What a Real Friend Is

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: What a Real Friend Is
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: May 28, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger explores "What a Real Friend Is." She breaks down the true meaning of friendship, the qualities that separate genuine friends from casual acquaintances, and the importance of loyalty, forgiveness, and open communication. Using personal anecdotes and direct advice, Dr. Laura defines how to nurture authentic friendships and recognize when a connection falls short of true friendship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Precious Value of True Friendship

[01:34]

• Dr. Laura laments how the word "friend" is tossed around casually on social media:

  “A lot of you think a friend is somebody who posts on your social media. Trust me, not a person you’ll be able to count on. Yeah, that’s just nonsense. I’m sort of sad they misuse that word because it’s such a precious word.”

• She emphasizes that a real friend is "an amazing gift from the heavens."

2. Personal Example: The Traveling Friend

[02:04]

• Dr. Laura shares a story about her friend, who, even while traveling in Europe, found time to call and check on Dr. Laura and her family.
  • Quote:

    “Twice she stopped to call me. How are you doing? What’s the situation with the house? How are you feeling? How’s Lilybug? How’s the family?”

• She highlights the effort it takes to keep in touch despite time differences and busy schedules, illustrating what genuine friendship looks like.

3. Disagreements and Respect

[03:53]

• True friends can respect their differences without letting those disagreements sever the bond:

  “Friends can disagree without losing respect for each other.”
  [07:16]

• She notes that she and some friends “sort of all know that there’s a difference in politics” but they “just don’t go there.”

  “We don’t debate, we don’t argue, we leave it alone…because of how they are as human beings, we just both let it go.”

• She underscores that her closest friends typically share core values, but when significant differences arise, mutual understanding and restraint preserve the friendship.

4. Forgiveness and Humility

[08:10]

• Dr. Laura outlines the importance of humility and quick forgiveness in real friendships:

  “Friends forgive quickly. They don’t bring up old dirt. They don’t gossip about each other. You can’t have a friend and a grudge in the same place at the same time. It doesn’t work.”

5. Loyalty and Consistency

[09:00]

• Loyalty, for Dr. Laura, is “everything”:

  “A real friend is committed to you regardless of circumstances, even when you’re not being all that lovable. Because there are times everybody gets shitty. They believe in you even when you are struggling to believe in yourself…They have your back.”

• Real friends show up—even when inconvenient:

  “A real friend will show up on their day off to help you move into your new place. They’ll be there for you when you need them, and you do the same for them.”

6. Honesty and Constructive Truths

[10:30]

• Truth is a priority:

  “Friends tell you the truth, even when it’s painful. A painful truth is always better than a hidden lie. There’s nothing more horrible to a friendship than dishonesty.”

7. Encouragement and Mutual Growth

[10:50]

• Good friends improve each other:

  “When you have a good friend, they actually make you better, sharpen you, make you a better person because of their positive influence, their encouragement. They bring out the best in you and they don’t try to hold you down to make themselves look better.”

• She warns against so-called friends who are persistently competitive or negative:

  “The minute you’re with a person who persistently does that, you’re really a ridiculous fool to keep them in your life. How’s that for blunt communication?”

8. Communication is Essential

[11:30]

• Frequent communication keeps a friendship alive:

  “You have to communicate frequently. Phone calls, texts, letters, whatever. Constant communication in a relationship is like breathing. It must be done to stay alive and healthy.”

• She urges listeners to value and nurture true friendships:

  “A real friend can enjoy your successes without being jealous…A real friend is happy for your happiness. So when you truly have one of those, nurture it, value it, embrace it. It’s so special. It’s just so special.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Misuse of 'Friend':

  “I’m sort of sad they misuse that word because it’s such a precious word.” (01:36)

• What Real Friends Do:

  “Twice she called me. Time difference and everything. That’s a friend.” (02:34)

• On Navigating Differences:

  “We don’t debate, we don’t argue, we leave it alone. Understanding that those are powerful thoughts, feelings, opinions. We just don’t go there.” (07:19)

• The Necessity of Forgiveness:

  “You can’t have a friend and a grudge in the same place at the same time. It doesn’t work.” (08:34)

• Defining Loyalty:

  “To me, loyalty is everything. And I am absurdly loyal.” (09:17)

• On Honesty:

  “A painful truth is always better than a hidden lie.” (10:35)

• Nurturing True Friends:

  “When you truly have one of those, nurture it, value it, embrace it.” (11:55)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:34] – Introduction to what a real friend is; critique of social media "friendship"
• [02:04] – Personal example: A friend calling from Europe
• [03:53] – On friends disagreeing and maintaining respect
• [07:16] – Avoiding divisive debates with friends
• [08:10] – The importance of forgiveness and humility
• [09:00] – Loyalty and being there for your friend
• [10:30] – Honesty, trust, and positive influence
• [11:30] – Communication as the lifeblood of friendship
• [11:55] – Final encouragement to value real friends

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Conclusion

Dr. Laura’s episode is a clarion call to reconsider what friendship truly means. With her characteristic directness and warmth, she offers a clear blueprint for building and sustaining meaningful relationships: embrace honesty, practice forgiveness, extend loyalty, and nurture your true friends. In a world of superficial connections, her advice stands as a guide to recognizing and preserving the rare gift of real friendship.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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I want to talk about what a real friend is. A lot of you think a friend is somebody who posts on your social media. Trust me, not a person you'll be able to count on. Yeah, that's just nonsense. I'm sort of sad they use, they misuse that word because it's such a precious word. I mean, a friend is an amazing gift from the heavens. It's just amazing. I have a friend, she's going to

be back in town on Saturday.

For several weeks she and her husband have been traveling Europe,

Which takes up

your time and attention when you're traveling and visiting things and walking and eating and everything that they're doing. And twice she stopped to call me. How are you doing?

What's the situation with the house? How are you feeling?

How's Lilybug?

How's the family?

And we talked about all the cool stuff. And yeah, her suitcase never got there to start the trip, so poor woman had to go shopping. I told her I really felt for her. So evidently in Spain she went to a really cool store and the prices were fabulous and got a whole bunch of stuff. And you know, when she gets back home, her, her luggage will be there. So I don't care where I'm going. I just take. Put it in the overhead. I don't trust any of it. But it was two weeks in Europe, so she needed more clothes. Maybe, I don't know. Anyway, twice she called me. Time difference and everything. That's a friend. Why didn't I call her? She's on vacation. I didn't want to bug her. When she had time, she'd call me. I didn't want to interrupt and have her say, well, I'm in the middle

of the Sistine Chapel.

Can I call you back? So there you are. So let me talk a little bit more about friends. First thing I want to mention is

probably, probably the most difficult.

And yeah, what I. Let me say what it is fair. Friends can disagree without losing respect for each other. The politics is dicey. I've got friends and the difference in politics.

We sort of all know that there's

a difference in politics.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So while I just said you can

disagree without losing respect, we don't debate. We don't argue. We leave it alone. Understanding that those are powerful thoughts, feelings, opinions. We just don't go there. Now, quite honestly, not that I'm dishonest at other times, but quite frankly, that's a better way to say it. My deepest friends, we agree by and large on politics because it's partly a value system. So when we're aware that there's a big difference in politics, those friends, we just don't go into it. And because of how they are as human beings, we just both let it go. Don't go there. Differences in perspective, differences in opinion. We don't forfeit the friendship over differences like that. We just let that be in the basement. Because by and large, everything else is just beautiful. So let me do the everything else. Friends forgive quickly. They don't bring up old dirt. They don't gossip about each other. They forgive with humility and transparency. Don't hold grudges. You can't have a friend and a grudge in the same place at the same time. It doesn't work. It's either a friend or a grudge. You got to give it up, assuming they've taken responsibility or you've taken responsibility and everybody's honest and open with each other. You forgive stupid stuff. Of course, if it's bigger than stupid stuff, then you got to reconsider a friendship. Friends love you they're there for you when you need them, not just when it's convenient. A real friend is committed to you regardless of circumstances, even when you're not being all that lovable. Because there are times everybody gets shitty. They believe in you even when you are struggling to believe in yourself. They hang in there with you. They have your back. Loyalty is everything to me. To me, loyalty is everything. And I am absurdly loyal. To friends, There's no such thing as a frenemy. A real friend will show up on their day off to help you move into your new place. They'll be there for you when you need them, and you do the same for them. I think friends are just amazing creatures on the earth. Friends tell you the truth, even when it's painful. A painful truth is always better than a hidden lie. There's nothing more horrible to a friendship than dishonesty. So mutually, you speak the truth in love. And when you have a good friend, they actually make you better, sharpen you, make you a better person because of their positive influence, their encouragement. They bring out the best in you

and they don't try to hold you

down to make themselves look better. The minute you're with a person who persistently does that, you. You're really a ridiculous fool to keep them in your life. How's that for blunt communication? That is the glue in friendships. You have to communicate frequently. Phone calls, texts, letters, whatever. Constant communication in a relationship is like breathing. It must be done to stay alive and healthy. So that pretty much covers it. A real friend can enjoy your successes without being jealous, envious or negative or pouty. A real friend is happy for your happiness. So when you truly have one of those, nurture it, value it, embrace it. It's so special. It's just so Special.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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