2. Family Disclosure: Following this, they should approach their parents as a united front to ensure clarity and support.

Dr. Laura underscores the necessity for the brother to take responsibility, which would aid in the healing process:

[17:32] Dr. Laura: "He's the one to admit it. I think that would help the two of you if he took responsibility."

Understanding the complexity of emotions involved, she advises the sisters to communicate openly and support each other throughout the process:

[20:16] Dr. Laura: "Complicated stuff, isn't it?"

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5. Emotional Impact and Future Steps

The conversation highlights the lingering fear, shame, and betrayal felt by Sally and Sarah. Dr. Laura validates their feelings and reinforces the importance of seeking justice and healing:

[20:38] Dr. Laura: "Don't be scared of anything. You two are here to take care of each other and your families and yourselves."

The episode concludes with Dr. Laura providing her contact information for further support and encouraging listeners to seek help if they find themselves in similar situations.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [01:24] Sally: "When I was between 6 and 11 years old, our brother molested me."
• [02:44] Sarah: "He quickly jumped out of bed, pulled up his pants, and said it was nothing before buying me bubble gum."
• [04:34] Sarah: "He would kind of beat up on us, make us do things for him. And it was always don't tell mom."
• [08:20] Dr. Laura: "You can't live in a world where you're not going to take stands to support yourselves and each other."
• [17:32] Dr. Laura: "He's the one to admit it. I think that would help the two of you if he took responsibility."
• [20:38] Dr. Laura: "Don't be scared of anything. You two are here to take care of each other and your families and yourselves."

---

Conclusion

This episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day" delves into the harrowing experience of sibling abuse and the complexities of familial relationships in the aftermath. Through compassionate dialogue and practical advice, Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides a roadmap for healing and justice, emphasizing the importance of confronting painful truths for the sake of personal and familial reconciliation.

For more support and resources, listeners are encouraged to visit DrLaura.com and consider reaching out directly for personalized guidance.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Sally and Sarah, welcome.

[Sally]

Hi. Hi, Dr. Laura, thank you for taking your call.

[Dr. Laura]

You guys are sisters. One of you is very upset.

[Sarah]

We are.

[Dr. Laura]

Is that Sally or Sarah?

[Sally]

This is Sally.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. And how old are you folks.

[Sally]

Sally? I am 41.

[Sarah]

And I'm there. I'm 43.

[Dr. Laura]

43. Okay. And how long have you been sisters? Trick question. Okay. All right, Sally, tell me what's happening.

[Sally]

Okay. When I was between 6 and 11 years old, our brother molested me. And I had not told anybody that it had been going on. But over the years, I told several, you know, my husband, some friends. I told my older sister Sarah and her husband a few years ago, and I told our younger sister also a few years ago. I have not talked to my parents about it. And our. Our brother doesn't know that. Everybody knows. And I. I don't believe his wife or kids know. Over the Christmas holiday, we all got together and Sarah has been estranged from him because of what she found out what he did. And so that made Christmas very awkward.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, you need to slow down now. You need to slow down now. I have to ask some questions. Okay, Sarah, you're two years older, and during that, when you were 8 to 13, were you aware of anything? Did you notice anything odd, funny, peculiar in the behaviors of your sister and your brother?

[Sarah]

Walking in on them one time, and he like, laying in her bed when they came in. He quickly jumped out of bed, pulled up his pants, and he said it was nothing and bought me bubble gum or something. And that was the only thing I ever remember happening with her or with him. He never tried anything with me.

[Dr. Laura]

How old was he when. Sarah. I'm sorry, when Sally was six. Not five years. A long time.

[Sarah]

He.

[Sally]

He is. He's six years older than me, so 12.

[Dr. Laura]

Right. So your sister saw this yet at the time, nobody went, daddy, Mommy? Really? Why?

[Sarah]

No.

[Sally]

I don't know.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sort of interested in the why. I mean, Sarah, this was your sister. You were older. I'm wondering, I know that you were just eight at the beginning of this. I don't know how old everybody was when this was observed. But I'm just wondering how come nobody went Mommy, daddy.

[Sarah]

We were, we weren't snitches. Like he would, he would like pickle torture us or beat us up and not to tell.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't understand what you said. Take a deep breath and try it again.

[Sarah]

He would kind of like beat up on us, make us do things for him. And it was always don't tell mom, don't let mom find out. And even still, we don't have great relationship with our parents.

[Dr. Laura]

And you don't have a great relationship with your parents because of why.

[Sarah]

Well, my story is like a whole extra one growing up was you were. Oh no.

[Sally]

Well, they were very disciplinarian and like just very parent. Like it didn't feel like you could go and like can you can share both understand why yourself.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Dr. Laura]

Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale. Emma has a test tomorrow.

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[Sarah]

Time takes 2020. I don't know why I never.

[Dr. Laura]

Come up with something. Come up with something because you're there.

[Sally]

I thought I'd get in trouble for it.

[Dr. Laura]

You'd get in trouble for observing your brother in your sister's bed. How would you get in trouble? Just want to know how a child's mind works around this, because this happens most of the time where children don't go, mommy, daddy. And you think that would be the first thing out of their mouths. I mean, if a dog comes after you, you go, mommy, daddy.

[Sarah]

You're just afraid of the repercussions of who's getting in trouble or, you know.

[Dr. Laura]

So, Sally, you're not mad that Sarah didn't. Didn't take care of you?

[Sally]

No. I had never thought about it like that growing up. It was kind of. Well, it was kind of like we. We would get in trouble, but we. It was like us kids, and then our parents were the other guy, you know, like, I don't know that I felt our parents were on our side if we caused a commotion or got in trouble or got hurt, like, we always would get, you know, yelled at.

[Dr. Laura]

I see.

[Sally]

So maybe that and why we're.

[Dr. Laura]

And with respect to your brother, did he get in trouble a lot in your house?

[Sally]

Not That I remember.

[Sarah]

Out of all. No, out of all of us, he caused the most trouble.

[Dr. Laura]

Did he get in trouble for causing trouble?

[Sarah]

Yes, he did.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so, Sally, at this point, you want to. I'd be willing to put money down that your parents know, but families like not to talk about it because it's uncomfortable, it's embarrassing, it's upsetting, and then they have to do something so it gets ignored. I get that. So telling your parents. The point of telling my parents is that what I want from them is.

[Sally]

Well, I am. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Not confronting what I'd like you to. What I'd like you to do is finish the sentence. I want to tell my parents. And I'd like. And I'd like them to just finish the sentence.

[Sally]

Not be mad at Sarah for not talking or being around my brother.

[Dr. Laura]

So, Sarah, you've never told them why you don't want to be around your brother? Is that correct?

[Sarah]

That is correct. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I want to learn more about this. Are you both willing to hold through the top of the hour break?

[Sarah]

Yeah, of course.

[Dr. Laura]

Now, I don't want to mess anything up, so I'm going to let Carson do that. Put everybody on hold, and we'll be back after the break and explore this a little more, because if we're going to do something, we have to have clarity as to what we want to have happen. Now go do the right thing. Okay, I will put Sally back there. We're back together. Okay, you gals talk to each other during the break. What did you talk about?

[Sarah]

How scary it is to be on.

[Sally]

The radio show with you.

[Dr. Laura]

Not so scary.

[Sarah]

No, it's not.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you're doing great. I'm asking a lot of questions because I'm sure some. Some kids are listening, and I want them to be able to go, mommy, daddy. So the end result of our conversation, hopefully is they will feel more like it needs to be done or grandma, grandpa, call somebody. But anyway, here we are. So, Sally, you're going to finish a sentence for me. I want to tell my mom and dad that my brother molested me. And I want them to. So if you would finish that sentence.

[Sally]

Understand why my older sister does not talk to him anymore.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Now, why do your parents think that she. That Sarah, you don't talk to your brother anymore because.

[Sarah]

Like, when we got together and I just. I didn't show up, all the rest of the family was there. I don't know why they don't.

[Dr. Laura]

They never asked you.

[Sarah]

They.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. All these little stupid secrets that you two like to keep. That's got to stop. That just has to stop. You can't live in a world where you're not going to take stands to support yourselves and each other. So you want your parents to understand that their son is a molester, and that's why you don't want to have anything to do with him. Is that pretty much it.

[Sarah]

What she wants to do? I don't. I don't. I don't know that she should tell them just so that I don't look like the jerk. And she's also worried about how they're going to react. I mean, they're elderly, and I know you thought that maybe they already know, but how is that going to affect their remaining years?

[Dr. Laura]

So you're worried that they're going to spend their remaining years upset. They're not upset that Sarah doesn't talk to them, but they'll be upset to find out their son is a piece of shit. Yeah, the repercussions will be huge, frankly. Here's the sequence of events. I'd like to see the two of you together in person. Go see your brother and talk to him in person, because Sarah saw it happening, so he can't pull the. It's your word against mine. Also your parents. Sally will have to understand why this went on for five years. You'll have to explain that. Then Sarah will have to explain why she didn't say anything to protect you. So you're right. This has so many parts. I'm not saying that to dissuade you because Sarah brought up some very good points. He's married with kids. How is that going to hit? Does it. Does fooling around with your sister when you're younger mean that you're going to molest kids the rest of your life? So there are all sorts of things that are going to come up and, you know, there's just no way to know how it's all going to pan out. There isn't any way to know. Sally and Sarah, if you believe your brother is a threat, that he's molested or raped women after this all stopped, and that he's gone on and kept those behaviors going, if you have any knowledge of that, tell me now.

[Sally]

No, I don't have any knowledge.

[Dr. Laura]

That's why I think, first and foremost, you both need to talk to him in person. Because, quite frankly, I think he should go to your parents with the two of you and you can discuss all the ramifications together.

[Sarah]

Oh, wow. We all live in different states, so it'll Be a miracle. The magic happen.

[Dr. Laura]

It's called zoom.

[Sarah]

Oh, there you go.

[Dr. Laura]

I think you both have to talk to him, though. This has been weighing on everybody, and we want some justice here.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Sally]

And you said the three or he. He goes to our parents.

[Dr. Laura]

All three.

[Sally]

The one to tell them all three of you.

[Dr. Laura]

But he's the one to admit it. I think that would help the two of you if he took responsibility.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

And, Sally, when your parents ask like I did, you let this go on for five years. What's that about? You can say I was seriously scared.

[Sally]

Yes.

[Sarah]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

And a little intrigued. I think you ought to leave that out.

[Sally]

Oh.

[Dr. Laura]

Because what people don't like to admit is that there is a little bit of intrigue attached to it, and that gets mixed in with the fear and the shame and the embarrassment, and people stay quiet. But he was six years older. That gives him the responsibility. I did hear that correctly, right? Six?

[Sarah]

Four?

[Dr. Laura]

Yes.

[Sarah]

Yes.

[Sally]

Six years older than Sally.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Right. So you're six and he's already semi quasi teenager, so. Yeah. So I'd like you to do it in steps. First step, the two of you talk to him together. The next step, all three of you go to the parents and discuss it all out. Because just going to your parents and saying he did this, they're not going to know what to do with it, and they don't want to talk to him about it, and they want it all to go away. You're going to be massively disappointed, feel very betrayed, and it's just going to suck. So I think it's better that the three of you there, because then they have to face it. Do you have any other questions of me? Now, this is my recommendation. Doesn't mean you have to do it. I just believe this would be a good plan for all three of you. Actually, he's living in mortal terror and worried about losing his family. So let's just do it step by step and make decisions each step of the way.

[Sally]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

Complicated stuff, isn't it?

[Sarah]

Yes.

[Sally]

But step by step, we'll do that.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you for your help. You're very welcome. And if you want to call back even with him, then the three of us, four of us could talk. So that's another option.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

All right, guys, gals, you take care of yourselves and each other from this point on, okay?

[Sally]

Yes, ma'am.

[Sarah]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't be scared of anything. You two are here to take care of each other and your families and yourselves, of course. All right. My number, 1-800-375-2872 if you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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